Mom and Dad Til the End of Time

Back in May, Scotty and I went on a quick trip to Disneyland for our 20th Anniversary. In some ways, this made us feel young, wild, and carefree. But then when I saw the photos (like the one below), I was like, "Oh dear! We’re so old!" (said in Sultan voice)

The photos made me realize that, even when we don’t have kids with us, we are a mom and a dad. I mean, look at us!

I am such a mom! And Scotty is such a dad!

We were never supposed to be like this. We truly believed that we would always be cool and “with the times” (nevermind the fact that we weren't ever cool when we were actually young).

Here are some things that Scotty does that make him such a dad:

He wears an ugly hat to keep the sun off his head and neck.

He eats whatever our kids leave on their plates. 

When people drive fast up the street, he goes out on the porch and gives them the stink eye.

He tells dad jokes. Example:

Me: I’m going to run to the store and grab some milk.

Scotty: It would be faster if you drove.

He falls asleep anywhere, any time, and then he wakes up randomly and yells at everyone because he thinks they’re misbehaving, but they’re really just doing normal, non-sleeping things.

He has a dad bod.

He thinks everyone needs to be in bed by 8:00.

He yells at the neighbor’s dog from inside the house.

He pushes the lock button for the truck at least three times before he goes to bed.

He waves at everyone who drives by (as long as they are going the speed limit).

He digs coupons out of the garbage can.

He’s always telling us how much the cost of gas went up in the last 24 hours.

Here are some things I do that make me such a mom:

I ask my kids and all their friends if they are wearing sunscreen.

I answer to, “Mom!” even when it’s someone else’s kid.

I force everyone to eat my snacks.

I ask things like “Have you pooped today?” “Is there a chance you’ll start your period on vacation?” “Did you flush?” “Did you say thank you?” 

I think driving a mini van is a real treat.

I tell my kids that drinking water is the solution to every problem. 

I wear hideous knee-length shorts.

I went to high school with my kids’ friends’ moms. 

I have Bandaids stashed everywhere… kitchen drawer, wallet, glove box.

I stand outside of bathroom stalls and say, “Every last drop! Make sure you get EVERY. LAST. DROP!”

I’ve picked out my oldest children’s spouses. 

——-

There’s no getting away from it. We are what we are. Mom and Dad til the end of time.

My Scary Movies

It’s Halloween time, and that means my husband is trying to get me to watch scary movies. I’m not sure what my relationship is with scary movies. I don’t particularly love them, but I can’t make a blanket statement that I hate them, either. In truth, I don’t like very many movies at all. Scary or not, movies rarely get a good review from me. 

However, that wasn’t always the case. In my younger years, I loved movies. Scotty and I used to go see everything in the theater. Everything! It was probably childbirth that ruined me.

Anyway, as a teen, I was obsessed with Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, and I watched them on the regular. For some reason, I had no qualms over watching those R movies, but I never delved into Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre… and the only Michael Myers I ever knew was this one…

Anyway, like I said, Scotty wants me to watch scary movies with him every Halloween, and I never do. I think I'm becoming less and less the woman of his dreams, poor thing. So this year, I determined the three scary movies I am willing to watch. These are three I actually like:

And, for the sake of personal research, I am also willing to watch:

The Sixth Sense because it's been over 20 years since I've seen it, and when it first came out, I genuinely liked it. You guys, I seriously didn't know Bruce Willis was dead (also, I feel like that's a spoiler I don't need to be accountable for. I normally firmly believe in "no spoilers," but there are some exceptions. Like, you should just know that Romeo and Juliet die and that Bruce Willis is dead and that Darth Vader is Luke's father).

Signs I didn't like. But it's been nearly 20 years since I saw it, too, and I'm willing to watch it again... even though it has creatures. 

So, when Scotty comes begging to watch a scary movie, here's what he has to work with. That should get us through the next five years or more. 

The last time I agreed to watch a scary movie with Scotty, he picked it. 

It's been at least five years, and I'm still suffering from the memory of it. This movie is so bad. So very bad. 

A Life With No Elvis

Recently I saw the movie Elvis, and the other day I listened to Elvis and Me, a memoir by Priscilla Presley. Since Elvis passed away before I was born, I grew up with him as a revered icon of the past. Perhaps, if he had lived, I would have seen him on TV and heard his new releases on the radio throughout my childhood, but that was not to be. Elvis and me? We never shared this earth. 

I've always found Elvis to be an interesting historical figure. I wrote a research paper and gave a presentation on him in high school. I wore a faux white leather jacket and a red scarf and held a fried chicken leg in my hand. I totally fat-shamed Elvis! And now I'm heavier than Elvis ever was, so don't worry, Elvis. I got what was coming to me.

From a psychological and behavioral standpoint, I have always found fame to be very intriguing. I'm incredibly fascinated by the way fame shapes people (and by the way people acquire and shape their fame). I can be a bit celebrity-obsessed at times, but it's not a form of worship or idolization. I don't romanticize stardom - in fact, I find it exceedingly destructive in most cases. I don't envy celebrities' lives. Instead, I believe that they should envy mine. There's a part of me that wants to gather all the struggling celebrities in my home and nurture the crap out of them. Come, all you childhood Disney stars! Let me feed you chicken nuggets, read you The Boxcar Children, and tuck you in with a bedtime song. 

