The Chaperone Strikes Back

September Writing Challenge:

Opportunity

I’ve been to more high school dances as a parent than I ever went to as a teenager. Last weekend Scotty and I had the “opportunity” to chaperone our school’s homecoming dance (an “opportunity” I’ve had a few times in my old age). Here are some of my thoughts and observations after partaking of this wonderful experience:

A lot of the songs the kids get excited about are from the early 2000’s - in other words, my era. I laugh because they think they own those songs, and they give no acknowledgement to the fact that their parents listened to the same music when we were their age. 

They sing and shout weird things I don’t understand.

Most of the kids walked into the dance, down the stairs, and straight out into the courtyard (outside of the dance). Then they would come running inside when they'd hear one of "their songs."

School dances (at least where we live) are more like clubbing than dances of yesteryear. All of the songs run together, and there are no slow songs. 

We watched a group of girls sit at a picnic table and take selfies all night. They did nothing at the dance except try to take pictures that made it look like they did something.

I am an old lady of fragile hearing.

Ibuprofen is a must for chaperoning school dances.

This dance was so dark! You couldn't see a thing! I think they needed to turn more lights on. Reasons:

1. So the clothes can be somewhat seen (what a waste of a cute homecoming dress!)

2. Kids kept tripping on the stairs

3. Photos

4. So the kids can find their friends

5. Safety all around 

There is no point in decorating. The decorations were destroyed within 15 minutes (partially because it was so dark that the kids kept falling down the stairs and taking the decorations with them).

Two hours is plenty! Now everybody go home!

- The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion Vol. 2

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It would probably be suitable to post a picture of Daisy in her dress or with her date, but I didn’t take any photos! Mom fail! I’m relying on another mom to hook me up. 

As recompense, here is a photo of Scotty and me at prom in 2000 (I was a sophomore, and he was already graduated - the scandal!)

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Other posts I’ve written about school dances:

An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations (special high school dance chaperoning edition)

Prom Things

Prom Things

Daisy went to prom for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Learning the ropes of the modern-day school dances has been a challenge for me. My kids go to the same high school I went to, so some things are the same, but a lot of things are different.

Having a date is no longer a requirement. People attend in all sorts of configurations. Tickets are for individuals (whereas they used to be for couples). Things are less formal, at least at our high school. At homecoming you have everything from gowns to jeans and Hawaiian shirts. I don’t think anyone rents tuxedos for formals anymore. There are no longer professional photographers at the event. They usually only have one slow song. 

I’ve learned that, when it comes to dances, my job is to make sure my kids have clothes and flowers (and flowers aren’t always an expectation anymore). Other than that, I only step in if I’m asked. I started off trying to help with a lot of things with Nicky, but it only caused frustration. Now I just tell my kids to let me know if they need help with anything. I don’t give suggestions or offer specific assistance u less they request it. If I think they’re going to miss their dinner reservation, I just let it happen. If they don’t have someone lined up to take their photos, so be it. 

The day of prom, a Facebook group showed up on my feed where there was a discussion about proms. A parent asked a few questions, and the people participating in the discussion were from all over the country. I was fascinated by what they said about their proms. Here are a few things I learned about proms:

Some are planned by student government (that’s ours), some by teachers, some by committees, and some by parents.

Some schools require the students to meet at the school, and then they are bused to the prom location.

One school said they host a breakfast from 12-2 a.m. to try and keep the kids sober (I don’t know how that helps).

Ticket prices range from free to $300 per ticket! (Ours are $15 per ticket, and people complain that it’s too much).

Some schools only allow certain grades to attend prom (ours is “junior prom” but all grades can attend. The junior class plans it, and the royalty is selected from the juniors).

One school said the attendees travel convoy style with a police escort from prom back to the school for a lock in event (they stay at the school overnight for activities).

Some proms have sit down meals and different “rooms” with rented activities like bounce houses, arcade games, etc. 

Multiple schools said they issue random breathalyzer tests. 

