Code Brown

When Nicky was in eighth grade, he was hanging out with friends for one of the first times (my kid didn’t have friends prior to eighth grade, which you would never believe if you saw him now). He texted us and asked us to come pick him up, and the nature of the text made us think something was wrong. Did he feel unsafe? Was he struggling to socialize and fit in? 

All legit concerns for the circumstances. 

Turns out he just needed to poop and was too embarrassed to go at his friend’s house. He needed us to pull up and text him so he could say, “Oh, darn! My parents are here! Sorry, guys!” and leave so he could go home and take a twosie.

I get it. Therefore, we implemented Code Brown. I told Nicky, “If you’re ever in that situation again, just text me Code Brown, and I gotchu.”

This was prior to Nicky driving, but he never had to activate a Code Brown again until this school year. Now Nicky can drive and has his own vehicle, so things played out a little differently. He went to a school dance with a date, and afterwards they went to someone’s house to watch a movie in the backyard. Nicky had a Code Brown with no protocol, so he decided to tell his friends he needed to go out to his car to get something. He left the backyard and got in his Jeep and drove to the nearest gas station where he spent 20 minutes taking care of business. When he came back, his friends said they’d gotten worried about him and went out front to find him, and the Jeep was gone. Nicky was caught unawares, so he just said, “Sorry, I ended up having to leave for a minute.” He refused to say where he went or why, so the friends just dropped the subject but were suspicious of him the rest of the night. 

(I often wonder where they think he went. Did they suspect a poop scenario?)

When Nicky told me this story the next morning, I about died laughing. But then I advised him on some ideas for future Code Browns. I told him he can always text me Code Brown still, and I will call him right back and tell him he needs to come home. “But for what reason? What if my friends ask why?” Nicky asked. I told him that he can tell his friends that he has my debit card in his wallet, and I called and told him I need him to bring it home. Then he can go to a gas station or come home for a poop and decide if he wants to return to the friend’s house. Nicky has always acted like this is a dumb idea, but he doesn’t understand that it buys him time to go poop where he’s comfortable, AND it’s not as suspicious as pretending he needs to get something out of his car and then disappearing for half an hour. 

Duh.

Months have gone by since I advised him on this issue, and he’s never taken me up on it. 

But tonight the lad found himself experiencing some tummy distress at a friend’s house once again. Did he activate Code Brown? No, he did not. He just suffered until he got home and then he flew to the bathroom.

I reminded him, once again, that he can always “return my debit card” and then go back to his friend’s house. Someday he’ll appreciate my genius, but it will probably be when his own kids have a Code Brown and choose to suffer instead.

Happy It Happened

Eighteen years ago, one of my friends, Christie, and I overlapped pregnancies. We worked together at a special education school, and we left our jobs at the same time to stay home with our babies. I had my baby boy in December, and Christie had her baby girl in June. Now our babies are seniors at the same high school. 

When she was in kindergarten, Christie’s daughter, Brianna, was diagnosed with autism. Now, as a senior, Brianna loves telling everyone that she’s a senior, and that she is going to graduate in the class of 2025. Brianna was cast as Moana in our school’s Unified Theatre (special education) production of Moana Jr this year. 

Brianna, Nicky, and Jesus after their final Moana performance

After the musical ran its course, Christie asked Brianna if she was sad it was over, and Brianna said, “No, Mom! I’m happy for Moana!” So Christie decided that, instead of focusing on all of the “lasts” that come with having a senior, she would think of all of these final experiences for Brianna as “happy it happened” moments. I love this idea, and every day we get closer to graduation means we are having more “happy it happened” experiences. 

Just a few minutes ago, Nicky was telling me how last night he was laying on the trampoline with some friends, and he started realizing, “This might be the last time we do this!” He’s beginning to feel the winds of change looming. Tonight he went to a restaurant with two friends and thought, “This might be the last time we do this!” So I told him about Christie and Brianna and being “happy it happened.” I encouraged him to not worry about whether it’s the last time, and just be happy it happened. He liked that idea (which is so rewarding as a mother because this kid does not like any of my advice). 

Here are a few “happy it happened” moments from this week:

We went to see Jersey Boys. Nicky saw it at Tuacahn back in the fall and fell in love, so when I saw that it was playing at The Ruth, I bought tickets for Nicky, Daisy, Scotty, and me.