I've always assumed that Elvis Presley was probably a bit of a dirtbag, but I secretly hoped he wasn't. Based on Priscilla's book, my assumptions are likely correct. He was demanding and a bit misogynistic, and the boy did Priscilla wrong in so many ways - he was truly a victim of fame while she was a victim of naivete. Elvis groomed Priscilla from the age of 14 to be what he wanted her to be. He dictated how she should walk, how she should dress, and even how she should care for her teeth. He wouldn't let her have a job or pursue education. He would pump her full of drugs but wouldn't allow her to take birth control because he thought it was too dangerous. Many of his mentalities were common for the time, but it's still infuriating to hear about. I think Priscilla reveres him more than he deserves, simply because he died young. It would be interesting to see how her memoir would differ had he lived longer. Likewise, it would be interesting to see what would have become of him across 40 more years. 

I, personally, harbor hope that the conspiracy theories are true, and that Elvis is still alive. It would be the greatest feat of all time to have faked his own death and gotten away from his fame. I would, with much sincerity, love that. But so many people would have had to be "in" on it, and I'm not sure one organizes one's artificial death on a toilet. And despite how easily it happens on TV, I'm not sure the body could have been faked, but you can never underestimate the power of fame and money.

I've always wondered how I would have felt about Elvis had I grown up in the late 50's to early 70's. What would I have thought of that iconic pompadour and those rubber legs? Would I have saved up to buy his records and positioned myself mere inches from the TV to swoon over him? Would I have fallen captive to his icy blue eyes and his gyrating hips? 

I'll never know. 

And I have nothing from my own life to compare it to. There was no star of Elvis caliber in my formative years. I'm too young for The King and too old for Bieber Fever. I made it through the boy band era with some pretty sweet dance moves but no major crushes. Despite what some believe, I never even crushed on Justin Timberlake. My one and only crush to the point of unhealthy obsession was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, but he was not the same kind of icon as Elvis. 

I have truly lived a life with nothing even close to Elvis. 

Top Gun High

Last week Scotty and I went with Timber to a pre-screening of Top Gun: Maverick. In short - we LOVED it, and we all ended up on a Top Gun high for several days. It was the perfect balance of action, romance, humor, and nostalgia. After thirty years, I can't believe they pulled it off! 

On Memorial Day, Scotty and I went to see it again with some friends, which reignited our Top Gun high. In honor of such an epic movie, here are 20 facts about my history with movies:

Fact #1: When I watched The Sixth Sense for the first time, I didn't figure it out. I was totally taken by surprise. Enough so that I went and saw it again the next day because I had to watch it with the knowing. 

Fact #2: I didn't watch Star Wars until I was in my thirties. I've only seen the original three and The Force Awakens. 

Fact #3: I watched Pretty Woman and Dirty Dancing all the time when I was little. There was a lot I didn't understand. I wanted my name to be Vivian or Baby soooo bad! I had to settle for naming my cat Baby.

Fact #4: The first movie Scotty and I went to together was Tarzan.

Fact #5: Marty McFly was my first crush. 

Fact #6: I can pretty much quote all three Austin Powers movies word for word. Don't judge me. This skill stems from before I was a mother. 

Fact #7: I sat on the front row to see Twister when I was 12. 

Fact #8: I've only gone to a midnight screening of a movie once, and it was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II, and I was only able to survive it because (finally) the theaters started doing reserved seating. It ended up being one of the highlights of my life!

(Are midnight screenings even a thing anymore? It doesn't seem like it).

Fact #9: I took Nicky to see Wall-E when he was little, and the power at the movie theater went out. We waited for half an hour, and then they had to give us vouchers to come back another time. 

Fact #10: I remember being completely blown away by the CGI in Titanic. It looked so real at the time! And now... it looks so fake! 

Fact #11: In 2010, Scotty and I watched the remake of True Grit, and it was the weirdest thing we'd ever seen. Turns out, we had the audio description on for the visually impaired. We had no idea the dubbing wasn't part of the movie, and we sat through the whole thing like that. 

Fact #12: One of the most disappointing movies I've seen in the theater was Jim Carrey's A Christmas Carol. Wait, no. It might actually be The Haunting with Owen Wilson. Wait, no. King Kong with Jack Black.

Okay, it's a three-way tie.

Fact #13: Speaking of Christmas movies, Scotty works his way through the same Christmas movies every year. I, apparently, have very little tolerance for Christmas movies because I don't want to repeat a movie until it's been ten years. I watched Home Alone in 2017. I don't need to see it again until I'm 43. 

Fact #14: For some reason, at movie theaters, I have to have Sprite. In any other situation, I opt for Coke or Dr. Pepper, but any time I get those at the movie theater, I regret it and wish I'd gone for Sprite. 

Fact #15: The first time I took Daisy to a movie was when she was three months old, and we went to see The Princess and the Frog. I was so happy to snuggle my baby girl through her first princess movie.

