Yesterday: Formerly Known as Today

Yesterday and today have been the loooongest days. I’m in the thick of my summer depression (I thought maybe I’d avoid it this year, but nah. I’ll be fabulous again in about 6-8 weeks. Just leave me be). 

Nicky and Daisy are out of town until Saturday, and this momma is missing them like crazy (Don’t tell them!) Scotty had been working late, so it’s been just me and the Tornado Twins, and lemme tell ya… the disaster cleanup is going to be intense! 

Like I said, it’s been a loooong two days. Yesterday was so long I can’t even fathom that the events of yesterday weren’t at least three days ago. Today was the same.

Just me & them this week

And now it’s quite late (almost tomorrow, in fact, so by the time I hit publish, today will be yesterday and tomorrow will be today, and I’m pretty sure I just went cross-eyed).

Anyway, I’m craving alone time so bad that I’m warding off sleep even though I’m utterly exhausted. In my sleep avoidance, I have clipped my toenails, folded a load of laundry, watched two episodes of Sweet Magnolias, played two rounds of Wingspan, and read about 60 pages of a book.

Now I’m continuing to stay awake by blogging. And what shall I write? But a list of what I did today, so you can understand how long this day really has been!

Woke up at 6:00

Took the garbage cans out to the curb

Went to the store for milk

Fed the Tornado Twins cereal

Did a load of dishes

Baked two batches cookies with Zoe 

Did 4 loads of laundry

Snuck to McDonald’s by myself for a Coke and $1fries then took the long route home

Went through all of Zoe and Eva’s clothes and shoes. Had them try a bunch of stuff on to see if it still fits for school. Sorted and marked all their socks and underwear and made a list of what they need for back to school shopping.

Went through my clothes and bagged some to donate 

Listened to the entire cast recording of Les Mis. Did my best Mme Thenardier performance and marched a lot. “Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men?”

Took the girls to Menchies

Went to the car wash

Made Ramen

Took a nap

Went to the DI. Bought: a dress for Zoe, two stuffed animals (grumble, grumble), a pair of Hunter rain boots for Eva (score!!!), and a (second) guitar for Zoe because she needs two guitars to achieve all her lifelong dreams.

Did not buy large stuffed camel

Highlighted my hair

Took a shower

Regretted highlighting my hair

Watched an episode of Silo

Listened to the 15th Diary of a Wimpy Kid with Zoe and Eva

Strapped doll carriers to my girls’ scooters with zip ties

Read 110 pages of a book

You know how I feel about the cartoony ones

Went to Red Robin for dinner

Walked around the garden twice

Watered the planters in the front yard

Put Eva and Zoe to bed at least three different times and still ended up with Zoe asleep next to me in my bed.

And now this day is finally over. 

Must… sleep… 

Conversations with Pioneers: Episode 3

Today, in the state of Utah and other surrounding areas, we celebrate Pioneer Day, commemorating the era of pioneers coming to settle in the Salt Lake Valley. 

Whenever I contemplate pioneers, I can’t help but wonder what they would think of our modern-day life. Thus, I have created my own imaginary pioneer, affectionately named Pioneer Pearl, with whom I discuss our current world. You can read my previous conversations with Pioneer Pearl here and here.

In honor of Pioneer Day, allow me to once again visit with my fictitious friend, Pearl.

———

Pioneer Pearl: What are those large circles on your head?

Me: Mouse ears.

Pioneer Pearl: What are they for?

Me: They don’t have a function. We just wear them because this is Disney World, and we can!

Pioneer Pearl: You bring your family here and wear mouse ears that have no purpose?

Me: Correct.

Pioneer Pearl: So everyone here is pretending they are a mouse?

Me: No! Some are pretending to be princesses or villains, and those people over there are pretending to be ducks!

——-

Pioneer Pearl: What is this cold, jug-like thing full of white liquid?

Me: It’s a gallon of milk.

Pioneer Pearl: Oh! Delightful! How many cows do you have?

Me: None. 

Pioneer Pearl: Goats, then?

Me: None.

Pioneer Pearl: Where does your milk come from?

Me: Walmart.

Pioneer Pearl: I’ve not heard of that animal before. How often do you have to milk your Walmart?

——-

Me: I’m waiting to buy groceries on Friday because Smith’s is doing 2X fuel points.

Pioneer Pearl: Points? Will you be participating in some kind of game?

Me: No. I’ll buy groceries, and I’ll earn points to use for discounts on gas.

Pioneer Pearl: So you’re going to spend money to save money?

Me: Exactly! In fact, now that I think about it, I have enough points in my McDonald’s app to get a free Happy Meal! 

Pioneer Pearl: They have a meal that makes you happy?