I’ve heard of schools reducing the number of dances they hold each year, and I’ve heard of schools completely eliminating dances. Our school has six dances per year, so that ends up being almost every six weeks. I don’t think I’d be sad if our school reduced the number of dances. Especially now that I just have girls. It’s heart breaking when my daughter doesn’t get asked to the dance, but it’s also stressful and a source of worry when she does! It’s an experience I want my kids to have, but at the same time, school dances have been a huge pain in the tuchus. 

The Musical

In looking at the remaining prompts in the gratitude series I was doing, I decided to quit because they’re dumb.

So that was fun.

Perhaps today I’m grateful for the right to give up. 

Instead… here are a few things I’ve been doing lately…

Painting props for the musical

Watching the musical

Selling tickets for the musical

Doing concessions for the musical

Watching the musical

Sneaking hot dogs into the musical

Prepping gifts for the musical

And watching the musical

One more performance to go, and then we are all looking forward to Thanksgiving break (can you believe I’m saying this? If you know me at all, you should be shocked that I’m looking forward to five days off school).

Back to School

My kids go back to school tomorrow. School seems to start earlier and earlier each year. August 13 is the record thus far. I don’t really care - in fact I think I like it… other than winter break being 18 days long… 

18 days!!!!

My girls went to bed tonight awash with anxiety and nerves. Well, Daisy and Zoe, at least. I think Eva’s okay. She’s in her last year of elementary school, and she has a ton of friends and one of our favorite teachers, so she’s going to be just fine. Those other two, though… I love the school year, but I hate dealing with their anxiety. Daisy gets insecure, irritable, critical, and physically ill. Zoe gets whiney and irrational. I have to try and stay calm, empathetic, and reasonable when all I want to do is scream.

So that’s fun.

But anyway… yesterday and today we have been busy getting ready for school and enjoying our last few moments of summer. I made daily checklists for everyone, organized Eva’s room so she can start off on a tidy note, and made a list of home lunch ideas. I went over everyone’s class schedules, made them pack their backpacks, and had them choose their first day outfits. We did priesthood blessings and went over a few rules and expectations for the school year (for Zoe it was like the world was ending when I told her she can’t watch any TV until her afternoon checklist is done. Heaven forbid you complete 7 minutes of responsible tasks before you turn on Gravity Falls!)

On Sunday our kids participated in their grandma’s annual back to school fashion show. The kids do this every year - they strut the red carpet in a few new school outfits, and then Grandma gives everyone a bag of school supplies and a book. 

Then last night we had our traditional back to school dinner. Every year is a little different. Sometimes I do a theme, sometimes I don’t. This year I did a theme, “If you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.” I decorated with sunflowers (everything of which I already had) and then I gave each of my girls a sunflower pencil pouch with a bracelet, a pen, and a pack of sticky notes inside (all with sunflowers) and then a pair of sunflower socks. We ate BLTs, tater tots, and mixed fruit made from all the random fruit in our fridge that needed to be used up. Then I made Daisy bake us some brownies for dessert. 

I made that pennant banner about five years ago, and it’s still going strong! I got the sunflower garland on clearance at Hobby Lobby last year.

Sunflowers from my garden

Zoe

Eva and Daisy

(Eva happened to wear a sunflower shirt that day, completely unplanned)

(I always love when I’m able to use things I already have).

Today was a whirlwind. I went to the junior high for a few hours with Zoe for her orientation. Then I had to get Daisy to the high school to help her theatre teacher do some work on her classroom. I came home, watered the garden, and then got everyone ready for an outing. My mom picked up Daisy and then came and got the rest of us, and we went to lunch and to get pedicures. Nicky called unexpectedly while we were out and about. Today was his last day in the MTC. He had to turn his phone in at 4:00 pm and will be issued another one when he gets settled in Puerto Rico, so he was able to call home. 

After lunch, we had our pedicures. Now everyone has nicely polished toes for school (in an era where they refuse to let anyone see their “dawgs” - why is everything so weird and pervy nowadays?) 

 Zoe has some sensory struggles, so she wasn’t the most pedicure-friendly child, but she likes the way her toes turned out. The lady doing the pedicure just kind of gave up on her. 

My mom and Daisy

After our pedicures we came home, got some stuff done around the house, and ate dinner. Then we went to see Freakier Friday for our last hurrah before school. 

