A skeleton taped to the ceiling.
Origami frog in the wreath.
Socks hanging from the ceiling.
A candy corn that we aren’t allowed to eat or get rid of because it has wings and looks like an angel.
This entire wall.
Chewed PopTart remnants on the furniture.
Burn rings in the table from someone pouring fingernail polish remover into shot glasses.
Back in August I wrote a little bit about what a blessing it is to have other people love and serve my children. This has been on my mind again this week as I have been thinking about some of the things Nicky is experiencing on his mission (he's gone through a bit of a rough patch which began the day after I posted this update, which means I probably caused it somehow).
When we were getting Nicky ready to leave for Puerto Rico, we stopped at the Distribution Center to get him some temple shoes so he could serve as a temple worker for a little while. One of the employees was asking about his mission, and she told me that when her children served missions, she had to adopt the mentality that they were in the hands of the mission president (and Heavenly Father), and everything would be okay. That’s a bit of an overwhelming task for a mission president to be responsible for so many young people (in addition to everything else they have to worry about), but there’s some truth to it. There is a person (with various helpers) who presides over a mission and looks out for the missionaries. That brings me some peace. But not full peace because, again, there is so much a mission president has to do!
Just a few days ago I was telling my friend that I’m worried that Nicky is not being nurtured, and how I hope there is someone out there supporting him and fostering his development and saying, “There, there! You are loved, and you are wonderful!” Perhaps a senior missionary (though I’ve never heard of Nicky interacting with any senior missionaries, and I’m not even sure they exist) or a little abuela.
Today our Relief Society lesson is on Elder Stevenson’s talk, “Lost Luggage, Redeemed Souls.” In the address, Elder Stevenson discusses the rate of lost luggage in airports (33 million bags were mishandled in 2024). Yet, in the Kansai International Airport in Osaka, Japan, not a single piece of luggage has been lost in 30 years. “When you hand off your luggage at the Kansai Airport, you get a sense that they are saying to you, ‘We have your precious belongings. We are responsible for them now. We will return them to you.’”
Right now I definitely feel like I have sent precious belongings out into the world - my son! My highest valued cargo. “The feeling is recognizable: entrusting what is precious into the care of others - and longing for its safe return… years of teaching, preparation, and prayer culminate in a moment of placing [your] cherished possession into the care of others - trusting conscientious stewards to care for [your] son or daughter through the duration of their journey until [you] are reunited.”
“Beloved and blessed are those who care for and nurture others.”
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Call me crazy, but I really enjoy meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I like finding ways to use what I have in my garden, my pantry, and my freezer. It taps into a creative part of me and often gives me the same high as a successful round of a strategy board game does (nerd alert). I still have days where I don't want to cook and where I use any excuse I can think of to get a pizza or go through a drive through, but overall, I find joy in managing the food in our family (aside from the mess - I make huge messes when I make food, and if I were to employ a helper in my home, it would be someone to follow me around and clean up after me).
This week has been quite triumphant in food. I'm probably going to sound like a braggart, but you know what? I'm excited and passionate, so I'm going to tell you about it.
First off, I went on a trip to Cedar City last weekend, and on the way home, we stopped at Rowley's Red Barn in Santaquin because they had strawberries for $1 a lb (remember when that used to be "normal?") I bought 8 lbs of strawberries, and then Sunday night, I bottled a double batch of jam.
Now that the weather has "cooled" a bit, our garden has sprung back to life. On Monday I picked about 25 green peppers and two gallon-sized buckets of tomatoes. Scotty and I chopped up the peppers, bagged them, and froze them. I also froze some cherry tomatoes, which I use in the winter to make Chicken Margherita Skillet (which will make Cyndi happy because she introduced me to that recipe). Then I made a double batch of tomato soup (with fresh tomatoes instead of canned), which I froze in individual portions for grab and go winter lunches (we also sampled some for lunch for quality control).
My friend Julie brought me two boxes of apples from her tree (she is heaven sent - she even washed them!), so every day this week, I've prepped a bag of sliced apples (soaked in salt water to prevent browning) for everyone in the family for lunch/snacking. Then last night, Scotty and I made two batches of dehydrated apples, and I have two more batches drying as I am writing this (with six apples to spare).
We had baked potatoes with last night's dinner, so I baked six extra potatoes because Zoe has been begging for Loaded Baked Potato Soup. Personally, I'm sick of that soup and won't want to eat any, but it's so easy to make when you have extra baked potatoes, and Zoe loves it, so I promised her I would make her some (despite it being 85 degrees today).