Fact #16: If I had it my way, the closed captioning would be on for every movie always and forever!

Fact #17: I never got sick of the Frozen II soundtrack.

Fact #18: Jurassic Park came out when I was nine years old, and I was deathly afraid to see it. My siblings bullied me into watching it, and I LOVED IT! For several years, I was told that I looked like "the girl from Jurassic Park," and I hated that because Lex was really annoying. Now, looking back, I really did look like Lex as a child.

Fact #19: I enjoy watching the previews in the theater. It's part of the movie-going experience! 

Fact #20: I've always had a crush on Disney's Robin Hood, which is weird... because he's a fox. "Marian, my love, will you marry me?" is the most romantic movie line of all time. 

Ninety-Six Thousand

Since watching In the Heights for the first time a few weeks ago (and a couple of times since), our whole family* has had the songs stuck in our heads. 

One of the more common lines we find ourselves singing is, “Check one, two, three, what would you do with 96 G’s?” 

In that song, the characters sing about what they would do if they won the $96,000 lottery. 

The other day, while in the car, I was thinking about what I would do with 96 G’s. As far as lotteries go, it’s not the greatest sum, but it sure beats the $2-3** I hear of my friends and family winning.

Here’s what I would do with 96 G’s:

First action: pay off our house.

Second action: pay off our truck.

Third action: renovate at least one of our bathrooms but I’d hope to stretch my dollars far enough to do both. 

(I decided that in this hypothetical situation, I don’t have to pay taxes).

My kids (some of whom have no concept of money or cost of living), told me the following:

Nicky would put the money in the bank because Scotty and I made a deal with our kids that we will match every dollar they put into savings. So far we’ve been able to keep up on this commitment, but if our kids are going to be throwing around those kind of figures… we’re in trouble!

Daisy said that if she won 96 G’s, she’s give $50,000 to her mom and dad (suddenly I have a favorite child), give some to charity, and buy a chinchilla.

Zoe said she would “probably buy a mansion.” I decided that age 8 isn’t the time to crush her dreams, so we’ll stick with that for now.

Eva said that she would buy ten pet rabbits and one pet cat.

Scotty said, “If I win the lottery, you’ll never see me again,” which, thankfully, is just another line from In the Heights and not an actual sentiment from him. Smart aleck.

*We let our kids watch In the Heights, but you should definitely do your own research and decide for yourself whether you allow your own children to see it. It has some language, innuendo, and other things that aren’t especially “kid friendly.”

**We do have a relative that won 250 G’s, though.

30 Days of Disney (Minus 29)

One of the trippiest aspects of the COVID pandemic, for me, has been the fact that Disneyland is closed. Forgive me for not being eloquent with my words here, but it's just... weird. 

Sometimes I lay in bed in the mornings and think, "I live in a world where Disneyland can't be open." 

WHAT?!?

Because I miss the good old days when Disneyland was a thing, today I'm doing a writing prompt I found on Pinterest called "30 Days of Disney" (but in one day because I'm rebellious like that!) 

-----------------------------------------

Favorite Villain: 

I don't know what the criteria should be for a favorite villain. I've never put much thought into it, so I'm just going to go with the obvious choice... Mr. Smee.

Favorite Princess: 

Belle. Chalk it up to my dream of gliding along a library wall via rolling ladder. 

Favorite Prince: 

I don't know who counts as an official prince and who doesn't, but Kristoff has really grown on me. If we're talking classic Disney princes, I could definitely be swayed by Prince Eric's blue eyes, and Prince Phillip has a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe it's the feather hat giving him a bit of a Robin Hood flair. 

Favorite Animal character: 

There are so many great animals in Disney movies. How does one choose? I can't make this definitive, but I really enjoy Heimlich from A Bug's Life. 

Favorite Couple: 

Roger and Anita from 101 Dalmations. 

Favorite Song Sang by a Villain: 

“Be Prepared” by Scar in The Lion King (the original film, of course. I was disappointed to the changes to the song in the live action version) and "Mine, Mine, Mine" by John Ratcliffe in Pocahontas. 

When I was a kid, I choreographed a dance in my room to "Mine, Mine, Mine." There were shovels. It was excellent. Also, I'm a sucker for a "hey nonny, nonny."

Favorite Song Sang by a Princess: 

As a child, it definitely would have been "Part of Your World," by Ariel. As an adult, I don't really have a favorite, but I rather enjoy the songs that Giselle sings in Enchanted.  

Favorite Song Sang by a Couple: 

“I See the Light,” from Tangled and "A Whole New World," from Aladdin. "A Whole New World," stirs something nostalgic in me. It makes me miss something - childhood, maybe? When I hear it, I get all emotional, and I don't know what's happening.

Most Romantic Moment: 

When in the midst of a sword fight, Robin Hood leans over to Maid Marian and says, “Marian, my love, will you marry me?”

Favorite Overall Song: 

“Hakuna Matata” and “Trashing the Camp.”

Favorite Animal Sidekick: 

Sven. When Kristoff does the voice... it slays me. Maybe reindeers really are better than people. 

Favorite Non-Animal Sidekick: 

Genie. He's funny, and he promotes honesty. 

