Meow!

I've reached the point in the summer where I've forgotten what it's like to have kids in school during the day. When it comes to tasks like buying a gallon of milk, it feels so overwhelming to load myself and four kids in the car. The kids are getting older - they can all walk into the store, and they are almost to the point where they can all buckle and unbuckle themselves (Eva still needs help unbuckling, but she can buckle herself about 50% of the time), but going to the store is still a big deal. When we get there, it's pure chaos. I know "herding cats" is a cliche, but that's really what it's like.

Nicky is old enough to stay home for short periods of time, but I can't leave the girls because they are too naughty. Nicky is the one that's actually helpful, so he's the one I least want to leave home.

Today I made an early morning trip to Walmart* so I wouldn't have to go with my kids later. I made it back before Scotty left for work at  7:15. Unfortunately, none of my other errands could be done that early in the morning, so I had to take my kids for the rest of them.

The plan was to go to piano lessons, then the library, then to the school for registration, then to Target for school shoes (and Nerf guns for Nicky), and finally - to the car wash.

We got to piano lessons, and then Zoe started crying because she didn't have shoes. This is a common occurrence. It goes like this:

Me: "Get your shoes on and get in the van" (repeat 11 times)

Zoe (twenty minutes later... in the van): "Mom, I need shoes."

Sigh...

So we had to drive back home and get Zoe's shoes... which were in the garage. I'm not sure why she's capable of taking them out to the garage but can't go the extra 18 inches to get them in the van.

We went back to piano lessons to pick up Nicky and Daisy, and then we went to the library. Our library serves breakfast from 10:00-10:30, so we usually time it so the kids can eat. They have us go outside to eat, so we were sitting in the courtyard when Eva started holding herself and yelling that she needed to pee. I had Nicky sit with the food, and the girls all followed me to the bathroom. We got just inside the doors of the library when Zoe started screaming, "My shoes!!!" She'd left them outside, so she ran back outside while I stood in the doorway waiting for her. We eventually got in the bathroom, and Eva had to check every stall to decide which one she wanted. She analyzed the size of each stall and the height of each toilet until she found the "right" one. She never picks the same toilet, so I don't really know what her criteria is.

After our potty break, we went back outside. Then the librarian came and locked the door, so when we were done with the food, we were locked out and had to walk back around to the front of the library.

My kids picked their books and some CDs. Then they watched the 3-D printer for a while (it was making a crayon holder and a Pokemon). We went to check out, and there was a long line (this usually isn't a problem), so we went to a computer in a different area, and it wasn't working. Then we tried a third computer, and finally checked out. I double counted my items and found that I'd missed one, but I wasn't sure which one, so I had to log in again and scan each item until I found the one that I'd missed. After I had everything taken care of, Eva started having a meltdown and yelling, "Moooom! I didn't pick anything!"

I sighed and told her she had one minute to pick something. She said she wanted a Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star CD. We all tried to find one for her, but we weren't successful. She ended up getting a Tom & Jerry DVD, and we checked out for what I thought would be the last time.

Then when we walked out the door, the alarm went off. We went back in, and the librarian scanned all of our stuff, and she didn't find anything that hadn't been properly checked out. I had the thought to check my bag, and I found a CD that one of the kids had stuffed in there. We checked it out, and then I herded my cats back out to the van.

My kids fought over which CD we were going to listen to. I ended up putting in Phineas and Ferb. Then we drove to the school. We got in and out without much drama (other than whining about hating school and not wanting to go back). My kids are all registered, and we found out who their teachers are. Nicky is in a class with two of his friends, which I'm so happy about.

Twenty more days.

Target was our next stop. My kids asked me for at least 96 things. I lectured them repeatedly about using their own money. "If that's something you want, you need to save your money for it" (repeated 11 times per child). The girls and I scoped out shoes for school while Nicky went to look at Nerf guns (they were buy two get one free, so he was thrilled). Eva and Zoe ran wild in the shoe section, tearing shoes out of boxes and trying them on, regardless of the size. Zoe wanted some Poppy troll shoes, so we found them in her size and made sure they fit, but then she changed her mind and wanted princess boots, Shimmer and Shine shoes, and Minnie Mouse sandals. She ended up getting Peppa Pig shoes. Eva went from shoe to shoe until she settled for Paw Patrol (I don't think she's ever watched Paw Patrol in her life, but whatever). Daisy tried on several pairs of shoes and then she decided she didn't want any of them. Then she cried when I wouldn't buy her Minnie Mouse flip flops. "You can't wear flip flops to school. We are here for school shoes" (repeated 11 times).

I needed a couple of things from the cosmetics section, so I spent another half an hour telling my kids no.

"Will you buy me some make-up?"

"No."

"What about bubble bath?"

"No."

"Hanitizer?" (hand sanitizer)

"No."

"Just one lipstick? Pleaaaaaase?"**

"No."

"I'll do work to earn the money, and I'll pay you back."

"No."

At some point, I successfully herded my children to the register. There was only one open, and there were three people in line. One person had three separate transactions, and then she argued with the cashier about the price of each item.

I repeatedly told my kids I wouldn't buy them any of the candy or toys at the register.

Eventually it was our turn. We paid. The cashier gave my kids stickers, and several hours later, after spending a significant amount of time in public, I found that they'd all put their stickers on my back.

From Target we headed to the car wash. There is beauty in having an 11-year-old boy. He's always willing to wash my car for me - even in the middle of winter. The problem is, he has a jealous little sister who isn't very good at washing cars. I asked him if he would let Daisy do the first rinse (getting the car wet can't be that hard, in theory...) They ended up spraying each other with the water, and Daisy kept opening the van door, so I yelled, "Shut the door!" (repeated 11 times).

The van got mostly clean, and the kids were mostly wet when they climbed back in. Then it was time to vacuum. I pulled in next to the vacuum and unloaded the car.*** I positioned my kids against the wall of the car wash in the shade and gave them a bag of extra breakfast food from the library (milk and Nutrigrain bars). I put a token in the vacuum, and it started up, but it had no suction. I moved my van to another vacuum and was met with sucking success!

I vacuumed up endless amounts of sand (from Lake Tahoe and other summer excursions) and glitter (from the parade float contraband my girls snuck into the trunk). Then I looked over, and my girls were spraying milk all over each other in the parking lot. I got the van all put back together and told the girls to go clean up their milk cartons and Nutrigrain wrappers. They all claimed that they didn't drink any milk**** or eat any Nutrigrain bars. Apparently it was all a set up! Someone was trying to frame my daughters. THE NERVE OF THAT PERSON!