Me: Well, no. It actually tastes like depression, but it’s FREE!

Pioneer Pearl: Free with the points that are not from playing a game, right?

Me: Yes!

Pioneer Pearl: So how many depressing meals did you have to eat at McDonald’s to get a free Happy Meal?

Me: 18!

——-

Pioneer Pearl: What is this that you’re doing?

Me: It’s a game called The Oregon Trail. I’m a wagon leader guiding a party of settlers from… Oh no! I just died of dysentery! Hahaha! Every dang time! Hahaha!

Pioneer Pearl: Dysentery is funny in 2023?

Me: Of course! It’s been funny since at least 1974 when The Oregon Trail came out.

———

Pioneer Pearl: I’ve noticed that nearly everyone in your family has holes in their pants. I’d be happy to help you mend them if you’d like!

Me: You’re never gonna believe this, but…

———

Me: Oh! It’s time to stand up!

Pioneer Pearl: Why do you need to stand up?

Me: My watch told me to.

Pioneer Pearl: You have a device that tells you to stand up?

Me: I sure do!

Pioneer Pearl: Do people in 2023 forget to stand up?

Me: We sure do!

Sleep is calling, but I’m hitting the ignore button (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: You may recall last summer when I thought it would be fun to let my girls express themselves artistically by painting our outdoor play set. 

Not what I had in mind

The other night I let them have another go. This is more what I envisioned:

It’s not exactly eye candy, but it’s a lot less… murder-y.

Fact #2: This week I harvested and bottled my entire crop of green beans. If you want to know what that looks like…

This…

24 sq ft x 9 seeds per sq ft = potentially 216 plants

(Definitely doesn’t look like it, but that’s square foot gardening for ya!)

Equaled THIS:

5 qts (minus one that didn’t seal) and 1 pt

(Enough green beans for my family to have a scoop of them once every ten weeks for a year)

If we’re lucky, we might get one more quart if I have time to pick and can green beans in the next day or two. 

Fact #3: The written word “can” in reference to “canning” food always plays out weird, doesn’t it?

Fact #4: Never do garden math. It will only discourage you.

Fact #5: I obsessively look at recipes, and Scotty obsessively looks at maps.

Fact #6: My brain has turned to mush. Remember how the other day I walked a half mile with a lens missing from my sunglasses? Well, yesterday I found this bowl of cantaloupe in my cupboard. That’s where I keep my batter bowl… when it’s clean and empty. So at least it was in the right spot!

Fact #7: I bought a pizza from Little Caesar’s the other day, opened the box, and this is what I got:

I’ve seen those viral videos of how employees strategically cut the pizza so they can steal a slice undetected, but I don’t think that’s what happened here. It’s more like someone stole half a pizza, and someone else stole half a pizza, and then they put the remaining halves together, and they were two different sizes. 

Oh how I hate an unsolved mystery!

Fact #7: I want to collect Little People sets and LEGO mini figures. 

Fact #7: I numbered these wrong. 

Fact #8: The way I hold my phone makes an indentation in my thumb, and then when it’s time to use my thumb to touch the screen, it doesn’t work right because of the divot. 

Fact #9: I accidentally walked in on my mom’s cat in the bathroom last week.

Fact #10: I found this squirrel on one of my recent morning walks. 

I felt a connection. 

An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations: Episode XV

I’m currently at the tire store having my tires checked. We’ve had a very interesting tire season. In June we had nails/screws in tires twice in the van and once in the truck - one of which occurred while we were on vacation. The van’s tires were repairable, but we had to buy four new tires for the truck (they were due anyway, we were just trying to hold off until fall). 

Then on Monday of this week, Nicky left in the Jeep, and his tire fell apart. 

Luckily he was very close to home. But we had to buy four more tires. This, too, was anticipated, but we were hoping to wait until fall. 

Why fall? I don’t know! That’s just when Scotty finally gets around to doing tire stuff. In the division of his & her responsibilities, I’m happy to let him do the car stuff, but usually it takes a deadly snow storm to get him going on the tire situation. You know how every family has their own weird culture? One of our things is that we “wait until fall” to buy new tires (which actually means the middle of winter) unless we are forced. This summer, we have been forced.

It may sound like I’m complaining, but I’m not. Mostly I’m just laughing inside and thinking, “What the heck?” I promise, I’ll take flat tires over many of the other possible problems life could throw my way. It’s just starting to feel too contrived at this point. Am I part of an elaborate practical joke? 

