Goal Check-In #1

Last week I shared 21 things I want to do before 2021. Here's how I'm doing so far:

1. No soda for the rest of the year.

So far so good. I haven't had soda since Labor Day.

2. Finish reading Jesus the Christ. 

On chapter 13.  

3. Try 10 new recipes. 

I've tried 2 so far and have a third lined up for tonight's dinner. 

The first was this pressure cooker mac & cheese. 

I think maybe mac & cheese just isn't my thing. The only recipe I have really ever liked is Pioneer Woman's with added bread crumbs, and even then, I can only handle a little bit. 

The other recipe I tried was this gluten-free fried zucchini, which we loved!  

Tonight we're trying this pumpkin baked oatmeal, and tomorrow we are trying this mango curry (I can already predict what my kids will think of it).

4. Get a haircut. Done!

5. Don't eat out for a month. 

Haven't eaten out since Jimmy Johns on September 30. I'm permitted to go out to eat by invitation, though, so I'm eating out with Christie today. 

6. Finish the closet doors in the basement.

I should amend this to say "make Scotty" finish the closet doors in the basement. He is currently building the second set of doors, then I'll stain them, and he'll hang them. 

7. Get the door hung on the storage room.

"Make Scotty" (but I will paint it).

8. Hang the closet doors in the kids' bedrooms.

"Make Scotty" (but I will paint them).

9. Weigh less on December 31 than I weigh today.

I don't routinely weigh myself, so I probably won't intentionally check my weight until December 31, but I have to go to the doctor next week, so I'll get a sneak peek. 

10. Walk 250 miles. 

So far I'm at 24. I'm only tracking "going for walks" and not my daily steps, so I have to do it with intention. 

11. Do 2,000 push-ups.

176. 

I'm so much weaker than I thought, so I'm allowing the first 500 on knees, then after that, I need to get up on my toes. I might amend this depending on how my arms are after the 500. I feel like something is wrong with my elbow, and if that's not feeling better after 500, I might have to stay on my knees. 

12. Do a DI run.

I have an appointment scheduled for Thursday and a huge pile of stuff in my garage ready to go.

13. Clean out the garden. Done!

14. Try something new. Done!

15. Finish 9 books.

I haven't finished any so far, but I have a few in progress.  Our county libraries finally opened on September 21. I've been twice now, and it just feels amazing!

Also, I lost two children's books during COVID, and they kindly waived the fees (I didn't even ask them to!)

16. Clean out the box of junk that's been sitting on the window seat in my bedroom since July. Done!

17. Go to the doctor. Done!

18. Complete a study of temple symbols.

In progress. 

19. Buy a dishwasher.

20. Finish a self-reliance class. 

21. Hang the sign over the washer and dryer that's been sitting on the floor for two months. 

It's still sitting there. But I've got time. 

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Shaking the Very Powers of Hell

Over a year ago, I met up with Apryl and Jeanette from my book exchange for lunch. Our conversations covered many topics, but the one I remember the most was "things we never want to speak about in Sacrament Meeting."

Apryl and I both agreed that we don't do "motherhood." We both love being moms, but we don't want to get up in front of a congregation and try to speak appropriately about it. After all, you can't say "poop" at the pulpit, and you shouldn't really swear, either.

Last year, a lady from church asked me to speak for a few minutes at our weeknight Relief Society meeting. The topic was "nurturing young children," and I had to laugh because that falls under the category of "motherhood." I agreed to speak, knowing that it would be okay if I said "poop" outside of the chapel (I ended up not mentioning poop, just throw up).

When I got to the activity, I was surprised when all of the other speakers started talking about family traditions. Never, in all of the conversations I had leading up to the event, was the word "tradition" mentioned, so I had prepared something entirely different. I was second-to-last of seven speakers, so I spent the entire time trying to decide if I should abandon what I prepared and talk about traditions. In the end, I decided to stand by what I had prepared because I had prayed about it and felt good about it.

While I was studied the Book of Mormon from a mothering perspective last year, the message I shared that night came back to me, so I decided I would share it with you.

As I thought about raising young children, I pondered some of the lessons I have learned that will continue to carry me through all stages of nurturing.

{via}

The first lesson is that sometimes we just need to laugh it off.

Being a mom is really really hard, and I can't imagine how much harder it would be if we didn't have some comic relief. Marjorie Pay Hinckley said, "If we can't laugh at life, we are in big trouble!"

