Prom Things

Daisy went to prom for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Learning the ropes of the modern-day school dances has been a challenge for me. My kids go to the same high school I went to, so some things are the same, but a lot of things are different.

Having a date is no longer a requirement. People attend in all sorts of configurations. Tickets are for individuals (whereas they used to be for couples). Things are less formal, at least at our high school. At homecoming you have everything from gowns to jeans and Hawaiian shirts. I don’t think anyone rents tuxedos for formals anymore. There are no longer professional photographers at the event. They usually only have one slow song. 

I’ve learned that, when it comes to dances, my job is to make sure my kids have clothes and flowers (and flowers aren’t always an expectation anymore). Other than that, I only step in if I’m asked. I started off trying to help with a lot of things with Nicky, but it only caused frustration. Now I just tell my kids to let me know if they need help with anything. I don’t give suggestions or offer specific assistance u less they request it. If I think they’re going to miss their dinner reservation, I just let it happen. If they don’t have someone lined up to take their photos, so be it. 

The day of prom, a Facebook group showed up on my feed where there was a discussion about proms. A parent asked a few questions, and the people participating in the discussion were from all over the country. I was fascinated by what they said about their proms. Here are a few things I learned about proms:

Some are planned by student government (that’s ours), some by teachers, some by committees, and some by parents.

Some schools require the students to meet at the school, and then they are bused to the prom location.

One school said they host a breakfast from 12-2 a.m. to try and keep the kids sober (I don’t know how that helps).

Ticket prices range from free to $300 per ticket! (Ours are $15 per ticket, and people complain that it’s too much).

Some schools only allow certain grades to attend prom (ours is “junior prom” but all grades can attend. The junior class plans it, and the royalty is selected from the juniors).

One school said the attendees travel convoy style with a police escort from prom back to the school for a lock in event (they stay at the school overnight for activities).

Some proms have sit down meals and different “rooms” with rented activities like bounce houses, arcade games, etc. 

Multiple schools said they issue random breathalyzer tests. 

I’ve heard of schools reducing the number of dances they hold each year, and I’ve heard of schools completely eliminating dances. Our school has six dances per year, so that ends up being almost every six weeks. I don’t think I’d be sad if our school reduced the number of dances. Especially now that I just have girls. It’s heart breaking when my daughter doesn’t get asked to the dance, but it’s also stressful and a source of worry when she does! It’s an experience I want my kids to have, but at the same time, school dances have been a huge pain in the tuchus. 

Sunday Sentiments: Cheering for One Another

We are just short of two weeks away from General Conference. Time flies in between Conferences now that I’m a real life grown up. We were talking to Nicky about it last week, saying, “Can you believe this will be your second General Conference on the mission?” It’s also crazy to think that it’s been six months since President Nelson passed away.

One of my favorite talks from October’s General Conference was “Cheering Each Other On,” by Sister Dennis.

Simply put, her message was that we all need to have a sense of belonging and purpose, and we all experience silent struggles, thus, we all need to “cheer each other on in our journey of discipleship no matter our circumstances.”

Cheering each other on can happen in a lot of different ways. It might mean complimenting someone, expressing gratitude, or giving words of encouragement. It might mean offering a seat or lending a listening ear. And it definitely means showing genuine happiness for the successes and good news of others. 

When I was working on my practicum for school, I came across some research by social psychologists that showed that good relationships are not distinguished by how we respond to each other's disappointments and hardships but by how we respond to one another's good news. Good fortune for others can bring feelings of envy or competition, so we need to be careful about how we respond when something good is going on in the life of another person. 

There are four ways we typically respond to someone else's good news:

1. Active-Constructive

This is giving an enthusiastic and sincere reaction. "That's amazing news! I'm so happy for you. Tell me more..."

2. Passive-Constructive

This is giving a silent or modest support response. "That's cool."

3. Active-Destructive

This response downplays the importance of the news or brings attention to the potential problems. "You bought a new house? I guess you won't be retiring anytime soon."

4. Passive-Destructive

This is being uninterested, ignoring the news, or turning the focus back on yourself. "Well, I got a new job offer this week!"

We've probably all experienced each of these responses from both sides. 