Anyway, I've been here long enough that I've found myself in the following awkward situation:

I need to go to the bathroom. But I'm worried that if I do, they'll call my name. I'm also worried that someone will steal my seat. I have the best one! All the other seats are in the sun. As I'm sitting here worrying about going to the bathroom, I'm also calculating how many times I could have gone potty, and they haven't called my name. What am I at now? Eight? Ten? So I should have just gone when I got the initial urge. But every moment I delay is a moment closer to them calling my name. 

Fast-forward ten minutes...

I went to the bathroom, and I was so fast! Like, so fast. And when I came out, another customer said, "Are you Scotty?" I was confused because A) I am not Scotty and B) Why is a customer asking me if I'm Scotty? Turns out, they had the van under Scotty's name in the computer, the employee came in and called out Scotty's name while I was in the bathroom (as I feared), and then he just went back in the bay. So I had to go wandering around trying to find whoever had my keys. Luckily the other customer gave me a head's up because it didn't seem like anyone was going to come back in to find me!

Awkward!

Here are some other awkward situations that have been brought to my attention as of late:

When you you walk past three people and say 'Good morning' before you figure out what’s wrong with your vision on your daily walk.

When garbage from your food order blows away, and you can't catch it, and it has your name on it, so now you're a litterer, and everyone will know who the responsibly party is!

When you are right-handed, and you try to use your left hand to insert your debit card at the McDonald's window.

When the McDonald's employee watches you struggle and then says, "You know, you could just use Tap!"

When you try to use Tap, but you're never sure if you're placing your card in the right spot.

Anytime you have to use the word "cervical." How is this even a thing that the neck and the cervix share this word? If I were to tell you that I lay on a cervical pillow for 30 minutes everyday, what would you think I was doing?

When you leave a butt print in the grass, and it shows every little detail. And it's huge. 

When you attend a party hosted by your non-alcohol-drinking Church, and the person in charge of music is blasting, “Two Pina Coladas” by Garth Brooks. 

When you see a missionary with a mullet and you think, “I didn’t know missionaries could have mullets!” but then you realize he doesn’t really have a mullet, he just went out in public after sleeping on his head funny and very clearly didn’t groom himself. 

When audiobook narrators pronounce words incorrectly.

When horses lay down.

When you hear the non-radio-edit version of a song for the first time and discover that it says b*tch, and you’re shocked and upset about it because you wouldn’t have expected it from this group, and you listen to it twice to make sure, and then you go ask your husband if he knew they said b*tch, and he says no, and then you Google the lyrics, and they actually don’t say b*tch. You just hear scandalous language where there is none!

Flower Talk

I’m not a great flower grower. I know little to nothing about flowers, and I don’t care to take the time to learn. So flowers, for me, are mostly random experiments with very few successes. Plus, sometimes it’s nice to try something without knowing all the rules because then you don’t have to live by them! 

(Don’t let my kids catch on to that mentality).

Last year in my garden I planted (I think) zinnias from seed. They ended up being about three feet tall. I never thought zinnias were that tall. They were pretty much my greatest flower triumph of all time. That got me feeling confident.

Last year’s zinnias

This year, I planted zinnias (I think) from starts, planning on them getting three feet tall, but they are just a few inches off the ground.

This year’s zinnias

I always plant marigolds by my tomatoes. I don’t know if this really helps the tomatoes or not, but I enjoy the little pop of color, so I continue planting them. 

You can’t see any tomatoes, but they’re in there somewhere

This year I tried planting marigolds from seed, but only a few grew. They are now two feet tall. I’ve never seen two-foot tall marigolds, and they haven’t bloomed yet, so I’m not sure what’s coming!

I’ve been anticipating the blooms for a week now, and I check every day, but so far this is it!

What will you be, my little mystery flower?

Speaking of tomatoes, tonight I picked my first cherry tomato! Sadly, I’m the only one who will eat them.

This spring I tried growing dahlias from seed. This is what I got…

That is not what dahlias look like on the internet! But my distant relative told me that dahlias from seed take a few years to start blooming well. I didn’t even know I planted perennials. Maybe next year I’ll have an accidental dahlia field (please bless! I’ll take that over my current mint farm, although I love the way the mint smells!)

Side note: the mint reigns supreme! Every few weeks, I let Eva cut down a bunch of mint to make a salad for the chickens. Tonight she made them a salad with mint and other herbs that needed cutting back as well as some peppers and squash that we haven’t been able to eat. I had to laugh at her choice of serving dish.

Back to flower talk…

I plant sunflowers every year because they’re practically weeds, so that means I can actually grow them!

My favorites are a mixture of yellows and reds. I prefer thinner stems and a height of about 4’. I thought that’s what I bought this year, and yet…

The first one bloomed today, and it’s way up there!

Side note: we had a beautiful rainstorm this evening that was just what I needed! I sat outside for about three hours just enjoying the mild temperatures and the gloom in the sky. It was so refreshing!

