Mom and Dad Til the End of Time

Back in May, Scotty and I went on a quick trip to Disneyland for our 20th Anniversary. In some ways, this made us feel young, wild, and carefree. But then when I saw the photos (like the one below), I was like, "Oh dear! We’re so old!" (said in Sultan voice)

The photos made me realize that, even when we don’t have kids with us, we are a mom and a dad. I mean, look at us!

I am such a mom! And Scotty is such a dad!

We were never supposed to be like this. We truly believed that we would always be cool and “with the times” (nevermind the fact that we weren't ever cool when we were actually young).

Here are some things that Scotty does that make him such a dad:

He wears an ugly hat to keep the sun off his head and neck.

He eats whatever our kids leave on their plates. 

When people drive fast up the street, he goes out on the porch and gives them the stink eye.

He tells dad jokes. Example:

Me: I’m going to run to the store and grab some milk.

Scotty: It would be faster if you drove.

He falls asleep anywhere, any time, and then he wakes up randomly and yells at everyone because he thinks they’re misbehaving, but they’re really just doing normal, non-sleeping things.

He has a dad bod.

He thinks everyone needs to be in bed by 8:00.

He yells at the neighbor’s dog from inside the house.

He pushes the lock button for the truck at least three times before he goes to bed.

He waves at everyone who drives by (as long as they are going the speed limit).

He digs coupons out of the garbage can.

He’s always telling us how much the cost of gas went up in the last 24 hours.

Here are some things I do that make me such a mom:

I ask my kids and all their friends if they are wearing sunscreen.

I answer to, “Mom!” even when it’s someone else’s kid.

I force everyone to eat my snacks.

I ask things like “Have you pooped today?” “Is there a chance you’ll start your period on vacation?” “Did you flush?” “Did you say thank you?” 

I think driving a mini van is a real treat.

I tell my kids that drinking water is the solution to every problem. 

I wear hideous knee-length shorts.

I went to high school with my kids’ friends’ moms. 

I have Bandaids stashed everywhere… kitchen drawer, wallet, glove box.

I stand outside of bathroom stalls and say, “Every last drop! Make sure you get EVERY. LAST. DROP!”

I’ve picked out my oldest children’s spouses. 

——-

There’s no getting away from it. We are what we are. Mom and Dad til the end of time.

Task Avoidance and Trophies

The main purpose of today’s blog post is task avoidance. What task, you ask? Putting away the groceries. It’s the worst. Here I’ve exhausted myself by obtaining said groceries, and now I’m responsible for the continued effort of placing them in my home in an orderly and effective manner. This involves rearranging shelves, taking several trips in and out of the house and up and down the stairs, and unpacking and repacking many food items for storage and freezing. Plus, there’s a big benefit to chopping some fruits and veggies for future eating success, so I really ought to do that, too. 

And yet… here I lay in the couch, paralyzed by grocery store fatigue. 

I did it. 

Mostly.

I still have a few lingering items I need to put away, but the work is nearly done. In addition to putting stuff away in general, I grated and froze 5 lbs of cheese (with a food processor), squeezed juice out of 5 lbs of limes and put it in ice cube trays to freeze, grilled and froze 16 chicken breasts, chopped lettuce, stocked the bathroom cabinets with toilet paper (stopping to clean one of the bathrooms during this process), threw out a bunch of stuff from the fridge and pantry, and put dinner in the crock pot so I won't have an excuse to go out to eat later when I'm too hot and tired to cook and clean up the mess. 

I may sound like a braggart, Here! Read this list of things I just did and call me amazing and stuff! but just let me have this moment, mmmkay? Because one thing that's hard about summer is that I feel like I'm constantly behind in life, so I just need this one thing to help me feel like I accomplished something this season. If nothing else gets done, at least we will be able to eat chicken and reach the toilet paper when it needs replacing. Perhaps simultaneously. Because life is chaotic like that, and I'm not above eating chicken in the bathroom when I'm stressed. 

Since I need a win, I am going to award myself an imaginary trophy (it may take the form of a Coke... because I didn't quit soda on July 5th like I was supposed to).

Me right now with my imaginary trophy

In fact, I am going to award myself a series of trophies:

A trophy for vacuuming half my bedroom on Tuesday. Even though the vacuum is still sitting there waiting to finish, I'd like to think of it as a glass half full (or room half vacuumed) sort of situation.

A trophy for doing my hair two days in a row. Tuesday and Wednesday. That doesn't happen much during the summer. 

A trophy for growing a dahlia from seed. I planted an entire package, and I got one. It bloomed today. 

A trophy for not going out to lunch today. I can't say the same about breakfast. 

A trophy for picking up my prescriptions for the month before they got taken off the pick-up shelf.

A trophy for filling up my gas tank before the gas light came on (it was minutes away, but still...)

A trophy for reading three books to Eva. That may be the entire total for summer so far, but it's three more than I read her during the month of June. So we're moving up in the world. 

A trophy for cleaning the inside windows of my van, which requires me to climb in the back seat in a hundred degrees with all the random sand and candy wrappers I like to haul around town. 

A trophy for eating zucchini. 

The first harvest, then yesterday I picked about 4 more. 

A trophy for doing my Church calling.

A trophy for listening to my kids talk. 

So if trophies translate directly to Cokes, as I suggested above, I've earned myself a lot of Cokes. I should probably get busy with the drinking so I can quit soda again.

All the Ways My Life Has Changed This Week

This has been a big week (technically week and a half) in the Brittish household. 

First of all, as you know from this post, we bought a Jeep for Nicky to drive. Investing in a third vehicle is a big deal to me. Not only do we need to figure out insurance, gas, and maintenance expenses, we’ve also had to reconfigure all of our parking routines at the house. 

In addition to that, Nicky ended up snagging an appointment for his driver's test a few days ago, and it's official! He got his license! He told his sisters that on the day he got his driver's license, he would take them to McDonald's, so we sent them off on their own to binge Happy Meals and McFlurries. 