Plus... Robin Williams. I mean, c'mon!

Favorite Disney Pixar Movie: 

Monsters Inc and Cars

Favorite Underrated Movie: 

Meet the Robinsons

Favorite Heroine: 

Moana

Favorite Hero: 

Robin Hood

Favorite Dance Scene: 

“Step in Time” from Mary Poppins

Favorite Magical Moment: 

In Moana when Te Fiti remembers who she is and forgives Maui. Then she lays down to rest.  

Saddest Death: 

Mufasa

Sequel: 

I don't care much for sequels, but Frozen II was pretty good. 

Favorite Kiss: 

I had to really think about this one. I even watched YouTube collaborations for proper research. There are some decent Disney kisses. I have to go with Lady and the Tramp, though. Mostly because Tramp's face afterward is priceless, but also because Tramp then gives Lady the last meatball, and that right there's what love it all about!

Runner's up would be Tarzan and Jane - Jane runs to Tarzan through the water, jumps on him, and kisses him, rendering him completely shocked. Then Tarzan is like, "Hey, I like this!" And Aladdin and Jasmine - gotta love that backwards dive off the balcony. Too bad he was lying about who he was. 

Favorite Disney Theme Park: 

Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure (also known as: the only Disney theme parks I've ever been to)

Favorite Park Attraction: 

Guardians of the Galaxy. I thought I'd never forgive Disney for changing the Tower of Terror, but Guardians has won me over completely. It's an absolute blast, and I love that it's common for everyone to dance and cheer throughout the ride. Pure joy! 

Pure. Joy. 

Favorite Theme Park Show: 

I'm not a big fan of the shows in the parks because I don't like navigating the crowds and fighting for a spot. The shows where you have to stand (like World of Color) are completely miserable to me. Everyone puts their kids on their shoulders (what choice do you have?) and no one can see, and then there's all the pushing and the shoving... I'm about to have a panic attack just thinking about it. However, if I could choose one theme park show to watch from a nice, reserved bench, I would love to watch the Paint the Night Parade followed by the fireworks. 

Favorite Castle: 

I'm not sure if this was meant to be a theme park castle or a castle from a movie, but I'm going to go with Rapunzel’s castle from Tangled (which I just learned is named Corona Castle. WHAT?!?). It reminds me of Mont Saint-Michel in France. A runner-up would be the Beast's castle in Beauty and the Beast. But I also like the Arendelle castle in Frozen. 

Favorite Disney Parents: 

Tiana’s parents in The Princess and the Frog and Pongo and Perdy from 101 Dalmations 

Saddest moment:

When Scar tells Simba that it's his fault Mufasa died. I just can't.

Favorite Outfit: 

Anna's coronation gown from the first Frozen. LOVE!

Favorite Best Friends: 

Timon and Pumbaa

Favorite Happy Ending: 

When Ray appears as a star with Evangeline in The Princess and the Frog.

Watched and Watching

Yesterday I wrote about watching the BBC's miniseries, Tess of the d'Urbervilles, and how it gave me a similar reaction to what I felt when I first watched Romeo +Juliet as a young teenager. Here are some other selections I've watched recently:

IN THEATER

Harriet

I have always admired Harriet Tubman. In fact, she is on the guest list for my dinner party with the deceased. A few weeks ago my friend, Cassie, and I went to see Harriet. I never even heard this movie was coming out, and I never saw a trailer for it, but all I needed to know was that it was about Harriet Tubman, and I was interested. As a bonus, I learned that Leslie Odom Jr. (who played Aaron Burr in the original cast of Hamilton) was in it, and that was just fine with me (I crush on him a little).

I really liked the movie, and I recommend it to those who can handle heavy stuff.  I turned to Cassie during the movie and said, "I am so stressed out right now!" and she said, "Me, too!" It's not a movie that I'll buy and watch over and over again, but it's one that is really good to see at least once.

Frozen II

We took the kids to see Frozen II the day after Thanksgiving. I didn't really have any expectations, but I was excited to take my girls. I'm rarely impressed by animated movies. Frozen II neither blew my mind nor disappointed me.

It just was.

CURRENTLY ON AIR

A Million Little Things

I am in love with this show. The characters are fantastic. They all have a great balance between their strengths and their weaknesses. The series is pretty high drama, though. I swear they have a checklist they are trying to complete. I imagine the writers sitting around the table going, "We need someone to die, someone to have an affair, someone to have cancer, and someone to lose their dog. And hey! We should probably have someone sever a limb, but maybe hold off until season 3..."

One thing I appreciate about the dramatic plot lines in the show is that the characters handle their problems in a way that's very different from most TV shows. I feel like they are demonstrating healthier behaviors than we usually see in television.

IN PROGRESS

The World According to Jeff Goldblum

This is a series on Disney+ presented by the one and only Jeff Goldblum (does anyone else remember when Jeff Goldblum was reported dead the day after Michael Jackson died? This stands out so vividly to me because Scotty was backpacking in the Unitas at the time, and I was anxious for him to get cell phone service so I could tell him Michael Jackson and Jeff Goldblum had died).