{The sand is worth it}

Eva kept telling me she needed to pee while we were at the car wash, and I kept begging her to wait "just a few more minutes" because I realllly didn't want to pull out the IKEA potty at the car wash. I drove straight to a nearby Wendy's after the car wash so we could get some food and take Eva potty. It was the usual routine - she had to check all the stalls and analyze the height of each toilet. Then she went in a stall, and I went in a different one. As soon as I sat on the toilet, Eva started screaming that she didn't like "this bathroom." Pretty soon her head appeared under my door, and she took over my stall. Then she spent way too much time washing her hands and blow drying them. If I tried to move her along, she would scold me that she needed to "wash more" or "dry more."

We finally ordered our food (which is always a difficult process at Wendy's. There's something wrong with Wendy's). We tried to get drinks, but most of the drinks were out. Then I watched the employee set our food out, and I saw her mouth move, which indicated that she had probably said my name, but she must have said it in a way that you say the name of someone six inches away from you because there was no sound. I really wanted to give her a lecture about projecting her voice into the restaurant so people can hear her. Someone needs to help this girls succeed in life! But then I restrained myself because I don't want to become an ornery, old hag prematurely.

We hauled our trays to a table and did the food sorting. Then it was a chorus of "Open my spoon!" "Give me a straw!" "Where's my BBQ sauce?" and the like. Zoe dropped her frosty and went ballistic. Daisy ended up with the wrong drink and started accusing everyone else of ruining her life (I can't imagine her getting worse as a teenager. How can she possible get worse? I'll die. I'll just die). Zoe stole one of Nicky's chicken nuggets. And I got to referee all of it. Because that's what I am - a referee in a game where I'm not really sure what the rules are, but everyone has an opinion on my judgement.

I gave everyone ample time to eat, then I told them that anything left in three minutes was going in the garbage because we weren't taking any food or drinks in the newly cleaned van. They said ok. Then three minutes later I threw all their stuff away, and they cried like I'd ripped a limb from each of them.

Finally, we took a ten minute drive and Eva fell asleep, and we went home.

The process began at 8:45 this morning and ended at 1:51 this afternoon. I can't help but think I could have accomplished all of that in two hours if I'd been alone.

The cat herding. It's fierce. And today's outing wasn't any worse than any other day. Its just happens to be the one I chose to write about.

*When I got in the van to make this trip, it stank to high heaven. Something is rotting in my van. When I got home, I tore the whole van apart looking for the culprit, and I couldn't find anything. 

**Earlier this summer, Daisy and her friend played in make-up and got it all over Daisy's bedroom furniture and carpet, so I threw all of her make-up away and instituted the Great Make-Up Ban of 2018. 

***My ultimate goal here was to find the source of the stink, and I still didn't find anything. I'm going to have to crawl around my van on my hands and knees and sniff all the surfaces. This is my life now. 

****I guess this part if technically true. They didn't drink the milk - they sprayed it all over themselves instead.

My Life The Musical

Last week was a very musical week. It started with the Donny & Marie concert (I'm still on a Donny high). Then Scotty, Nicky, and I went to Hale Theater to see Newsies, which was FANTASTIC!!! I was only able to stop singing "Carrying the Banner" because we went to see Mama Mia, and I transitioned to "Super Trouper."

Being so heavily saturated in song and dance made me realize how terribly unfair it is that real life isn't a musical. Surely God could have worked that into His plan so we could break out in spontaneous show tunes as we navigate mortality.

For the past few days I've been paying attention to moments where a musical number would be appropriate.

For example, I could wake up and jump on my bed singing, "Whoa, That was Weird!" in which I recount the bizarre dream I had about a Venus fly trap* (but maybe that would be too close to Little Shop of Horrors).

Then when I drop my my kids off at a friend's house and have two glorious hours to myself, I could sing, "Mom on the Run," a number that celebrates the opportunity to go to Walmart alone. I'll be joined by a chorus of other moms - the whole thing will be very "Step in Time" except we'll be dancing on vans.

Then when Scotty and I have all our kids in the van with us, and every single one of them is trying to talk over the other, we can sing, "Will I Ever Hear the Sound of My Own Voice Again?" which is a lot like "Farmer Refuted" as we all try to sing our own lyrics over one another.

Other songs include:

"Hiding my Chick-Fil-A"

This number is for when I park in front of a random house after dark so I can eat my nuggets in peace, and then someone calls the cops on me for suspicious activity, and I sing my explanation to the police officer.

"Everybody Splash Now"

This is after my kids take a shower, and my bathroom floor is flooded, so I dance in the water (like at the end of Descendants 2).

"I Cried Over the Fries"

This is a ballad I sing about the Moochies french fries I had for lunch. They were so good, they brought a tear to my eye.

"Fast Food Hoedown"

This is a song I sing in defense of eating out twice in one day (I bust out some fantastic barrel rolls in this one).

"Bed Time At Last"

This is the big finale. I don't want to give away too much, but there's some break dancing involved.





*True story. What would Freud say about that?

Pioneer Day

In Utah, July 24th is a state holiday termed "Pioneer Day." It's when we celebrate the arrival of the Mormon pioneers in the Salt Lake Valley. It's a lot like the 4th of July in that we celebrate with fireworks, parades, and BBQs (just like the pioneers would have us do!) Other nearby regions also celebrate. A community in Star Valley, Wyoming puts on an awesome Pioneer Day breakfast every year (as we discovered a couple of years ago when we crashed the party and tried to act like locals). 

We used to have a tradition in Scotty's mom's family where we would go to This is the Place State Park for the day. I always went with them when I was a teenager and while Scotty was serving a two-year mission in South Carolina. Everyone would bring "pioneer" food (they were supposed to bring dishes that were at least 100 years old, but as the years went on, they started to really stretch those boundaries in amusing ways). Then one year, we showed up at the park like we always had - coolers in tow, and they wouldn't let us in with outside food. That put the kibosh on that tradition. 

