The Dream Crushing Continues

In preparation for this post, I went back and read two old posts - this one about Zoe and her big dreams, and this one about Zoe... and her big dreams. The post I'm writing now? It's about Zoe and her big dreams. As I went back and revisited those posts from 2-3 years ago, all I could do was sit here laugh-crying because nothing has changed! She's still going at it, and she's still chasing after some of the same dreams she was caught up in back then. She is still writing books, trying to start businesses, inventing things, and trying to get our entire community to be in a nativity stage production (written and directed by her, of course). She still asks me to find her a publisher for her book (which still has no punctuation), wants to teach dance classes, and asks me to find someone she can collaborate with on the release of her single because (as she explains) she's really good at writing lyrics, but she doesn't really know how to create the music part. Recently she asked me if I could hire her a manager. I lied. I told her I put her on a waiting list for a manager, and she's number 300. 

The other day I picked her up from school, and she spent the entire ride home telling me all of her plans to start a pest control company. She named the business and all of her products. Apparently she spent the day at school researching how to repel mice and bugs and she was going to need a whole lot of lavender and rosemary. Now everywhere I step foot on our property, there's a sprig of lavender or rosemary underfoot. Our garage is loaded with it, and every exterior door has a pile of herbs on its stoop. There are also spray bottles of brown-ish herb water all over the house, and the backyard has dishes of chopped up leaves laying all around the grass. 

No pests shall pass this threshold

Today she has been fully focused on her nativity production. She has asked me if I will please reserve the church for her and let her perform her nativity. She wants to hold auditions and make it free for all to attend. I just want to say, "OH MY GOSH, NO! WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!" But am I supposed to let her try? Am I supposed to help her do it? Am I supposed to make her dreams come true?

She said to me, "Mom, please let me do this! It might jump start my career."

No. It won't. It will be a big, fat pain in the arse. 

A while ago she became obsessed with getting an electric guitar. She begged and begged for one. But the girl already has two acoustic guitars, and do you know what? 

SHE DOESN'T EVEN PLAY THE GUITAR!

But she thinks she does. 

She has no comprehension of the fact that there are things she doesn't know how to do. She thinks she is a prodigy at everything. She truly believes she knows how to play the guitar. Being the mean mom that I am, I said, "Go get one of your guitars right now. I'm going to show you a sheet of guitar music, and if you can play the song, I will buy you an electric guitar."

She brought in the guitar. I showed her the music. She couldn't play it. That was a few months ago. Guess who just used her birthday money to buy herself an electric guitar that she still can't play?

Full disclosure... I have no idea how to handle this part of parenting. I feel like my main role as a mother is to crush dreams. You know those people who grow up, and they're like, "They said I couldn't do it! They said I'd never make it! They didn't believe in me!"

It's me. I'm "they." It's going to be my child telling that tale someday. 

The worst part? I remember what Child Britt was like. 

I think Zoe got this from me. 

Today’s Dreams

Earlier this year I wrote about how my daughter Zoe is a big dreamer. She is always full of big, impossible ideas, and I honestly don’t know how to handle it. At some point, I need her to have a reality check. I love that she believes in herself and explores all sorts of possibilities, but I need her to develop some logic, and I need her to understand that dreams take work… and skills… and sometimes education. It’s so hard to have to constantly crush her dreams. She thinks she’s the best at everything - the best singer, the best actor, the fastest runner, the most talented artist, and more. And if anyone outshines her in any way (which happens all the time because, let me be honest, she is quite mediocre like the rest of her family) she gets extremely jealous and angry. She can’t understand why she isn’t chosen for everything and why she isn’t always proclaimed the winner of all, and she goes into a rage over it.

It’s exhausting and a little scary.

We are only a few short hours into winter break, and I’m already overwhelmed with her big ideas.

Zoe the other day with the quilt she insisted on making for her future child

This morning on the way to school she informed me that she wanted to start an acapella group, and she asked me if I could help her advertise for and hold auditions. Then she outlined everything she was looking for in the group and listed all the venues and events they would perform at.

After school she asked me if I could find a publisher for her book. 

Then she told me about her new invention that she wants to create to keep cats out of our back yard. Zoe has an issue with cats because, when she was little, she kept telling us that there was an evil cat in her grandma’s garage. We constantly reassured her that there was no cat in grandma’s garage. After a few weeks of her going on and on about the evil cat, Scotty found a starving, feral cat living in his mom’s garage. Zoe has had trust issues and a fear of cats ever since. She gets really upset whenever she sees a cat in our backyard, and she can never just let it be. She used to scream until one of us would go outside and scare the cat away. Now she has developed some independence, and after she screams, she opens the window and barks until the cat runs away. It doesn’t matter the hour of the day, so my apologies to my backyard neighbors who have to hear my daughter barking out the window at 6:00 a.m. Then again, it is their cat, so maybe they have it coming. 

Oh, but the dream… Zoe wants to build some sort of extension to our fence to keep cats from coming in our backyard. She insists she needs velcro and basswood. How does this child know what basswood is? This afternoon she wouldn’t stop talking about it, and she wanted us to drop everything and go shopping for basswood. 

(That’s the other thing, she thinks she has unlimited funding for all her big ideas). 

Then in the evening, she started making things (I don’t even know what she made - I just know there was a lot of paper involved) that she wants to take around the neighborhood and deliver to people. She has a messenger bag that she has designated specifically for this task, and she has put together a disguise to wear. She’s drawing a map of everywhere she needs to deliver. 

And those are just today’s things. Other dreams of late - she wants to get a dirt bike, she has designed costumes for her dance class, she wants to pitch a new school club to the principal (she, of course, will be president of said club), she rewrote the nativity story with her own dialogue and gave us all parts and made us rehearse it, she wants a violin, and she wants to get a job at a ski resort. 

I think we’re in for a long winter break with crushed dreams aplenty.

Joyful Noise

It's fall break (no school Thursday-Monday), and I'm sitting across the table from Zoe while she plays Roblox on Nicky's laptop and sings loudly about America. One thing about Zoe - she makes noise with every emotion. If she's happy, she's loud. If she's sad, she's loud.

I can deal with the loud right now because she's happy. She has had quite the emotional few days. 

Zoe has a strange attachment to our household items. A few years ago we got a new couch in our living room, and Zoe went ballistic over us getting rid of our old one. She laid on the cushions and cried for hours, begging us to keep it. She kept saying, "But it's a part of our family!" I thought this was a one-time, attention-seeking episode, but then she did the same thing when we got a new dishwasher. All of a sudden, our old, piece of crap dishwasher had a name and was the most important thing our family had ever owned. I had to hold her back while Scotty dragged the old dishwasher out of the house. 

Well, the time has come for us to buy a new vehicle. Our van is on the fritz and has been for a while. Our truck is also on the fritz, but one thing at a time. We did a few thousand dollars of repairs on the van a few years ago in hopes that we could get it to last another 2-3 years, and luckily, it did. But now we either need to throw a few thousand dollars more into it or replace it, and after thinking about it and looking at a few options, we are going to buy a new (to us) one. 