Anyway, Jeff Goldblum is alive and well, and he is doing this show where he goes around talking to people about... I dunno... stuff. Ice cream... tattoos... denim...

The show is pretty interesting, and Jeff Goldblum is so stinkin' weird that you just can't look away. Scotty and I spend most of the episodes squirming because Goldblum makes us so uncomfortable.

The Imagineering Story

This is another series on Disney+. This one is about the history of the Disney Imagineers. As frequenters of Disneyland, we have really enjoyed this documentary. It's always really amazing to see how innovative the early years of Disney were. The things the imagineers were able to accomplish with the limited technology they had were incredible, and what makes it even more fun is how inexperienced so many of them were. They didn't specialize in what they were asked to do. Walt Disney would just tell people what he wanted them to create, and they would be set free to figure it out.

We are half-way through the third episode.

Les Miserables

When I saw that the BBC did a six-part miniseries of Les Mis, I couldn't wait to start watching it. The summer before my senior year, I had to read the unabridged version of Les Mis to get into AP English. Our teacher made us read Les Mis because she believed any essay question on the AP test could be answered with Les Mis (I think she was right! However, I think an abridged version would have suited the task just fine). Since we spent the whole school year thoroughly studying Les Mis, I have a soft spot for it in my heart.

I usually love most of the BBC series that I watch, but I haven't loved this one. I'm not sure why, other than I don't feel like Javert and Valjean are quite the characters I've formed them to be in my mind. They seem a bit off to me, and since they are two of my favorite characters in the history of EVER, the way they are depicted matters a lot. I don't feel what I usually feel from them, however, I am not finished with the series. I've been half-way through the final episode for almost a month now. I also don't care for Marius in this version. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not really interested in the Marius/Cosette story at all. My interest lies more with the Javert/Valjean dynamic.

Benny and Joon

Many, many years ago, I was flipping through channels, and I caught the end of Benny and Joon on TV. I had no idea what the movie was, but I saw a young Johnny Depp swinging from the side of a building, and I did some follow-up Google research to learn that it was Benny and Joon. How did I spend my formative years in the 90's and never hear of Benny and Joon? I'm not sure.

I rounded up a copy of the DVD and loved the movie, and now I like to revisit it every ten years or so. Here's something to know about me - I'm usually on a ten-year movie rotation. Scotty will suggest a movie, and I'll say, "No. We just watched that five years ago." And he thinks I'm nuts (I am).

(But what about The Greatest Showman? Well, my friends, I'm over a year and a half into my ten-year break. I watched it the week it came out on DVD, and I haven't watched it since).

Anyway, back to Benny and Joon, I am currently watching it on Amazon Prime. If you've never seen it, go ahead and make that a New Year's resolution for 2020.

(Another thing to know about me is that I rarely watch a movie in one sitting. I can watch several episodes of a TV show, but I can't sit through a movie. I don't know why!)

OTHER

This Beautiful Fantastic

I saw this movie floating around on Amazon Prime, and then my friend Carrie (hey, Carrie!) recommended it on facebook so I watched it. It was really good. It has some eccentric and charming characters (kind of like Benny and Joon), and it's rather heart-warming.

The Bookshop

When I couldn't sleep after finishing Tess of the d'Urbervilles, I decided I might as well start something new. Amazon recommended The Bookshop, and well, I love books and British accents, so I started watching it. It took me a few days to finish, but it was a charming and heart-breaking little film. Good thing I love charming and heart-breaking (which is a little different from charming and heart-warming, which I also love). And now I need to read Lolita even though it's classic lit, and it might hurt my brain.

Unfinished

The 'Burbs

On my ten-year movie rotation is The 'Burbs. I think I first saw The 'Burbs when I was a pre-teen, and I hated it. Do I dare say "hate?" Yes. I dare. I watched it again when Scotty and I were dating, and I tried to pretend I liked it, but I just didn't. The other night, Scotty and I were looking for something to watch, and I said, "I can't believe I'm doing this!" as I selected The 'Burbs. I watched the first twenty minutes, and then discovered Scotty was sound asleep (typical), so I changed the show. Turns out... The 'Burbs is still a stupid movie.

Victor Frankenstein

Oh, my friends. This was a dumb, dumb movie.

First, the history of why I tried watching Victor Frankenstein:

As you now know, I recently watched This Beautiful Fantastic. Andrew Scott, who is in the BBC's Sherlock, was in the movie but played a character very different from the conniving Moriarty. This made me wonder what else he has been in and what other kinds of characters he has played. Turns out he was in Victor Frankenstein with Danielle Radcliffe and James McAvoy. James McAvoy is one of my favorite actors, and anything about Frankenstein is fascinating, so it seemed like a good idea.

Um, no.

Dumb, dumb movie.

The Romeo and Juliet Effect

When I was 13 years old, I watched Romeo + Juliet - the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes.

Two things surprised me about this movie:

#1: They talked funny

(Remember, I was 13. Shakespeare wasn't exactly my "thing," and I was surprised that they hadn't translated the movie into modern-day dialogue).

#2: The end

I didn't know the story, I just knew Romeo and Juliet had a majorly iconic romance. I had no idea that they died. It was the first time in my life I'd ever watched a movie without a happy ending.