Last year was exciting because Scotty's new job gave him the day off. We've been trying to recall whether (adult) Scotty has ever had a job that gave him Pioneer Day off. We thought his job when we got married might have given him the day off, but then I remembered taking Nicky to Pioneer Day activities without Scotty, which means he must have had to work. This was his second Pioneer Day at his new job, thus, granting him a day off in the middle of the week (which is always so confusing. I can't tell you how many times I panicked yesterday because I thought I needed to prepare my singing time, believing the next day was Sunday). 

In January of this year, Scotty and I were asked to be on a committee for a parade float for the Days of '47 Parade. It ended up being the worst committee experience we've ever had, but I'll spare you all the details. Suffice it to say, I will be glad when it's all behind us, and I will probably say no to every committee for the next three years, as I am going to need that time to recover and rebuild my faith in humankind. My Committee Phobia has intensified ten-fold, and I also have increased Pioneer Phobia and Parade Phobia. 

I'm seeking a therapist who specializes in these diagnoses. 

Anyway, Scotty and I were in charge of demolishing the parade float after the event, so last night we got to work. 

I didn't get a very good photo of the float before we started, but here is the basic idea. Our theme was "Trek to the Future." There were aliens and a space ship. Some people in shiny, metallic pioneer costumes rode in the space ship (which was actually an old boat from Scotty's grandpa's property). 

We had nothing to do with the design or the concept. I'm not sure who did (lack of communication was one of the big issues with this committee, but again, I'm not going into that).

(No, I'm not going into that).

(Stop trying to make me).

(I know I'm twitching and stuff, but I'm really not going to say anything).

(Nothing at all).

The float really wasn't that terrible looking unless you saw it in comparison to the other floats in the parade. We live in a lower income area, so our budget was very small - a quarter of what more affluent areas spend. 

I was excited to demolish the float. I imagined coming in like a wrecking ball and just beating the crap out of the float. I'm really terrible at sports where I have to use a piece of equipment to hit a ball. I can't play golf, baseball, or tennis to save my life. Turns out, I'm not very good at sledge-hammering, either. My aim is horrific! In an effort to not harm anyone, I had to turn in my tool and stick with the task of removing shiny, glittery things by hand. 

The job was not satisfying at all. It was tedious and arduous, and it probably didn't help that we did it all by ourselves. 

We had to remove a ton of screws, and we still have hundreds of staples we need to go back and pry out with screwdrivers. 

The plastic, shiny stuff was incredibly messy, and the parking lot looked like a glitter bomb went off... or like one of those sparkly vampires from Twilight spontaneously combusted. Today I found all sorts of float remnants that my daughters snuck home - streamers, styrofoam, tinsel, and other shimmering things I consider contraband in my house. 

I spent over an hour leaf blowing float particles and sucking them up with a shop vac. I also had to hold the space ship while Scotty cut it up (eyes closed so I didn't get metal shards in them). 

Now the boat spaceship is in three pieces awaiting a turn in the dumpster.

Here's the float after we got done with it: 

All of those little black pieces still need to be pried off the base with a screwdriver. I have to admit, I'm kind of hoping the float base got stolen overnight. While taking it apart in 95-degree heat at 9:00 at night, I was daydreaming about backing it into a landfill. 

I guess I'll now be the prime suspect if anything goes awry.

How to Attend a Donny & Marie Concert in 10 Simple Steps

Step 1: Buy tickets

Justify the expense by worrying that Donny could die before you get another chance to see him. When you look at it that way, it's not hard to throw down some dollars.

(Long live Donny, but still... he's not getting any younger).

Step 2: Convince your bestie to drive in from Boise

(It won't be hard)

Step 3: Wait for your friend to pick you up

Step 4: Make your neighbor take a picture of you together

It helps if one of your other besties gives you a Donny Osmond sign for your birthday.

Step 5: Drive to the concert venue

Step 6: Buy Donny & Marie flip flops

Step 7: Cheer, sing, clap, and woohoo.

Step 8: Convince an older gentleman in a beret to take a picture of you

(His name is Curtis)

Step 9: Laugh because Curtis takes his photographer gig very seriously but still manages to take at least three pictures of his finger

Step 10: Drive home singing "Soldier of Love."

Currently {July 2018 Edition}

Reading: The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie R. King.

Watching: Step by Step. Nothing like a good ole flashback to the nineties. I also just finished Gilmore Girls yesterday. I watched the series and the reboot for the second time, and I love/hate it.

Wanting: Four gallons of milk to magically appear in my fridge so I don't have to take any kids to the store. Technically, today is grocery day, and I should just put in an order to pick up, but I don't feel like it. I'm not in the mood to make a grocery list, and we aren't to the point of empty cupboards yet, so I can get by for a few more days except for that darn milk.

Craving: Moochies. Always Moochies. A 6" philly cheese steak sandwich, an order of fries, and a Dr. Pepper.

Wearing: My pajamas. Because why not?

Singing: "Solider of Love" by Donny Osmond.

Stressing about: Nothing. I decided to just give up on everything.

Buying: Amazon Prime junk and back to school clothes. I didn't mean to shop Prime Day - I just accidentally kept buying stuff.

Trying: Nothing. Because I have up on everything (see "stressing about").

Missing: Vacation. My bed in Lake Tahoe, going to the beach all day, and 80 degree weather. Sigh... poor me.

Proud of: Our cucumber. I can't grow cucumbers, but this year, the first vegetable harvested from our garden was a cucumber! It will probably be the only one, but gosh darn, I did it.

Our garden is actually doing really terrible. We've lost the touch. Two years off will do that to ya!

Frustrated by: My kitchen table which received its first damage from dried Cheerios (they took the paint off).

Burdened by: Allergies. I have sneezed and sniffled all summer. This is new to me.

Tired of: Wiping butts. Zoe has decided all of a sudden that she can't wipe her own butt, so she sits on the toilet and screams for me, and I say, "Zoe, you can wipe your own butt!" and then she yells, "I caaaaaaan't!" and then I say, "You caaaaaaan! Get some toilet paper and take care of it!" And then she will sit on the toilet (or throw herself on the floor bare butt) and scream for half an hour.

Eva has a different problem. She still needs assistance some of the time, but she will call me up the bathroom to wipe her and then as soon as the job is done, she says, "Okay, now I poop more."

This morning, during Eva's wiping session, she suddenly leapt from the toilet, slamming her head into my nose. It hurt like the Dickens, and I can't help but think, what if she'd broken my nose??? I'd have to tell people that my nose got broken while wiping my daughter's butt! And that's totally something that would happen to me.