We bought our current van in 2016. It has lived a good life. It has taken us to California nine times, Saint George five times, and various other destinations like Phoenix, New Mexico, Idaho, and a slew of National and State Parks. It's had a good run, and we've beat the crap out of it. The DVD player is broken, the seams of the seats have come apart and it's shedding bits of foam all over the interior, pieces have fallen off the inside and the outside, the carpet is worn down to the netting, and - let's be honest - it's absolutely disgusting after everything my kids have put it through. It has melted candy in the cup holders, crayon vandalism that no one will own up to, permanent sand in every crevice, and it smells pretty bad, too (shortly after we bought the van, a gallon of milk leaked in the trunk, and we had to pull out the carpet multiple times trying to get it clean, and it's never been the same). 

None of that stuff really matters to me, though. As long as the van is drivable and the fast food window works, I'm happy to keep driving it. But it's been leaking oil off and on for a few years now (we've had some things fixed, but the mechanic said it would likely start leaking again over time, and he was right), it has a strange vibration when we accelerate, and it makes a popping sound in the axels whenever we turn or reverse or make any quick movements. We've done repairs here and there, but it's to the point where we've done all of the affordable fixes and the more expensive ones aren't guaranteed to resolve the issues. 

(Here is when I change tense because it took me so long to write this post that what was present tense when I started is now past tense, and I just have to throw this little aside in here for my own peace of mind).

We found the van we wanted to buy, and when Zoe heard that we were planning on getting a new one, she went nuts (we weren’t going to tell her, but we forgot to let my mom know, and she mentioned it to Zoe without knowing what was going to happen). We got in contact with the seller, and over a few days as we tried to work out a time to go test drive and purchase the van, Zoe was an emotional wreck.

The night she found out about the van, she cried (loudly) for a couple of hours. When we put her to bed, she wailed from her room until she fell asleep. The next morning, she started crying as soon as she woke up. Then she cried on the way to school and refused to get out of the van until I promised her that we wouldn’t get rid of it while she was at school. 

After school, she did this for a while:

This whole deal started Tuesday night and continued through Friday. The odds were good that we would be making the final purchase Friday evening. Knowing this, Zoe requested to have some time alone with “Muffin,” which is what she suddenly started referring to our van as, based on the Bluey character. 

Zoe went out into the garage, instructing us to not come out no matter what we heard. She took the Echo out there and played music by AJR (which she claims is “sad” music), and she wailed for a while (and occasionally checked to make sure the garage door wasn’t completely closed so we could hear her). She told us she was doing a “goodbye ritual.” She also made me provide her with a lantern. 

It was intense.

We did end up getting the new van that night, and as we left the dealership - having traded in “Muffin” - we had to pry Zoe off.

None of the child development, parenting, or psychology classes I took for my degree prepared me for whatever this is.

As we left the dealership, pulling Zoe away from the old van, we tried the Marie Kondo approach and told Zoe to thank the van for serving its purpose and release it. 

As we drove home in the new van, she started feeling better and turned her energy toward fighting with Eva. There was a lot less crying but a lot more yelling. It made the new van instantly feel like “ours.” Ah, the sound of sibling rivalry echoing from the walls of a vehicle driving 65 down Mountain View.

So I’m okay with Zoe’s current noises of happiness because it sure beats the weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth she’s been dishing out for the past several day.

Dashing Through the Mud

Many years ago, I dabbled in a hobby I never thought I’d get involved in… running. 

I don’t run anymore, and I’m okay with that. To be honest, running wasn’t good for me physically or mentally. For one thing, I was always injured. There was frequently something wrong with my knees or my back, and I had plantar fasciitis for over two years. I also compared myself to others all the time. I was too involved with people who were faster than me and could run a lot farther. I found a running community, but I couldn’t keep up with them. Being the worst runner in the group really sucks. Instead of enjoying my own experiences, I constantly beat myself up. I also had horrible issues with body image that I never should have had!

I went through a phase where I did a lot of events. Then I put running on pause about halfway through my pregnancy with Eva (she was born in April of 2015). I ran a little bit after I had her, and the last event I did was a half-marathon in 2016. Shortly after that, I hurt my back and haven’t ran since. 

Several months ago, Zoe started begging me to sign her up for a mud run. She also begged me to get her a treadmill so she could train. I didn’t get her the treadmill, but I did sign her up for the Muddy Dash on July 1st. 

So on Saturday, we headed an hour away to Soldier Hollow (the location of many other muddy events I’ve participated in), and Zoe, Nicky, Scotty, and I did the Muddy Dash. After all these years, I was surprised to find that people still do mud runs. I thought they’d kind of died out.

The event itself… was kind of a mess. There weren’t enough parking spaces, bathrooms, washing stations, or check-in lines. We had an early start time, got there almost a hour before our wave, and still had to start a half a hour late because the lines were so long. And they only got worse as time went on. When we left, cars were lined up for miles trying to get to the venue. People ended up parking miles away and walking. Their shirts were ugly and way too small (Zoe couldn’t wear hers - it looked like it was for a toddler -so we gave her Nicky’s and gave Scotty’s to Nicky). I wasn’t impressed with the Muddy Dash at all. 

But Zoe loved it and had the time of her life. 

When I signed up for the run, I asked all my kids who wanted to do it, and as predicted, just Nicky and Zoe wanted to. Nicky was really cute with Zoe through the whole thing. He took the most messy approach to everything, as he should! Hopefully sometime he can do a mud run with friends and really live it up.

One thing I did enjoy is that they had bubbles at the finish line. Nicky and Zoe had a ton of fun running through them. The bubbles didn’t help at all with the mud situation, but they were still a bit of a treat! They were piled up so high that Nicky crouched down and completely vanished, and Zoe was able to stand under the bubble dispenser and get completely covered, to her utter delight! I’ve never done a bubble run. 

After a really long break from running events, I can say with confidence that they are not my thing anymore. I will do them for my kids, but that’s about it, and I probably won’t ever do anything I need to “train” for. I got rid of all my medals in 2019, and I have never regretted it. They were fun to have while I was actively running, but it got to the point where they were just taking up space, so I KonMaried them out of my life. 

As far as mud goes… I can handle a little mess. But life is a lot easier when you don’t have dirty water in all your nooks and crannies. We didn’t even attempt to clean up at the venue because they only had two hoses (TWO!!) for washing, and there were thousands and thousands of people! (Other mud runs I’ve done have had more like 20 washing stations, and that wasn’t enough either. I waited in line for a hose after my first mud run and have never done it since because the lines are just too long). I can drive home, shower, and watch half a movie in that time. 

That is all to say that we came home very muddy. We tried to bring a portable shower, but when we went to fill the water, we found it was broken. At home, we took all our muddy gear outside and gave it a good spray with the jet attachment on the hose. We all took showers and scrubbed all the bits, but we still keep finding little remnants of dirt. We’re going to be dirt stained for a while, which gives us the opportunity to spend the next week playing “Dirt line or tan line?”