Tomorrow begins a new school year and a new routine. I have kids in three schools again (last year I got a break and only had two schools). Pray with me that Daisy passes her driver’s test the first go round and feels confident enough to drive herself to school starting mid-September. That will help me maintain my sanity (I say that as if I have any left!)

Here’s to the 2025-26 school year! 

Happy It Happened

Eighteen years ago, one of my friends, Christie, and I overlapped pregnancies. We worked together at a special education school, and we left our jobs at the same time to stay home with our babies. I had my baby boy in December, and Christie had her baby girl in June. Now our babies are seniors at the same high school. 

When she was in kindergarten, Christie’s daughter, Brianna, was diagnosed with autism. Now, as a senior, Brianna loves telling everyone that she’s a senior, and that she is going to graduate in the class of 2025. Brianna was cast as Moana in our school’s Unified Theatre (special education) production of Moana Jr this year. 

Brianna, Nicky, and Jesus after their final Moana performance

After the musical ran its course, Christie asked Brianna if she was sad it was over, and Brianna said, “No, Mom! I’m happy for Moana!” So Christie decided that, instead of focusing on all of the “lasts” that come with having a senior, she would think of all of these final experiences for Brianna as “happy it happened” moments. I love this idea, and every day we get closer to graduation means we are having more “happy it happened” experiences. 

Just a few minutes ago, Nicky was telling me how last night he was laying on the trampoline with some friends, and he started realizing, “This might be the last time we do this!” He’s beginning to feel the winds of change looming. Tonight he went to a restaurant with two friends and thought, “This might be the last time we do this!” So I told him about Christie and Brianna and being “happy it happened.” I encouraged him to not worry about whether it’s the last time, and just be happy it happened. He liked that idea (which is so rewarding as a mother because this kid does not like any of my advice). 

Here are a few “happy it happened” moments from this week:

We went to see Jersey Boys. Nicky saw it at Tuacahn back in the fall and fell in love, so when I saw that it was playing at The Ruth, I bought tickets for Nicky, Daisy, Scotty, and me.

Our show ended up getting canceled, so they re-booked us a month out and gave us four comp tickets to use toward another show. We ended up using our free tickets for another viewing of Jersey Boys and went with… none other than… Christie! 

We’re glad we got to take Nicky to see one of his favorite musicals before he leaves on his mission. It might not be a “last,” but Nicky isn’t as available to us as he used to be, so we have very rare moments of spending time with him. We’re happy it happened!

In addition to Unified Theatre, Nicky was also involved in Unified Sports as a “partner.” Partners are general ed students that assist the special education students. Nicky has participated in soccer and basketball, and this week they had their Unified track meet.

Since Nicky is in a boot, he was entered in the wheelchair/walker 100m. I thought he was going to be assisting another student, but he was actually signed up to compete as an athlete in the race. Some of the buses from other schools ran late, so when it was time for Nicky’s heat, it was just him and a student in a wheelchair. Nicky held back to make sure the other student crossed the finish line first - that is the spirit of Unified.

Nicky with Evie after she ran away from her coach and needed to be taken back

Nicky getting hugs from Kevin and Jesus

Christie and me with our juice

This was the last track meet for Brianna and Nicky, and we’re happy it happened!

Finally, Nicky had senior night for tennis. 

Tennis… sigh… this is a hard one. Nicky looked forward to tennis season all year. He was team Captain. Then he hurt his leg and had to sit out the rest of the season. It was pretty devastating. He continued going to every practice and match to support his team. He was recognized at senior night with the other graduates. He has a banner hanging on the tennis court. It has been sad not having him play. I have missed watching him. 

But we’re “happy it happened.” Not the leg injury, of course, but all of the good things aside from it. 

So Long, Harold

For the past six months, Nicky has lived and breathed Harold Hill. The first three months were preparation for auditions for The Music Man, and the last three months have been rehearsals and performances. 

It has been quite the experience, and let me tell you, this kid worked his tuchus off. 

He never felt worthy of the role and always thought that someone else would have been better suited for it or deserved it more. I have Mom Bias, but I know without a doubt this was Nicky’s gig. It was always meant to be Nicky - he was 100% made for it. Likewise, Addie was the perfect Marian. They were ideal for the roles, and their chemistry was unmatched.