Wiping butts is dangerous!

Looking forward to: Taking Nicky to Hale Theater to see Newsies. It's just Scotty, Nicky, and me, and we haven't been to the new theater yet, so I'm excited to check it out.

Neglecting: Everything (see "trying" and "stressing about").

Annoyed by: My kids fighting and whining. This has been my worst parenting summer of all time. I'm at my wits end. I don't have an ounce of patience left.

Needing: Order and quiet.

Loving: Books. I'm starting to read again. Oh how I've missed books!

Thankful for: Having enough. Even when things are tight, and I'm not sure how we'll make it, we always have what we need.

Lake Tahoe Days 6-8

On Thursday, my in-laws took turns watching Eva and Zoe so Scotty and I could take Nicky and Daisy out for an adventure. We headed up the mountain on a gondola to Epic Discovery. We bought all-day passes so we had limitless access to ropes courses, a mountain coaster, and a tubing hill.

 The tubing hill - it doesn't look like much, but it's really fast!

 The mountain coaster - wish I could have ridden it a few more times

Daisy on the climbing wall (that's as far as she got)

Despite my preference to never go up high, I got adorned with a helmet and a harness, and I did the ropes course.

Nicky and I each did two routes on the ropes course. Daisy did one and totally freaked out, but we were proud of her for doing it. Scotty did three. Then we alternated between the mountain coaster and the tubing hill.

 Daisy

 Me

Nicky

Shortly before we needed to leave, we rode the ski lift to a higher peak on the mountain and then back down. Then we took the gondola back to town. 

That night we met as a party of 15 at the Harrah's buffet and enjoyed dinner together, Then Nicky tried mixing his own beverage to impress his cousins and ended up barfing on the table. We shuffled our kids out of there because... barf, but also because the girls were starting to scream. 

On Friday, the weather was much cooler, and we had some cloud cover. Scotty and I planned to go to the beach in the morning, but since it was on the chillier side, we hung out at the condo and got a bunch of our stuff packed. Then we drove to the trail head to see if we could do the hike we'd tried for on Sunday, but again, the parking lot was full, and we would've had to park really far away. Eva ended up falling asleep, so we drove back down to the beach.

The view from the outlook deck on the gondola ride from Thursday

Daisy at the lookout deck

The weather was cooler than it has been the previous days, but it was comfortable. We played at the beach for a few hours and had lunch. Scotty took a few dives off the buoy. We kayaked and paddle boarded as usual, and then we packed up all our sandy beach equipment one last time.

On the way back to the condo, we stopped at Jack in the Box with Scotty's parents. It's a tradition to eat at Jack in the Box when we are on vacation because we don't have them here. We gobbled up a few more tacos than we ever need to admit, and then we went miniature golfing (another thing on the incomplete list of things I won't do).

That night was our last night, so we did random food clean-up (where we tried to eat all the things we wouldn't be able to transport home) and played a card game with Scotty's parents. Then we crawled into bed for our last sleep in Tahoe. Normally I'm excited to go home to my bed, but I fell in love with the bed in Tahoe. We slept with the window open every night, so it got nice and cool. I had an ideal pillow situation (I brought two pillows from home and then stole one from Daisy after she fell asleep), and the comforter was nice and cozy. I usually toss and turn all night in hotels, and if we are traveling with other people, I'm always too hot because everyone likes it warmer than we do. But this time? I was in my zone!

On Saturday morning we woke up early so we could start the journey home. We put our sad faces on, made one last stop at Jack in the Box, and then made the barren journey back to Utah.

We had such a great vacation with a balance between activity and relaxation. None of us wanted it to end. I feel a little bit picked on having to re-immerse myself in real life. 

Lake Tahoe Days 4 & 5

On Tuesday we woke up early and headed to the golf course for the celebrity golf tournament practice round. We took all four of our kids, knowing that it might be an absolute nightmare, but taking the risk as not to impose our children on someone else's vacation time. They were pretty decent compared to what they are capable of. There were meltdowns and tantrums, but I expected Level 8, and they didn't go much past Level 6.

Level 4

Hole 18

Eva looking for celebrities

This year the kids got free pin flags, so that was fun. They were able to take them around and get autographs. The line-up wasn't as impressive as last time (i.e. no Justin Timberlake), but it was still a lot of fun.

The golf course was very peaceful and quiet, and that's something I'm not accustomed too anymore, so it really surprised me. It also made my kids seem especially loud. Thank heaven for Larry the Cable Guy because he brings a lot of noise. I think he might be the only celebrity out there who's having any fun. He pulled up in his golf cart, turned up his music, and sang to Daisy.

She was so embarrassed, and she totally hated it. We all loved it, though!

We hung around holes 16 & 17 for a long time, and the kids were able to get a lot of autographs. Larry the Cable Guy and Alfonso Ribeiro were really the only ones we knew. Most of the celebrities in the tournament are retired athletes with a few big-name athletes in the mix (Steph Curry, Aaron Rodgers, and Alex Smith, for example) but none of them were there while we were there.

It's my dream to see Charles Barkley play in person. He ended up showing up Wednesday and pairing with Larry the Cable Guy. That would've been quite the twosome!

Our goal is to be quite the twosome as well

When we went to the golf tournament three years ago, I sent a selfie to my sister-in-law while I was in the porta potty and texted, "Everything is just fine in here." Since then, it's become a tradition to send selfies from various bathrooms to my sister-in-law. It was magical to go back to where it all started.

No really, everything is fine!

On Tuesday evening, after we left the golf course, we walked around the town and bought some souvenirs. We also stopped in for ice cream at the Nestle Cafe. One family left that day and another one arrived. We stayed up late playing games.

On Wednesday we had another beach day. Scotty, the kids, and I headed out early and got a spot at Pope Beach. We had great weather! The wind died down a lot, and it was the perfect temperature. The rest of the family rolled in around lunch time. We spent the day on kayaks and paddle boards. The kids were thrilled to play in the water with their cousins. It was a great day with the perfect balance of relaxation and adventure.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lake Tahoe Days 1-3

Three years ago we went on a family vacation to Lake Tahoe. This year, my in-laws decided they wanted to go again, so we packed up our van and joined them for a week on the Nevada/California border.

It was that original trip to Tahoe that clued us in to the joys of paddle boards and kayaks. We have since purchased four kayaks and one paddle board, so this time we were fully equipped to enjoy Lake Tahoe (though we left one kayak home).