I can’t say I won’t ever do another mud run (after all, Zoe might be hooked), but if I don’t, I won’t be sad about it. 

Just in case I get dragged to another one, here are a few reminders for myself (some of these things we did this time, some we didn’t):

Wear sunscreen

Everything will take a lot longer than you think

Sign up for the earliest wave possible - nothing after 9:00 am

Wear a tank top

Stop at a bathroom before you get to the venue

Consider loading some 5 gallon jugs of water in the car (or a working portable shower)

Have cold drinking water ready in the vehicle

Maybe just be a spectator 

An Old Dog Trying Old Tricks

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #11:

Try It

Zoe has been in a tumbling class in conjunction with her cheerleading for the past few months. I never did tumbling, but it was always my dream to be able to do back walkovers and back handsprings. I never had much flexibility in my back, though, so I never got to the point where I could do a very good walkover, and I was always too scared to do a back handspring on my own. I could do them with a spotter, but I couldn't get over the mental blocks to try them without support. My high school gym teacher was a gymnastics coach, and he worked with me for a while on back handsprings, and then he said, "You're on your own now. You can do it, you just won't!" and he was right. I never did it. 

When I was a dancer, I really wanted to be able to do a scorpion. 

With zero back flexibility, I had to work so hard. I would use a towel and wrap it around my ankle and pull my leg up. Then I would inch my hands as close as I could to my foot and hold the pose as long as I could. I did this everyday for weeks until I got to the point where I could hold my foot without a towel. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me, but I was so proud of myself for being able to do it! Then I saw a photo of myself doing a scorpion, and I was so disappointed. I looked horrible! My back had no arch. It was like I'd gotten stuck in some weird pose as a result of an accident. There was nothing graceful about it. 

My poor daughters have been cursed with my lack of flexibility (their dad's genes don't help much, either). Each of them has been in dance since age three, but after all these years, they are still like 2x4's. Other girls slide into splits or fall into back bends like it's nothing. Not the Brittish girls. We can't even touch our toes. We make dance look painful.

With Zoe being in tumbling, Daisy has gotten a little jealous, and they've become a bit competitive. I try to keep it in check, but sibling rivalry can be hard to curb. They've both been racing to be able to do a back kick-over (back walkovers would be ideal, but kick-overs come first). They started from doing bridges from the ground, but now both of them can do a back bend. I'm super proud of them for being able to do this. They both worked so hard to get there. Now they are both on the brink of kicking over, but Zoe has the advantage of being in a tumbling class.  Zoe has been practicing her kick-overs on a wedged mat for the past couple of weeks. Last night, she did it on the floor for the first time. I wish I could have caught a picture of her face after she kicked over. She was so shocked and proud of herself. It was the cutest thing. 

Watching her try over and over again, I realized I was shifting my body as if my movements could force her over. It was kind of like playing old school Nintendo and moving the controller around like it would help your game. Then I started thinking about my own tumbling abilities. I remember attempting a cartwheel a few years ago and being completely shocked that my body couldn't do it. In my mind, sure! I can cartwheel all day! But in real life, I can't do it anymore. My girls always ask me to play hands up, stands up with them, and I don't even dare. I'll surely break my neck. 

But today, in the privacy of my own home, I decided to see if I can still do a bridge. I know a backbend ain't happening... like, ever again, but surely I could do a really bad bridge from the ground. 

So I tried it. 

In my bedroom.

With no eyes to see.  

That wasn't good for my self-esteem, I'll tell you what. I just sorta laid there with my butt up and my weight on my shoulders while trying to figure out how to even get my hands where they were supposed to be. 

Since I was already suffering private humiliation, I decided I might as well try the splits, too. I don't know how long it's been since I did the splits, but, of course, in my head, I can do them. 

You guys! I'm not as far as I would have thought. I am pretty close on my left splits, and I bet if I started stretching, I could do them in a week. At age 37, I'm not sure where that gets you in life, as there are a lot of other skills that are more pertinent at this point in adulthood, but heck! Maybe it's good to have a party trick. If nothing else, maybe I can embarrass my kids. "You stop that right now, or I'm gonna bust out the splits!" 

They'll be all, "No, Mom! No!"

And I'll be all, "I'm going! This is happening!"

And BAM! 

(I'm gonna try it!)

My Little Groundhog

We've been having a heck of a time with Zoe lately. This girl... she is such a joy, but off and on, we have some real struggles. This past weekend was a rough one for ZoZo. 

Luckily, she brings us as much delight as she does drama. 

Lately Zoe has been obsessed with her calendar. She won it at BINGO during General Conference, and she waited so patiently for 2021 so she could start using it. I hung it on her wall (with a straight pin) and she has been marking off the days since the new year. 

Zoe wants to know about every holiday ("Mom! What's Ash Wednesday?") so when she saw Groundhog Day on the calendar, she started asking a lot of questions. I was surprised she didn't know what it was already, as I'm sure they've talked about it at school, but maybe she'd forgotten. COVID brain and whatnot.

Scotty told her about Punxsutawney Phil the night before Groundhog Day, and Zoe was so excited she could hardly sleep. On Groundhog Day, she woke up early with the brilliant idea that she needed to dress up like a groundhog for school (back in December, she did the same thing when she wanted to be a Christmas tree). I tried to explain to her that Groundhog Day isn't a "dress-up" holiday, but she was so full of big ideas, there was no talking her out of it. 

I ended up printing her a Groundhog Day hat to color, and then I hot glued a nose and some teeth onto a disposable mask (what every mom wants to do at 7:30 in the morning).

Thank heaven it was to her satisfaction, because she never would have relented if I hadn't made her dream come true. She insisted that I make her an extra mask in case the first one broke, so I obliged and sent her off to school with buck teeth and a spare. 

This is one case where masks came in very handy... they allowed an easy solution to my daughter's need to be a groundhog for a day. And that is a small glimpse of life with Zoe.

Zoe's Baptism

Zoe was baptized on Saturday. 

I never imagined that our children's baptisms could be affected by a pandemic, but here we are! Because of the COVID restrictions, we could only have our immediate family and our Bishop there. Everyone else participated via Zoom. It was definitely different than Nicky and Daisy's baptisms, but the differences didn't take away from Zoe's special day.

When Daisy was baptized, I decided to invest in a baptism dress. I always imagined I'd get baptized in a dress, myself, so when I got to the church and had to put on the zip-up jumpsuit for my own baptism, I was sorely disappointed. I figured with three daughters, it would be fun for them to all be baptized in the same dress, so that made it worth it to buy our own. 

Zoe's was the first baptism for the day, which is always nice because that's when the water is warmest. When it was time for her to be baptized, I took her through the dressing room to enter the font. I had Eva with me as well, and as Zoe stepped into the water, I was trying to position Eva on the stairs with me so we could watch the baptism. I was distracted by Eva, so I didn't find out until later that Zoe refused to get into the font because there was a dead fly in the water. 