If we are truly cheering each other on, we will give an active-constructive response when good things happen to other people. We can do this by:

• Paying attention
• Asking lots of questions
• Celebrating (when appropriate)
• Sharing the news with others (when appropriate)

I, personally, am not naturally good at this, and it's something I'm always trying to improve on. But I have some friends who are very good at it, so I'm always excited to share good news with them because they are so genuine in welcoming my joy. It's such a good feeling to have people cheering you on. I hope I can get better at creating that feeling for others. 

Sister Dennis said that it "takes great courage for some of [us] to to step into the arena of life everyday, knowing [we] may be judged unfairly even though [we're] doing the best [we] can against daunting odds..."

Sometimes we forget that when others have good fortune or when something looks like it comes easy to someone, there are still hard things going on behind the scenes. 

She continued, "it is a basic human need for all of us to feel a sense of belonging, to feel that we are wanted and needed and that our lives have purpose and meaning, no matter our circumstances or limitations."

As we navigate the hard things in life, it's always nice to have someone rooting for us. I really liked Sister Dennis' message and want to try to be better at cheering others on - remembering that we're all just trying our best, and we can boost one another through encouragement and love.  

It’s Too Hot For March (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I’m a sucker for cute Krispy Kreme donuts. I mean… I never actually buy them because the flavors they do are kind of yucky, but they are always a visual temptation. Like, today I saw that they have a basketball donuts, and I don’t give a lick about basketball, but I’m almost convinced to care about March Madness now that I’ve been exposed to cute food associated with the sport. 

Fact #2: I’ve felt an urge to be silent lately - almost a fear of putting any of my thoughts or words out into the world. Part of this is because of the ugliness and cruelty out there. It makes me want to retreat. Another factor is the takeover of AI. Everything is filtered. Everything is fake. Why bother putting something genuine out there?

Ironically, for those very reasons, I shouldn’t stay silent. I read once that 90% of the content in social media is generated by 10% of the users. Would the silent percentage show us what is good in the world if they contributed? Maybe. Maybe not. But it's interesting how few voices have control over so much of what we see. 

Fact #3: This week has been insane. Scotty has been in Mexico for work (you guys! He ate bone marrow and ant larvae. I can’t even think about it because it makes me feel sick, and the pictures don’t help. He said it was actually really good - they made him eat it before they would tell him what it was). 

Anyway, back to the fact - this week has been insane. There have been so many things on the calendar and so many places to be - sometimes I needed to be in two places at the same time. I can’t believe I made it to Thursday! 

Fact #4: All the girls are getting their mission calls, and it is so exciting! With the age change to 18, the girls are on the move! We’ve had at least one friend opening a mission call each week lately. 

Fact #5: We continue being able to talk to Nicky every Monday. It’s such a blessing to be able to do that. It really feels like we’re more involved in his mission. One year ago, March 14th, was when he opened his mission call! I can’t even believe it! The last year has been the fastest year of my life so far. Nicky has been out for almost nine months, and my girls just started their fourth quarter for the school year.

Fact #6: In addition to time flying, I keep being shocked by how old and big my kids are. I catch glimpses of Zoe in my peripherals, and I almost flinch at how tall she is. It catches me off guard almost everyday. 

Fact #7: I got this message from Eva’s teacher the other day:

Fact #8: This week I’ve had the misfortune of dropping things under my van multiple times and having to retrieve them. If you drive past my house and I’m crawling around on my hands and knees in my driveway, please avert your gaze. I’m probably trying to find a can of Diet Dr. Pepper or an empty Rubbermaid container before I run it over. 

Fact #9: Daisy went to her first prom last weekend. She got asked just a few days before (asked on Monday, dance was Friday). We are finding that it’s a lot harder to send our daughter out on a date than it was to send our son. Scotty was tracking Daisy the entire time and had the doorbell camera fired up the second she got home. 

Fact #10: We had a really warm winter. So warm that the weeds never stopped growing. I didn’t get to enjoy my winter wardrobe to its fullest, and I’m kind of bummed about that. I feel like my body and mind are messed up from the lack of seasons. I’m fine that it didn’t snow (give me one moderate snowfall a year, and I’ll take the rest in rain), and I’m okay that it wasn’t mega freezing, but I need at least two weeks of 20-degree weather. Just enough to dress in my snugglies and drink a hot chocolate and wear my favorite coat. I didn’t drink a single cup of cocoa this year. 