Addie and Nicky

Monday night was the final show, and as I sat in the auditorium, I thought, “Who will we be tomorrow?” Our lives have revolved around The Music Man for so long that I'm not sure what happens now. It's affected all of us - Nicky first and foremost, but Daisy was also in the musical, and the rest of us have been in the supporting wings. 

Daisy in the middle

We've heard Nicky's shower performances for months, and the songs have played continuously on our Echoes and in the car. Nicky has watched the Robert Preston movie almost every Sunday since the musical was announced in May.

The first time I got to see Nicky on stage as Harold was in a dress rehearsal the week before the show opened. I helped with hair and makeup prior to curtain call, and then I snuck in to the auditorium. I was immediately taken in by the opening song, "Rock Island." 

Nicky in "Rock Island" 

the moment you find out that he's Harold Hill

The kids cast for the scene nailed it, and I smiled through the entire number. I was blown away by Daisy's friend Leo, whom I almost couldn't recognize because his stage presence has grown so much since he played Chuck in Footloose earlier this year.

Leo with his stache

(he had more lines in this musical than Nicky 

had collectively in the three musicals prior)

A few minutes into the show, Nicky sang "Ya Got Trouble," and my reaction was, "Oh my gosh! My son is Hugh Jackman." Again with the Mom Bias, but he was amazing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. That became my favorite of Nicky's solos (though I loved every single one) because that song showed the audience what he was going to give them for the whole show. It was like he was saying, "This is what you're here for!" with a promise of high energy and entertainment. 

Here are some photos from some of his other songs:

"76 Trombones"

"The Sadder but Wiser Girl"

Nicky with his friend Clayson 

These two are always a hit together on stage

"Marian the Librarian"

(this is most of the casts' favorite scene)

"Til There was You"

One thing that has been so fun about having Nicky do theatre for the past four years is getting to know all the different kids involved and to see them grow in confidence and performance. I am always just as excited to see all of them do the shows as I am to see my own kids. I've gotten to know their individual talents and strengths and the various personalities that combine to make a really good production. 

It hasn't quite hit us yet that it's over. There are some emotions looming, and there have been some sad things transpiring in the past 24 hours, but Thanksgiving is keeping our minds busy. Fortunately Nicky is involved in a production of Moana here soon with Unified Theatre, which is a combination of general and special ed students. That gives him something to look forward to. 

I'm so proud of Nicky for what he has accomplished in these past several months. He gave Harold Hill his heart and soul, and he was absolutely stellar on stage. One thing I didn't anticipate until I saw it happen was how aerobic the role of Harold Hill would be. Nicky was on stage singing and dancing for almost the entire first act. 

By the time "Marian the Librarian" started (which is about an eight minute song), he was always drenched in sweat and completely exhausted, but the scene was so important to him that he always gave it his all and kept that energy flowing. 

A little sweaty

(he ended up ditching his suit coat for this scene after 

a few test runs because he was always too hot)

I am still stunned that Nicky ended up with the lead role. Two years ago he specifically stated that he would never want to be a lead in a musical because it would be too much work. Six months ago he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. He has taught me so much about change and growth this year, and I am in awe of him. I hope he knows now that he was worthy to be Harold all along. 

Rednecks R Us

Two weekends ago was our high school’s Sadie Hawkins dance. Daisy asked her friend Leo. They had a group to go with, and then everyone in the group bailed. After their initial group fell apart, they had another group, and then they didn't, and then they did, and then they didn't... and this is kind of how things went with homecoming, too, so I've decided that, from now on, we're planning a family vacation over every high school dance, so darn it! My kids can't go! (I'm going to need a pretty hefty vacation fund since there is a dance about every six weeks). 

Anyway, since the group dynamic kept falling apart, we figured Daisy and Leo would end up going to the dance "alone," so we were trying to help Daisy plan the event. I kept trying to help her make a plan for dinner before the dance, but she didn't know where to go. She also wanted someone to go with them because she thought it would be awkward to eat with just Leo (it's amazing how weird these kids are about eating in front of each other. Was it like that when I was a teen? I don't remember). 