The view from the road near our condo

We left on vacation on a Saturday, and the drive there was basically a restroom tour of the west desert. The bathrooms from Salt Lake to Lake Tahoe leave much to be desired (they are all disgusting). We stopped an average of once per hour - sometimes at real bathrooms and sometimes on the side of the road. Other than the danger of rattle snakes and scorpions, the side of the road was preferable. One of our stops was at the restrooms on the salt flats, so we let our kids go walk on the salt for a while, which resulted in a very salty ride for the eight hours following.

Zoe walking on the salt flats

(Note that she is wearing a nightgown with a dress over it)

We arrived in Lake Tahoe around 4:00 pm and got checked into our condo. Then we went into town and had dinner at a burger shop and picked up our groceries. I pre-ordered our groceries from Raley's, and I have to say, Raley's was horrible. I could write a whole post on that, alone, but I'm trying to move on with my life.

On Sunday, we went to Sacrament Meeting. We had talked about going to church, but packing the clothes kind of slipped my mind, so we went in our vacation clothes. Our kids were just as disruptive as they are in our home ward. We are a spectacle everywhere we go.

We tried to go on a hike after church, but the mountain was so packed with people that we couldn't find anywhere to park. Cars lined both sides of the road for miles, and every parking lot was full. It was my own personal version of hell, so we went back to the condo and then went to a few parks. I was pretty miserable on Sunday. I was really fatigued and ornery. My kids drove me crazy asking when they could go swimming and when they could play mini golf. I wasn't sure if I was going to survive the vacation.

Don't be fooled by my pine cones, I was super ornery this day

Monday was our first beach day. It was fun, but there were some issues too. It was windy so we spent a good chunk of the day chasing our stuff and saving other people's stuff. There were no bathrooms nearby, and some lady's dog peed on our chairs multiple times. Despite the problems, we enjoyed the lake. The closest buoy had a ladder on it, so Scotty and Nicky were able to climb it and jump off. We were near the river, so we had our choice of paddling in the lake or the river. There were giant, hideous tadpoles for the kids to catch and bald eagles flying overhead. I set off on my own for a while in the kayak and rowed through hundreds of lily pads and saw a mama duck swimming with six babies on her back.

Kids playing in the lake on our first beach day

Being out on the water by myself was the first time I've felt peace in a long time. I have been struggling with a lot of inner turmoil lately - I've felt physically, mentally, and spiritually lost, and despite my best efforts, I can't snap out of it. So being able to go out on the water and truly be alone for a while was very healing. I made several short journeys out on the water during this vacation so I could keep experiencing that.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Dinner Party: Fictional Characters

Several months ago, I started a series of dinner party guest lists. My first list was celebrities. Then I made a list of deceased persons.

Today, after having a list in my draft folder for nine months, I'm ready to share my dinner party guest list of fictional characters. This was a hard one that I kept going back and forth on. The list was a lot longer, but I whittled it down. I feel like there are a few characters missing, so I'll add them over time as I think of them.

Guest #1: Death from The Book Thief

To be honest, I'd happily eat dinner with every character from The Book Thief and Markus Zusak, himself. But that would fill my table a little too quickly (and Markus doesn't really qualify for this party since he isn't fictional), so if I have to pick one character, it is Death. I love the depth of this character, and I love that Zusak portrays Death's responsibilities with compassion and with weight. Death is fascinated with humans, and the work of taking their lives is sometime burdensome. He takes time to pause and to "see" them. "I'm always finding humans at their best and worst. I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both."

I would rather enjoy sitting across the table from Death and having some meaningful conversation.

Guest #2: Elizabeth Schuyler from Hamilton

I realize that Eliza Hamilton isn't fictional, but the musical had to take some creative liberties in developing her character, and I love what she became. Throughout the story she was strong, she was noble, and she suffered adversity. In the end, Eliza was everything. I love the depiction that Lin-Manuel Miranda created for this woman.

Guest #3: Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

Valjean and Javert are two of my favorite characters, and I would gladly have either or both of them to dinner. Each would yield a unique conversation - Valjean who had to choose between life and abiding the law and Javert who was so rigid in obedience that he would rather die than venture into the gray area.

Come to dinner, my friends. Let's talk about this.

(Actually, this just gave me a great idea for my next dinner party guest list: Rivals! Oh yes! I'm already formulating).

Guest #4: Benjamin Linus from Lost

If there's one thing I'm a sucker for, it's a damaged character with a fascinating back story. So why not add bug-eyed Benjamin Linus to my guest list? He is so purely evil when you first get to know him, but then you learn his back story. And there's that grand question - if you could go back in time and kill Benjamin Linus as a child so that he would never grow up to do what he did as an adult, would you do it? Would that be justified? Would it be ethical?

Benjamin Linus is one of my all-time favorite characters, and in the very last episode of Lost, his last scenes are some of my favorites of the whole series.

Guest #5: Robin Hood

I've been crushing on Robin Hood since I was a toddler. I usually say that my first crush was Marty McFly, but really, he's in competition with Robin Hood. I think I fell for both of them around age three.

There isn't a particular Robin Hood I choose, but I have to say that even as a cartoon fox, Robin Hood is pretty sexy. My favorite line from a Disney movie is, "Marian, my love, will you marry me?" I used to love the idea of someone disguising himself to win a kiss from me in an archery tournament.

I think what's so romantic about Robin Hood is that he satisfies both the bad boy and  the good boy criteria. He's got that criminal streak going on, but all in the name of serving the poor.

I'll feed him dinner. You bet I will!

Guest #6: Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights

As far as strong women characters go, Tami Taylor is one of the tops. She has courage, she has influence, and she stand up for what she believes in no matter the risk. Tami is my girl.

Guest #7: Tom Riddle from Harry Potter

Wouldn't it be fascinating to pick the brain of Tom Riddle, pre-Voldemort? Oh yes. Yes, it would. It would be a lot like meeting with a teenage Benjamin Linus. It doesn't matter what happens at my dinner party - Tom Riddle will still become Voldemort, but I want to study him and observe him and see what I see in him. Will he make me feel uncomfortable? Will he be convincing? It's all very complicated. I wonder what he eats.

___________

Characters who didn't make the cut: Snape, Veronica Mars, Timothy from The Cay, Jonas from The Giver, Kirk from Gilmore Girls (for comedic relief), JD from Scrubs, and Charles Widmore from Lost.