I had wondered if Zoe would actually get baptized or if something would prevent her from doing so. Between COVID and Zoe's personality, in general, I wouldn't have been one bit surprised if we'd had to postpone. So if a fly in the water had been the culprit, I would have just shrugged and said, "Figures." 

Fortunately, Zoe was okay with the font as soon as Scotty scooped out the fly. The ordinance went forward, and when Zoe came out of the font, and I wrapped her in her towel, she had the sweetest smile on her face. 

I helped her change out of her wet baptism dress and into her dry baptism dress. I planned on having all of my girls wear the dress that I made out of my wedding dress, but it was way too big for Zoe, and I wasn't up for the challenge of taking it in, so I bought her her own dress. 

After the baptismal ordinance, Zoe was confirmed by Scotty. He gave her a wonderful blessing. 

At the close of the event, Zoe got to say hello to everyone on Zoom. Then we went out to lunch - just our family. 

Later that day, Zoe told me she wanted to get baptized again. I'll take that as a sign that she had a good day and is happy with her decision to be baptized. 

Reset Complete

Hello again! I'm back from my three week reset, and what a reset it was! I'm not sure the right things reset. Eight days after Zoe had her tonsils and adenoids out, she hemorrhaged, and we had to take her to the ER.

This is a risk of tonsillectomies, so we knew it was a possibility, but we definitely didn't expect it. At the time, I was away from home picking up some tetracaine lollipops from a compounding pharmacy across town. Scotty called and said Zoe had started bleeding, so we both headed toward the hospital to meet up.

I figured everything would check out just fine, and she'd be monitored for a little while and then sent home. For the first couple of hours it seemed that would be the case. She had a large blood clot come out, and after that the bleeding slowed a lot. But then she started bleeding again and coughing up several blood clots, so she ended up having to go in for surgery.

Everything went well, and she received great care, but it was a big setback in her recovery and tacked on another several days of school missed.

Zoe right after surgery - she did not want to wake up,

and I don't blame her one bit! 

I was surprised when I realized that was our first visit to the ER in 2019. Last year we had 7 ER visits. We've made great progress!

While we were at the hospital I had several thoughts:

Thought #1: It's really hard to read in the ER. It seems like it would be a great way to pass the time, especially when you're going on your 7th & 8th hours, but it's so hard to focus. After multiple attempts to read in the ER across many different visits, I've finally concluded that reading is not the ideal hospital activity.

Thought #2: I personally believe that everyone in the ER should have to wear a big sign that says why they are there. HIPPA be darned! I want to know everyone's business, and I will do my finest eavesdropping to learn anything I can about anyone there!

Thought #3: While we were in the waiting room, we were seated facing the entrance, which meant we were the first thing people saw when they walked in. Zoe was covered in blood and holding a purple towel that was covered in blood. Scotty was holding a barf bag full of blood that Zoe would occasionally spit into. I wondered if people found this alarming, or if they just thought, "Eh. It's the ER. This is to be expected."

Thought #4: You know when there's something gross that kind of blows your mind, and you want to show it to other people, but you know you probably shouldn't? That is not the case in the ER. Everyone wants to see your gross stuff, and it's such a thrill! We had to carry around Zoe's blood clots and show them to multiple people - people who actually wanted to see them. It's actually pretty fun and exciting! The staff are like, "Oooo! You have a blood clot? Let's see!" and we're like, "CHECK THIS OUT!" and it's all very satisfying.

Thought #5: Since the medical field doesn't appeal to me at all, I've always wondered how a doctor chooses her specialty. There is no type of doctor I want to be, so I don't know what it's like for someone to be drawn to a particular field of medicine. I have an uncle who is a gastroenterologist. Somehow he decided that he really likes colons. How does a person become drawn to colons? Or brains? Or ears? I sometimes imagine myself in medical school finding my calling. What's that like to discover that you love working with kidneys? Or that you love doing surgery? Or delivering babies? Or treating cancer? What's it like to discover that this - this part of the body, this type of procedure, or this style of practice - is your "thing?"

Thought #6: I hate using the bathrooms at hospitals. I can handle it if the restroom is in my room, but usually when we are in a hospital, we aren't admitted, so we don't have a private bathroom. I don't trust the doors to lock correctly. Many hospital restrooms have two doors, and they are locked by a single button. What if the button doesn't work? How am I supposed to trust a button on the wall to lock two doors? I just can't. And it doesn't help that I once walked in on someone being assisted in the bathroom by the hospital staff in the ER, and I thought why was the door unlocked?

The other reason I hate using the bathroom at the hospital (or any medical facility, really) is that you wait forever for the staff, and I don't want to leave the room and have them come while I'm gone. They say something like, "I'll be back with a dose of acetaminophen for you!" and then you don't see them for two hours. No joke. I can't risk being in the restroom when they show up!

Thought #7: Having surgery in the middle of the night is pretty awesome. The whole operating floor was empty, and the only people there were there for just us. It was the gold star treatment! It might have been a little inconvenient for the people who were on-call, but for us it was amazing. Our ENT came in to do the surgery, which was really great. I didn't expect to have our actual doctor, but it's always really nice to be treated by the one who knows us.

The waiting room on the operating floor at 1:00 a.m.

Zoe's healing has been slow, but she is doing much better. It really is a shockingly long recovery. She missed three weeks of school, and in that time, I completely forgot how to manage our day to day routine. We're still being very careful about what she eats, and she still complains daily that her throat hurts, but she's back in school, and she smiles and plays now! I missed my little firecracker!

As far as three-week blogging breaks go... bad idea. Blogging is one of my outlets, and since I wasn't blogging, I had to turn to online shopping instead. My three-week break ended up costing me thousands of dollars.

Am I exaggerating? Hmmm... maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I'll let my credit card company be the judge of that!

(Not that they have any complaints).

Three-Week Reset

Oh, hello!

Things have been a little rough around here for the past few days. Zoe is not a happy girl.

I had some serious cabin fever toward the end of the week. Zoe and I were both miserable from being cooped up in the house, so we ventured out for a bit. We went and visited her class at school (I had to teach two Junior Achievement lessons), and we went to Chick-Fil-A where she had ice cream and Sprite. She chose the destination, and then when we got there, she had a mega meltdown because she couldn't have chicken nuggets and fries.

I get it, girl. Food is everything.

She's been complaining of pain a lot more, and she's been very whiney and disagreeable. I understand. I do. I'm incredibly cranky when I'm in pain, too, and I take it out on everyone else. But I'm having a really hard time remaining patient and compassionate. Have I ever told you that I'm not a patient person?

Like, not at all.

And let's talk briefly about that tonsil breath. Whoa, Nelly! That's some nasty stuff.

We're almost half-way through recovery. Almost on the downhill side. We can do this.

(We can do this, right?)

One more week.

Some friends have asked if I think it will really take that long for Zoe to feel better. Based on how things are right now... yes, I do think it will take that long. She's really uncomfortable right now. She cries off and on throughout the day and says her ears hurt - that's the best way she can explain her pain. She thinks it's in her ears. She holds her head between her hands and curls up in a ball on the couch and cries. A small amount of it is for dramatic effect, but I know she's really in pain.