Our show ended up getting canceled, so they re-booked us a month out and gave us four comp tickets to use toward another show. We ended up using our free tickets for another viewing of Jersey Boys and went with… none other than… Christie! 

We’re glad we got to take Nicky to see one of his favorite musicals before he leaves on his mission. It might not be a “last,” but Nicky isn’t as available to us as he used to be, so we have very rare moments of spending time with him. We’re happy it happened!

In addition to Unified Theatre, Nicky was also involved in Unified Sports as a “partner.” Partners are general ed students that assist the special education students. Nicky has participated in soccer and basketball, and this week they had their Unified track meet.

Since Nicky is in a boot, he was entered in the wheelchair/walker 100m. I thought he was going to be assisting another student, but he was actually signed up to compete as an athlete in the race. Some of the buses from other schools ran late, so when it was time for Nicky’s heat, it was just him and a student in a wheelchair. Nicky held back to make sure the other student crossed the finish line first - that is the spirit of Unified.

Nicky with Evie after she ran away from her coach and needed to be taken back

Nicky getting hugs from Kevin and Jesus

Christie and me with our juice

This was the last track meet for Brianna and Nicky, and we’re happy it happened!

Finally, Nicky had senior night for tennis. 

Tennis… sigh… this is a hard one. Nicky looked forward to tennis season all year. He was team Captain. Then he hurt his leg and had to sit out the rest of the season. It was pretty devastating. He continued going to every practice and match to support his team. He was recognized at senior night with the other graduates. He has a banner hanging on the tennis court. It has been sad not having him play. I have missed watching him. 

But we’re “happy it happened.” Not the leg injury, of course, but all of the good things aside from it. 

Ta Da!

I’m definitely the kind of person who aligns my self worth with how productive I am every day. It’s not mentally healthy, but it’s my truth. At the end of the day I tend to focus on everything left undone rather than recognizing all of the things I accomplished. Sometimes I combat this by making a “ta da” list.

Yesterday was such a day. Zoe has been sick, so I stayed home from work and kept her home from school. In the morning, I thought, “This will be good! I can get so much stuff done on this unexpected day off!” Then the day went on, and I didn’t get everything done that I thought I would. A lot of the things I worked on didn’t have visual evidence of my effort, and that’s one factor that makes me feel unaccomplished - it’s very different when you tackle a task that you can see. 

In the afternoon, I was telling a friend how much I didn’t get done, but then I started telling her the things I did get done. I realized I’d actually done a lot and wasn’t giving myself the proper credit, so I sat down and made my “ta da” list:

Did a load of laundry

Cleaned out the fridge

Put together senior gifts for the boys tennis team

Pulled a garbage bag’s worth of weeds in the backyard

Washed and vacuumed the van

Reconciled the budget

Cleaned the downstairs bathroom

Ordered groceries from Walmart (and then put them away after they got delivered)

Showered and shaved

Got a bunch of garbage out of the house (mostly Easter junk)

Watered the indoor plants

Baked a double batch of muffins to freeze

Helped eight teens and one assistant principal complete the latest ice bucket challenge

Turns out, I got plenty of stuff done and have no reason to fret or feel guilty. I just need to focus more on “ta da” and less on “to do.”

Ta da! Senior gifts for the tennis team.

This Week

I had a gig dressing as the Easter Bunny for my mom’s work party.

Things got a little confusing when I ran into the real Easter Bunny later in the week.

Eva’s birthday was on Tuesday.

Scotty took her to see the Minecraft movie, and then we had a dinner of her choice: chicken legs and plain bow tie noodles. Turns out, she doesn’t even like chicken legs (it was a weird choice), but then I found out she was trying to mimic lava chicken from Minecraft. 

Nicky had a Unified track meet that he has been looking forward to all year. Of course, his leg prevented him from fully participating, and his buddy, Jesus, hijacked his scooter. 

Turns out, Nicky’s boot makes Jesus nervous. He doesn’t like going near it. 

Nicky had his State theatre showcase and competition. 

I made some “break a leg” gifts for the performers (which feels sketchy with Nicky on crutches) and saw them off on the bus in the early morning. 

Zoe had her final choir concert of elementary school. 

We had my mom’s Easter party. 

