Code Brown

When Nicky was in eighth grade, he was hanging out with friends for one of the first times (my kid didn’t have friends prior to eighth grade, which you would never believe if you saw him now). He texted us and asked us to come pick him up, and the nature of the text made us think something was wrong. Did he feel unsafe? Was he struggling to socialize and fit in? 

All legit concerns for the circumstances. 

Turns out he just needed to poop and was too embarrassed to go at his friend’s house. He needed us to pull up and text him so he could say, “Oh, darn! My parents are here! Sorry, guys!” and leave so he could go home and take a twosie.

I get it. Therefore, we implemented Code Brown. I told Nicky, “If you’re ever in that situation again, just text me Code Brown, and I gotchu.”

This was prior to Nicky driving, but he never had to activate a Code Brown again until this school year. Now Nicky can drive and has his own vehicle, so things played out a little differently. He went to a school dance with a date, and afterwards they went to someone’s house to watch a movie in the backyard. Nicky had a Code Brown with no protocol, so he decided to tell his friends he needed to go out to his car to get something. He left the backyard and got in his Jeep and drove to the nearest gas station where he spent 20 minutes taking care of business. When he came back, his friends said they’d gotten worried about him and went out front to find him, and the Jeep was gone. Nicky was caught unawares, so he just said, “Sorry, I ended up having to leave for a minute.” He refused to say where he went or why, so the friends just dropped the subject but were suspicious of him the rest of the night. 

(I often wonder where they think he went. Did they suspect a poop scenario?)

When Nicky told me this story the next morning, I about died laughing. But then I advised him on some ideas for future Code Browns. I told him he can always text me Code Brown still, and I will call him right back and tell him he needs to come home. “But for what reason? What if my friends ask why?” Nicky asked. I told him that he can tell his friends that he has my debit card in his wallet, and I called and told him I need him to bring it home. Then he can go to a gas station or come home for a poop and decide if he wants to return to the friend’s house. Nicky has always acted like this is a dumb idea, but he doesn’t understand that it buys him time to go poop where he’s comfortable, AND it’s not as suspicious as pretending he needs to get something out of his car and then disappearing for half an hour. 

Duh.

Months have gone by since I advised him on this issue, and he’s never taken me up on it. 

But tonight the lad found himself experiencing some tummy distress at a friend’s house once again. Did he activate Code Brown? No, he did not. He just suffered until he got home and then he flew to the bathroom.

I reminded him, once again, that he can always “return my debit card” and then go back to his friend’s house. Someday he’ll appreciate my genius, but it will probably be when his own kids have a Code Brown and choose to suffer instead.