She does get up and play every now and then when she's feeling better, but for the most part, she's laying down in misery. Poor girl. The thing that gets me through is knowing that this will go away eventually. My heart goes out to mothers who have children who are in pain but do not know if and when that pain will go away. Bless those moms and those sweet children!

Anyway, I just wanted to throw out an update for those who are interested.

In other news, I've been struggling with various personal things lately, and I've decided to do a three week reset. Why three weeks? That's a time frame that works well with my calendar. In that time, I'm going to:

• Put spending on hold. I always fail at this, so I don't know why I'm even bothering. But the goal is to continue working my way through my freezer and pantry and only spend $20 per week on groceries (for fresh produce and milk, mostly). I've already mapped out a three-week meal plan. 
• Only make Black Friday purchases if they are on my list. I have a spreadsheet of what I would like to buy for Christmas, and my goal is to not stray from that list. 
• Stay on track with a goal I set to read the New Testament before the end of the year. This, too, involves a spreadsheet where I've tracked where I need to be at the end of each week. The spreadsheets on my phone pretty much dictate my life. 
• Finish a Book of Mormon project that I've been working on. 
• Refrain from social media use. 
• And the hardest of all... I will be stepping away from blogging. It could cause my untimely death - going three weeks without blogging - but I need to do it. Mostly because facebook is my main source of blog traffic, and a cease-blog will help me stay away from facebook with more diligence. 

Stay safe. Stay warm. I'll see you sometime around December 8!

Recovery Week

We've had a lot of big events lately. We had Zoe's birthday, family photos, the primary program, and a tonsillectomy all within a matter of days. Now we're in recovery... from all of it.

Zoe's surgery was on Monday. I was really nervous for it. Her tonsils have always been huge, so I've planned on having them removed since she was an infant, it was just a matter of when. Daisy had hers out when she was three, and it was a really rough recovery. I dreaded putting Zoe through the same thing. We decided to wait until Zoe was a little older. Our ENT said it wouldn't hurt to wait, and he prefers to wait when possible.

Over the summer, while Scotty was traveling, Zoe kept sneaking into my bed after I fell asleep. She would end up waking me up repeatedly with her boisterous snoring, and I knew it was time to finally get the tonsils taken care of. I made her an appointment with the ENT. The next week, I took her to the pediatrician to address some asthma-related issues. In the past, when I'd asked the pediatrician what she thought of Zoe's tonsils, she'd say, "They're generous." But she didn't push for me to have them removed. This time, without me even asking about the tonsils, she said, "Her tonsils are touching. You should really get her into the ENT." This reassured me that I was making the right move, and I was pleased to tell the doctor that I already had Zoe's appointment with the ENT lined up (oh the rare and beautiful feeling of being one step ahead!)

As I said, I was really nervous for Zoe to have surgery. I am scarred from what we went through with Daisy, so I was planning on something far worse. The procedure itself went really well. The doctor told us that the tonsils were a lot bigger than they appeared. He removed her adenoids which were very large as well. This was great to hear because it validated our choice to do the surgery.

Zoe has been doing pretty well. She doesn't want to talk much. She's kind of mopey, but her complaints of pain have been minimal thus far. She's had some diva moments, but overall, things have been manageable. We're only two days post-op, so there's still a long road ahead, but we're much better off than we were at this point with Daisy's surgery.

Since this week is different than our normal routine, I'm having a hard time knowing what I should be doing. I'm trying to keep things calm at home and just lay low, but I'm "mom bored." This is the term I use when I don't know what to do with my time, and my choices are limited by my children's needs. There's plenty to do, I just don't feel like I can start any tasks because I don't know if I'll be able to finish anything. I'm kind of mopey, myself. 

Brought to You by Cold Weather, Crayons, and My Dead Cat

For the past two weeks, I've woken up between 3:00-5:00 in the morning nearly every day. Not by choice, of course. Normally on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I get up at 5:15 to go walking with a couple of friends. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I "sleep in" until 6:15 (in theory - I often still wake up at "walking time"), and then I get up with Nicky for when he gets ready for school. I don't have to get up with Nicky since he's pretty independent and responsible about getting out of bed and getting ready, but I feel like I should be up and available during that time. But lately, I wake up between 3:00-5:00, and I can't go back to sleep. I roll over, look at the clock, and think, "Nooooooo!" and then I try to convince my brain to not activate. I need it to shut right back down, and if it does, it only takes about thirty seconds for my four-year-old to sense it and come wandering into my room. So I act like I'm asleep as I try to maintain my brain shut-down, and I think, "Please choose Dad! Please choose Dad! Dad can go back to sleep! I can't!" but she only chooses Dad 10% of the time.

This morning, being a Wednesday, I normally would have woken up at 5:15 to go walking, but today is a horribly bizarre weather day, and the forecast said it would only be 13°. That's what I call "booger freezing" weather. And my walking companions were more than happy to bow out. With that came the possibility of "sleeping in" until 6:15, and I really believed it was going to happen!

Imagine my disappointment when, just after 5:00 a.m. we heard a loud crash and the sound of hundreds of small items rolling across a floor. Scotty and I sprung awake, and my initial thought was, "Stupid cat!" (because even after being gone for four years, I still always assume every little noise is the cat, and I hear all sorts of phantom cat sounds through the night, which makes me wonder how many sounds I thought were the cat but actually weren't the cat back when we had a cat) (are you getting me here?)

Anyway, loud crash.

Hundreds of rolling objects.

No cat.

Scotty got out of bed to investigate. It ended up being a large box of crayons falling off the top bunk in Zoe and Eva's room which has laminate flooring. Zoe insists on sleeping with crayons and a notebook, and every night before bed she draws mountain landscapes and creatures with big eyes. I guess it's good that it was crayons falling off the bed and not Zoe (the risk of using bunk beds from the 70's, but man, those things are sturdy like nothing I've ever seen from our modern-day furniture selection).

Clearly I wouldn't be going back to sleep.

Right on cue, the four-year-old came wandering into our room.

I thought, "Well, at least I have some free time to blog."

And that, my friends, is how this masterpiece of a blog post came to be.

Stay warm today!

Eva Was Here

Back when Zoe was three, I did a couple of posts titled "Zoe Was Here" (Part I & Part II). Now Zoe is six, but nothing has changed! She is still a huge mess maker. Most of her messes are disguised as art projects and "decorating."

Now I have another three year old, and just as her siblings before her, Eva is a very messy child. Thus, it's time to begin Eva's photo series:

Kid Quotes

I continue to be blown away by all the things our phones can do. It's amazing to think of everything that can be replaced by a phone - calculators, calendars, six-disc CD changers... heck, even friends!

Someday we will be able to pee on our phones and they will tell us if we're pregnant. Just you wait!

Anyway, one of the things I use my phone for is to keep notes and lists (but not "to do" lists because I can't even) (somewhere on this blog I've written about my aversion for "to do" lists, and if I ever find it, I'll link to it here). 