Then we had Scotty’s mom’s annual egg roll. This year she had the kids roll eggs down an inflatable slip and slide.

Then we had Scotty’s dad’s Easter party.

Eva tried to stay up late to catch the Easter Bunny Saturday night, but she finally surrendered just before midnight. The Easter Bunny brought everyone new bath towels. I’m sure that deep, down in their souls, that’s exactly what they all wanted!

On Easter, we went to church. Then we came home and made resurrection rolls and lit our Immanuel wreath. Zoe started feeling yucky after church and fell asleep. 

The weather was nice on Easter so we hung out in the yard. We’ve had chickens for 10+ years, and I’ve never had one jump up on my lap before, but one did on Sunday and scared me to death!

At 4:00, we went to Scotty’s mom’s for dinner. I came back home to be with Zoe and brought her some food. 

After such a crazy week, we’re behind on all of our responsibilities, and our house looks like a tornado of plastic eggs and laundry came through. 

Uncanny

The other night my family painted portraits of each other. They were so bad and yet, so good. It’s pretty funny to see just how much a bad painting can resemble someone! You have to laugh and say, “It actually looks just like you! Sorry!”

You may be wondering which of these masterpieces is my handiwork. That would be this one - “Portrait of an Eva”

The Change

We got Nicky’s senior photos done over the weekend, and now I’m hard at work on his graduation announcements. This morning I was scrolling through my social media posts from this year. I rewatched some reels I made from

some of the big events like The Music Man and Moana performances. Lately, Nicky has seemed to change a lot. In just the past two months, his photos have taken on a new look. There’s something different about him. He grew his hair out kind of long after The Music Man, and he cut it back in February. That obviously changed his look a bit, but there’s something more to it. Is it because he’s an adult now? Is it because he has a mission call? Is this all indicative of his readiness to flee the nest? Probably. Yet, that’s not quite it. There’s just something different lately.

This morning as I was reminiscing, I finally figured it out! I was watching videos from Nicky’s Moana performance when it hit me! He has started parting his hair on the opposite side! I scrolled through the last several weeks of photos on my phone, and sure enough, sometime between February 18 and March 2, Nicky parted his hair on the right instead of the left after 12 years of parting it on the left, and that’s just who he is now. 

The funny thing is, he probably has no idea he even made this huge change (he’s currently asleep at 6:00 a.m. and we will definitely be discussing this when he wakes up).

How We Spent Spring Break - An Unromantic Tale

My kids go back to school tomorrow after nine days off. It’s amazing how screwed up the schedule can get after nine days. As I was going through my mental calendar of upcoming events, I couldn’t remember if my daughter has her after-school activity on Mondays or Tuesdays. Then someone asked me about a school performance for Zoe, and I realized that the performance in question is this week, but in my mind, it’s still about two weeks away. 

This week through July is going to be insane. My schedule is off the rocker. I’ll probably be a bit of a basket case for the next couple of months. Doing all the end of the year school stuff and sending a kid off on a mission (a kid who currently has an injury that is not improving and starting to really make me nervous) all at once is kind of a lot. 

Spring Break could have been the calm before the storm, but instead, it was just the first storm. Here’s how it went:

Saturday - Sunday 

Watched (or listened to) General Conference. 

Sunday

We picked up Nicky from the school at 11:30 pm after his Performing Arts trip to Disneyland. He couldn’t walk! He’d injured himself on the first day of the tour and didn’t say a word to us. We took him to the ER because he was supposed to go skydiving the next morning, and we wanted to see what was wrong with his leg. They did an X-ray and an ultrasound and diagnosed him with a “muscle strain or contusion.” They cleared him of broken bones and blood clots and sent us on our way with instructions to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon if it didn’t improve significantly within a couple of days.

Monday

I worked a few hours really early in the morning, and then we headed to the airport to watch Nicky skydive. We had been there for a few hours, and Nicky was 20 minutes from take-off when they had to call it off for wind.

Scotty went golfing, Nicky stayed out with his skydiving friends, and Eva went birthday shopping with her grandparents so Daisy, Zoe, and I went to Red Robin for dinner.

Tuesday

I worked an early shift (when the kids are out of school, I go into work between 5:00-6:00 am so I can get some hours done while they are still asleep). Then we went to see Minecraft. Daisy has been testing out contacts, and we had a follow-up appointment with her eye doctor. 