On Wednesday, Nicky drove himself to school, and it was wonderful! This morning he dropped Daisy off for early morning dance rehearsal, and I stayed home and stared blankly at the wall because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do! That just bought me 40 extra minutes in my morning!

A few days after we bought the Jeep, we bought a new dishwasher. I saved all the money I made from selling pumpkin rolls in the fall plus the money I got for Christmas and my birthday, and I went marching into Lowe’s like I owned the places and declared, “I want that one!”

You guys! My dishes are CLEAN and DRY. I've heard that life could be like this, but I never experienced it until now. Our previous dishwasher couldn't even get butter off a plate! (Shouldn't it just melt off? I feel like the darn thing defied science!) The new dishwasher tackled a Pyrex bowl coated in dried up mashed potato residue like it was nothing. 

Over the weekend, someone offered us a gently used mattress. We've needed a new mattress for years but A) there's never any money for a mattress (we accidentally spend it on vacations instead), and B) I have mattress buying phobia (seriously, how do you commit to a mattress? How???) For nearly twenty years, Scotty and I have been sleeping on a mattress we bought from a Marriott hotel for $20 when we first got married. I've seen better mattresses on the side of the road than the one we've been sleeping on. So we took that free mattress, gave it a good shampoo, and put it on our bed. Now our bed is 8" higher, and everything about life is totally different. I can no longer simply sit down on my bed. I have to hop up onto it since it's above butt level. My feet can no longer touch the ground which means, as I discovered on Sunday, I need to come up with a new way to put my tights on.

Another big change to our house from this past weekend is the installation of a new toilet handle. For the past two months, we've had to hold the toilet handle down for 8 seconds to flush the toilet (I counted). Now we get to flush like normal people, and I have at least 12 more minutes available each day!

And if that isn’t enough change for one week, here’s more!

Yesterday I got rid of all our little kid hangers. I swapped out the last of Zoe and Eva’s itty bitty hangers for regular sized ones. We have big kids now with big head holes in their clothes. If moms wore scout shirts and gained patches for various milestones in parenthood, I feel like there would be a patch for this. No more baby hangers. It’s bitter sweet. 

Last but not least, Nicky got a job. Or at least a job offer. He needs to pass his drug test before it’s officially official, which brings us to some more milestones: first job interview, first job, first drug test, and first time peeing in a cup! I hope there’s no backsplash. I found that I didn’t have time to coach him about interviewing for a job, but I spent about five minutes last night before bed talking to him about peeing in a cup.

It’s a special brand of mothering I do.

A lot of big things have happened all at once, and while it’s very exciting and good, I’m not sure this is the pace I prefer! But if it means I get to have clean pots and pans and spend less time being an unpaid Uber, I’ll make it work!

My Inner Klutz

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #33:

Oops!

Today I had to go buy a quart of paint for a project I'm working on. One employee was training another employee on how to mix paint. When my paint finished mixing, the trainer told the new kid to open the paint and dab a bit on the lid then MAKE SURE TO PUT THE LID BACK ON SECURELY. 

(She said it with great firmness! Hence the caps!)

As the customer who would be taking the paint home, I fully supported the proper placement of the paint lid. Because I have spilled paint in the trunk of a car before. 

I’ve also sat on a paint lid. While wearing a pair of jeans I bought the day before!

And just like that, I've posted my butt on the internet. The best part? When I post the link on Facebook, the preview photo will be my butt. 

I don't think I'm klutzy by nature - I've just become so as my life has gotten more overwhelming. With every child, I've gotten more frazzled, so now that I'm trying to keep my crap together while being pulled different directions all the time, there's a lot of room for accidents and mishaps. 

So let me tell you about my most recent mishaps:

Mishap #1 occurred on Friday. 

I was making the dinner of champions for my children: fish sticks and corn. 

I was also making fish tacos for Scotty and me, so I had a few different food items in the works. At the same time, Scotty got a phone call from a family member, and he needed to leave suddenly and go take care of something. I was trying to get Scotty fed before he ran out the door, so I was throwing fish tacos at him while also getting some corn microwaved for the kids.

I had this brand new unopened bag of frozen corn from Costco, and I set it on the stove so I could open the zipper contraption to pour corn into a bowl. Well... I forgot I had just used the burner to cook the fish tacos, and it was still hot. So the bag melted, and when I lifted it up, all the corn fell out of the bottom onto the kitchen floor, and a big plasticy mess was left behind.

Luckily I’m a pro at cleaning melted plastic off my stove - since I’ve also melted a refrigerator storage bin and my Instant Pot. 

Mishap #2 happened on Sunday.

We were having a family birthday party for Daisy, who was turning 11. Daisy helped me make 24 cupcakes for her party, and we left them sitting on the stove top (don't worry, nothing melts in this story). 

I was trying to get lunch on the table, including smoothies which I had to make in small batches because our blender goblet broke, and all we currently have is the 24 ounce cup attachment. Eva was marching around impatiently saying, "Where's my moovie?" while I was trying to get a cup to pour her smoothie in. 

I opened the cupboard and knocked over a glass, which fell on the counter and shattered, shooting itty bitty glass shards all over the counter, the stove, and the freshly baked cupcakes. I had to throw them all away as not to feed glass shards to my family. It was quite defeating.

-----

So thank you, paint dude, for securing that lid like you should. There's no telling what damage I would have done with an improperly secured paint lid.*

*Says Britt while the paint is currently in her garage with the lid simply resting on the can after finishing the second coat of paint. 

The Other Brit and Her Many Gifts

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #19:

Gifts

Recently, the lesson in the Come Follow Me curriculum discussed spiritual gifts.

Now let me just be honest... I pretty much never do Come Follow Me lessons with my kids, so don't let this post make you think that I'm on top of that stuff. I am so slow jumping on that bandwagon. I'm pretty much just being dragged down the parade route by my shoelace.

The asphalt! Its burns!

But...

This one time, I tried a lesson, and we talked about spiritual gifts.

I had a really hard time explaining "spiritual gifts" to Daisy.

I told her that "spiritual" gifts are like talents we have that help accomplish Heavenly Father's work on earth. I gave the examples of being a good teacher or being able to know when someone needs help even when they aren't showing it or being able to understand the scriptures.