Sunday Sentiments

This year in our Church curriculum we are studying the Old Testament. I always struggle with the Old Testament because I look at it through an eye of presentism. I know all the platitudes - "things were different back then," "study it symbolically instead of historically," "we don't know the whole story," - but I've never been able to shake the deception, the bigamy, or the mistreatment of women in the OT. I can't help it - I get angry. But every four years when the Old Testament comes around, I try. So for 2026, I promise, I'm trying. But I'm still angry. 

Frances Taylor Gench, Presbyterian minister, said, “Biblical texts . . . do not exist to make us comfortable. They exist to make us think, to be engaged by God, and to effect our transformation.” Okay, fine, I’ll keep trying to figure it out. 

In this week's chunk of reading, we learn that Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, was "defiled" (raped) by Shechem, the son of the local ruler. There is a lot missing from this story, but Shechem seems to objectify Dinah not only by sexually assaulting her but by trying to take possession of her. In the end, Dinah's brothers, Simeon and Levi, kill a bunch of dudes including Shechem and his father. Then the bible moves on to technicolor dream coats and leaves us with a whole lot of plot holes (Genesis 34). 

Depiction of the rape of Dinah

Simeon and Levi killing the people of Schechem

This story of Dinah is not included in the Come Follow Me manual for the week, but it was addressed in a podcast episode I listened to (found here). I felt drawn to this story and to some of the things shared in that podcast, so a lot of this post is going to parallel that episode. However, let us first rewind to November 2025 when I last taught Relief Society. 

I was assigned to teach from two talks from the October 2025 General Conference: The Family Proclamation - Words From God by Elder Rasband and The Family-Centered Gospel of Jesus Christ by President Oaks. Now, marriage and family as a topic is kind of my thing, and this was one rare time when I was able to teach “my thing.” While earning my marriage and family degree, I took an entire class on the Proclamation, and I know my stuff. But, in knowing my stuff, I’m very aware of how delicate a topic it can be for many people, so as I planned the lesson, I prepared for the various directions the discussion could go including the topic of abuse. After all, the Proclamation boldly states, “We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.”

The topic of abuse didn’t come up during the lesson, but I was ready for it. I studied the Church’s policies and teachings thoroughly, and I knew the Spirit would give me utterance if needed. I would love to share a slew of information about the Church’s stance on abuse here, but I already know this post is going to be a long one, so I will keep it to two short quotes:

1.

“If you have experienced any kind of abuse, violence, or oppression, you may be left with the idea that these events were somehow your fault and that you deserve to carry the shame and guilt you feel…The abuse was not, is not, and never will be your fault, no matter what the abuser or anyone else may have said to the contrary. When you have been a victim of cruelty, incest, or any other perversion, you are not the one who needs to repent; you are not responsible.” 

2.

“There is no place for any kind of abuse—physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal—in any home, any country, or any culture. Nothing a wife, child, or husband might do or say makes them ‘deserve’ to be beaten. No one, in any country or culture, is ever ‘asking for’ aggression or violence from someone else in authority or by someone who is bigger and stronger.

Those who abuse and who seek to hide their grievous sins may get away with it for a time. But the Lord, who sees all, knows the deeds and the thoughts and intents of the heart. He is a God of justice, and His divine justice will be served.”

(See “He is Risen with Healing in His Wings: We Can Be More Than Conquerers” by Elder Kearon). 

The tragic reality is, abuse in all its forms is far too common, and it’s not talked about enough. The older I get, the more I learn of people I know and love having suffered abuse throughout their lifetimes, so no wonder it’s in the scriptures. It’s a plague as old as time. 

In the podcast I mentioned earlier, the host, John Hilton, shared some excerpts from a publication by Dr. Amy Easton-Flake (assistant professor of ancient scripture at BYU) entitled “Recognizing Responsibility and Standing with Victims” (you can read it here, but it’s a 30-page scholarly essay, so I’ll give you a couple of highlights). 

Dr. Easton encourages us to call abuse what it is. She writes, “Although we may be understandably uncomfortable using disturbing terms such as rape and abuse and may prefer to use terms such as defiled and mistreated, it is important for us to accurately label these events. Failing to do so prevents us from recognizing the horrors that occurred anciently and more importantly from acknowledging the horrors that still occur today. Using more euphemistic terms is part of the culture of silence that enables atrocities to continue.”

