Saturday, December 9, 2017

Dear Donny

When I was 23 years old, I helped plan a Christmas party for the women in my church. I spent a few nights in my living room working on some projects with the Relief Society committee. As we gathered around a folding table, chatting and laughing, I learned that these women all had the mega hots for Donny Osmond.

{from donny.com}

Being born in the 80's, I missed out on Osmondmania, so my first exposure to the Osmonds was when Donny and Marie started a talk show in 1998. I've always loved talk shows, and as a teenager, I was an absolute sucker for them, so I watched Donny & Marie every day. Initially, I didn't know that Donny and Marie had been anything else, but at some point I learned that they were Mormons. I told my mom this, thinking it was big news, and she presented me with a brief rundown of Osmond history. I learned that they came from a big family and that they lived in Utah and that Donny and Marie had a variety show in the 70's. The fact that they were Mormons, apparently, wasn't news.

Even though I became familiar with Donny Osmond when I was a teenager, it wasn't until that moment in my living when the ladies from my ward began fanning themselves and saying things like, "Woooo, Donny!" that I began to understand that Donny's face had once adorned the walls of millions of girls all over the world. This revelation gave me pause because 1) At the age of 23, I didn't really comprehend that women in their 40's and 50's were still capable of having a crush and 2) I'd never seen Donny as anything other than a celebrity old enough to be my dad.

Fast-forward ten years to when I met my friend, Shannon. One day Shannon revealed to me that she has a late-bloomer crush on Donny Osmond. I found this incredibly amusing, but by this time, I understood that women of all ages will have crushes on men of all ages for all of time (the older I get, the smaller the age gap between Hugh Jackman and me seems).

After Shannon's revelation ("His voice is like butter," she says) I did what any good friend would do... I started making Donny Osmond memes for her. We exchanged Donny memes pretty regularly. Then I made them into a book for her for Christmas last year.


A few weeks ago at the library I was hoping to find a good biography to read. I was excited when I saw Donny Osmond peeking at me from the shelf. I grabbed it and sent a picture to Shannon. I didn't intend to read it, but I thought it might be fun to thumb through as a representative and friend of many Donny lovers, so I checked it out.


That night I started reading it, and I got hooked. I ended up entering an intensive course of Osmond study. While reading the book, I was simultaneously watching clips from the Andy Williams Show. I also looked up photos, like the one where Merrill licked his lips and appeared to be sticking his tongue out at the Queen. I checked out news articles, magazine covers, and music videos. I've now listened to several hours' worth of Donny Osmond interviews with everyone from Howard Stern to our local news personality, Bob Evans.

The book ended up appealing to me because I am obsessed with the human experience. I love learning about what makes people who they are. I thrive on studying behavior, choices, and lifestyles. With that comes an interest in fame and how it affects people, particularly children (this is why I have to invite Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber to my celebrity dinner party and why I have a secret desire to nurture the crap out of them).

Donny's story is especially interesting because he entered show business as a child and dealt with all of the fame that came with that, but he is also a Mormon, so he had to balance two lifestyles that are in opposition. A lot of people in that position end up feeling like they need to choose one or the other because there is such a contrast (Chelsie Hightower, for example), but Donny was able to make both work, and I don't think that was an easy feat. Upholding values while the industry demands something different is nearly impossible, but Donny did it all while being criticized for being a goody-goody.

The book touched on Donny's faith a little bit, but it wasn't an overarching theme. He discussed some of his family values and how his parents made sure they had "family night" every week. He reviewed a few doctrines of the Church where they were relevant and mentioned very briefly his marriage in the Salt Lake Temple, but the book was not really a religious piece. I would love to someday have the faith-based side of the story because I know that there are many spiritual components of Donny's story that aren't in the book. Plus, the book is out-dated, and there are years' worth of new experiences to add. Perhaps he can tell me about it in person because my new life goal is to meet Donny Osmond and help him write that book.

Even though his biography only briefly touches on Donny's religion, he has been very open about it in other forums. One thing that impresses me about Donny Osmond it that he has an amazing ability to uphold his faith and still connect with the people who are criticizing him for it. He has to face some pretty irreverent questions about what he believes, and he handles it with such class. He will go so far as to say to someone like Joy Behar, "What you're saying is not correct," but he does it with an admirable measure of love. Donny is also a very forgiving person. He has many reasons to be angry and bitter, but he is incredibly merciful.

One recurring element of Donny's story is the struggle of his image. This is one of the aspects of his life that is really interesting to me because it's part of the experience of all humans. Do we not all wrestle with who we are? He talks about the "image" of Donny Osmond - the performer, the entertainer, the man on stage - and what he would consider the "real" Donny Osmond. Much of his life has been spent navigating that gap. He also shares some experiences where people have been very cruel to him. People hate him simply because he is Donny Osmond. He tells a story about some deejays in Tampa who refused to play his song, "Soldier of Love." He called them up and said, "This is Donny Osmond. I'd like to know why you won't play my song." Their answer was essentially, "Because we don't like you!" Donny ended up flying to Tampa to arm wrestle one of the deejays with the agreement that if Donny won, they would play his song.

(He won).

{from donny.com}

I've never not liked Donny Osmond, but now that I've learned a lot more about him, I really admire and respect him. I dare say that Donny Osmond now has the coveted number one seat at my celebrity dinner party, and my newfound level of fandom is very timely because today happens to be Donny's 60th birthday! So happy birthday, dear Donny from this fan who only knows "Puppy Love" from the times you've grimaced and sang it to talk show hosts as a full-grown man.

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