Classes I Wish Were Required for Life

I don't claim to be highly educated, but I've spent a fair amount of years taking classes and going to school, and every now and then, I take a class that makes me think, "I wish everyone would take this class!" I'm sure there are many more classes I would feel this way about if I ever took them, but in my limited experience, here are a few classes that I wish were required for life:

Class #1: Marriage Prep

I got married when I was 19, and while I wouldn't necessarily recommend that everyone marry young, one of the reasons it worked for me was because of the effort I put into getting ready for marriage. This included taking a marriage prep course wherein I learned about commitment, communication, conflict, and key conversations that couples should have before they wed. I didn't know it at the time, but that class made all the difference.

When I was working on my degree in Marriage and Family Studies, this was a topic that came up frequently, as research has shown that taking a marriage prep course (or doing counseling as a couple prior to marriage) decreases the chances of divorce in the early years and decreases marital violence. Some states offer a reduced price for a marriage license for couples who take a class or do counseling prior to getting married. It's not a significant amount of money (especially if you consider the time you put into taking a marriage class or counseling and the cost), but it's something. Utah just passed a law earlier this year granting couples a $20 discount on marriage licenses if they do three hours of counseling or six hours of marriage prep classes before they get married.

(I am signed up to become a PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator, myself, but I haven't finished my certification course yet. Maybe I should get going on that).

Not only do I think everyone should take a marriage prep course, but I think everyone should continue getting marriage and family education after they get married. Maybe some John Gottman workshops or even the Marriage and Family Relations course from the LDS Church. Those are only two of many quality learning experiences that are out there.

Class #2: Parenting

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage."

Whatever order things go in, I think parenting classes are very helpful. And if a "parenting" class is not your thing, a child development course is also useful but doesn't focus as much on disciplinary techniques. However, I think it's important for parents to learn about effective discipline as well as other parenting behaviors such as active listening, de-escalating conflict, and even sharing parenting responsibilities with a spouse. There are so many parenting strategies that I was naive to when I had Nicky, and if I hadn't learned some of them, I'd be far worse off than I currently am. I am not a natural at parenting, and if I were to rely solely on my own instincts and reactions, my children would be doomed (heaven help me!)

Child development is also very helpful because you gain an understanding of appropriate expectations are for each stage. I remember when Nicky was 9 months old - he started to pull my hair and punch me in the face. I kept trying to put him in time-out for it, and I went to the library and checked out a bunch of parenting books - most of which recommended their strategies for ages 6 and up. I was shocked that I couldn't find any books to tell me how to punish my nine month old.

Now I have a very different perspective of discipline and punishment, but it took some education to get there. I'm not saying I follow through with the greatest parenting techniques, but I do know them, and while I don't think parenting is a one size fits all practice, I think it's wonderful to get some ideas and tools to work with.

Class #3: Money Management

I don't think I need to explain this one in great detail. Managing finances with wisdom is a wonderful skill. At my junior college, a finance class was required for all students. I learned so much (and this is one more educational experience that helped me prepare for marriage, though I didn't acknowledge that at the time).

Scotty and I have also completed Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. I took another money management class at BYU-Idaho a few years ago, and Scotty did the self-reliance class with the Church.

Again, I don't live any of it perfectly (or even well, for that matter), but I know that Scotty and I are far better off financially because of this education.

Class #4: Research Methods

To be honest, I hated my research methods class in college more than anything. I had a horrible instructor who disappeared in the middle of the semester and then just gave everyone A's. It made me mad because I'd skipped several assignments, and I didn't deserve an A, yet I got one. What is my complaint? Well... If I'd done all the work and then found out that people who didn't do the work got A's, I would be infuriated! So I was mad on behalf of the people who actually did all their work. I've been in that boat before. I deserved a C in that class, and that's what I should have been given. I only want an A if I earned it. It's offensive to me to be given an A out of laziness (my instructor resigned the following semester).

BUT...

Despite my hatred of this course, it's one I think everyone should take. A lot of messages we receive in the media and in advertising are based on "research," and it's easy to fell prey to poorly-conducted research or deceiving research. For example, an advertiser can say something like, "People who followed this weight loss program lost twice as much weight as people who followed that weight loss program." Well, if people on that weight loss program lost an average of one pound and people on this weight loss program lost and average of two pounds, then that information is correct - This weight loss program resulted in double the weight loss, but what you don't know, unless you know how to read a research study is that the actual difference is only a pound and that neither weight loss program yielded significant results. Research methods, in my opinion, is a great course to help with discernment. I would probably add a statistics class along with research methods even though it's pure torture, but don't worry! I would gift you a statistics teacher as amazing as mine and research methods teacher far better.

_____

These classes have all made a big impact on my life and some of the things I've learned in them are things I wish everyone could know. What classes have you taken that you wish you could share with the world?

A Few Thoughts On Speaking

From June of last year until April of this year I was speaking at events pretty regularly. Five months ago I spoke to the youth in my ward. Afterward someone asked me, "Do you get nervous when you speak?"

The short answer is, "Of course I do!"

In fact, I go through a pretty routine breakdown every time I speak. BUT it's not right before or during my presentation; it's a few days before, while I'm doing my prep work - putting the finishing touches on my outline and tidying up my Power Point slides. During this time, I am fully convinced that I'm a fraud and that I have no right to teach the things I do because I don't live them perfectly. I feel worthless and overwhelmed, and I think, "This is the last time I'm going to do this. I'm not good enough for this."

In March I spoke at a Relief Society birthday celebration. A few weeks prior to the event, I heard a lesson taught by a woman who was so soft spoken, so proper, and so reverent. Frankly, it wasn't my Spiritual language at all. Not that it was a bad lesson, it just didn't penetrate my soul. I had a brief moment where I thought, "Is this what I'm supposed to be like?" As I compared myself to this other woman, I thought that maybe I'm not reverent enough, and therefore, I shouldn't be speaking at anymore Relief Society events. I can be quiet, in fact, a lot of people who don't know me well assume that I'm a very quiet person. I know how to shut up. I can do that. But reverence is a little different. But then I felt a prompting from the Spirit that said, "No. Be you. There will be women there who need to hear what you have to say in your way. There will be women there who speak the same Spiritual language as you."

I heard a woman who speaks professionally describe the exact same thing happening to her. She called it a "vulnerability attack," and she said that it often hits her the night before she speaks (she speaks about three times a week).