Some of my notes and lists include:

• Links to recipes I want to try
• Ideas for singing time 
• Blog post ideas
• Moments I feel that God is real (this is a good one!)
• Birthday poster ideas
• Gift ideas
• Books I want to read

One other note I keep is a list of funny things my kids say. Here are some of my kids quotes from the last couple of months (I only wish I could capture their voices as they say it because their little speech impediments are half the joy!)

"The easiest way to build a man-made lake is to dig a hole and put water in it." 

- Nicky

Wiser words have never been spoken, my dear boy.

"Jimmy Fallon is educational TV. If I didn't watch Jimmy Fallon, I wouldn't have been able to know that Beyonce is married to Jay-Z, and I wouldn't have been able to guess Jay-Z in CatchPhrase." 

- Nicky

He does have a point...

"Eva, let's pretend we can fly and poop on stores!" 

- Zoe

Dream big, Zoe!

"Mom, you were born weird." 

- Nicky

So you're saying it's genetic?

Nicky: I want to make a fried egg, but I have nothing to put it on. 

Me: Put it on toast.

Nicky: No, I mean like a tavern burger.

I don't routinely keep tavern burgers in the house.

"When I grow up I'm going to play two instruments in a band: the guitar and talking loud in a microphone." 

- Zoe

Again with the big dreams! 

One day Eva wouldn't go in the bathroom alone at her grandma's house because she was "too afraid."

Me: What are you "too afraid" of?

Eva: Bad guys and evil cats.

Aren't we all?

Nicky to Eva and Zoe: 

"You two have little kid taste buds, so you like gross things like McDonald's. I have proper adult taste buds, so I prefer gourmet things like KFC."

19 Days Until School Starts (and ten other facts about my kids)

Fact #1: Eva chews on her hair. She started doing it as soon as her hair was long enough to reach her mouth. I ended up chopping off her hair last summer so she couldn't chew it anymore. Now it's long again, so she chews it all the time. I'm on the border of "Meh, she'll grow out of it," and "OHMYGOSH my child has Trichophagia!!!"

Fact #2: Nicky eats random things. He will find food at the park - leftover from who knows what - and he will eat it. If it's in the garbage, he will eat it. If it's in a parking lot, he will eat it. I am constantly yelling at him to not eat stuff he finds lying around. I've tried reasoning with him, but it doesn't have any effect. It's to the point where I just have to swat his hand, and yell, "NO!"

And it doesn't have to be food, either! He eats bugs. At a family party, he caught a moth and ate it. He'll pick up potato bugs and pop them in his mouth. He has also eaten Legos, perler beads, and grocery ads (if he's hungry after school, and I stop to get the mail, he will eat the pictures of the food he likes).

Fact #3: Zoe likes to play with fitted sheets and pillowcases. She's always dragging them around the house, and I'm always nagging her to leave them alone. She likes to stuff pillowcases in her backpacks (the kid has a backpack obsession) and put her head in the corner of the fitted sheet so it follows behind her like a train.

Fact #4: Daisy has always struggled with logic. She will argue about anything, no matter how wrong she is. She could be standing in front of a mirror with no pants on, and she would argue that she is wearing pants. And then, when she starts to feel defeated, she'll yell out, "You just don't get it!" or "You don't know anything!"

Fact #5: Zoe loves to ride her bike. She's so fun to watch because she exhibits unadulterated joy when she's on her bike. It's exactly what childhood should be, and it makes me mourn that I'm not raising my children in a world where they can come home from school and spend four hours riding bikes around the neighborhood unsupervised.

Fact #6: Nicky is so much like his dad. He has picked up a lot of Scotty's best traits (and some of his more annoying ones). I hope he stays that way. He has some of my traits too - good ones and bad ones, but a lot of the good things I see in Nicky, he learned from his dad.

Fact #7: Daisy has the most fantastic hair - it's thick and has beautiful natural highlights, but she has never let me touch it without a fight. She hates any type of bun, and she's starting to be anti-braid as well. When I brush it, she yells that she hates me and wants me to die. Most days she puts her hair in a pony tail, and she looks like one of the Hanson boys.

Fact #8: Eva always says to me, "You're so beautiful, Mommy!" in her little, sweet voice. I know she's going to change her mind someday, but for now, I'll soak it in every time!

Fact #9: Nicky makes a lot of annoying sounds, and this is something I've noticed is very common among boys his age. I'm glad it's not just my kid, but at the same time... what the heck?!? Why do they do this? They squeal like pigs, screech like pterodactyls, make popping sounds, and go "UHHHHH!" And they are so stinkin' loud!

Fact #10: Daisy can sing. If she had the opportunity to participate in some kind of choir or music lessons, I think she could learn to use her voice really well. Unfortunately, I don't know how to nurture musical talent... or athletic talent... or any kind of talent, really. Except maybe board game skills. And Daisy won't work hard for anything (a trait she probably got from me).

------------------------------------------

Since it's probably hard to keep track of my kids, their birth order, and their ages, here's the quick guide:

Nicky - 11

Daisy - 8 

Zoe - 5

Eva - 3

Life With The Girls

The other day I wrote about Zoe and Eva trying to take over our bedroom by moving their stuff into our drawers little by little. The next night, I had to take Nicky to the doctor, and while I was gone, they moved the rest of their stuff into our room.

They emptied all of their dresser drawers and put their stuff in backpacks and suitcases and loaded it all into our room along with most of their toys.

They were so proud.

And since they are so little, and it was bed time, all we could do was make them take it back in their room and go to bed, so everything ended up on the floor.

Yesterday I had to sort through every backpack and suitcase and put back all their clothes (have I mentioned that Zoe has a backpack obsession? She has like 12 backpacks, and she keeps convincing people to buy her more). In addition to the backpacks and suitcases, they also stuffed clothes inside toys, like the Doc McStuffins dog carrier and the Melissa & Doug shopping baskets.

I'm still not done cleaning it up.

But this experience made me realize something... MY DAUGHTERS ARE CRAZY.

And because of life circumstances, I am home alone with them a lot, and as soon as Scotty and Nicky are out of the house, they think it's party time. "Girls' Night! Girls' Night!" they chant, and then, without even consulting me, they come up with a list of 30 Girls' Night activities, and I have to crush their little spirits by telling them that we're not going to plant flowers, ride bikes, eat ice cream, put on make-up, and bake cookies to deliver to "everyone in our town" because we need to take baths, and by the time I replace the damaged subfloor and water-logged sheet rock that results from their splashing, it will be June.

I have been known to beg Scotty to not leave me alone with the girls. Most of the time, I don't have a choice.

Last night we went to my grandma's house to mow her lawn, and she gave the girls some real flowers so they could make flower arrangements (one of their many messy hobbies). On the way home, Zoe started the "Girls' Night!" chant and listed off all the things she was going to do at home. "We are going to go home and have a Girls' Night and put on dresses and decorate the house and have a dance party."

I compromised... You may put on dresses and dance, but you may not decorate!

