Unfathomable

Nearly three weeks ago, our world was shaken when my sister-in-law, Amber, passed away. She had a medical episode in the middle of the night and didn't make it. She was 46, only a few years older than me. I've been wanting to write about her, but I haven't really had the words.

Save for my grandma, Amber is the closest person I've lost. My grandma's passing was expected, though. Amber's was not. Strangely, Amber passed away on the same date as my brother, James. 

I don't know when it will feel real, but so far, it's completely unfathomable and hasn't sunken in. How can Amber just cease to exist? Every day since her death I've gone to text her or forward her a reel on Instagram, and I have to remind myself that she's no longer with us. 

We celebrated Amber's life with a memorial service last week. 

Amber’s memorial service began at 11:11

For the past 20 years, Amber and I have joked about her "funeral file." Any time Amber sent me a sappy text or said something sentimental, I would jokingly say, "I'm putting that in your funeral file." I told her that I would reveal all of her tender-hearted secrets at her funeral, but it wasn't supposed to happen until both of us were old and out of our minds. 

My nephews watching a slideshow about Amber

I had the opportunity to speak at her service. As I contemplated what to share, I found that I had way too much I could say - stories and memories galore. I kept it short and wrote a poem - kind of nerdy-like. But that kept me from rambling or getting too descriptive. I realized, though, as I recalled so many of my experiences with Amber, that she was one of my favorite people to laugh with. That's what I'll miss the most - the funny stuff and the time we spent laughing together. 

Here are some posts about Amber:

Getting lost on the way to Glitter Mountain

Tim and Amber's wedding

Our spontaneous trip to California during COVID

That time our boat broke down 

A trip to Saint George

The day we spent watching over a dead deer

The year we passed the pinata back and forth 

New Year's in Phoenix

Thanksgiving in California

Spring break in Saint George (when we got Amber to hike!)

I think the reality of this loss will come in bits and pieces as we try to move forward. Family events will feel very different without Amber’s dominant personality and sass. There will be a sense of emptiness and a strange quiet we won’t know how to navigate.