Daisy thought about this for a minute and then said, "Oh, I get it! Like Britney Spears."

I stuttered, "Um, uh, w-w-what do you mean by that?"

And she said, "Like how Britney Spears has a lot of spiritual gifts."

Now I don't want to assume that Britney Spears doesn't have any spiritual gifts available to her... but um... she's not really a prime example for the discussion at hand. I can assume that the lesson was lost on Daisy. As most of my lessons are.

Despite the disconnect in teaching my soon-to-be ten-year-old child about spiritual gifts, it's a topic I have always loved exploring (it's also a topic addressed in Seekers Wanted, the book I recently posted about). I hope I can help Daisy develop an understanding at some point in her life. I guess in the meantime, we'll work on lip syncing "Hit Me Baby One More Time."

My Life in a Few Pictures

Here are some photos of things that have been going on lately:

I mentioned a few posts ago that I've been making some stuff out of old barn wood. I've sold quite a few pieces, and it brings me joy to create things and send them out into the world. With the time and resources I put into making these crafts, I figure I pull in about $1 an hour. It's definitely not something I'm doing to "make money." But it's something I've always wanted to do, and I've learned a lot of new skills along the way. 

I decided to use this as my "Choice & Accountability" value project toward my YW Medallion. I passed my ten hours a long time ago. I'm going to retire either at the end of this week or next. I need to eventually put all my crap away and start taking care of my living space again. 

I have a few custom orders to finish up, and then I can close up shop.

One of the things I wanted to make was a shark:

I made two of them. I sold one, and I have one left that I might hang in Eva's room because she loves sharks (she has shark bedding and several stuffed sharks).

Moving on... here's a sample of what I deal with as a mother of three girls:

My girls have the most tangled hair. I've tried so many products and special brushes. Some make it easier to manage, but nothing keeps it from turning into a rat's nest.  Daisy's is the worst because hers is the longest and thickest. It looks like this pretty much every morning. 

I have brand new, twin baby nephews. SQUEE!!!

They are so tiny and so sweet. I love them and want to snuggle them all the days, but when I hold them, I know that I don't want any more babies of my own. I'm perfectly content enjoying other people's babies at this point. 

Raise your hand if you love Aunt Brittany!

Just look at those skinny, little arms, and those baggy elbows! SWOON!

I've gone two summers without jDawgs sauce in my house. This year, we are fully equipped to enjoy summer hot dogs. We like to get the Kirkland Signature all-beef hot dogs from Costco and top them with sauerkraut, thin-sliced dill pickles, and jDawgs sauce. 

Oh my yum.

Speaking of "yum," I tried the coconut shrimp tacos at Cafe Rio yesterday for the first time, and I loved them! How have I gone this long without them? Why didn't anyone tell me they are so delicious? (Seriously, I've never heard any feedback about the coconut shrimp tacos, which are only served on Tuesdays). 

I don't have a picture of the tacos, but I do have this picture of Eva eating black bean juice from a can:

It's relevant because my kids love the black beans from Cafe Rio. 

While I'm talking about food, I might as well tell you that I often sneak to Chick-Fil-A for free breakfast without my kids, and then I hide in the church parking lot to eat, and I put all the evidence in the church dumpster. 

I don't really even like Chick-Fil-A breakfast all that much. I had to force down this breakfast burrito. But the time alone with food is beautiful. I gotta admit, it was the Coke that really made it so. And I'm now two days sober. So I don't even know what to look forward to this week. 

Parenting Is...

...trying to convince your kids to eat all the Lucky Charms and not just the marshmallows

...asking "whodunnit" all day everyday and knowing that you're never going to get the answer

...finding stickers all over the furniture and knowing that you didn't give them to your kid, so where are the the dang things coming from?

...reaching under the seat of your car to blindly locate a missing shoe and bringing your hand out covered in peanut butter

...having a child jump on you at church, which forces your gum to fly out of your mouth and into your hair

...and then having to gnaw off an inch-long chunk of your hair with your teeth to get the gum out before you lead the music in primary

...finding surprises in the toilet multiple times a day

...finding surprises on the toilet multiple times a day

...having to make stupid rules like, "No acting like a gorilla!"

...and having to follow up with stupid consequences like, "Anyone who acts like a gorilla will have to write I will not act like a gorilla 100 times

...being asked "Can I make slime?" everyday

...worrying about morals, safety, developmental milestones, manners, health, and work ethic all while beating yourself up because you forgot to put sunscreen on

...having to decide when to smell-check and when to just assume it's dirty

...making eye contact with a dude in IHOP while you're on the toilet because your kid ran out of your stall and through the bathroom door, and that guy's table is right outside

...always being the bearer of bad news. You can't have candy for breakfast! Mermaids aren't real! Yes, you have to have a shot today! You're too tall for the play place because you have been genetically engineered to be six-feet tall by age five! Potato chips are not vegetables! No, you cannot make slime!

Of Mothers and More

Once upon a time, I didn't know if I would ever be a mom. You can read more about that here.

 

Scotty and Britt, pre-kids

(believe it or not, we are actually adults in this photo)

My time of infertility was short-lived, but I had a couple of rough Mother's Days. Attending church was pretty hard in general. One thing that got me through my Sundays was a cute, little baby in my ward named Toby. Every week in church he would greet me with a big smile, sometimes even a giggle, and it always melted my heart. It was like he knew I needed it. On one of those Mother's Days, I remember watching Toby in the pew in front of me, and even though I didn't know what my future would be, I felt peaceful. There's a journal in a box somewhere where I wrote about this day. I tried to find it for this post but had no luck.

Tobes still greets me almost every Sunday, but the faces he pulls at me are a little different now:

We are very photogenic, Tobes and me.

In fact, everything is a little different now.

I've gone from whining that I couldn't have kids to whining that I do have kids. None of them got here easily or quickly, but somehow four of them showed up.