But back to sunflowers!

I think this one grew on accident in the strawberry box. I don’t think I planted it there. Plus it doesn’t match the other ones that I really did plant. This is more the height and width I planned on. I think it migrated from the neighbor’s yard.

At my grandma’s funeral earlier this year, my little cousins handed out packets of flower seeds to plant in memory of my grandma. I assumed they were forget-me-nots (they weren’t labeled). I planted a bunch of them in our gargoyle thrones, threw my hands up to heaven, and said, “Okay, Grandma, it’s up to you!” I figured either A) nothing would grow because my grandma is stubborn or B) they would all go wild because my grandma is stubborn. I got mostly A. Just a few random flowers. They aren’t forget-me-nots. They are an assortment of (I think) wildflowers, and since they are weed-adjacent, I should be better at growing them.

When it comes to growing flowers, I just never know what I’m going to get! 

Things that are making me crazy

Daisy has started talking about herself in third person. 

“Daisy is hungry.” 

“Daisy loves kitties.” 

“Daisy is sleepy.”

Zoe and Eva picked up Michael Jackson’s trademark “Hee hee” and do it constantly. 

Sometimes they moonwalk.

Sometimes that’s how I know they’re awake in the morning.

Eva won’t stop pinching everyone.

Daisy does Goofy’s laugh after she says something “funny” (ie. dumb). 

“Ah-hyuck!”

Zoe and Eva ask me every day when they can have cell phones. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t have to have this conversation.

Zoe yells with every emotion. She is so loud! And she always makes repetitive sounds - either vocally or by tapping.

Eva asks for food all the time but won’t eat anything. 

“Can a friend come over?” 

“MOM!”

“Can we go to the Dollar Store?”

“How much money will you give me if I… eat at a tablespoon of salt?… hold this potato straight out of the oven for five seconds?… spritz pepper spray in my own eye?”

(The answer is NO MONEY. I will never give you money for your stupidity. Why, after all these years, are you still asking?)

“MOM!”

“What’s for lunch?”

(9:00 a.m.)

“What are we doing today?”

Messes on top of messes.

“When can I have a phone?”

“Can I play Roblox?”

“Do the griddy, Mom.”

“Can I look on Amazon?”

“I’m bored.”

“I’m bored.”

“I’m bored.”

“Ah-hyuck!”

“Can we go to McDonald’s?”

“Can I watch YouTube?”

“MOM!”

“Can I paint your nails?”

Neighbor kid comes over with a harmonica.

“I’m bored.”

“One, two, buckle my shoe…”

“That is so fire!”

“Will you buy me something?”

“What’s the next holiday? And what’s after that? And what’s after that?”

Fighting.

Fighting at the dinner table.

Fighting in the car.

Fighting while playing Nintendo.

Fighting at bedtime.

“I have a headache.”

(Every time someone is told to do a chore).

“I can’t find my shoes!”

“Hee hee!”

Sweat. Everywhere. Always.

Chafing. 

So much sweat.

Boob sweat.

Back sweat.

Calf sweat.

(Why, calves? Why???)

“Can I get a phone for my birthday?”

“I’m bored.”

“MOM!”

“Daisy wants ice cream.”

—————

Me right now:

God must have a sense of humor because I went for a walk this morning and had a complete emotional breakdown a mile away from my house, and then I looked down and saw this sticker on the ground. 

Things the Kids Say: Episode 25

 “I’m not right handed or left handed. I can use either hand. Like at school, I can raise my left hand.” 

-Zoe

——————

“I love birds. Except for evil ones. My favorite birds are eagles and parrots - slash - macaws.” 

-Eva

——————

“My friend has like 8 or 14 kids in his family. I bet his mom doesn’t have a belly button cuz of how much birth she does.” 

-Eva

———————

“I saw one of my friends from school at the 4th of July parade. He’s one of those tank top kind of boys.” 

-Eva

——————

“I think my spirit animal is a wolf because I like meat, I like to bark, and I think the moon is beautiful. Hey, that actually gives me a great idea for a novel! It’s about UFOs!” 

-Zoe

——————

“Mom, I see the beginning of (friend’s) crack all the time.” 

-Eva

—————-

“It’s okay if you read your book as long as you look up every three seconds to see me playing Zelda…. By the way, it’s been three seconds!” 

-Eva

The Weird Summer

This has been a weird summer. 