On the night before the dance, I got an idea and thought maybe my mom would be willing to drive Daisy and Leo (and Scotty and me... because we would, of course, tag along for such an adventure) in her motorhome. We could go get takeout somewhere and park somewhere fun to eat in the motorhome. Then my brain really got going, and I thought, heck, we should dress like rednecks. And oh! We can take them to a Walmart parking lot to eat! Oh! And we can put a stuffed animal on the side of the road and pull over and act like we're picking up roadkill. 

In the end, here's how things went:

My mom had plans that night so she couldn't be the driver, but she told us we could use her motorhome. 

On the day of the dance around 1:00 pm, we got word that four additional kids would be joining us. 

I bought stuff to make nachos for the kids. 

After we picked up the motorhome, I went and drove around looking for a place to take photos before the dance. I wanted to take pictures in front of the water tower, so I needed to find a good spot. While I was driving past the water tower, I found a dead skunk on the side of the road. A dead skunk!! Right there!! And I thought... I have to utilize this skunk! I just have to. If you don't think God has a sense of humor, here's evidence to the contrary. On the day I was planning to drive around in a redneck outfit and take photos of my kid in front of our city's iconic water tower whilst pretending to scoop stuffed animal roadkill off the road for dinner... there was a dead skunk on the side of the road right where we were going to be driving. And it didn't even stink (except that it actually did, but it wasn't skunk smell. More on that later...)

Scotty and I got dressed up real pretty, and my friend KoriAnn joined us (her son ended up being one of the kids who joined Daisy's group at the last minute).

None of the kids knew what was happening. They just knew that we were going to pick them up around 5:30. 

We went to each kids' house and honked the horn, then stood outside and yelled for them to come get in the motorhome so we could take them to the "t-shirt prom." When we got to KoriAnn's house, there were some people looking at the house next door (it's for sale). We made quite the scene and probably scared that family right away. 

We told the kids we were going to take them somewhere "real special" for photos and dinner. Then we drove over to the water tower. We started yelling when we saw the skunk, and we pulled over and told Daisy to go get a shovel. 

(There are supposed to be videos here, but I can’t get them to upload, darn it!)

Then I did one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever done, and I ran out in the road in front of a car and claimed my roadkill.

I took the skunk in the motorhome and presented it to the kids, rejoicing that I got them some free dinner!

Not really. I left the skunk on the side of the road behind the motorhome where they couldn’t see. I’m not THAT gross. Scotty and I had a garbage bag with a lifejacket in it, and we put it in one of the exterior compartments of the motorhome so I could grab it and carry it in. I bagged the shovel for sanitation, and that's when we realized the skunk was smelly. Smelly like carcass. We ended up having to air out the motorhome just from the shovel. 

I know, I know. It's disgusting. I'm sorry. But we had to do it. You get that, right?

Then we took some photos at the water tower and headed to our fancy dinner location - the Walmart parking lot. 

We fed them nachos with ground skunk meat (wink, wink). Then we told them they could walk over to the Wendy's and get themselves a nice frosty, so the kids left for a while, and we adults sat in the motorhome and laughed our heads off. 

After the kids came back, we drove them to the school and parked in the parking lot for a bit so we could have a quick birthday celebration for Leo (homecoming was on Daisy’s 15th birthday, and Sadie’s was on Leo’s). We sang "Happy Birthday" (redneck style - Scotty played the mouth harp) and gave Leo presents. He was super embarrassed, as we knew he would be. Then we pulled up to the doors of the school and let everyone out. 

Nicky happened to arrive right as we pulled up to the doors. He had no idea we were doing this, so we jumped out of the motorhome and started hollering for him, "Nicky! Hey Nicky! It's your mom and dad! Hi son!"

He ran straight into the school while all of his friends laughed. He was mortified! It was a dream come true!

In all honesty, the kids just tolerated us and thought we were idiots. They couldn't get away from us fast enough. But we adults had the time of our lives, and it proved that we all really need to get out of the house more. 

The next day, for the sake of my self-esteem, I really needed a good hair day. I rocked the redneck look, but I needed proof that I don’t look like that everyday. It took me a few days to fully snap out of character, though.