I read a lot of parenting books. To some degree, this used to embarrass me. The thought of anyone knowing that I had to read "how-to" books to figure out how to be a mom was absolutely mortifying. Then one day I realized that I was just looking for things I hadn't thought of on my own, and there's nothing wrong with that. Reading parenting books doesn't mean I have to buy into what they say, but they often offer me new perspectives.
Several months ago I picked up a copy of
The Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack from the library. I didn't really expect much because I judged the book by its cover, and well...
The Parenting Breakthrough ended up being a refreshing read for me because it isn't about discipline or a parenting "method." Instead, Merrilee Boyack, an LDS attorney, life coach, and overall go-getter, reviews how she raises her children to be independent. The idea behind the book is that one of our primary goals as parents should be to prepare our children to leave us - not in the get-you-out-the-door-as-fast-as-I-possibly-can sort of way, but in the I-love-you-and-want-you-to-succeed-as-an-adult sort of way.
As young parents, the Boyacks sat down and wrote a list of some of the most important things they thought their children should be taught. Then they determined what ages they wanted their children to have certain forms of independence and responsibility, and they wrote out a plan for how to achieve those goals.
Some of those things include learning household chores, acquiring skills (from interviewing for jobs to making doctor appointments and even designing and decorating their own bedrooms), and developing healthy emotional and spiritual habits.
Merrilee points out that we plan so much of our lives: vacations, events, education, etc, but we usually fail to have a plan for raising our children. This is something I had never contemplated before, but now as I do things around the house, I'm always thinking about what age my children might be capable of helping with those tasks. There are so many things that Nicky and Daisy could be doing (either on their own or with supervision), but I have to have a plan to teach them.
The Boyacks highly emphasize financial independence with their children, and Merrilee offers some fantastic ideas in her book on teaching children to manage money. She teaches them how to distinguish wants from needs, and she has a great plan for encouraging children to save money to pay for their own missions.
As I read the book, I didn't feel that sense of "Oh my gosh! I'm doing everything wrong!" that comes with some parenting books (ok, maybe a little). Mostly I felt grateful that I had come across the book because I've always wanted to achieve the things Merrliee writes about, but I wasn't sure how to execute them.
Since reading the book, I've implemented a lot of Boyack's advice. For example, I now have Nicky, age 5, carry his laundry downstairs and start a load with supervision. My plan is to have him doing his own laundry from start to finish by age 8. Daisy at age 2 feeds the cat every day and unloads the silverware in the dishwasher.
I'm amazed at what my children can do at their ages - I just have to have the motivation and patience to teach them.
I highly recommend this book. It
is written from a religious perspective and will mostly appeal to LDS readers, but the information is practical in all parenting settings.
If you're not familiar with Merrilee Boyack, her tone and writing style take some getting used to. She's a very sassy and humorous lady, and after hearing her speak in person, I can read her writing in
her voice and enjoy it. A few years ago I read her book,
Strangling Your Husband is NOT an Option, and I thought, "Who
is this lady?" because she's a total fireball. Be prepared for that!
To sum it up, this book is a bunch of practical and useful advice in a quirky little package!