I was stunned for several days. I remember sitting in my 7th grade science class the following day, unable to focus because I was still thinking about Romeo and Juliet. I gazed around at my peers wondering how many of them knew... were they as naive as I had been a mere 18 hours earlier?

(The next year we had to read the book in English, so any lingering ignorance was to be short-lived).

(Also, I feel like there's an unspoken rule that it's okay to blow the plot of Romeo and Juliet. There are some stories you're just supposed to know, so sorry if I just ruined your life).

Over Thanksgiving weekend I had a nasty stomach bug (exactly what everyone wants post-Thanskgiving). I took advantage of my sick day and decided to watch the BBC's miniseries, Tess of the d'Urbervilles. 

I tried to read the book once, but I confess, I didn't make it very far. I'm not good at classic literature (Pride and Prejudice didn't go so well - I think I made it to page 76).

Anyway, prior to watching the miniseries, I was familiar with Tess of the d'Ubervilles in title only. I had no idea what the story was about.

You guys.

YOU GUYS.

It gave me the "Romeo and Juliet Effect." I cannot stop thinking about it. I threw every emotion I had at the TV across the three days it took me to watch the four-part series. I smiled, I cried, I yelled. I felt horrified, I swooned, I gasped. I raised my fist in anger at the injustices of this world, and I peeked through my fingers at Eddie Redmayne's very white behind.

Whew. It took a lot out of me. And when it was done, I couldn't sleep. It gave me quite the adrenaline rush. I decided that in three years, I'm going to try reading the book again. Why three years? I'd like to get some distance between the movie and the book so I forget just enough about one or the other to not spend the entire time comparing.

See you in winter 2022, Tess.*

Tomorrow I'll tell you about some other shows I've watched lately.

*I don't want to give away any of the plot for Tess (the unspoken rules of Romeo and Juliet are not the same for Tess), but I do want to inform you that it does deal with sexual assault - something you may want to know in choosing whether to watch it. 

The Totally Awesome Movie Survey

So it begins! The month of September. I'm ready for Fall! With the new month comes the start of my September Writing Challenge. I already have writer's block, and it's only the first day!

The prompt I'm using today is #3:

Movies

I thought I could find a fun questionnaire about movies that I could use for an easy out. Turns out, I couldn't find anything of the sort. So I made one up! (If you're participating in the writing challenge, feel free to steal and/or modify).

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Britt's Totally Awesome Movie Survey

Three actors I really like:

1. Hugh Jackman 
2. Matt Damon 
3. Tom Hanks*

*Remember that time he was in a Carly Rae Jepson music video? 

Three actors I don't care for:

1. Bill Murray*
2. Christopher Walken
3. Matthew McConaughey

*But I still love Space Jam 

Three actresses I really like:

1. Emma Thompson
2. Maggie Gyllenhaal
3. Emily Blunt

Three actresses I don't care for:

1. Meg Ryan
2. Megan Fox
3. Mandy Moore

Three Musicals I love:

1. Hairspray
2. Enchanted
3. The Greatest Showman (though I haven't watched it since April 2018 because I needed a really long break. I still listen to the music sometimes)

Most embarrassing favorite movie: Goodburger

Five Disney movies I love:

1. The Lion King
2. Aladdin
3. Princess and the Frog
4. Robin Hood
5. Monsters, Inc

Three movies that were pleasant surprises:

1. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
2. The LEGO Movie
3. Penelope

Three movies everyone loves, but I don't:

1. The Princess Bride
2. What About Bob
3. Star Wars

Five Movies I Quote Often:

1. Billy Madison*
2. Austin Powers (all three)*
3. Disney's Robin Hood
4. So I Married an Axe Murderer
5. Goodburger

* I know... It's residual from my teens and early 20's.

Three favorite movies with a common theme:*

1. The Green Mile
2. The Count of Monte Cristo
3. The Shawskank Redemption 

*Care to guess the common theme?

Favorite theater snacks: popcorn and Sprite (this is the only situation in which I prefer Sprite over any other drink)

Movie character I would most like to play: Tracy Turnblad or Professor Trelawney

Most recent movie seen in theater: The Lion King

Three movies I'm looking forward to:

1. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
2. Bill & Ted Face the Music*
3. West Side Story
4. A Quiet Place II**

*I went through a Keanu Reeves phase
**Yeah... that's four. So what?

The Other Movies

Last night I took Nicky and Daisy to the bonafide, real deal, tried and true Greatest Showman sing along.

I also went the night before.

I'm really going to stop now. Maybe... I've seen the movie seven times. It's overkill. I know.

In general, I'm not a big movie watcher, but I definitely prefer the theater to watching a movie at home. I can't sit through a movie at home (although the perk of watching a movie at home is that I can turn on the subtitles. Scotty and I watch everything with subtitles. One of these days I'm going to start using the CC device at the theater).

As we were driving home last night, I was wondering to myself if there is any other movie I have watched (or would have watched if I had the resources) seven times. Normally, I don't even watch seven movies in a year, let alone ONE MOVIE seven times.