When Zoe "showed up"

As this year's Mother's Day approached, I thought about the amazing women in my life and the different experiences that each of them have had. Some have had children easily and are thriving in motherhood. Some have met motherhood with great trials including pre-natal loss, mental illness, developmental concerns, or infertility. Some have borne children at a great cost, financially and/or physically. Some have had a late start. Some have had surprise multiples. Some haven't had children of their own - some by choice and some not. Some have been handed teenagers who are not their own and told "raise them." Some have lost their own mothers.

Daisy's baby toes

Though each of us walks a different path in motherhood, we have one thing in common: we are women and we have influence.

There's a rhetoric that we are all mothers, even when we're not literally mothers. I don't remember how I felt about that when I couldn't have children, but I imagine that it's not the greatest line to feed a woman who would give anything to have a baby. It's said with good intent, though, and I understand the sentiment of it. As women, we all have influence, and being a positive influence in a child's life - whether in literal motherhood or in teaching or just simply caring - is powerful and important. I know this because I'm a mother who only gets by because of the love and support of other women.

So today, as I navigate this slightly uncomfortable holiday, I am thankful for my mothers - my mom, my step-mom, Scotty's mom, and Scotty's step-mom. I am thankful for my own motherhood journey, hard as it may be. I am thankful for my mom friends - women I laugh and cry with. And  I am thankful for those who may not consider themselves "mothers" but who uplift and support other women.

Happy Mother's Day!

Eva Was Here Part III

(with special guest appearances)

Eva Was Here Part II

Today is the last day of spring break for my kids. I am so excited (SO EXCITED!!) for them to go back to school tomorrow. It's been an intense and difficult week of mothering.

Oi.

Let's take a little look at the past few days with my three (soon to be four)-year-old angel:

Hooray for school!

Wherein I Lie to Children

I've been serving as the primary music leader for a year now.

Someone once asked me why I don't blog about my singing time ideas. There are many reasons for that, one being that a lot of my ideas don't go over well. Half my calling has been troubleshooting and damage control. Now that I'm a year into it, maybe things will get better, who knows. But thus far, singing time has been one, big, dreadful experiment.

One time I hid Easter eggs around the room. That was a horrible idea because every kid who walked in the primary room went straight to an Easter egg and tried to take it. They couldn't focus on anything else... because EASTER EGGS! Then they wanted to lynch me when they finally got to search for eggs, and the eggs had no candy in them.

Another time, in junior primary, I let the kids take turns going out in the hall while another kid hid under a blanket. The first kid would come back in the room and have to guess who was missing from primary. Turns out they can't keep quiet about who's under the blanket. Kid #1 would come back in the room, and five other kids would immediately yell, "Gideon's under the blanket!"

I've done a fishing game with a broken pole, a golf game where no one could get the ball in the hole, a bean bag toss where no one could hit the target, a memory game with pictures that had no matches, and a nativity puppet show where the cow's head fell off.

Most recently, I made a saran wrap ball with the songs wrapped inside. The kids took five-second turns unraveling the ball to find a song. Several of them attempted to hold the end of the plastic wrap and then swing the ball around their heads. I made a strict "no lassoing" rule, but they still managed to nearly knock the head off the front row teacher time and time again, and they were so ineffective at unraveling the ball that it took us two weeks to get it done.

My most infamous flop happened last year when I was fairly new to the calling. As spring rolled in, I planned a few singing times in a row with a spring theme. We talked about Jesus Christ and the resurrection and how plants become green again in the spring. I taught three sections of singing time - junior primary, senior primary, and nursery. I had the kids plant some beans - one plant per group -and then every week, I brought the plants back to church so the kids could sing to them and see how they'd grown.

Well, one of the plants refused to grow ( I blame the ten cent Walmart seeds). After the first week of failure, I planted some new seeds. Those ones didn't grow, either. So after two weeks of showing the kids that their plant hadn't grown yet, I went to the greenhouse and bought a green bean plant. Then I took it to church in what I refer to as the Green Bean Scandal of 2018.

I showed the kids that their plant grew. They were amazed by just how much, and I told them it was because they were singing so well.

Yep, I lied.

Then, I let a kid have the green bean plant because it was his birthday. He snapped the stem in half before he even left the building with it.

Primary isn't the only place I lie to children. Last week I had to lie in Family Home Evening.

For a few years I've been wanting to do the Emoto rice experiment. If you're not familiar with this, there are a million different versions, but the gist of it is, you take two jars of rice and you speak kindly to one and you verbally abuse the other across a time span of a few weeks (that's right, you talk to the rice). The one you're mean to is supposed to get moldier and nastier than the one you're nice to, and after a few weeks, you get to tell your kids they have to speak kindly to one another, or they'll make their siblings rot from the inside out because, see? The rice.

There are all sorts of articles and blog posts in support of this experiment and in opposition to this experiment, but I know several people who have succeeded in doing it, and it seems to make for a great object lesson.

Only... ours didn't work. BOTH our jars of rice went equally moldy (I can only assume that it's because my kids fight so much, and our poor rice jars were both exposed to their verbal abuses. There was never hope for the rice in our house!) So what was I to do?

Well, obviously I had to swap out the moldy rice in the "nice" jar for fresh rice.

I made dinner with just enough extra rice to pull off my little swap while the kids were at school the next day.

And voila!

A few days later I revealed our rice jars to the kids, and they were none the wiser.

On that same day, I taught a FHE lesson on faith from Alma 32. We planted seeds. That was a week ago. There's no sign of growth yet.

My fingers are crossed!

How Winter Break is Going

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Mom?"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"Can I take a bath?"

Pick up random garbage from all over the house.

All children awake at 6:30.
"Get me me milk!"

Family party.

"Mom, she's putting her feet on me!"

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Can I play a game on your phone?"

Load of laundry.

"MOM!"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

Family party.

"Can I have a cupcake?"

Wipe the melted snow off the floor.

"Can we go bowling?"

"Can a friend come over?"

Load of laundry.

All children awake at 5:15.

"I'm bored!"
"Get me me milk!"

"Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Wipe the melted snow off the floor.

"When are we going to eat?"

"Look at this!"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"Mom, come wipe my bum!"