One night, early in my pregnancy with Zoe, I wasn't feeling well. Scotty was gone, and it was getting close to bed time, so I told the kids that if they got their pajamas on and brushed their teeth, I would let them watch Qubo for a little while. I ended up having to run to the bathroom to throw up (sorry... it is what it is), and when I was done, I found Nicky dressed in his pajamas, as requested, but Daisy has disappeared.

I called out, "Daisy, where are you?" to which she replied, "I'm in your bed!"

I walked in my room, and there she was...

Completely naked...

Wrapped in my quilt...

Laying on my pillow...

Eating a bratwurst.

There was an undiapered bum on my sheet, and there were little greasy finger prints all over the place. I felt a hint of frustration, but I was also overcome with laughter.

What else could I do? It was one of those situations where I could either chuckle or sob, so I let myself laugh.

The second lesson is the importance of recognizing the Lord's tender mercies in our daily lives.

We have the sacred responsibility of raising Heavenly Father's children, and He isn't going to leave us to do that alone. We are given special individualized blessings, assurances, spiritual gifts, and guidance to help us along the way.

When I had pertussis last year, I woke up one day at 4:00 in the morning having a coughing fit. Around 6:00, my kids came wandering downstairs. I was tired and wanted to go back to sleep for a while, so I gave the kids granola bars and chocolate milk and parked them in front of PBS. I went back upstairs to lay down. About 45 minutes later, I woke up laying on my side and was about to roll onto my back when suddenly I got the impression that I shouldn't move. I reached behind my back and was shocked to discover that my entire torso was lined with grapes (courtesy of Daisy).

If I had rolled over, I would have made wine!

I can't imagine what a horrible sensation it would have been to feel those grapes crushing under my back at 6:45 in the morning. It may sound silly, but I truly believe that that was a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father.

Elder David A. Bednar said that "...The tender mercies of the Lord are real and... they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them."

What a comfort it is to know that we can have a companionship with our Heavenly Father when we are raising children.

The third lesson is that, perhaps, we mothers are not as terrible as we think.

As women and mothers, we are so prone to feelings of inadequacy. We compare ourselves to others, and we tend to be really hard on ourselves. It's so easy to feel like we aren't good enough, strong enough, or capable enough, especially when the standards are set so high. Young mothers tend to fear that they're doing everything wrong. Older mothers tend to look back and think they should have done things differently.

Quite a while ago I was having "one of those days." I felt horrible about myself, and I spent a significant amount of time stewing over all of my weaknesses. I couldn't figure out how I would ever succeed at raising my children.

As I sat on the couch, mid-mommy-tantrum, a scripture from the Book of Mormon came to mind:

"...If all men had been, and were, and ever would be like unto Moroni, behold the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men." (Alma 48:17)

Then the Spirit posed a question: If all mothers were like unto you, how would that be?

And my immediate response was Are you kidding me?!? That would be horrible!!! 

But then I realized that I take pretty good care of my kids. I keep them fed and clothed. I read to them and sing to them. I tell them I love them. I hug and kiss them. I don't abuse them. I do everything I can to watch our for their well-being. I make a lot of mistakes, and I'm nowhere near perfect, but if I were the worst-case scenario - meaning that all other mothers were the same or better than me - this world might be a pretty decent place.

Sure, there would be a lot of food in everyone's beds, but that's just comic relief, right?

So, think about it: if every mother were like you, what would that be like?

Would every mother have a testimony of Jesus Christ?

Communicate to God through prayer?

Teach her kids to be honest and kind?

Would every mother know the importance of home and family?

Those are the small and simple things that can shake the very powers of hell, and a mother who can do that can't be all that bad.

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This post is the final installment of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." Other posts from this series can be found here:

Lessons From Lehi Part I

Lessons From Lehi Part II

Defeating Laman and Lemuel (by Cyndi)

Putting Off the Natural Mom

Cast Your Eyes About (by Cheyenne)

Lessons in Miracles

To learn more about why I wrote this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Motherhood and the Book of Mormon - Lessons in Miracles

While I was pregnant with Zoe, I was very concerned about my delivery. With Nicky and Daisy, I had been induced - Nicky out of necessity, Daisy by choice - and both deliveries had had complications. There is no way to know whether those complications could have been avoided by allowing labor to take its course naturally, but I couldn't help wondering.