I remembered that I have done this before. When I was 11, I went to see the movie Man of the House (currently on Hulu, FYI) about 5-7 times (I also went to see Tom & Huck repeatedly, but probably only 3 times).

As J.T.T. fanatics, my friend Cheyenne and I were morally obligated to see his movies as many times as possible. I have no idea how we got the money for movie tickets over and over again, but each weekend, someone would drop us off at the theater to watch Man of the House, and then we would call from a payphone when the movie was over, and someone would come get us (this in itself is quite a memory as I can't imagine dropping my 11-year-old off at a movie theater and leaving him there with a quarter to call me when the movie is over, and yet, when I was a child, that's just how it was. I miss that dearly).

When I remembered this, I told Nicky about it. Nicky asked me why I saw those movies so many times, and I explained to him my obsessive crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I told Nicky how I had J.T.T. posters all over my bedroom wall and how I wrote him letters all the times and sent him pictures of myself. I told Nicky all the facts I remember about J.T.T. from the magazines I used to read (favorite color: green, religion: Presbyterian, favorite movie: A River Runs Through It, favorite subject: history). Nicky thought this was the most bizarre thing he'd ever heard.

Then came the questions (I can always count on questions from Nicky).

"Is J.T.T. still alive?"

"Yes."

"How old is he now?"

"He's Daddy's age."

"So he's an old man?"

"No. He's Daddy's age. Dad's not an old man."

"So you like grandpas?"

"Nicky! He's not old. He's just an adult now."

"Do you want me to get you some posters of grandpas to hang in your room?"

"You're really funny."

"I can't believe you have a crush on a grandpa."

"Nicky! He's 36. He's not a grandpa!"

And on and on and on...

Nicky is relentless, but he made a good movie date. I joke that it takes two hours to wind down after seeing The Greatest Showman. Nicky followed suit. He was singing and bouncing off the walls until about 11:30* last night, and when I tucked him into bed, he was still talking a mile a minute. Who needs an energy drink when a dose of Hugh Jackman will do?

*There are some things worth bending the school night bed time rules for. This was one of them. 

The Dumb Things I Do

You might remember how I went to the Greatest Showman singalong that ended up NOT being the actual singalong. Its been a week and a half since I made that error, and I'm still upset about it. It continues to bother me because it's not like me to make that type of mistake.

It's also not like me to miss an appointment, so I'm still haunted by the haircut I forgot to take Nicky to over five years ago.

When I do a dumb thing that isn't characteristic of me, I struggle to get over it.

But lest you think I am on some type of high horse, I'm here to confess that there are some dumb things I do do. And I do them so often that I don't even let them phase me.

For example, I frequently leave my curling iron and straightener on. At this point, when Scotty tells me my curling iron is on, I go "meh."

(I shouldn't go "meh" because I could burn my house down someday, but I fully acknowledge that leaving my curling iron on is a dumb thing I'm capable of).

I also run into things with my van.

(Like parked cars).

(That sometimes belong to my husband).

(But other times they belong to strangers who are inside Panda Express eating lunch).

What can I say? I'm spatially challenged!

But...

The most frequent, top slot, number one dumb thing I do...

...is lock my keys in my car.

The first time it happened, I was in high school, and I was getting ready to take my car to get emissions and inspection done. I was on the passenger side of my car getting stuff out of the glove box, and I started the car from there. Then I got out of the car and locked the door.

To my dismay, my car was running! Aaaaaand I didn't have a spare key, so my grandpa called a lock smith for me, and the guy felt so bad for me, he only charged me $20.

In the 18 years I've been driving (18 years!!!), I've locked my keys in the car WITH THE CAR ON three times. One of those times was in the Home Depot parking lot. Scotty was ice fishing and had my spare key on his key ring, so I called my mom, and she came and got me. The car wasn't running, luckily, but the keys were in the ignition and the radio and lights were on. We had to jump start it that night after Scotty got home.

I don't know how many other times I've locked my keys in my car - I only have the tally of how many times the car was ON when I locked my keys in it because I can at least fit that number on one hand.

One of the times I locked my keys in the car was right as we were supposed to leave for a work conference in Las Vegas. The police ended up coming and breaking into my car for me (perks of having a step-dad who works for the police department).

I locked my keys in my car today, in fact. As soon as I noticed my keys weren't in their usual spot in my purse, I knew exactly where they were. I called a friend to come save me, and before she got there, I remembered that Scotty planted a spare key in my wallet for this exact occasion. I hurried and called my friend back to tell her she didn't need to come save me. The last time this happened, though, I had to borrow a cell phone (the phone was in the car with the keys) and call my mom and ask her to come get me, take me home to get the spare key, and take me back to my van.

I was trying to be self-sufficient and not bother Scotty at work, so I didn't say anything to him until the problem had been resolved. When I told him, Scotty said, "Why did you make your mom come get you? You have that key in your wallet!"*

Oh.

(But thanks for saving me, Mom).

Knowing how many more stories there are that I'm not sharing is making me realize just how bad the problem is.

Locking keys in the car?

That's a dumb thing I do.

*If I ever call you to come save me when I've locked my keys in my car, please ask me if I have a key in my wallet before you agree to come get me

Weekend Roundup

Our weekend was a little crazy.