Gather up the wet gloves.

"I need a bandaid!"

"What are we doing today?"

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

All children awake at 6:30.

Load of laundry.
"Get me me milk!"

"What's for lunch?"

Birthday party.

"What are we going to do today?"

"My shoes feel funny!"

Load of laundry.

"MOM!"

"It's all _______'s fault!"

"Watch this!"

"Can I take a bath?"

Pick up random garbage from all over the house.

"Mom, I want pink hair!"

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Can I take a bath?"
"Get me me milk!"

"Has anyone seen my candy cane?"

"MOOOOOOM!"

Load of laundry.

All kids awake at 6:30.

"Can I play a game on your phone?"

"Have you seen my ______?"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"My pants are too tight!"

"Mom, I don't want pink hair anymore!"

"Can a friend come over?"
"Get me me milk!"

"It wasn't me!"

"MOOOOM!"

Trophies

This week has been rough, and it's only Wednesday,* so I'm sure there's more to come. I've fallen behind on everything, and I need to reward myself for the little things so I can stay afloat. I've decided to award myself figurative trophies for the following accomplishments (not real trophies cuz ain't nobody got room for those):

Trophy #1

Awarded to: Britt

For volunteering in Eva's classroom for three hours while Eva refused to follow directions from the teacher, ran around the classroom with three adults chasing her, emptied an entire bottle of hand sanitizer, and repeatedly clawed her mother's arms with fingernails of death.

Trophy #2

Awarded to: Britt

For having to clean lotion out of Eva's toys, wash a dry erase marker beard off her face, soak baking soda in her stinky shoes, vacuum up her pixie stick mess, vacuum up her cotton candy mess, clean something red and sticky out of her kitchen set, scrape stickers off her floor, and scrub the curdled milk out of her 9,000 sippy cups.

Trophy #3

Awarded to: Britt

For riding her bike to pick up Zoe from school, nearly getting hit by a car, having incredibly tired legs from pulling 70 pounds of children uphill in a bike trailer, and stopping at the park so the kids could poop.

Trophy #4

Awarded to: Britt

For finally throwing out the 10 balls of pizza dough in her freezer cuz let's be honest, it's cheaper to buy pizza than to buy pizza ingredients, and she was never really going to make homemade pizza to begin with, so why keep up the act?

Trophy #5

Awarded to: Britt

For sorting through her children's shoes and throwing out several pairs that A) they never wear, B) don't fit, or C) are worn out.

Trophy #6

Awarded to: Britt

For not going to Chick-Fil-A for lunch yesterday even though the waffle fries were calling.

Trophy #7

Awarded to: Britt

For trimming Eva's bangs and not making her look like Lloyd Christmas for once.

Trophy #8

Awarded to: Britt

For making pumpkin cupcakes and only eating one.

This trophy has been revoked.

Trophy #9

Awarded to: Britt

For only swearing 94 times from Monday to Wednesday instead of the usual 100.

Trophy #10

Awarded to: Britt

For unclogging the toilet after an unnamed child left a large present behind.

*Now Thursday

Mornings Got Me Like

Our school mornings get a bit crazy. I can barely handle getting four kids ready and out the door, and I only have to get all four ready two days a week (most days I only have to get three ready). I know it won't always be this way, so I thought I'd document what our mornings are like right now so in ten years I can look back and see how things have changed (whether for better or worse - time will tell).

Each day of the week is unique because we have different things going on each day. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I go walking in the morning. I get home around 6:45, and then Scotty leaves for work between 7:00-7:15. On these days, Eva doesn't have preschool so there's one less kid to worry about. Also on these days, my sister-in-law picks my kids up for school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Scotty leaves before 6:00 because he donates plasma. These are the days that I have to get all four kids ready. I drive them to school and go with Zoe and Eva to the kindergarten playground. Eva goes in for preschool about ten minutes after Zoe goes in for kindergarten.

My kids all have a morning checklist. They are supposed to get dressed, do their hair, eat breakfast, clean their rooms, and feed their animals. If they don't finish their checklist, they don't get any electronics after school.

While my kids are working on their morning checklists, I make sure lunches are packed, fix their breakfast (except on Friday, which is "Fix Your Own Friday"), do all the girls' hair, and try to get a little work done on myself (I can either put clothes on or brush my teeth - I can't usually tackle both. On days where I need to get ready for something, I'm just screwed. I'm still learning how to lower my expectations).

In the mornings, Nicky is usually the first kid up. Nicky is pretty good about getting ready for school, but I have to give him a few reminders. When Nicky is in a good mood, he's very talkative. He follows me around all morning and asks me question after question and tells me story after story. He is a little demanding about breakfast. He thinks he should get the works every morning - bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns... you name it. The kid should live at Village Inn or something. He's usually pretty disappointed in whatever I make, and he complains that he "feels like" a breakfast sandwich. He begs me every day to take him to McDonald's for a sausage mcmuffin. When Nicky is in a bad mood, he can be pretty aggravating. He stomps around and tells me how he hates his life and hates his sisters. He kicks walls and snaps at everyone. He's a big kid, so its basically like having a full-sized man throwing a tantrum in the kitchen. He takes up a lot of space and has the potential to do a lot of damage.

Nicky is still going through his "Hawaiian shirt and gym shorts' phase, so every morning he picks his Hawaiian shirt, and if there aren't any clean, he digs one out of the laundry. He does his own hair, and you can tell, but the good news is, he's starting to get better at it. Nicky usually has spare time in the morning, so he finds some strange activity to keep him busy. Today he made a tin foil hat and listened to Weird Al songs (just a side note - Scotty decided to show Nicky a Weird Al video several months ago, and I said, "You are going to regret this." Now Nicky is obsessed with Weird Al - heaven help us).

Nicky is always worried about getting to school on time. I assure him that he's not going to be late, but he wants to leave the house at 8:00 (we usually leave around 8:15 with much protesting on his part, and he still gets there 15 minutes before school starts).