I was so relieved to know that it happens to her, too, because she's totally amazing. I don't think she's a fraud or a hypocrite. So maybe there's a chance that I'm not either.

After hearing her describe it, I realized that during my own vulnerability attacks, I feel exactly how Satan wants me to feel. I mean, if I were the devil, and I knew someone was preparing a message that could inspire and uplift people, I would pull out all the stops to make them think they aren't good enough and that they shouldn't share that message. And that's what pulls me through - knowing that I have a message that might inspire people and that Satan would do anything to stop me. It doesn't make it easy though. If anything, this battle against the adversary makes it harder.

Once I'm actually speaking, I'm fine. My nerves settle, and I get into a pretty good state of flow. One of the best compliments I've received after a speaking engagement was when a Relief Society President told me, "You made us feel like we were chatting with a good friend."

In April, I had one of my best speaking experiences so far. What made it great was not my own efforts, but the efforts of the Relief Society sisters who invited me to come. They did a survey among their sisters to see what they were struggling with (selecting from the topics I speak on). They invited four wards (my biggest audience ever), and they were able to tell me exactly what their sisters needed, so I was able to tweak my presentation specifically for them. Then the Sunday after I spoke, they had their Relief Society council on the topics I spoke on.

I loved that they did this. I appreciated that they really wanted to learn and grow and take in what I shared with them.

It's been a while since I spoke. I needed a bit of a break, and I had to turn down a few events because I felt like I was spending too much time away from my family. I don't know what my relationship is with public speaking from here on out - I will just go by the Spirit - but I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had. I've learned a lot about myself, and I've been able to share some things that are very special to me.

If I'm ever in a position to conduct job interviews, I will never ask people what animal they would be and why* (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I have a lot to do over the next two days, so I'm falling back on my usual technique of rebelling against my to-do list and blogging instead. Two of my biggest motivators for blogging are stress and excitement. I'm experiencing both right now.

Fact #2: Last night my phone fell in the toilet. This is the 4th time I've dropped my phone in the toilet (though it's the first time with this particular phone)- it's pretty much an annual tradition now. I often keep my phone in my back pocket, and even though I make a great effort to remove it before I pull my pants down to sit on the toilet (due to having it fall in the toilet in the past), I overlooked it late last night and PLUNK! (gurgle, gurgle).

Sigh...

I was quick like a fox and got it right out, but I'm without a phone while it dries.

Fact #3: Here are some of the things I've tried to use my phone for today and haven't been able to: search for a zip code, order groceries, check my bank account balance, read my scriptures, listen to music, use the calculator, take a photo of a diagram in a book, look up a password, see if my library book has come in yet, and check traffic. I hate being dependent on my phone, but it's so handy!

Fact #4: I am struuuuuugggling so much with my kids this summer. I'm not getting a long with any of them, and none of them are getting along with each other. I've become so touchy and impatient with them. It's brutal!

One of my daughter's has been whining all day that she is bored, and I refuse to entertain her, so she is sitting next to me hitting her head repeatedly on the wall. I'm about to lose my mind. All of this is going on while her friend is playing in her bedroom upstairs alone. She has a friggin' friend over, and she'd rather hit her head on the wall than go play. This has been my summer.

Fact #5: I wish Nicky could drive. I would totally trust him to drive right now, which is pretty crazy since he's only 11, but I really think he would be a decent driver. Daisy, on the other hand, I don't think I will ever trust to drive. I will be a wreck when she starts driving, but I would hand Nicky my keys today if I could.

Fact #6: Nicky is so stinkin' tan. I don't know where it is in the genes, but my mom has very tan skin, and those genes skipped me and went to Nicky.

Fact #7: Zoe has the Black Eye of All Black Eyes right now. She got kneed in the face while playing on a bouncy slide a week ago. She bruised all around her eye and then from her eye to her jaw bone. Her face was swollen and puffy, and she could barely open her eye. It was so sad. The coloring around her eye has started to fade over the last two days, and the bruising on her cheek is yellowing. She's on the mend!

Fact #8: At a bridal shower over the weekend I was accused of child abuse by an elderly relative. She repeatedly said, "What really happened, Brittany?" and then she said, "Uh-huh. I used to work in the emergency room, and I've heard it all." Then she turned to my aunt and asked her if I beat my kids. I was furious, and I left the room and didn't come back until she was gone.

People have jokingly asked me if I hit my child, which really isn't something we should joke about, but I understand that they are kidding. This woman was not joking. She was relentless, and I felt totally attacked.

Fact #9: We've had a crazy, busy, fun week so far. We've been swimming a few times, had a couple of BBQs, went to the drive-in movie, attended a ward breakfast, participated in a neighborhood parade, went to dinner with friends, enjoyed fireworks, roasted marshmallows, and played several intense rounds of Tornado (I tried to find a link to explain what Tornado is, and I can't find anything. It's a basketball game that I absolutely suck at but have always loved, and apparently the Internet is oblivious to the wonder that is TORNADO!)

Fact #10: I've mentioned here before how much I love ordering my groceries online. It saves me so much time and frustration (as well as money since I'm a HUGE impulse shopper - if I see it, I need it). We will be going on vacation soon, and I planned out all of our meals and pre-ordered our groceries so they will be ready for us to pick up from the store the night we get there.

LIFE CHANGING!!!

*This was my former bosses favorite interview question, and I think it's the most annoying thing in the world. When he asked me this question, I randomly blurted out "cat," and then I had to think of a reason for cat. My first instinct was to say, "Because I'm house-trained," but then I made up some BS about being independent. 

Big Dreams & Little Sleep

For the past few years, I've been trying to define my relationship with lists. I'm very anti-"to-do" lists. I hate 'em, and as soon as something is written on a "to-do" list, I immediately rebel - even if I wrote the list. I get all, "You're not the boss of me, List!" Because of this weird rebellion, "to-do" lists rarely work for me. 

I am, however, a big list-maker, and that's why I'm like, "Gee Lists, what is this thing we have going on between us?" I've described myself as a list lover and a list hater, but it finally dawned on me the other day that I'm only a "to-do" list hater!

Ah-ha! I hate "to-do" lists! That's it! That's the relationship!

Other than that, I love lists. I have notebooks all over my house with different lists, and most of my lists are brainstorming lists... or idea lists. I am always writing out ideas. Most of them never come to fruition, but making the list is half the fun!