Throughout my third pregnancy, I stressed about this a lot. My body does not do well to prepare for labor. I've never even been close to going into labor naturally. I hoped that my body would go into labor on its own, but I knew that, more than likely, I would go one or two week past my due date and end up having to be induced.

For some it is an easy decision to make. Women choose to be induced and women choose to wait, and both scenarios frequently bring forth healthy babies. But for me it wasn't an easy choice.

I prayed over and over again that I would know what to do - that I would have some impression to guide me when the time came to make a decision.

As the end of pregnancy drew near, I still didn't have any idea what to do. The hospital I deliver at allows elective induction at 39 weeks. My doctor was very supportive and let me make the decision without pushing me in one direction or the other.

During that 39th week, I started feeling very strongly that I needed to ask my doctor to induce me on my due date. I was surprised at this prompting because I kind of assumed that God would want me to choose the more unpredictable route so I could learn a life lesson about patience or something. I prayed for a confirmation, and, to my surprise, I felt entirely at peace. I had no hesitations. I had received an answer - I needed to be induced.

At my final appointment, the doctor verified that the baby was head-down (and had been since 27 weeks), and everything was good to go. I asked him if I could be induced on November 1, my due date. He checked the hospital's schedule, and due to some unforeseen post-Halloween rush, there were no openings, so he scheduled me for November 2.

The date was perfect. Scotty was off work that day (he has every-other Friday off), Nicky was out of school, and all of my child care arrangements fell into place without incident. I arrived at the hospital bursting with excitement, put on my gown, hopped up on the bed, and settled in with my latest library book.

I felt good. So good.

The nurse came in and announced that she just needed to take care of a few things, and then I could get busy laboring. A quick examination of the cervix and some pressure on my stomach concluded that something wasn't quite right.

"The head's not there," she said, "Let me go get the ultrasound machine."

I immediately grew nervous because, clearly, my nurse was inept. I knew my baby's head was down. I can't claim many talents, but I am dang good at having babies head-down. My baby had been head-down at my appointment four days earlier and was still head-down.

Except the ultrasound proved that my baby wasn't head-down.

The nurse paged my doctor with a message in all caps, hoping for a timely response. BABY IS BREECH.

The induction was held off, and I waited impatiently to know my fate. Blinking away the tears, I ran through the scenarios in my head:

-The one where I have the courage to walk out of the hospital and wait one more week to see if the baby turns on her own.

-The one where I have a c-section, and my perfect childcare plan goes kaput because I have to stay in the hospital longer than planned.

-The one where the doctor tries to turn the baby, and it hurts like the Dickens.

The worst part of it all was that I had finally made a decision I felt good about only to be faced with more big decisions I didn't feel capable of making.

When the doctor came in, he verified that the baby was, in fact, breech. I was still having a hard time accepting the news when I suddenly remembered a moment from the previous night. Scotty and I had been sitting on the couch together after putting the kids to bed. The baby was kicking and rolling all over the place, and at one point, my belly jutted out so far to the right that it was like the baby had turned horizontal. We had laughed about it, and I had braced myself in pain a few times, but we never imagined that she had actually turned.

My doctor discussed the options, and they turned out to be very similar to the scenarios I'd already gone through in my head. The chance of the baby turning on her own if I waited another week was about 10-20%. The chance of successfully physically turning the baby was about 50%. Or I could have a c-section.

I decided to have my doctor try and turn the baby. I was terrified because I had heard a few stories about turning breech babies, and the common factor seemed to be VERY.INTENSE.PAIN.  I had the option of having an epidural, but if I had one, the baby would have to be delivered no matter what. If I didn't have the epidural and the baby wouldn't turn, I could go home and wait a few more days to see if she would turn on her own - again, only a 10-20% chance, but I figured I needed to leave that option available, so I didn't get the epidural. I expressed to my doctor that I was afraid it would hurt, and he assured me that he would know very quickly whether the baby would turn or not, and he would stop if I said to.

My belly was slathered in ultrasound gel (seriously... so! much! ultrasound gel!) and the nurse monitored the baby's heart rate while the doctor positioned his hands at the head and the butt of the baby. As soon as he began moving the baby, I felt completely at peace. A reassurance came over me that everything was going to be fine. Slowly the baby rotated until she was at the most uncomfortable point in the turn. My doctor stopped and asked me if I was doing okay. Since I knew everything was going to be fine, I had returned to a feeling of excitement, and I happily informed my doctor that I was doing great.