I knew it would be because our kids are getting older. This is our first summer with Nicky driving and working. Our kids are also involved in new things - Nicky is on seminary council (or whatever it's called now), Zoe is doing a theatre camp, and Nicky and Daisy have more camps than ever before. Daisy had her first week away from home without any family members (she didn't like it very much). Nicky is taking an online summer class, and he kind of has a girlfriend but won't admit it (she's just his "best friend" that he texts all day and night and holds hands with and sends gag inducing emojis to). Scotty and Nicky have been working at a concert venue for a school fundraiser (this week was Snoop Dogg), and Scotty has recently started his mid-life crisis. 

On top of all that, my teenagers have begun sleeping like teenagers. This is new. My kids have never really slept past 7:00 a.m. The first time Nicky “slept in” until 8:00 (back in June sometime), he woke up lost and confused. He said, “Mom, I slept past 8:00. Is that okay?” and I said, “Yes, it’s fine. You didn’t miss anything.” (I have to admit that I did poke my head in his room twice to make sure he was breathing). Then as the summer has gone on, he’s slept later and later. Last week he slept until 10:30, and today* he slept til almost 11:00. Daisy, meanwhile, has started regularly sleeping until 11:00. 

When I was finishing my degree a few years ago, I decided to take an adolescent development class, thinking it might come in handy someday. I tried to file away knowledge to come back to when I had teenagers (I could definitely use a refresher now that it’s here), and I recall learning about teenage sleep needs and habits. There has been a lot of buzz in recent years about school start times with some pushing for them to be moved back. This is because teens have a biological delay in their sleep-wake patterns usually beginning at the onset of puberty. It’s been found to happen across cultures and among various levels of technological accessibility. When those hormones set in, teens have a harder time going to sleep before 11:00 pm. One theory is that this is something that helps them prepare to become independent from their parents. In essence, they shift their sleep schedules so they are awake later than their parents and asleep when their parents wake up in order to have time away from them (although with the unhealthy sleep habits of most people I know, parents aren’t sleeping either). So as I learned these things in my adolescent development class, I cataloged the reminder to be patient with my teenagers’ sleeping needs. So fine. Stay up until 1:00 and sleep til 11:00. It’s part of your weird development.

Normally I’d be taking my kids out to do stuff early in the mornings, but that’s not happening so much now between the teens sleeping in and Zoe going to theatre at 8:45 everyday. Mornings are just Eva and me lately, and she’s not exactly happy with all my suggested plans.

The day I made her go on a morning bike ride with me

Since everyone has been doing this and that, we haven’t really done much as a family. I usually take the kids on lots of outings - hikes, lake days, park hops, etc - just to get out of the house. But this year, I only have one or two kids at a time to “entertain,” and we have small time increments because there’s usually someone I need to be back to pick up. I’m still overwhelmed by the need to bust boredom all day and night, but it’s coming in different forms now. 

So, like I said, it's been a weird summer. It’s not better or worse than other summers; it’s just different. I’m trying to get used to Nicky not being around as much. I’m also trying to enjoy some of the perks of having older kids. I actually really like the phase we’re in right now. Having an extra driver is amazing. Being stroller-free is fantastic. Everyone is tall enough to go on every ride at Disneyland… not that we’re going to Disneyland, but this is still a wonderful thing. 

*My posts are often written across the span of multiple days, so my “todays” and “yesterdays” are usually inaccurate by the time they are published. So if you’re observant enough to note that this was posted before 11:00 a.m. and yet I’ve claimed my son slept until 11:00 today, that’s because when I wrote “today,” it was actually yesterday. (This is one more reason you can’t believe everything you read on the internet!) Today Nicky woke up at 4:00 a.m. to go to the temple with friends, so he’s probably going to come home and need a nap later, which brings me to another new thing we’re experiencing in our family… Nicky has occasionally been napping. Prior to this summer, I think I could count on one hand the number of naps Nicky has taken since he stopped having regular naps as a toddler. This summer, he has taken a few naps, and when he wakes up, he’s completely delusional. He doesn’t know what day it is or where he is. He can’t figure out what going on, and he doesn’t comprehend that he has been asleep. It takes him a good two hours to be functional again. We tried to feed him dinner after one of his naps, and he couldn’t understand what was happening. He sat down at the table and stared off into space for a while, then he got up and wandered downstairs, and when we called his name, he wouldn’t respond. Is this even safe?

Task Avoidance and Trophies

The main purpose of today’s blog post is task avoidance. What task, you ask? Putting away the groceries. It’s the worst. Here I’ve exhausted myself by obtaining said groceries, and now I’m responsible for the continued effort of placing them in my home in an orderly and effective manner. This involves rearranging shelves, taking several trips in and out of the house and up and down the stairs, and unpacking and repacking many food items for storage and freezing. Plus, there’s a big benefit to chopping some fruits and veggies for future eating success, so I really ought to do that, too. 

And yet… here I lay in the couch, paralyzed by grocery store fatigue. 