Scotty was in North Carolina all of last week, and I did a pretty good job holding down the fort on my own for the first part of the week. By Thursday, I was going a little stir crazy and needed to get out of the house. My kids had a short day on Thursday and no school on Friday, so I ended up searching for a good deal on a hotel room for the night. I thought it would be fun to pick them up from school, head somewhere away from home, and take advantage of a hotel pool. I found a reasonable hotel in Logan (which is about an hour and a half from Salt Lake). We headed straight to Logan after school. We had the pool and hot tub to ourselves (which I love because that way I can yell at my kids all I want), and there was also Disney Channel and free breakfast, so my kids were on cloud nine.

At 6:00 on Friday morning, Eva suddenly started gagging and choking like she was throwing up, so I flew out of bed, turned the light on, and grabbed a garbage can. She heaved a few times, and then just spit a little. I don't know what was going on with her, but I was on guard for the rest of the morning - constantly checking her forehead for a fever and ready to grab the garbage can in an instant, as it is tradition for someone to throw up any time Scotty is out of town. I was very disappointed that the initial incident resulted in everyone waking up so early. They might have slept for another half hour.

We hit breakfast, went swimming again, and then packed up and left at 11:00. We headed to a nearby town to visit a friend for a little while before heading home. On the way home, Daisy needed to pee, so I stopped at a Smith's Marketplace. On the way out of the store, Daisy and Zoe tripped over each other and fell flat on their faces in the parking lot. They screamed with dedication equal to an Oscar winning actress, and I dragged their reluctant bodies to the van. At this point, my gas light turned on, so we stopped to get gas, and then everyone started whining for food (Nicky was near death), so we went to McDonald's. We had to be home by 2:00 because my nieces and nephew were coming to sleep over. We pulled in the driveway right at 2:00, and they were waiting for us on our porch. I left Eva in the van for a few minutes while I unloaded some stuff and let everyone in the house. When I went out to get her, she was covered in chocolate. After my brother-in-law left, I went to unload more stuff from the van, and I discovered that it wasn't just chocolate... it was m&m throw up. Eva had puked while I was letting the kids in the house.

I spent the next hour trying to bathe Eva and get everything unpacked from our trip while the other kids ran around the house destroying everything in their paths. As all of this was going on, my neighbor dropped off 30 pounds of raw chicken that she had ordered for me, so I was also trying to repackage the meat and get it in the freezer. Then the ward mission leader called and asked if I could feed the missionaries, and at that point, I just busted out in hysterical laughter.

(I politely declined).

It was pure chaos. Eva cried... and cried... and cried. I kept checking her forehead. She felt a little bit warm, but after an hour, she was acting pretty normal and didn't seem to be running a fever at all. Still, there was no way I was getting the throw up cleaned out of the car seat until at least Monday.

Then, just to make things more interesting, my three-year-old niece was complaining that her tummy hurt. About every fifteen minutes, she would moan about her stomach and say that she wanted her mom and dad. This continued until she fell asleep at 8:00.

I wasn't sure what the night would bring, but I was pretty confident that someone was gonna barf.

I was wrong.

Instead, my niece had explosive diarrhea in her pull-up, and I woke up at 6:00 to everyone freaking out about the smell. I went downstairs, and the scent hit me like a brick (when Scotty got home at 2:00 that afternoon, he could smell it still). It was atrocious! It was all up her back, and since she had slept in it for a while, it had dried to her. I cleaned her up the best I could and then put her in the bath. It was the type of bath that needed to be drained twice. She had clearly passed a demon through her colon.

I bagged up the poo clothes and put the blankets in the wash. I fed everyone and got them dressed. Their dad came at 10:00 to get them and then I spent the next hour cleaning up smashed goldfish crackers and play-doh.

(Since I've already maxed out on poop conversation in this post, I'm not going to tell you about how Eva pooped all over the new living room rug later that day. I also won't tell you that it was a lot).

It was mid-day that I experienced the great singalong catastrophe of 2018. I needed something to keep us busy while we waited for Scotty to get home from North Carolina, and the non-singalong was the answer.

I was so upset about the singalong, and I kept debating whether I should try again. I'd seen the movie four times, and I thought it might be time to stop, but I ended up talking with some friends at a birthday party that evening, and we decided to go for it! So the happy ending to the singalong catastrophe is that I went to the real singalong. There were words on the screen, people REALLY sang, and I got as close as I have ever been to singing a duet thanks to the gentleman I was sitting next to (the dude could hold a tune, so I decided we were going for it - me & this stranger. He sang Zac Efron's notes, and I sang Zendaya's, and we rewrote the stars)

(We high-fived after).

I made the decision late Saturday night that I was going to stop seeing The Greatest Showman, mostly for the sake of our budget. But on Monday, I decided that if someone invited me to go to the singalong again, I was going!

No one invited me.

Jerks.

I spent Sunday and Monday in recovery from the events of the weekend, and in all honesty, my recovery will continue through most of this week. I am always really ornery the week after Scotty is out of town. I do okay while he's away, but when he gets back, I'm a beast.