Eight hours later, I gave birth to an 8 lb. 9 oz. baby girl with soft dark hair and delicate thigh rolls. As I held her and admired all 21 inches of her, I couldn't help but notice that she wasn't exactly small. I laid her on my tummy and reenacted the turning, and I was astonished that things had gone so smoothly, that I had felt very little pain, and that she was even capable of turning breech at 40 weeks in the first place.

 

I wondered, why would Heavenly Father, after so much dedication and prayer on my part, put me in such a situation?

At first I thought that I had not listened to the Spirit. Maybe I wasn't meant to be induced. Perhaps I had made the choice out of impatience or selfishness.

But my doctor explained to me that if I had come into the hospital in labor with a breech baby, I would have been given a c-section, so it was very good that I had asked to be induced.

However; if I had been induced on my due date, the day before, my baby would not have been breech. So why, then, did Heavenly Father direct me down a path that led to a breech baby?

When I was studying the Book of Mormon in the final weeks of my pregnancy, the use of the term miracles stood out to me, especially in the last half of the book. I could quote scripture after scripture for you, but instead I will paraphrase according to my simple understanding: God continues to grant miracles among His children. He has never stopped granting miracles, and He never will.

As I read of miracles over and over again, I found myself praying in my heart that I would experience a miracle of my own as I had my baby. I wanted to know that God was there, and I wanted to see His hand in my life.

On LDS.org , miracle is defined as "An extraordinary event caused by the power of God... Miracles are part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Faith is necessary in order for miracles to be manifested."

In order for an event to be a miracle, it has to be perceived, understood, and recognized through faith. After much contemplation, I came to know that I had been granted the miracle I desired.

Had I been induced on my due date, I would have been granted the blessing of not having a breech baby. The problem is, I never would have known that I was being spared from that experience. Instead, Heavenly Father gave me one more day. He allowed me to endure a breech baby so that I could see His hand in my life. He allowed me to feel fear and to question my decisions.

This story is not really about the baby being breech. It is about how following the Spirit will lead us to situations where Heavenly Father can teach us great things. Sometimes we have to experience uncomfortable things so we can perceive the miracles that God grants us.

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This post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon - Cast Your Eyes About

This guest post was written by my friend Cheyenne. Cheyenne and I met in elementary school. We had a million sleepovers and kissed a million pictures of Jonathan Taylor Thomas (life lesson learned: you can not wash lipstick off a wall poster). We were friends through high school and have stayed in touch as we've ventured into parenthood. Speaking of parenthood, Cheyenne is a mother to five little boys. A basketball team, in other words. Cheyenne graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelors in Marriage Family and Human Development. She and her husband Seth recently started a web site called Family Tough. Cheyenne has always amazed me - from her devotion to family to her love for the scriptures. She is an amazing person and someone I really look up to.

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The night before my second baby was born I was nervous, thrilled, excited and more than a little bit terrified. I had so many questions. How would I share my time? How could I adequately care for each of them and give them the love and attention they’d both need? What would it be like having two little boys only 18 months apart?

I said a quiet prayer and then opened my scriptures to look for guidance and direction as I tried to mentally prepare for this new adventure. I ended up turning to Alma chapter 33. The particular verses I had turned to were merely by accident. However as I began reading them I realized they were far from an accident, and actually Peace and assurance straight from Heaven.

In this chapter, Alma is teaching a group of people what it means to exercise faith. He shares with them the account of Moses and the brass serpent.

“...yea, and behold a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live. And many did look and live. But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe that it would heal them.”

 

Then Alma asks them this critical question:

“O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this question is so easy to answer. Would we have looked? Of course. Why not? If something so simple would help so much, why wouldn’t we?

Then Alma further challenges the people in verses 22-23.

 “... then cast about your eyes and begin to believe in the Son of God, that he will come to redeem his people, and that he shall suffer and die to atone for their sins; and that he shall rise again from the dead, which shall bring to pass the resurrection, that all men shall stand before him, to be judged at the last and judgment day, according to their works. And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son. And even all this can ye do if ye will. Amen."

I realized what the Spirit was trying to teach me.

“Plant this word in your hearts.” Study the scriptures. Feast and ponder them.