Daisy is my most distracted child. She needs constant chiding to stay on task. I can give her one small instruction like, "Go put shoes on," and twenty minutes later I find her barefoot staring at a wall. She's also very sneaky - her version of cleaning her room is hiding everything under her bed, behind her clothes in the closet, or in her dresser drawers. I have to watch her like a hawk! Daisy gets up early of her own free will but then yells at everyone for waking her up. Every morning she claims she can't find her under shirt, her socks, her shoes, etc. and every morning I walk down to her room and find the items exactly where I told her they would be. Each day, Daisy is paranoid that I'm going to forget to pick her up from school. She makes me rehearse "the plan" to her every day (even though it's the same plan every day). She always spends half an hour "eating" breakfast, but then her plate is still full of food, and she tells me she's stuffed and doesn't feel good. Five minutes later she asks for more food. I think she just wants to be in control of what's for breakfast. As you can image, we butt heads a lot in the morning. I do her hair a few days a week and let her do her own a few days a week even though it's hard to let her leave the house like that sometimes. I have to do regular deodorant checks with her, and I can't ever really take her word for it when she says she brushed her teeth.

{The perfect meme for Daisy}

Daisy is tough to deal with at home, but she is always a good student at school. Praise and bless!

Of all my children, Zoe has the most Jekyll and Hyde tendencies. There's the sweet, funny Zoe, and then there's an animalistic version of her that I refer to as "Caveman Zo." I never know which version of her I'm going to wake up to. If she's in a good mood, she wakes up and independently gets ready for school. She's so proud of herself when she does this, and sometimes she'll even wrap herself up in a blanket and pretend she just got out of bed, but then she'll pull off her blanket and yell, "Ta-da! I tricked you!" and she's fully dressed. On days like this, she's excited about school and full of energy.

On her caveman days, though, watch out! She growls at everyone and sometimes snaps her teeth. She writhes on the ground and grunts and screams. She beats up on her siblings, yells at everyone all morning, throws stuff, and refuses to go to school. Zoe can be pretty physically aggressive when she goes into Caveman Mode, and that girl throws a punch like you wouldn't believe! Mornings with Zozo are a delight when she's in a good mood and atrocious when she's in a foul mood.

Since Eva only has school two days a week, I don't have to worry about her every day. On the days she doesn't have school, she can roll out of bed whenever she wants, and if she doesn't eat or get dressed, it's no big deal. On school days she's hit and miss. She has had some good mornings and some bad mornings.

Eva usually gets up at 5:30 and gets a sippy cup of milk and then goes back to bed. She usually doesn't sleep too late, but I have had to wake her up for school at least once so far. She's not a big breakfast eater, so it's been hard to make sure she's adequately fed before school. She usually just wants a cup of milk and a bag of Kix to eat on the way to school.

Finding matching shoes for Zoe and Eva is always a challenge. I will go around and find all of their shoes and put them away in the evening, and by morning, half of the shoes are missing. I have no idea what happens, but almost daily, we tear apart the house trying to find any matching pair of shoes so they can go to school. Their backpacks also routinely disappear - this is because they are both obsessed with backpacks, so they always empty their backpacks and then pack them full of toys and stuffed animals to haul around the house.

When we get to the school, Nicky and Daisy get out of the van just fine and head off to the playground, but I never know what Zoe and Eva are going to do. There are days they go into the school just fine, and there are days when one or the other clings to my legs screaming and has to be dragged in by a teacher.

By the time my kids are off to school each day, I am exhausted. My dreams of accomplishing great things while they're gone are crushed by my need to physically recover.

Things Going On...

...with my face

It's stained purple.

Every year we participate in a Color Run that my friend Jennifer organizes in our neighborhood.* Yesterday, after the run, I gave everyone (including myself) a thorough scrubbing. It's impossible to get all the color out in the first wash cycle - this is to be expected, but I've never had the color stain my face.

I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror and saw that I had a purple mustache. I washed my face again in the sink... still purple. So I got a wash cloth and scrubbed. A little came off, but... still purple. Then I took an alcohol swab and scoured my face. It got lighter but... still purple. I figured it probably looked worse to me than it would to other people, so I stopped fussing. I got dressed and walked outside to talk to Scotty, and the first thing he said was, "Nice purple face!"

The worst of my purple staining is at the corners of my nose, which also happens to be where I am inconveniently growing gigantic, painful zits on both sides. I've been battling the zit pain for the past week, thinking, "Just surface already, and get out of my life!!"

My poor nose.

In other facial news, besides being purple and zitty, my skin looks pretty decent. I bought some facial products on Prime Day - I've never been one to moisturize or any of that stuff, but I started thinking, hey, I'm 34. I should probably start taking care of my face so I can pretend I'm only 32. I don't know if the products are helping my face or if I'm just having a good facial week, but I think I can totally pull off 32. Maybe even 31!

...with my three-year-old

I'm realizing how much Eva is suffering from Youngest Child Syndrome. I think most of us go into parenthood truly believing that we won't treat our kids different based on their birth order, but it's right before my eyes: Eva is the baby of the family.

I signed her up for preschool and dance class this year, and there's a pretty good chance neither of those things are going to happen because this child thinks she is a baby. She's not going to leave my side. She just wants to stay home and be held and drink milk.

She doesn't have to do preschool or dance, of course, but I wanted to put her in preschool so I could have a few hours during the week to help in my other kids' classrooms and take care of myself a little bit. And Eva loves to dance! In the spring I could hardly keep her off the dance floor during her sisters' lessons, but since they haven't been doing dance during the summer, Eva hasn't been watching their classes for a while. If she could have started in May while the other girls were still dancing, she might've joined right in.

...with my hair

Remember how it's rapidly turning gray? I honestly think my gray hair has tripled over the summer. This has been the hardest summer I've ever had mom-wise. Scientists can continue arguing over whether stress contributes to gray hair, but I'm a believer!

Anyway, I saw a photo of my hair close-up last week, and it was worse than I thought, so I dyed it. It was about 75% effective in covering the gray. Good enough for a $7 investment.

...with my feet

I've whined a lot on this here blog about how my feet hurt all the time. When summer began, my feet started feeling a lot better. In fact, it got to the point where I hardly had any pain in my feet at all. I would go several days at a time without my feet bothering me.