Also on the agenda today, I will be browning 4 lbs of ground beef to prep sloppy joes, taco meat, and spaghetti sauce for an upcoming trip. They will be frozen, packed in a cooler, and then heated in a microwave in a hotel room.
Tomorrow is our annual Dip Night - which will bring together three of my favorite things: food (DIP!), friends, and strategy board games.
I will be trying out three new dip recipes:
Creamy Pork Pulled Pork Dip (strategy-wise, I have a batch of pulled pork in my freezer already, and I have all the other ingredients on hand and didn't have to buy anything - WIN!)
Easy Fried Pickle Dip (I also already have all the ingredients for this - WIN!)
Pumpkin Dip (I might not have pumpkin pie spice, but I feel like I can fake it - WIN!)
...one more dental cleaning
...one more Halloween
...one more Thanksgiving
...one more Christmas
...one more New Year
...one more General Conference
...one more Mother's Day
until this boy comes home!
And there are no more...
Father's Days
summers
or 4ths of July.
I'm just saying.
Me waiting for Nicky to come home so I can embarrass him
There's a contradiction I experience a lot as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It comes between Message A): "You are doing great. Work at your own pace. The Lord will meet you where you are, etc..." and Message B): "Do better NOW. Be better NOW. Here are 50 ways you don't quite measure up..." Frankly, it stresses me out, and I wonder why we are given Message A and Message B simultaneously (hello, General Conference!) Am I supposed to keep doing what I'm doing, or do I need to assess everything I do and rise up to high expectations that I feel are beyond my current abilities? It's overwhelming, and sometimes it makes me feel like I'll never be good enough.
There's a lot of commentary about this especially in regards to its affect on mental health. A while ago, I decided to take it to the Lord and ask for better understanding on my part. I asked for help discerning these messages and knowing how to apply them in my life without getting overwhelmed or upset by them, and I received an impression that I want to always remember:
Each talk, each plea, and each message that comes from a Church leader who is influenced by the Spirit has the potential to invoke change in someone for the better. Maybe that talk on family history (or whatever topic it be) that completely burdened me and made me feel like I'll never be able to "do it all" is the very talk, that upon reaching the ears of ten struggling individuals, changed their lives forever! Or maybe those words were exactly what ONE person needed. Shouldn't it, then, be spoken? Even if it's not the "perfect" message for me? Would I expect a Church leader to not say something that can change or influence someone else just because I'm not in the right place to hear it?
Therefore, we receive all kinds of messages, all kinds of influence, all kinds of words and encouragement in different areas from our Church leaders because we are all changed and influenced in different ways. The message I struggle to hear might be the very message that penetrated the heart of another. And maybe that person will follow that counsel and do that thing that I find hard, and they'll be all the better for it. Perhaps the message I struggle with is the message that brings someone else to Christ, and when I acknowledge that, I have more mercy in regards to the messages that feel harsh to me personally.
Several years ago I started recognizing the difference between inspiration and guilt. Now, maybe "guilt" isn't the right word choice, but over the years, I haven't come up with something better, so let me explain what I mean. In some aspects, "guilt" is considered a positive thing because it can move people toward change (namely, repentance). But in the context I am using, "guilt" is a feeling of needing to "be as good as" someone else says we should or to "live up to" a standard that we're not quite ready to achieve. There may even be an edge of competitiveness involved. I confess, there have been times where I've chosen another person by which to measure myself. Someone to be better than. This guilt feels heavy and doesn't necessarily stem from the right place. I have learned that if I act on "guilt," my motives are not pure, and I don't really succeed. If I respond to inspiration, however, I have great results. When I feel inspired, I am ready to take action, and the results are usually far more impactful and long-lasting. Inspiration feels light and comes with a special kind of energy. It's also accompanied with increased love for others. Since making this realization, I've often paused and asked myself, "Am I acting out of guilt or inspiration?"
Now let me clarify one thing. I am not suggesting that the deliverer of the message is to credit for my feeling guilt. Whether I feel guilt or inspiration stems from me and where my heart is. Yes, there are leaders who err in what they say, but my relationship with the Spirit is the tool by which I can discern that, and for the most part, I believe our Church leaders' primary intention is to buoy us up and bring us closer to the Savior.
Rather than being critical of messages that make me feel "guilty," I try to just set them aside for a time (revisiting them later might bring about a completely different result) and focus on the messages that I find immediately inspiring. This has been an important lesson for me personally because it has helped me to Hear Him more effectively. It has also helped me to do more preparation to receive messages from my Church leaders so that I can feel more inspired and less guilty.