When we got home, Zoe chanted "Girls' Night!" some more (even though Scotty was home) and then instructed everyone that it was time to "get ready." Then she started frantically running around the house yelling, "Mom! I need tape!"

TAPE!

The girl is always looking for tape, and I'm seriously considering becoming a tape-free household because... MY DAUGHTERS ARE CRAZY.

I asked her why she needed tape...

"TO TAPE FLOWERS TO THE WALL!!!"

I reminder her that there was to be NO DECORATING.

"I'm not decorating, I'm just taping flowers all over the walls to make our whole house pretty for our dance party."

Sigh.

I put my foot down. There would be no taping flowers to the wall. So Zoe found a loophole, of course, and stuck flowers in every nook and cranny: in the piano keys, in the bird cage, in the computer armoire, in between books...

I can't win. I can make a "no decorating" rule, and I can hide all the tape, and I will still lose every time.

I love them, I do. But they exhaust me. They're messy, demanding, and full of big ideas. They have many traits that will serve them well later in life when they are better capable of cleaning up their own messes.

The Day Zoe Got Her Logic

I've always thought it would be fantastic if children could be born with fully developed logic and reasoning skills, but that would be asking a bit too much, so I sit back and watch my kids develop as God intended, sometimes with great degrees of impatience.

With each kid I wonder... when will she figure out that she can force those frustrating boogers out of her head by blowing into a tissue? When will she understand that the person in the swing might seem far away, but that's going to change in about .02 seconds?

And when....

WHEN will she finally grasp the concepts of choices and consequences?

I remember how exciting it was when Nicky first showed his logic. It happened immediately after he turned four. He went from a rambunctious, hyperactive, tantrum-prone three-year-old to a responsible, thoughtful, logical four-year-old almost overnight. I was blown away. Suddenly I could explain things to him in a logical way, and he could understand. Things like, "Brushing our teeth helps us to not get cavities."

That explanation at age three wasn't helpful. We still had to pin Nicky down and force a toothbrush in his mouth (and even with that, he ended up with six crowns and five fillings before he could even pronounce his 'R's). But at age four, the reasons to brush our teeth made sense to him, and Nicky responded accordingly. As we explained these logical things to him, we could see the wheels turning in his head as he thought them through, and then he would say, "Oh, okay," like, "Why didn't you just tell me that before?"

Since logic set in so quickly with Nicky, I expected the same thing to happen with Daisy, but when she turned four, the logic didn't come. Now she's eight, and she's very intelligent, but she doesn't have the greatest common sense. Logic didn't switch on with her like it did for Nicky. It has unfolded slowly and is still developing (she's right in the middle of Piaget's concrete operations stage which is where a lot of that logical thinking develops, so she's right on track - I've just never had a big, defining moment with her like I did with Nicky).

Since we had two very different experiences with our first children and their logic, we weren't sure what Zoe would bring, especially with Zoe having some difficulty in speech and socio-emotional development.

Zoe is in her third year of special ed preschool. I've never really known what is right for her in that regard. I've often wondered if I forced her into that social environment too soon. I prayed... a lot... but never felt like I received a solid answer. I wanted her to have access to speech therapy and to make some friends. Plus she loves art projects, activities, and singing. But every time I'd take her to school, I'd have to drag her in kicking and screaming. Her teachers would always tell me she calmed down five minutes after I left, and I was glad for that, but the ruckus I had to deal with at home before taking her to school day after day was traumatic, and I was worried about how it was affecting her.

So this school year began, and I went into it thinking that I might pull Zoe out of preschool. I prayed some more, and still didn't feel like I received an answer. Perhaps my answer is, "Either way is fine." I've wondered about that...

After the first few weeks of school, Zoe was still kicking and screaming almost every day, and I was on the brink of pulling her out... along with my own hair. Then one morning, I just couldn't fight the battle again, so when she started her tantrums, I said, "Zoe, you can choose if you want to go to school or stay home. If you go to school, you will get to see your friends and have a snack, and I will take you to get an ice cream cone after. If you stay home, you will have to help me do laundry, and you can't watch TV." Then I set a pile of clothes next to her and said, "You know how to get ready for school, so if you decide you're going to go to school today, here's your stuff."

Then I walked out of the room and silently begged, "Please let this work because I really don't want to follow through with the laundry and TV thing."

I was shocked when Zoe came downstairs a few minutes later fully dressed with her shoes on, her hair combed, and her teeth brushed. She walked up to me and said, "I'm going to school because doing laundry with you is boring."

Her logic switched on!

And I haven't had to fight her to go to school since (although I do have to take her to get ice cream every day. It's the first thing she says when she gets in the van after school, "Let's go get my ice cream!" It's a small price to pay for this peaceful change in our lives).

I can't say that things will continue to go this smoothly, but for the past month, Zoe has done very well with school. She even missed some school for our Disneyland trip and from being sick, and she didn't regress. She has a great group of classmates. When the parents drop them off in the morning, they all greet each other with so much cuteness I could die. I love bringing a non-screaming child to school and hearing a chorus of little voices shout, "Zoe! Hi Zoe!"

(One of the funnest parts of Zoe's current age is that friendship is becoming very real. When Zoe and her friends see each other, they display pure joy! Ten minutes later, they are fighting over something stupid, but for those first few moments, it's the most amazing thing to witness. I wish we still acted like that as adults. What if we jumped up and down and yelled our friends names then ran into a hug every time we saw each other? Maybe that would solve all the world's problems... at least until we couldn't agree on whether to play house or animal doctor...)

Logic. I'm a fan.

Once Upon a Library Bathroom

A few years ago our local library closed for renovations. While it was closed, we made our weekly* visits at a library about 20 minutes away in my "hometown" (I use the term "hometown" lightly because I lived on the border of the township of Magna and the city of West Valley. We were technically on the West Valley side of the border, but we had the Magna zipcode. So I get to claim both places).

The Magna library was newly built a few years before our local library was renovated (there was already a Magna library, but it was torn down and a new library was built in a different location). It's one of my favorite libraries, so even though our local one reopened, we still venture out to Magna occasionally. 

 

Today was one of those days where I really needed to be out of the house, but I didn't have anywhere to go, so we stopped at Arctic Circle for courtesy cones and fries, and then we went to the Magna Library.

As I pulled up to my usual parking spot, I started thinking about where the bathrooms are located in the library. That's just something you do when you go out in public with little ones - you have to have a bathroom route mapped out for when they "nee go pee."

(That's what Zoe says while doing her potty dance, "I nee go pee! I nee go pee!" It's precious. Especially in the middle of sacrament meeting. Luckily we sit in front of a little girl who loudly states when she needs to poop, so we just blend in).

During my mental bathroom mapping routine, I recalled something I'd forgotten about...

I found out I was pregnant with Eva in the Magna Library bathroom.

We'd been on our way to the library, and I stopped at the store and bought a test. Then I went ahead and took it in the library bathroom, and it was positive.

It felt poetic, being a person who loves books and takes pregnancy tests in library bathrooms.