I did it. 

Mostly.

I still have a few lingering items I need to put away, but the work is nearly done. In addition to putting stuff away in general, I grated and froze 5 lbs of cheese (with a food processor), squeezed juice out of 5 lbs of limes and put it in ice cube trays to freeze, grilled and froze 16 chicken breasts, chopped lettuce, stocked the bathroom cabinets with toilet paper (stopping to clean one of the bathrooms during this process), threw out a bunch of stuff from the fridge and pantry, and put dinner in the crock pot so I won't have an excuse to go out to eat later when I'm too hot and tired to cook and clean up the mess. 

I may sound like a braggart, Here! Read this list of things I just did and call me amazing and stuff! but just let me have this moment, mmmkay? Because one thing that's hard about summer is that I feel like I'm constantly behind in life, so I just need this one thing to help me feel like I accomplished something this season. If nothing else gets done, at least we will be able to eat chicken and reach the toilet paper when it needs replacing. Perhaps simultaneously. Because life is chaotic like that, and I'm not above eating chicken in the bathroom when I'm stressed. 

Since I need a win, I am going to award myself an imaginary trophy (it may take the form of a Coke... because I didn't quit soda on July 5th like I was supposed to).

Me right now with my imaginary trophy

In fact, I am going to award myself a series of trophies:

A trophy for vacuuming half my bedroom on Tuesday. Even though the vacuum is still sitting there waiting to finish, I'd like to think of it as a glass half full (or room half vacuumed) sort of situation.

A trophy for doing my hair two days in a row. Tuesday and Wednesday. That doesn't happen much during the summer. 

A trophy for growing a dahlia from seed. I planted an entire package, and I got one. It bloomed today. 

A trophy for not going out to lunch today. I can't say the same about breakfast. 

A trophy for picking up my prescriptions for the month before they got taken off the pick-up shelf.

A trophy for filling up my gas tank before the gas light came on (it was minutes away, but still...)

A trophy for reading three books to Eva. That may be the entire total for summer so far, but it's three more than I read her during the month of June. So we're moving up in the world. 

A trophy for cleaning the inside windows of my van, which requires me to climb in the back seat in a hundred degrees with all the random sand and candy wrappers I like to haul around town. 

A trophy for eating zucchini. 

The first harvest, then yesterday I picked about 4 more. 

A trophy for doing my Church calling.

A trophy for listening to my kids talk. 

So if trophies translate directly to Cokes, as I suggested above, I've earned myself a lot of Cokes. I should probably get busy with the drinking so I can quit soda again.

Q&A

Right now I’m at the emissions shop getting our truck (past due - oops) inspected and registered. How about a little Q&A from my “writing prompts” board on Pinterest to keep us all busy?

Who was the last person you held hands with?

Scotty. 

Are you loud, outgoing, or shy?

Of the three, I am most shy. Maybe “standoff-ish” is the better word for whatever this thing is that I am.

Are you easy to get along with?

I’m not sure. I think I am for the most part, but there are a few personality types I clash with pretty heavily. 

If you were drunk, who would take care of you?

Scotty.

I can’t say my mom because she would just be there taking videos. She would probably be able to medicate my hangover better than Scotty could, though.

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

The odds are in my favor.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Scotty. 

What does your most recent text say?

That the Snoop Dogg concert tomorrow is expected to yield high weed contact to all employees. 

How do you feel about abortion?

Simply put, I feel it should be very rare. 

Do you like big crowds of people?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

And as I’m answering this question, I’m trying to think of a scenario where I would prefer a big crowd of people, and I honestly can’t think of one. 

Do you believe in miracles?

YES!

Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it’s very likely.

Do you still talk to your first crush?

I’m not sure if my first crush was Marty McFly or Robin Hood, but either way, I can declare with confidence that I am not in contact with my first crush. 

Do you like bubble baths?

They’re great way to keep little kids busy for a while. I don’t take a lot of baths, myself. Only if I’m sick or injured, really, and I would probably never add bubbles.

Do you like your neighbors?

Yes. 

Where would you like to travel?

I don’t have a travel bucket list. There are some places I think would be cool to go, but if I don’t ever go, that’s fine too. I’m very boring in this way.

Do you have trust issues?

Yes.

What’s your favorite part of your daily routine?

This is a hard question to answer during the summer, but on days I’m able to make exercise happen, it’s the moment I’m done!

What do you do when you wake up?

Grab my phone. Don’t judge me.

Have any of your exes ever told you they regretted breaking up?

No. But I’ve never had any major breakups. 

Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?

Yes.

Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. Isn’t music pretty important in TV anyway? If you get rid of music, you’ve ruined TV! 