She also explains why she believes it’s beneficial to discuss stories like Dinah’s, “These texts create a biblically sanctioned space to name and discuss abuse within a church setting, and it may give individuals the freedom and space they need to share their own stories and then to work toward recovery. Silence enables the continuation of abuse. Consequently, among the great benefits of feminist scholars’ biblical interpretations is that their productive readings of dismaying texts help us to openly discuss modern challenges such as violence, abuse, and the exploitation of those who are marginalized and disadvantaged. Often their readings also reveal how God and the Bible editors are not sanctioning the violence found within the Old Testament; rather, these stories exist to be condemned and to show the need for a different way. Ideally our collective study of these stories will lead to our collective resolve to end abuse in all its varied forms.”

Abuse is a complicated and broad topic, and at this point, I have to confess I have no idea how to conclude this post. What are the solutions? I don’t know. Why does God allow his children to suffer from such atrocities? I don’t know. For many, the very existence of such evil is reason to believe there isn’t a God while others have found God through it. My hope is that, in the end, all victims may heal and receive recompense for their suffering. 

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“When the frailties and imperfections of mortality are left behind, in the glorified state of the hereafter… then shall woman be recompensed in rich measure for all the injustice that womanhood has endured in mortality.” -James E. Talmage

"We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything - absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer - how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student-body election, He knows that moment when the brakes locked, and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced gas chambers at Dachau. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands about pregnancy and giving birth. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion....

...He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say the new baby has Down's Syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that.” -Chieko Okazaki

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Additional resources from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on abuse: 

Life Help: Abuse

Abuse (Help for the Victim) 

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About ten years ago, a professor from BYU-Idaho presented some historical findings that suggest prominent Relief Society leader, Eliza R. Snow, was gang-raped by eight men during the Mormon War in Missouri in 1838. While the account of the assault comes from a second-hand source, there are some indicators from Eliza’s writings during that time that support the claim. You can read an article on the topic written by the BYU-I professor here. Eliza was a powerful and influential woman who did so much good for her community. I wish we knew more of her story. 

This is an unusual way to end a blog post, but I wanted to share this information about Eliza because she was an inspiring woman who suffered many hardships, and someone might connect to her experience.

Things I Didn't Buy From the Thrift Store: A Photo Essay

 Educational materials for a certain demographic:

Frankly, I'm shocked to see that this is the 8th edition, which means there were seven editions before this one!

A gag gift that I probably could benefit from:

Fancy dressed monkey:

A lot of personality in one homemade plushie:

What does it all mean? So many details!

My kids knew what this was, but I don't:

None of us knew what this was:

Vintage missionary plaque:

I remember stuff like this hanging on my cousins' walls.

Dog dress:

Not to be confused with a dress for dogs.

Creepy clown plate:

A Norman Rockwell painting that never should have been. The kid's eyes are pleading for help. 

A framed photo of a dog family:

A single mom who works two jobs. 

A Wishbone book:

What's the story, Wishbone?

A waddle of penguins:

Yes, I had to google that.

A terra cotta Bob Ross bust:

It's actually a Chia pet!

A multi-colored cow outfit:

Imagine you own an ice cream shop, and I stand outside wearing this to convince people to buy your ice cream.

Cowboy ducks:

One for me and one for you. 

This amazing doll:

I think she's wearing my aunt Clara's wig.

Harry Styles shoes:

A Shein special. 

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As a bonus, here is what Daisy didn't buy from the thrift store:

Shame on her! This was a winner! She did have a point, though, when she said she didn’t like the flamingo’s neck placement. 

Questions I Answered When I Should Have Been Sleeping

What’s a compliment you’ve never forgotten?

One time, after I spoke at a Relief Society event where I don’t know any of the sisters, someone came up to me and said, “You made everyone in this room feel like we were your friends” and I thought that was really cool. 

What have you changed your mind about this year?

Nothing major. Mostly I’ve changed my mind about watching a TV show or reading a book. You know, I get two episodes or 50 pages in and change my mind! 

What’s your favorite struggle meal?

I had to google “struggle meal” because I’ve never heard that term before (I guessed correctly in what it was, but I had to make sure, lest I make a fool of myself). Perhaps spaghetti, hot dogs, or brinner (breakfast for dinner).

Describe your life philosophy in ten words or less:

Wake up and be awesome.

What’s your go to karaoke song?

I don’t know! And it has stressed me out for my entire life even though I’ve never been summoned to utilize a go to karaoke song. The fact that I don’t have one at the ready terrifies me. 

What’s something you believe that most people don’t?