My friend Christie always brings her own salt shaker to the movie theatre, and she gave me one for my birthday. It specifically has “popcorn salt” in it. 

Wednesday

I worked another early shift. Then I had a virtual appointment with my doctor. Nicky and Zoe had orthodontist appointments. Zoe needed a spacer taken out. Nicky had to have his permanent retainer removed for his mission, so he got fitted for a removable one. The orthodontist asked him where he is going on his mission, and lo and behold! Nicky is going to the same mission the orthodontist served in! Dr. M is so excited and ended up texting us later to engage in more mission talk. 

Nicky finally admitted this day that his leg was really bothering him and didn’t seem to be improving, so right after his ortho appointment, we took him to the orthopedic hospital. They fitted him for a boot for two weeks with three wedges in the heel. He removes a wedge every five days. 

Baby’s first steps 

Thursday

Once again, I worked an early shift at work. Chick-fil-A had free breakfast (with purchase), so my kids met me there at 10:00, and we enjoyed chicken minis and hash browns. Nicky went on a date (with his new boot and scooter… oh! And a girl). The girls and I went shopping for clothes for family photos. After hitting up Target, Walmart, and Ross, we ended up finding everyone’s clothes at the DI. 

Nicky went to work that night and was pretty miserable, but he only had to work one hour. 

Scotty went golfing, and I was very tempted to go out for dinner, but I forced myself to cook at home. While I was prepping dinner, a container of Koolaid powder spilled all over the kitchen floor. After I got that cleaned up, I was making meatballs, and I dropped the hand mixer and raw ground turkey flung everywhere. It was all over the cupboards, floor, dishwasher, and counter. While I was rinsing a rag, I knocked over a glass cup and it shattered in the sink. So when Scotty came home from golfing, I left the house for a while.

My shoe a few days later when I realized it still had meat residue on it

Friday

I had some lab work done and then treated myself to McDonald’s without kids. Then I took Nicky to the orthodontist to pick up his new retainer. Nicky was super miserable and depressed about his leg.

We had family photos in the evening as well as Nicky’s Senior photos. Scotty took the girls to Panda for dinner, and Nicky and I went to Los Tapatios. Mexican food helped heal Nicky for a brief moment. 

The graduate

(Don’t worry, he has arms!)

I’m hooked

Zoe and Eva went to my mom’s house at 10:00 and slept over (they had texted her and asked to sleep over, and I had no idea). 

Saturday

We did a lot of chores. Nicky got a blessing for his leg from Scotty, his friend Cameron, and his grandpa (who happened to be with Cameron at the time). We picked up the girls from Grandma’s sleepover, then Eva went to a birthday party. Nicky, Daisy, and Zoe went to see their cousin’s play. Scotty and I had exactly one hour without kids, so we went to Los Tapatios (birria tacos two days in a row? Yes, please!) 

Scotty mowed the lawn. I pulled two garbage bags of weeds out of the garden. While I was weeding, my gardening chair gave up the ghost (I bought it 20 years ago at a yard sale for $4). 

Oops!

Eva taped a bunch of cardboard boxes together (one of her favorite hobbies). Then she made some signs that said “Jesus hearts you” and went around the neighborhood taping them on people’s doors. 

Sunday

We went to church. Nicky, Daisy, and Zoe sang with the youth. Technically Scotty did too. 

I made a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and splattered butter on my dress. Scotty watched the Masters. I went to a stake camp meeting. We went to Scotty’s mom’s house. Nicky took some medication that messed him up. It made him sick and gave him a headache. 

We had fajitas for dinner and then we went to a Palm Sunday fireside and the kids (and Scotty) sang the same song they sang in sacrament meeting. 

When we got home, we had a family lesson about self worth. Then we made everyone go to bed. 

——————

You’re probably wondering how Nicky got hurt. If you’ve endured this long post and have the desire to read more, here’s the quick story.

Nicky was in line for a ride at Disneyland, and he was sitting on the handrail. Lesson #1: Don’t sit on the handrail. 

A girl pushed him, and he fell backwards. Lesson #2: don’t push people!

When he fell, his feet were tucked under the lower bar, and it caused his calf to rip. He then walked on his injured leg for the rest of the trip even though he was in pain, and he didn’t tell his parents.