“...and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life.” Have Faith in what I read and it will begin to grow. I will be filled with the Spirit.

“And then.” These are my favorite two words in the entire verse, because they are so important. We’ve just been told to read and study the scriptures, and to have faith in what we read, and now we’re about to see the promise associated if we do those things.

“And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light.” God will make our burdens light. He will lift the load that we carry and help shoulder the weight we feel as mothers. How?

“through the joy of his Son” Through the Atonement of our Savior and His love for us, not only will our burdens be lifted, but we will feel joy.

“And even all this can ye do...” As mothers, the list of things we need to do is long. The list of things we feel we should do and accomplish is even longer. Cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, serving in our church and community, being a good wife, a good neighbor, a good friend. All of these worthwhile necessary responsibilities can be difficult to manage, and challenging to find the right balance. Yet with God’s help we can do them all if...

“if ye will.” If we will first do the other things. If we will study our scriptures deeply, and put our faith in the Son of God, we will have the help and capacity we need to be able to do all that is required of us, and to even do it well.

This work we do is so crucial. The dishes, the homework help, the laundry and the lullabies are all a part of building souls. With so much on our plate and so much expected of a mother, why would God leave us to accomplish this great work alone?

He wouldn’t.

He hasn’t.

This is probably the single most important lesson I have learned in my life about motherhood and the Book of Mormon. The simple yet profoundly important truth that I need the scriptures. In order to be the mother that I want to be, to be able to meet the challenges of the day I need to be drinking deeply from those living waters.

It is a lesson I needed to learn then, and it is a lesson I need even more today. I now have five children. Five young boys. This transition has been stretching, trying, work, yet it’s also been beautiful. I’ve been struggling recently with the new demands and the pressures of having so many young children, when I remembered this block of scripture and it has changed me again. As I’ve recommitted my study in the scriptures and cut out other distractions I have literally felt “my burdens become light through the Joy of His Son.” I don’t mean to call my children burdens, because they aren’t. I chose to have the family I have now, and I wouldn’t change any one of those decisions. Yet even blessings can feel heavy.

We all need courage and strength to do the things we do as mothers, whether we have one child, or 4 or 7. And we can find that strength and courage in the scriptures. Whether it’s how to get your baby to nap, or how to potty train a stubborn 3 year old, how to calm a nervous 6 year old as he transitions to first grade, how to help build the confidence of our teenagers, how to balance our time, or renew our spirit, there are answers to be found. If we are in the scriptures the Spirit can work on us, and we can get the answers and the help that we so desperately need.

The Lord is waiting to answer our prayers, to give guidance and direction in our everyday mothering. To lift, and bless, and calm. If we will only turn to Him. But it is up to us.

Just as the children of Israel had a choice, we must choose each day.

To believe Him,

to trust Him,

to Look.

“...begin to believe in the Son of God... .plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son. And even all this can ye do if ye will. Amen.”

~ Alma 33:23

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This guest post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Putting off the Natural Mom

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. 

Mosiah 3:19

When I read this scripture before I had Zoe, I couldn't help but think of the "natural man" in the form of a mother. LDS.org defines the "natural man" as, "a person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things."

I become the "natural mother":

• When I am short-tempered with my kids
• When I fail to listen to them when they are trying really hard to tell me something (or when I reject their point of view)
• When I skip Family Home Evening or family prayer because I am distracted or "not in the mood"
• When the look/cleanliness of my home becomes overly important
• When I feel competitive with other women
• When I feel like my ways are superior to the ways of others
• When I judge or criticize others
• When I am feeling rushed or in a hurry

(I could go on, but trust me, you don't have time to read the entire list).

Little did I know that I would have a nasty, long-term run-in with the natural mom as soon as I brought home a new baby. I don't know what happened, really, but being a mother of three has turned me into a basket case. I am constantly running around like a chicken with my head chopped off. I'm busy, I'm stressed, and I'm crazy. I can't start and complete a task, ever! The toast I made this morning is still sitting in the toaster, there are three large piles of garbage sitting by the back door waiting to go out, and the dishwasher is open and half-full (and that's not a metaphor for optimism) (need I mention that I'm going on two months of working on this very post?) It has been so easy, under these chaotic circumstances, to lose sight of spiritual things. I often get to the point where I might as well grab the Holy Ghost by the hand and personally escort him out of my home.