What do you say during awkward silences?

I make sound effects. It makes things really weird during fast and testimony meeting.

Boop!

Wah wah!

Do you think age matters in relationships?

In many cases, yes. 

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Mostly, yes. But not everyone deserves a third.

If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean?

It could mean several things:

1) I have nothing to say

2) I’m thinking

3) I’m completely unaware of what’s going on around me, and I’m choreographing a dance in my head

4) I’m extremely annoyed

Do you smile at strangers?

Yes.

Would you rather take a trip to outer space or the bottom of the ocean?

Both sound awful and have proven deadly several times over. But if I had to choose… space.

Small and Simple Excitement

You might have noticed that I have a lot to say lately. I’ve been pumping out blog posts left and right, and I have several drafts underway. I don’t know where this comes from, but I’ll just keep going until I hit my next bout of writer’s block. 

Today I’m feeling inspired by Garbage Day.

I love Garbage Day. Enough so that I’ve made it a proper noun - capital G, capital D. 

Garbage Day.

(Weird things I do at 7:00 am: go out in the street and take photos of my garbage cans, then add fake lens flare so it appears that the sun is shining down on them like a blessed gift).

I always feel really good about life when I get all the trash out of my house. I often refer to it as “cleaning the arteries of my home.” Do you realize how lucky we are that we can put garbage out in front of our house and have it taken away? Can you imagine how quickly things would get out of control and unsanitary if we didn’t have this amazing privilege?

During COVID, Garbage Day was the most exciting day of the week. Even though it’s not quite as exciting as it was during those days of lockdown, I still always look forward to it. 

My overexcitement for Garbage Day got me thinking about other ordinary things I’m abnormally enthusiastic about:

Thing 1: Fresh black top and paint lines 

I get so excited whenever I see a newly coated street or parking lot with crisp, vibrant paint. It’s so pleasing! So visible! So amazing! 

Thing 2: When new “Readers Choice” books are released at the library 

Our county library system releases a list of books twice a year that patrons can read and vote on to determine a winner. There is a special shelf for Readers Choice books, and they get tons of fresh copies of the books (which gives me the same satisfaction as new asphalt and paint on the road). They issue a pamphlet that lists all the books with their synopses. I always get the pamphlets and look up every book on Goodreads and make a list of the ones I want to read. I have found several amazing books from this (as well as a ton of dumb ones, but one of the great things about Readers Choice is that they select a wide range of genres and interests to appeal to). 

The newest Readers Choice books came out last week! My list is ready!

Thing 3: Buy one get one free coupons

Need I say more?

Thing 4: Dogs with their heads hanging out of car windows

I don’t think there’s anyone happier on this earth than a dog with its head hanging out of a car window. I can’t help but experience complete joy whenever I see one! And I’m not even a dog person! 

Thing 5: New plates for my plate racks

I’m still really happy with the plate racks Scotty and I built for our kitchen a few years ago. I love finding and trying new plate arrangements. Changing the plates for the holidays and seasons brings me joy, and I find most of them at the thrift store or on clearance, so I don’t even feel guilty if I display them one time and donate them right back.

This is my current setup (I just took down my 4th of July plates). I found the chargers at Hobby Lobby for 75% off last year, and I just got the bee plates from Dollar Tree the other day. 

Thing 6: Becoming familiar with audiobook narrators 

After listening to audiobooks for the past several years, I recognize the names and voices of many narrators. There are ones I love and ones I don’t care for. And the sad thing about this is that there are very few people I can have conversations on this topic with. 

One time I geeked out because I found someone else on this earth who could list off several books narrated by Julia Whelan, and we both sat there flapping our hands going, 

“Oh yes! She did some of Kristin Hannah’s books!”

“And she did, like five of the books we’ve read for book club!”

“You’re right! I didn’t even realize that, but yes! She read The Giver of Stars and Educated!”

“And The Measure and the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue!”

“I don’t like how she does men’s voices, though.”

“I agree!”

“Do you want to talk about Imogen Church now!

“YES!!!”

Thing 7: Squirrels in my neighborhood

Dug is my spirit animal. When I see a squirrel, nothing else matters. Especially if it is leaping from fence to tree limb like a fuzzy, little acrobat!

Thing 8: Thrift store finds

I love a good thrift store purchase! Especially when it’s exactly what I’m looking for! But I also have a special place in my heart for the totally weird things I find second-hand, like this gem:

Thing 9: Hearing or seeing birds around my house that aren’t “the usuals”

The most common birds in my yard are sparrows, starlings, doves, and robins, and they’re all old and boring to me. Anytime I see or hear a bird that’s not one of those four, I get really excited! It’s especially thrilling to see a bird of prey (except for turkey vultures because they hang out down the street from us - ever circling). Every few years we’ll get a peregrine falcon or a hawk stalking our chickens. 