Diapered kids are easier to manage than potty trained kids. 

My argument: if my kid pees in their diaper, and I’m nowhere near a bathroom, everything’s fine. If my kid needs to pee, and they’re wearing underwear, and we’re nowhere near a bathroom, we have some hard work ahead. 

What’s a relationship dealbreaker for you?

I have a hard time when people are unreliable. 

Have you ever committed a crime?

Nothing worse than breaking traffic laws. 

If you had to change your name, what would you choose?

Lillian after my great grandma. 

What’s your comfort movie or TV series?

I like to turn on Miranda when I’m sick, and then I can fade in and out of sleep while she gallops through my dreams.

What’s your weird family tradition?

Scotty's mom makes us eat spam sandwiches and roll eggs down a hill for Easter.

What arbitrary rules do you have for yourself?

I will not wear any Utah-themed clothing while traveling out of state (it helps that I don't actually own any Utah-themed clothing).

We also have a rule that we don't eat at Jack in the Box unless we are 4+ hours away from home, or it is Amber's birthday.  

What are you really bad at?

Floral arranging, sports that require me to hit a ball with a piece of equipment (tennis, golf, softball), backing into parking spaces, and cleaning.

Are you nice to everyone?

No. I'm actually kind of mean. 

What is your least favorite word?

Whatever new word the kids are using. I heard a new one today, and I can't remember what it is but it starts with a 'B' and it's a substitute for "no offense, but..." or "just being honest" or something like that. And two nights ago, I had four teenage girls at my house, and they said "brochacho" at least 800 times, and then they argued about who says "brochacho" the most and who has been using it the longest. 

If you could live inside any board game, which one would it be?

In my childhood years, I would have said The Game of Life. I loved that game so much and always daydreamed that it really was my life! 

Now I can't decide on a board game because they would all be too problematic. I wouldn't be able to feed my family in Agricola. I don't want to go to war in Risk. I can't handle the animal Rights Activists in Ark Nova. I can't live in Wingspan because birds are too noisy. 

Maybe I have to choose Mariposas because butterflies are quiet, and flowers are pretty. 

Sunday Sentiments: On Covenants

I’m a day late, and at the rate I’m going, it might be Tuesday before I get this posted, but I didn’t want to miss the chance to share a bit of my testimony and study this week. Last week I studied a lot of different topics and didn’t really have anything stick out as The Thing I Should Write About on Sunday, so when the Sabbath rolled around, I was a bit stumped. I started several different posts, and never found my flow. Then today, I thought of something quite simple to share.

Last week I wrote about an experience I had teaching the youth. As I prepared for that experience, I read a lot about covenants (and I mean a lot). I kept thinking, “What are some of the simplest things I can say about covenants to a group of teenagers?” 

As I studied, I started to notice two themes emerging from almost every resource:

1. When we make covenants, we forge a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

2. Covenants give us access to Christ’s power

Pondering God’s Promise

The words relationship and power (and synonyms) kept appearing over and over in everything I read. 

Here are a few examples:

“Each person who makes covenants in baptismal fonts and in temples - and keeps them - has increased access to the power of Jesus Christ.” -Russell M. Nelson

“Throughout the Old Testament, you will frequently read the word covenant. Today we usually think of covenants as sacred promises with God, but in the ancient world, covenants were also an important part of people’s interactions with each other. For their safety and survival, people needed to be able to trust each other, and covenants were a way to secure that trust.

So when God spoke to Enoch, Noah, Moses, and others about covenants, He was inviting them to enter into a relationship of trust with Him.” -Come Follow Me

“God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God have access to a special kind of love and mercy… Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us.” -Russell M. Nelson

“We become His disciples and represent Him well when we intentionally and incrementally take on ourselves the name of Jesus Christ through covenants. Our covenants give us power to stay on the covenant path because our relationship with Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father is changed. We are connected to them by a covenantal bond.” -Dale G. Renlund

“Making and keeping covenants actually makes life easier!... The reward for keeping covenants with God is heavenly power - power that strengthens us to withstand our trials, temptations, and heartaches better. This power eases our way…” -Russell M. Nelson

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These are the two simple things I taught the youth and hope they walked away with (though we did a sword activity, and it’s possible that they left knowing more about Glamdring than they know about covenants). If nothing else, it will stick with me, and I’m excited to listen for these truths as they are reiterated in general conference next month.