To overcome our natural tendencies, we need to be submissive, meek, humble, patient, and full of love, as King Benjamin taught. I don't feel like I have had very many of these attributes lately, but I think it is a great list of traits to strive for as a mom.

I took some time to ponder what these characteristics mean to me:

Submissive  

Obedient, willing to live the commandments and keep covenants, striving to be like the Savior

Meek 

Gentle, long-suffering, kind, compassionate

Humble  

Modest, teachable, willing to repent, willing to forgive, lacking pride

Patient  

Able to wait, steadfast despite opposition, bearing pains or trials without complaint

Full of love  

Consistent in showing great care, affectionate, devoted, unselfish, loyal

When I started this Book of Mormon project, I thought I was going to learn and grow by leaps and bounds. I thought my commitment to studying motherhood through the scriptures would guarantee my awesomeness as a mother of three, but you guys? I'm totally bombing. It makes me wonder how much worse I would be right now if I hadn't studied the Book of Mormon during my third trimester.

I have to get back on track. Consider this my pledge to put off the natural mother.

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This post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Defeating Laman and Lemuel

Today's guest post was written by my cousin-in-law, Cyndi. I asked Cyndi if she wanted to participate in this series because she is one of the best and most faithful moms I stalk on the internet know. Cyndi is a wife and mother of four. She spends her days handing out fruit snacks, browsing thrift stores, and stalking potential board game friends (can you see why we are friends?). You can read a whole lot more at her blog Love Joy Lane.

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One of my favorite “mother verses” in the Book of Mormon comes from 1 Nephi 17. Nephi and his family had previously left their home in Jerusalem and traveled through the wilderness for many years; in this chapter they had finally arrived at the seashore. Upon their arrival, Nephi, who is righteous, gives an account of their time in the wilderness.

In 1 Nephi 17:1-3 we read, "And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness. And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong… And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."

In the same chapter, Nephi’s brethren, Laman and Lemuel, who are infamous for their murmuring, also offer up an account of their time in the wilderness.

In 1 Nephi 17:20-21 we read, "We have wandered in the wilderness for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions. Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy."

I love these two differing accounts of the same circumstances because they can teach us some valuable lessons as moms.

The first lesson that I learned from these scriptures is that attitude determines our happiness more than actual circumstances determine our happiness. Both lived through identical circumstances but came away with two different experiences. Nephi’s attitude allowed him to praise God and see the blessings that came to them during their time in the wilderness. While his brethren cursed God and desired that they had never taken their journey.

The best way to have more positive parenting experiences is to change your attitude. If you wake up thinking that your lot is hard – that your kids are too loud, too messy, or too demanding – then you will probably end the day with a headache, a messy house, and in desperate need of some “me-time.” When you can change your mindset and see your children as the blessing that they truly are – then your murmuring will decrease. Your kids will still be loud, your house will still need to be cleaned, and your time will still needed to be sacrificed – but you won’t be swallowed up in negative thoughts and feelings toward these things. I think one of the most empowering things you can do as a parent is to just stop thinking how hard it is.

The second lesson that can be learned from these scriptures is that not all of your children are having the same experience. Just because you live under the same roof and eat the same thing for dinner does not mean that your kids are viewing their childhood in the same way. Children come as unique individuals because their spirits are eternal in nature. They come with specific character traits and have different strengths and weaknesses.

I have learned this lesson well as I watch my second child grow. My second daughter is the complete opposite of her older sister. She likes a calm, predictable day at home while her sister enjoys lots of activities and lots of time spent away from home. For the longest time, I did not understand why little sister did not enjoy story time or walking the mall or play dates. I worried about her unhappiness towards these activities and fretted that she wasn’t having a fun childhood. Then one day I realized that her “fun” differed from her sister’s “fun”. Fun for her was reading books with just mom or swinging in the backyard or taking a two-hour bath. Parenting should be an individualized task catered to each child. My parenting style doesn’t just have to change when I have my second child; it has to adjust each minute of each day as I interact with my various children in the various circumstances that life throws at us.

The final lesson from these verses comes in the closing sentence. Laman and Lemuel have just rattled off all their grievances towards their brother and their dad and end with this telling line, “Yea, and we might have been happy.” If we didn’t come out here in the wilderness, we might have been happy. If we didn’t have to watch our wives and sisters struggle through pregnancy, we might have been happy. If we could have just stayed home with all our nice stuff, we might have been happy.