Then I made the mistake of telling someone that my feet weren't hurting anymore. Within two hours my feet hurt. What the heck, Subconscious? Why you gotta be like that?

I did talk to a doctor about my feet and she wasn't particularly helpful. She basically just told me everything I already know about plantar fasciitis. I pointed out to her that my symptoms don't match the description of plantar fasciitis, but she was insistent that that's what it is.

I need my three-year-old to go to preschool so I can have some time to go to a podiatrist.


*Photos to come

Exciting Things: An Anthology

Things I got excited about as a child:

• Big boxes of crayons
• Home Improvement episodes with a heavy Randy plot line
• Hearing my favorite songs on the Imagination Station (AM 1060)
• Getting letters in the mail from my penpal, Kayla
• Disney movie soundtracks
• New Littlest Pet Shop toys (the original ones, not the big headed creatures of modern-day)
• School clothes
• Book Fairs
• The Utah Jazz
• New CDs
• Irrigation day (the ditch was my favorite place to play)
• Walking to the store with a ten dollar bill

Things I got excited about as a teenager:

• Getting passed a note
• Chinese food
• When my car would start on the first try
• Scrapbooking supplies
• Getting to choreograph and teach dances
• Exchanging school photos with friends
• Letters in the mail from my missionary boyfriend (I always come home from school during lunch to check the mail on Mondays)
• Wide-leg jeans
• Ham, egg, and cheese bagels from McDonald's
• Having a Walmart in town so we no longer had to drive to Tooele
• Rearranging the bulletin board in my room
• Stealing silverware from restaurants (confession: I had a shoebox full of restaurant silverware under my bed)
• The Stanley Cup (I loved hockey as a teenager)
• Riding my bike home from my friend, Michelle's, house (it was all downhill)
• Scotty driving past my house on his way home from work (my house wasn't even on the way)

Things I got excited about as a young adult:

• Painting walls shocking colors
• Harry Potter book releases
• Free food at work
• E-mails
• Double dates
• The craft store
• Adam Sandler movies
• Fun pajama pants
• Make-up
• Yard sales
• Blog comments
• Positive pregnancy tests

Things I get excited about now:

• Fresh paint
• Amazon packages
• Being alone in the car
• Library books on the hold shelf
• Free birthday meals
• Finding dresses at the DI
• Free shipping
• Vans
• Children sleeping
• Dr. Pepper
• Good hair days
• Grocery shopping without kids
• Pay day
• Hoodies
• Clean sheets 
• Blog comments
• A clean house
• FAFSA grants
• Good parking spots

Meow!

I've reached the point in the summer where I've forgotten what it's like to have kids in school during the day. When it comes to tasks like buying a gallon of milk, it feels so overwhelming to load myself and four kids in the car. The kids are getting older - they can all walk into the store, and they are almost to the point where they can all buckle and unbuckle themselves (Eva still needs help unbuckling, but she can buckle herself about 50% of the time), but going to the store is still a big deal. When we get there, it's pure chaos. I know "herding cats" is a cliche, but that's really what it's like.

Nicky is old enough to stay home for short periods of time, but I can't leave the girls because they are too naughty. Nicky is the one that's actually helpful, so he's the one I least want to leave home.

Today I made an early morning trip to Walmart* so I wouldn't have to go with my kids later. I made it back before Scotty left for work at  7:15. Unfortunately, none of my other errands could be done that early in the morning, so I had to take my kids for the rest of them.

The plan was to go to piano lessons, then the library, then to the school for registration, then to Target for school shoes (and Nerf guns for Nicky), and finally - to the car wash.

We got to piano lessons, and then Zoe started crying because she didn't have shoes. This is a common occurrence. It goes like this:

Me: "Get your shoes on and get in the van" (repeat 11 times)

Zoe (twenty minutes later... in the van): "Mom, I need shoes."

Sigh...

So we had to drive back home and get Zoe's shoes... which were in the garage. I'm not sure why she's capable of taking them out to the garage but can't go the extra 18 inches to get them in the van.

We went back to piano lessons to pick up Nicky and Daisy, and then we went to the library. Our library serves breakfast from 10:00-10:30, so we usually time it so the kids can eat. They have us go outside to eat, so we were sitting in the courtyard when Eva started holding herself and yelling that she needed to pee. I had Nicky sit with the food, and the girls all followed me to the bathroom. We got just inside the doors of the library when Zoe started screaming, "My shoes!!!" She'd left them outside, so she ran back outside while I stood in the doorway waiting for her. We eventually got in the bathroom, and Eva had to check every stall to decide which one she wanted. She analyzed the size of each stall and the height of each toilet until she found the "right" one. She never picks the same toilet, so I don't really know what her criteria is.

After our potty break, we went back outside. Then the librarian came and locked the door, so when we were done with the food, we were locked out and had to walk back around to the front of the library.

My kids picked their books and some CDs. Then they watched the 3-D printer for a while (it was making a crayon holder and a Pokemon). We went to check out, and there was a long line (this usually isn't a problem), so we went to a computer in a different area, and it wasn't working. Then we tried a third computer, and finally checked out. I double counted my items and found that I'd missed one, but I wasn't sure which one, so I had to log in again and scan each item until I found the one that I'd missed. After I had everything taken care of, Eva started having a meltdown and yelling, "Moooom! I didn't pick anything!"

I sighed and told her she had one minute to pick something. She said she wanted a Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star CD. We all tried to find one for her, but we weren't successful. She ended up getting a Tom & Jerry DVD, and we checked out for what I thought would be the last time.

Then when we walked out the door, the alarm went off. We went back in, and the librarian scanned all of our stuff, and she didn't find anything that hadn't been properly checked out. I had the thought to check my bag, and I found a CD that one of the kids had stuffed in there. We checked it out, and then I herded my cats back out to the van.

My kids fought over which CD we were going to listen to. I ended up putting in Phineas and Ferb. Then we drove to the school. We got in and out without much drama (other than whining about hating school and not wanting to go back). My kids are all registered, and we found out who their teachers are. Nicky is in a class with two of his friends, which I'm so happy about.