During the past few months, I've gone through a bit of a creativity drought. One thing I've wrestled with in motherhood is not being able to create in all the ways I like. The things I want to do aren't always feasible with little ones around. I've had to discover some new ways to be creative - and that has actually been good for me. One thing I've learned in my adult experience is that creativity doesn't always yield something tangible. I used to think that creativity was synonymous with crafting or art - there had to be a product at the end. I've created many tangible things over the years, some of which have given me great satisfaction and joy, but creativity isn't always about "making stuff." 

I've discovered some other outlets for my creativity - my blog has definitely been one of them. I started blogging shortly before I found out I was pregnant with Nicky, so I've had this creative outlet for the entire time I've been a mother, and it has been such a blessing for me. 

Another creative outlet I've discovered is the act of seeking personal revelation. That may not sound like a creative process, and for many people, it probably isn't, but for me it truly is. My personal search for revelation and for a relationship with God gives me a creative fix. I still need to explore this idea more and find the right words to describe it - this is something I only recently connected, so I'm still processing. 

Parenting - as much as I've struggled - has provided a lot of creative opportunities. Not just in the "entertaining my children" department, but in everyday problem-solving. Problem-solving is not always my favorite way to use my creativity, but I've had some times when I've had ideas that really worked well and were very rewarding.

Teaching and speaking are some other ways that I've been able to be creative. Writing my practicum for school really gave me the opportunity to create, and I've been able to take what I've created and share it with others (more on this in the future - I have a post about my speaking experiences in the works). 

My Church callings have required my creativity as well. I loved teaching youth Sunday school and coming up with ways to add variety and to connect with the teenagers. My new(is) calling of primary music leader clearly requires creativity, but I haven't yet learned to appreciate this creative "opportunity." 

Meal planning and vacation planning give me a bit of a creative fix. Creating meals and creating systems is rewarding for me. I enjoy preparing meals for other people, and I like the planning process for grocery shopping and packing (I don't like the actual packing, though, just the planning part where I get to make lists of ideas) (the actual packing is a "to-do" thing, hence my repulsion). 

I'm glad I have these outlets and that I've been about to make a connection with them as "creative tasks," but there are still some areas of creativity where I feel stifled. I love decorating and fixing stuff up and creating a nice living space, so I struggle with the fact that I can't put much creativity into my home right now (part of this is a time problem, part of this is a children problem, and part of this is a money problem). I also really wish I could choreograph dance. I have so many ideas, and that's the one thing I miss the most about dancing. I really enjoy interpreting and using music - I love creating movement and formations. I don't know how I would fare as a choreographer now since I can't actual do any of the things that I visualize in my mind, but if I had a group of well-trained, mind-reading dancers to work with, I could really get my creative fix! (I have one idea in particular that is making me itch - it would require some props from a junk yard). 

One of my life's biggest regrets is that I didn't do more musical things in my youth. I wish I would have done some choirs in school. I wish I would have learned to play an instrument. I wish I'd taken some music theory classes. I think I had the brain for it - I just needed to be taught. 

Right now I have a lot of ideas running through my head. There are a lot of things I want to create and a lot of things I want to do. In fact, I didn't sleep last night because my head was buzzing with big dreams. One thing I really want to do - that is completely out of my element - is write a song. I've had the title in mind for a few years. I think I can write the lyrics, but I don't think I could actually write the music. I might need to collaborate on that one. I have several ideas for books I'd like to write. There are things I want to make out of wood. I told Scotty yesterday that I want to buy a scroll saw, a helium tank, and a $2,000 snow cone machine. 

Big dreams, big dreams.

My problem is that when I get these big ideas - the kind I lose sleep over - I tend to try to do too much and I burn out (that's why my house has been under construction for three years) (well, that and kids). 

For now, I'll channel most of my creativity into breaking up my kids' fights and keeping track of their shoes (still brainstorming on how to make the latter possible - I've been working on that for nearly 12 years), but I hope there comes a day when I get to engage in more of the creative processes that I've had to set aside. In the meantime, I'll keep making lists of ideas.

The Parable of the Jelly Beans

My favorite flavor of Jelly Bellies is buttered popcorn. If given the opportunity, I'll sift through the container and pick out the buttered popcorn beans one by one. I find that people either passionately love or hate the flavor. There is no in between.

I was really excited when WinCo came to town several years back, and I discovered that they carried buttered popcorn jelly beans in the bulk bins. I could buy an entire bag of just buttered popcorn Jelly Bellies! So I did! It was small bag, of course, since Jelly Bellies cost more than bag of rare gems, but I was thrilled at the opportunity.

I brought the jelly beans home, ate them, and found that I didn't enjoy them as much when I had a bag full of the same flavor. It turns out that my favorite jelly beans taste much better when they are searched for in a sea of other flavors.

I was explaining this phenomenon to Shannon the other day for the purpose of simply discussing jelly beans flavors, but afterward (as I continued eating the jellybeans that my kids left on my bed, rendering them fair game) I pondered the different life lessons to be learned from jelly beans. In the case of the buttered popcorn jelly beans, there is a great lesson about opposition.

My buttered popcorn jelly beans taste better to me when they are among other flavors of jelly beans - peach, coffee, lime, root beer... Some flavors are better than others, and some are really easy to discard (even without the selection of dirt, vomit, and earwax). In order to really appreciate the buttered popcorn, I also need to have the possibility of eating the other flavors.

Shannon is a teacher, and she has often discussed with me how you can't teach someone something without also teaching them what it's not. For example, for a child to understand what RED is, it's not enough to show the child something red. The child also has to comprehend what is not red - green is not red. Yellow is not red. And only when the child understand what red is not, does she truly understand what red is. 

Likewise, how would we know happiness if we didn't know sadness? How would we appreciate health if we didn't also experience illness? Sadness, illness, and other hard things are jelly beans I don't want to eat, but if those things didn't exist, I wouldn't fully enjoy the buttered popcorn.

In the book The Upside of Stress by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, she discusses research that has shown that people who have suffered an average number of traumatic events are more satisfied with their lives than people who haven't suffered a lot of adversity (I don't know what the "average number" is - I'm not sure I want to know), but there's something to be said for hard things. I don't invite them, I don't want them, but I understand their purpose. They are the jelly beans we don't want, but they make the best jelly beans taste all the yummier!