But would they have been? I doubt it. They would have just found other things to murmur about: “It’s boring here in Jerusalem.” “We never get to do anything exciting.” Or “This wine is no good.”

I think we have all had experiences with what I like to call “chronic whiners.” They are those who can find the bad in any situation and have to shake it out for all to see. They are those who are constantly saying, “If I had this, or did this, or if they stopped doing that – then I would be happy.” They are those that you end up “hiding” on Facebook.

I think that moms can easily fall into this mentality and even though we may not be chronic whiners (yet), we spend too many hours of the day dreaming about how we might be happy. Maybe I will be happy when I don’t have to change diapers. Maybe I will happy when they all go to school. Maybe I will be happy when we make it through the teenage years unscathed. One of the best slogans I came across while I was struggling as a new mom was, “Don’t put off your happy life.” Every stage of life comes with challenges. Embrace the challenges – learn from them and grow from them.

And unlike Laman and Lemuel, try to be happy today.

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This guest post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Lessons from Lehi Part II

Last time I posted about the Book of Mormon, I wrote about one of the ways Lehi inspired me as a mother. I admire way Lehi openly shared his spiritual experiences with his family, but that's not all I had to learn from him. Another thing that impressed me about Lehi was the way he received chastening from his son, Nephi.

In 1 Nephi 16, Lehi's family grew weary from their travel in the wilderness (their situation kind of reminds me of that point in a family vacation when everyone is sick of each other, except there is no Disneyland to smooth things over. Oh! And there's no food!) Things were bad enough that Lehi, himself, was fed up and starting to murmur.

Somehow, through all of the anger, Lehi's son, Nephi, was able to remain focused. He took the initiative to make himself a bow and a sling shot, then he spoke firmly to his father, reminding Lehi that the Lord would tell them where to find food. Nephi's words and actions were what helped Lehi humble himself before God and resume the course.

I recall this story at times when I fail to practice what I preach. I can't count the number of times that Nicky has reminded me to pray, to have family home evening, or to watch my tongue. I have to admit, I don't necessarily like being chastened by a five-year-old, but I try to make sure to acknowledge when he is correct, and I thank him for reminding me to live the way I am trying to teach him to live.

A while ago I read a blog post written by a mother in which she addressed the inappropriate nature of allowing children to correct adults. The things she said in that post didn't sit well with me because I kept thinking about how many times I've needed correction, and the only person around to provide that correction is a child. I don't know what all of the boundaries are, but I think there is a difference between correcting an adult and disrespecting an adult. Nephi, of course, was an adult when he chastened his father, but regardless of his age, I admire the way his father handled it.

It is here in our families where our hearts can be softened and in humility we desire to change, to become more childlike. It is a process by which we can become more Christlike. Have some of life's experiences taken from you the believing heart and childlike faith you once had? If so, look around at the children in your life. And then look again...If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth.

~Jean A. Stevens

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This post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: Lessons from Lehi Part I

As I began reading the Book of Mormon near the end of my pregnancy, I found myself more caught up in the story of Lehi, Nephi, and their family than I've ever been. I've always known there is a lot to learn from their family, but in reading their story this time, I found myself more emotionally connected to their experiences. I even shed a few tears, something I'm usually far too hard-hearted to do. Because of some personal trials I've faced this year, I feel like I can sympathize (and maybe even empathize) a lot more with the emotions and struggles of Lehi's family (though, thankfully, I haven't been asked by God to leave my home and roam in the wilderness).

One thing that surprised me is how much there is to learn about mothering from Lehi. Sure, he never was a mother, but he worried over his children, he dealt with defiance and discontent, and he even spent a few moments murmuring (not that I would ever do that. Wink, wink!)

I noticed throughout Lehi's story that he always shared his personal, spiritual experiences with his children. As he prophesied, received revelation, and had dreams, he would gather his family together to talk to them about the things that he learned. 1 Nephi 1:16 mentions that Lehi "hath written many things which he saw in visions and in dreams; and he also hath written many things which he prophesied and spake unto his children..."

Because of this, Lehi's son, Nephi, desired to know for himself that the things his father taught were true. Through prayer and revelation, Nephi gained his own, personal witness of God the Father (1 Nephi 2:16).