Twenty more days.

Target was our next stop. My kids asked me for at least 96 things. I lectured them repeatedly about using their own money. "If that's something you want, you need to save your money for it" (repeated 11 times per child). The girls and I scoped out shoes for school while Nicky went to look at Nerf guns (they were buy two get one free, so he was thrilled). Eva and Zoe ran wild in the shoe section, tearing shoes out of boxes and trying them on, regardless of the size. Zoe wanted some Poppy troll shoes, so we found them in her size and made sure they fit, but then she changed her mind and wanted princess boots, Shimmer and Shine shoes, and Minnie Mouse sandals. She ended up getting Peppa Pig shoes. Eva went from shoe to shoe until she settled for Paw Patrol (I don't think she's ever watched Paw Patrol in her life, but whatever). Daisy tried on several pairs of shoes and then she decided she didn't want any of them. Then she cried when I wouldn't buy her Minnie Mouse flip flops. "You can't wear flip flops to school. We are here for school shoes" (repeated 11 times).

I needed a couple of things from the cosmetics section, so I spent another half an hour telling my kids no.

"Will you buy me some make-up?"

"No."

"What about bubble bath?"

"No."

"Hanitizer?" (hand sanitizer)

"No."

"Just one lipstick? Pleaaaaaase?"**

"No."

"I'll do work to earn the money, and I'll pay you back."

"No."

At some point, I successfully herded my children to the register. There was only one open, and there were three people in line. One person had three separate transactions, and then she argued with the cashier about the price of each item.

I repeatedly told my kids I wouldn't buy them any of the candy or toys at the register.

Eventually it was our turn. We paid. The cashier gave my kids stickers, and several hours later, after spending a significant amount of time in public, I found that they'd all put their stickers on my back.

From Target we headed to the car wash. There is beauty in having an 11-year-old boy. He's always willing to wash my car for me - even in the middle of winter. The problem is, he has a jealous little sister who isn't very good at washing cars. I asked him if he would let Daisy do the first rinse (getting the car wet can't be that hard, in theory...) They ended up spraying each other with the water, and Daisy kept opening the van door, so I yelled, "Shut the door!" (repeated 11 times).

The van got mostly clean, and the kids were mostly wet when they climbed back in. Then it was time to vacuum. I pulled in next to the vacuum and unloaded the car.*** I positioned my kids against the wall of the car wash in the shade and gave them a bag of extra breakfast food from the library (milk and Nutrigrain bars). I put a token in the vacuum, and it started up, but it had no suction. I moved my van to another vacuum and was met with sucking success!

I vacuumed up endless amounts of sand (from Lake Tahoe and other summer excursions) and glitter (from the parade float contraband my girls snuck into the trunk). Then I looked over, and my girls were spraying milk all over each other in the parking lot. I got the van all put back together and told the girls to go clean up their milk cartons and Nutrigrain wrappers. They all claimed that they didn't drink any milk**** or eat any Nutrigrain bars. Apparently it was all a set up! Someone was trying to frame my daughters. THE NERVE OF THAT PERSON!

{The sand is worth it}

Eva kept telling me she needed to pee while we were at the car wash, and I kept begging her to wait "just a few more minutes" because I realllly didn't want to pull out the IKEA potty at the car wash. I drove straight to a nearby Wendy's after the car wash so we could get some food and take Eva potty. It was the usual routine - she had to check all the stalls and analyze the height of each toilet. Then she went in a stall, and I went in a different one. As soon as I sat on the toilet, Eva started screaming that she didn't like "this bathroom." Pretty soon her head appeared under my door, and she took over my stall. Then she spent way too much time washing her hands and blow drying them. If I tried to move her along, she would scold me that she needed to "wash more" or "dry more."

We finally ordered our food (which is always a difficult process at Wendy's. There's something wrong with Wendy's). We tried to get drinks, but most of the drinks were out. Then I watched the employee set our food out, and I saw her mouth move, which indicated that she had probably said my name, but she must have said it in a way that you say the name of someone six inches away from you because there was no sound. I really wanted to give her a lecture about projecting her voice into the restaurant so people can hear her. Someone needs to help this girls succeed in life! But then I restrained myself because I don't want to become an ornery, old hag prematurely.

We hauled our trays to a table and did the food sorting. Then it was a chorus of "Open my spoon!" "Give me a straw!" "Where's my BBQ sauce?" and the like. Zoe dropped her frosty and went ballistic. Daisy ended up with the wrong drink and started accusing everyone else of ruining her life (I can't imagine her getting worse as a teenager. How can she possible get worse? I'll die. I'll just die). Zoe stole one of Nicky's chicken nuggets. And I got to referee all of it. Because that's what I am - a referee in a game where I'm not really sure what the rules are, but everyone has an opinion on my judgement.

I gave everyone ample time to eat, then I told them that anything left in three minutes was going in the garbage because we weren't taking any food or drinks in the newly cleaned van. They said ok. Then three minutes later I threw all their stuff away, and they cried like I'd ripped a limb from each of them.

Finally, we took a ten minute drive and Eva fell asleep, and we went home.

The process began at 8:45 this morning and ended at 1:51 this afternoon. I can't help but think I could have accomplished all of that in two hours if I'd been alone.

The cat herding. It's fierce. And today's outing wasn't any worse than any other day. Its just happens to be the one I chose to write about.

*When I got in the van to make this trip, it stank to high heaven. Something is rotting in my van. When I got home, I tore the whole van apart looking for the culprit, and I couldn't find anything. 

**Earlier this summer, Daisy and her friend played in make-up and got it all over Daisy's bedroom furniture and carpet, so I threw all of her make-up away and instituted the Great Make-Up Ban of 2018. 

***My ultimate goal here was to find the source of the stink, and I still didn't find anything. I'm going to have to crawl around my van on my hands and knees and sniff all the surfaces. This is my life now. 

****I guess this part if technically true. They didn't drink the milk - they sprayed it all over themselves instead.