Thing 10: When my kids are interested in something I like

My kids mostly think everything I love and enjoy in this world is old and outdated, but every now and then, we will have a common interest, and it can be very delightful. You like a song from my junior high days? Yippee! You want to watch Lost with me? Maybe you really are my daughter! 

I have to play it cool, though, and I can’t let them see my excitement. 

Thing 11: Every blooming flower and every inch of growth in my garden

Confession: I love my garden. Like, really, really love my garden. Every little blossom and every little sprout makes me so happy. 

Baby bell peppers!

Thing 12: Beating Scotty at board games

I wish it happened more often. I don’t want to win every time (that would be boring and predictable, and I still want to be challenged), but I wouldn’t mind if the tables tipped a little more in my direction. 

—————

I hope you have something small and simple to get excited about today!

Back in My Day

The other day, on our way to the temple open house, Nicky and I had some pretty funny conversations. I had Nicky drive to the temple so he could get some more experience commuting on I-15. As I navigated from the passenger seat, he started asking how we ever knew where we were going before cell phones and GPS. 

First I explained MapQuest, but then I broke the news to him that MapQuest wasn't always “The Way.” We used to have to just know. Or ask for directions. Then I told him how when you needed the coordinates for a street with a name, you had to look it up in the phone book. 

Then he asked, "What's a phone book?"

I thought surely he knew what a phone book was! You don't have to walk among something to know what it is, in some cases. Right? Plus, he grew up around phone books. Mostly as something to sit on to get a haircut or eat dinner at grandma's house, but still!

So I explained how everyone's address and phone number was in the phone book unless you requested to be unlisted, and every year, an updated phone book would appear on the driveway. 

(I used to always look through the phone book as a boredom buster. I wouldn’t read a novel, but I would read the phone book. My formative years were intense).

Nicky was blown away! "So you could just look up anyone and know where they lived and what their phone number was?"

In hindsight, it does sound a little invasive. Then I remembered this... in high school we could buy a directory and have all the addresses and phone numbers of our classmates! So I shared this tid bit with Nicky (at my school, it was called the "Wolveringer”). He was, once again, completely shocked that this information was just handed out so freely! Was there no privacy? No protection?

(At this point I was thinking, "Wow! It really is kind of dangerous how we did that!" Then I remembered how our kids all share their locations on their cell phones and post everything online, and I was like, "Eh." Each generation has their thing).

Then Nicky had another question: How did it work when you had to call someone before cell phones? How would you call that person specifically?

So I had to act out the following:

Hello?

Hi, is Sam there?

Yes, hold on. I'll get him.

(Again, I feel like Nicky should know this because for the first several years of his life, this is what he was exposed to).

Nicky was floored! "So you would call someone's house, and anyone could answer, and you would just have to ask them to go get the person you wanted to talk to?"

“Yup.”

"Just like on TV?" he asked.

I'm not sure what phone calls he has seen on TV, but I'm curious why he thought this was just fictional before now!

Then he asked, "How did you save your contacts?" and I laughed at the modern vernacular. I told him about address books and planners and how we could write phone numbers in them, but most of the time we just memorized them. He can't even imagine having to do that. How can a brain retain such information? Clearly, we were numerical geniuses to host such a catalog in our mind palaces. Remember how you could even memorize the sound the different phone numbers made as you dialed? Kind of like a song or jingle? Beep, Beep, Boop, Beep, Beep, Beep, Boop (that's my childhood phone number from before we had to use area codes for local calls). Now the numbers are silent and oh, so boring, and a lot of people don’t know their own phone numbers, let alone anyone else’s.

(I still keep a few current phone number memorized for emergencies. It’s hard work on the modern-day brain, and yet, I can still recite at least 20 obsolete phone numbers from my childhood. You wanna go back to 1998 and call my friend Steve? 969-6060).

A few months ago, Scotty and I taught our kids about “long distance” calls. Even though I grew up with it, I sometimes forget that it used to be that way - that I couldn’t call my cousins without having to pay extra money, and they only lived half an hour away! Now I can call my husband when he’s in South America or just send him a quick text like it’s nothing!

It’s actually quite incredible (and terrifying) to consider how rapidly technology has grown during Nicky’s lifetime. The differences between what’s become available during his childhood compared to my childhood is much more vast than when you compare my childhood to my parents’ childhoods. Even the difference between what Nicky was born with and what Eva was born with (eight years) is a bit shocking.

I can’t wait til I get to tell my grandkids about how we used to have to walk and drive places because “back in my day” we couldn’t teleport.