Later in the Book of Mormon, Enos, like Nephi, gained a testimony of God through prayer. Enos was taught the nature of God and eternal life by his father, and those things "sunk deep into [his] heart" (Enos 1:4). When Enos poured his soul unto God, his faith "began to be unshaken in the Lord" (Enos 1:11).

This is a pattern that we can follow in our own families - a joint effort by fathers and mothers. In our most recent general conference, L. Tom Perry said:

I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. But it is wonderful to see husbands and wives who have worked out real partnerships where they blend together their influence and communicate effectively both about their children and to their children.

As women and mothers, we have the opportunity to experience many sacred things. While some of these experiences should be held private, it is often appropriate to share them with our spouses and children. Even though the scriptures don't mention it specifically, I am sure that Sariah, like Lehi, spoke to her children of sacred things. I think of when Sariah declared that she knew "of a surety" that the Lord had commanded her husband to take her and her children out of Jerusalem and into the wilderness and that He had protected her sons and provided a way for them to follow the commandments (1 Nephi 5:8). Certainly there were many other things Sariah knew of a surety and taught her children.

Right now my kids are quite young, but there are some small, tender experiences that I can share with them to help them see God's hand in our lives. I can tell them about answers I receive to prayers or about the times I am comforted by the Holy Ghost. As I point out these occurrences in my life, it will help my children to identify similar experiences of their own. Hopefully they, like Nephi or Enos, will eventually have the desire to seek after their own witness.

...Parents can share their testimonies often with their children, commit them to keep the commandments of God, and promise the blessings that our Heavenly Father promises to His faithful children.

-L. Tom Perry

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This post is part of my series, "Mothering and the Book of Mormon." To learn more about why I am writing this series, please read this. To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, check out Mormon.org or LDS.org.

Did you know you can request a Book of Mormon for free? No joke! See here.

I'll even send you one if you want. Marginalia included.

You can e-mail me: 

{fluentbrittish [at] gmail [dot] com}

I won't even try to baptize you!

Mothering and the Book of Mormon: What Motherhood Means to Me

Each time Heavenly Father entrusts me with another child, I feel an overwhelming desire to live up to the responsibility that I've been given. Approaching the birth of Zoe, my third baby, I felt a pressing need to step it up as a mother. President Gordon B. Hinckley, speaking specifically to mothers, said:

You have given birth and nurtured children. You have entered into a partnership with our Father in Heaven to give mortal experience to His sons and daughters. They are His children and they are your children, flesh of your flesh, for whom He will hold you responsible... You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old... and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. 

President Hinckley's words ring true in my heart. I want to do the best I can for the special spirits that He has placed in my care.

In the Doctrine and Covenants, we are taught that, "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection." (D&C 130:18) Sister Julie B. Beck expounded on this scripture and taught that "the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here" are included in those principles of intelligence.

For me, raising children is not a casual duty. Though I am consistently imperfect at it, I take motherhood and parenting very seriously - it is the most important thing I have ever done. I don't have all of the right answers, but I am always learning and growing. In fact, I can't think of anything that has the potential to bring me closer to the Savior than fulfilling my role as a mother. Since the knowledge I gain through this experience will be with me eternally, I want to soak in as much as I can.

When I reached my 30th week of pregnancy, I took some time to write out some goals and dreams that I have as a mother. Some of my goals are character-based - habits, attributes, and behaviors that I want to have. Others are priority-based - things I want to invest more time and effort into. I also took some time to think about some of the challenges that my family was facing and how they would affect us as we brought a new baby into our lives. I had a lot of concerns, and I felt like I really needed an anchor. As I prayed about my goals and my worries, I felt prompted to turn to the Book of Mormon. At the time, I had been trying really hard to read the New Testament, and I felt like I couldn't stop my study and change courses, but the prompting kept coming back to me. I ended up marking my spot in the New Testament and setting it aside to read the Book of Mormon. As I did so, I decided to look specifically for lessons that pertain to motherhood. Nephi taught that we should liken the scriptures unto us for our profit and learning (1 Nephi 19:23). I thought this would be a good way to "liken" the scriptures and apply them in a way that I needed.

As I studied the Book of Mormon, I wrote a few blog posts about some of the things I learned (mostly for selfish purposes, because I know I will need to look back and re-learn these things over and over again). I'll be posting them throughout the next several weeks with plenty of Zoe, funny stories, and whining in between.