After remembering this, I thought about how cool it will be to someday hold Eva's hand and walk her into the Magna library saying, "This is where I was when I found out you were going to be in our family!"

(I could have done that today, but it will be funner when she's old enough to know what a pregnancy test is).

She might think it's weird. She might even say something like, "Ew, mom!"

To which I will respond, "Hey, be grateful you're not your older sister. I learned about her in Walmart."

There wasn't anything poetic about that. 

*Since having my fourth child, I've stopped taking my kids to the library regularly. I reached my limit and now find it nearly impossible to endure a trip to the library with my kids. We've been dabbling in weekly visits for the past few weeks since school started, but we only do so to fill the awkward half hour that I need to burn in between dropping off a kid at dance class and picking up a different kid from piano lessons. Having two fewer kids with me is the only thing that makes it work.  

Demands & Refusals

This morning, I was working on our traditional Sunday breakfast of German pancakes* when I heard Zoe shuffling into the kitchen. I knew she was coming in to "help." This is one of the demands she makes - she is my kitchen helper. Her exact words this morning were, "Mommy, you always need a little kid to help you," and "Little kids need to wear aprons." After a few moments of egg stirring, she then said, "Mom! I need water in a sippy cup with ice." These are three of her frequent demands, which got me thinking about the demands and refusals that my kids make in their current phases.

Nicky - Age 10

Demands that his clothes be two sizes bigger than necessary.

Refuses to wear denim, pants, shoes with laces, or shirts with collars.

Demands to watch Jimmy Fallon, American Ninja Warrior, and Master Chef, Jr.

Refuses to shower, go to bed, do his hair, or wear "nice" clothes (hello, ten-year-old boy!)

Refuses to read anything other than Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Demands that we let him use his own money to buy geriatric supplies at the thrift store (wheelchairs, walkers, neck braces, shower chairs, etc) (we refuse).

Daisy - Age 7

Demands to be first.

Refuses to watch, read, or listen to any movies, books, or music that she didn't pick herself even if it's something she likes.

Refuses to have her hair in a bun.

Demands to watch Austin & Ally, Bunk'd, and Jessie.

Demands to be in charge.

Refuses to follow anyone else in charge.

Demands to spend her money immediately.

Zoe - Age 4

Demands to wear nightgowns all day.

Refuses to drink milk.

Demands to watch Zig and Sharko, Rabbids Invasion and pretty much any show where the characters don't actually speak.

Demands hard shell tacos.

Refuses to wear shoes.

Demands to go on bike rides.

Demands blankies.

Eva - Age 2

Demands "milky." The second she wakes up, she starts yelling, "Milky!!!"

Refuses to eat.

Demands on buckling her car seat herself.

Demands blankies.

Demands that we "tickle back" and "tickle button" (tickle her belly button).

Refuses to take liquid medicine.

Demands to go to Chick-Fil-A.

Demands to watch Good Burger. Not Dora. Not Elmo. Not even Elsa. Just Ed.

*This isn't the recipe we use, but close enough to give you an idea of what they are. When Scotty and I were dating, we both expressed that we loved German pancakes. Then one day, Scotty's mom made a German pancake for us, and I was like, "Uhhh.... what is this thing?" because in my family, German pancakes were crepes. 

Milestones for Zoe

It's been an exciting month for Zoe!

In case you, like me, have a hard time keeping track of my children, Zoe is the third child. She's four... if I'm remembering right.

Anyway, Zoe has had a bit of a rough go in some areas of life. I don't mean to make it sound worse than it is, but she has had difficulty learning to speak, and she has had a delay in her social/emotional development. This all affects her behavior, of course, so there have been some hard times. She is doing pretty well right now, but sometimes she regresses.

I have a hard time knowing what's best for Zoe, but I have noticed that she makes progress when she's out of school for the summer (she goes to school for speech therapy). Last year, I saw many improvements in her behavior and development during the summer. Then two weeks into school, she regressed. Her speech and behavior declined, and I had to fight her almost every day to get her to go to school (I also had to fight her to go to dance class, and I continually fight her to go to primary - I can count on one hand the number of times she has been to primary this year. So it's not just school. She struggles with all forms of structured group activities. I even have to fight her to get her to go to a play group to be with friends she has been asking to play with all week).

I have to seriously consider whether sending her to preschool again next year will be the right choice. I don't want to fight her. I don't want her to regress. But I need a break from her. And I'm worried that if I keep her home this year, kindergarten is going to be a problem next year.

For now, I'm hitting pause. I have decision fatigue. I can't deal with it.

But what I was getting to is that Zoe has had some milestones since finishing school for the year.

Milestone #1: Zoe has started sleeping in her bed. Dare I even mention that this child has slept on my bedroom floor for the past two years?

She still occasionally sleeps on my floor, but maybe only one out of five nights.

Milestone #2: Zoe got her first "official" hair cut.

I've never been able to get Zoe to sit still for a hair cut, but the other day, I was going to get my hair trimmed, and Zoe asked if she could come with me and get a hair cut. I didn't think it would really play out, but she did it! She got a shampoo and had about eight inches cut off. She picked how short she wanted it, and she sat still in the chair. I almost cried! And now her hair is so easy to do. It's a game changer.

Milestone #3: Zoe said her first prayer.

We've never been able to get Zoe to say prayers. A few times we've been able to get her to repeat a prayer, but she's been very resistant to that. Last week, she told Scotty she wanted to say a prayer, and then she did it all by herself. She said prayers every day for the next few days, and now she's back to refusing to pray, but SHE DID IT!

Milestone #4: Zoe learned how to ride a two-wheeler.

Zoe has been telling us for a few months that she wants to "ride a bike with two wheels." I confess... this is where my life has been easy. Scotty takes the training wheels off. We run up and down the street with the kid a few times, and they get it. I didn't think Zoe could do it, but she begged and begged. To my surprise, she nailed it.

(The ease of bike training has been more than made up for by my children's inability to potty train).

Milestone #5: Zoe has started singing.

Singing has been hard for Zoe, but in the past month, she is starting to be able to sing full songs, and she seems to enjoy it.

I am enjoying seeing her progress. She might not keep up with it all (prayers, for example), but I'm glad she is picking up on some new skills.

Zoe isn't the only one reaching milestones around here. Eva almost peed in the potty for the first time last week! She has been sitting on the potty for months, but she hasn't made any "deposits." A few days ago, she sat on the potty and peed, but she wasn't positioned correctly, so she peed all over the floor. I was right outside the bathroom door when she did it, so I don't really know what went wrong, but I cleaned up the pee, and then we celebrated!

Given the history of my children's potty training, Eva will be out of diapers in 18 months (but she'll be riding without training wheels in twelve). Let the countdown begin!

#badvice

When Zoe had really bad cradle cap, the pediatrician told me to put Vaseline on her scalp. It made her look like a flaky Jack Nicholson.

Read the story here.

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This post if part of a 31 day writing challenge which I adapted to be a 31 day Fallon-inspired hashtag challenge. Make my day and leave a comment on the hashtag!