Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Currently {Ain't Nobody Got Time for That Edition}

Reading: texts for  school. While they are fascinating and providing me with knowledge that will be very useful in my life, they are not fulfilling my need for indulgent reading. Must. Read. Something. Soon. But ain't nobody got time for that!

Procrastinating: getting back into a regular exercise routine. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Craving: a Calypso Peach lemonade. So dangerous! And sugary! I'm working on quitting.

Dreading: a group project I have to do for school this week. Group projects... Blech! Ain't nobody got time for that!

Wearing: running clothes. I went for a run at 7:00 this morning, it's now nearly 7:00 at night. I stink, and I need to shower, but ain't nobody got time for that! 

Needing: to go outside and plant some starts in my garden while it's not raining, but ain't nobody got time for that!

Suffering from: a cough and a tid bit of sinus pressure. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Thankful for: my health - mental and physical. I have been thinking a lot about the ailments of the body and mind lately and the impact those ailments have on people, and I am so grateful to be in a good place mentally and physically right now. 

Enjoying: having a baby around the house. She is a time-consuming, little thing, but I am so aware of how quickly this phase goes, so I am happy to let other things wait while I snuggle and swoon over Eva.

Proud of myself for: only eating one piece of pizza when I usually eat significantly more (I'm not even going to throw a number out - you might be shocked).

Frustrated by: both of my instructors for this semester. I hate when a class ends up being more about interpreting the instructor's directions than actually learning the material.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

Looking forward to: vacation! We have two vacations planned for this summer. One is mini and one is a bit larger. The fun all starts at the end of June.

Wishing: that vegetables tasted more like eclairs or cheesecake.

Splurging on: shade for our back yard. I found a really good deal on an aluminum gazebo at Sam's Club (think $800 off!!) We've never been able to afford to have an awning put over our patio, so we've roasted in our back yard for years. Now we have a small amount of permanent shade to enjoy.

Loving: the new fence Scotty built around our garden to keep the chickens out. 

Hoping to: have a really structured, well-organized, fantastic summer break with my kids. 

Worried about: the classes I registered for for summer semester. It is a six-week semester, so it will double my typical workload. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

One Month Later

Yesterday was Eva's one-month birthday. My kids are a little disappointed that we didn't celebrate with cake and presents. Daisy is particularly baffled by Eva's age. We've had this conversation more times than I can count:

Daisy: Mom, how old is Eva?

Me:                   weeks.

Daisy: But how old is she?

Me:                   weeks!!!

Daisy: So, is she one?

Me: No. She doesn't have years yet. Just weeks.


Me: Daisy, she is                  weeks old.

Daisy (yelling): SO? WHO CARES? 

(90% of the conversations I have with Daisy end with her yelling at me and saying "So?" "Who cares?" "I don't have to listen to you!" "You're the stupidest!" or "Says who?" Her newest thing is, "I'm going to kill you!" which is just greeeeaaaaat!)

In all, things are going exceptionally well. There are some challenges, too. For example, on Thursday I went to Sam's Club, and I needed to buy quite a few things. I wore Eva in a carrier on my chest to free up space in the cart. Zoe did okay sitting in the cart for all of five minutes before she started doing downward dog on the seat (You guys! This is insane! She does it all the time. She puts her feet up on the backrest and her hands are on the shopping cart handle. It is so, so dangerous! And such a battle to get her down from that position!) Eventually - like, as soon as the cart was so full that I could barely steer it - Zoe started a huge cling-to-my-legs tantrum. I tried everything I could think of to not have to pick her up, but she ended up running to the front of the shopping cart and parking herself there so I couldn't go anywhere. The logical explanation of, "You're going to get run over!" wasn't effective, so I had to walk around the cart, pick her up, put her on my hip, and push the dang cart to the register. But, of course, Zoe couldn't just sit calmly while I carried her. She had to flop forward and start flailing her arms and legs while I held her around the waist, still maneuvering the cart and hoping Zoe didn't kick or hit the baby on my chest. Then at the register, I had to put her down, which resulted in more leg-clinging, while I tried to load everything on the conveyor belt. The entire thing was ridiculous, and yet, that is my life right now. Every trip out of the house results in something

I have come to terms with the fact that my life is utter chaos, so even though I often want to pull my hair out, I am coping well overall.

In honor of being one month post-partum, here are a few things to celebrate:

Thing 1: I have energy again! Most people with a newborn would be described as sleep-deprived. I don't feel that way at all. I might, in fact, be sleep-deprived, but it's nothing compared to the fatigue I experienced during pregnancy. I can do so many more things in a day now than I could a month ago. 

Thing 2: Food tastes good again! And with that, I have been meal-planning and cooking again, and I love it. The only problem is that I feel like I have to make up for nine months worth of taste aversion by eating ALL THE THINGS!

Thing 3: I have a little bit of bladder control! I can sneeze, cough, and jump (to a minimum) without... you know...

Thing 4: I can take ibuprofen. Other than the two I took in the hospital, I haven't needed any ibuprofen for anything, but there's something so freeing about being eligible for it.

Thing 5: The Crazy is gone. I was very fortunate to only have two weeks of psychotic hormonal episodes. Actually, it was less than two weeks. I remember waking up one day and suddenly feeling "normal." I counted the number of days it had been, and it was day 12. I didn't think I was going to stay normal (I just assumed I was having a good day), but I've been fine ever since.

Thing 6: I can stay awake past 9:00 p.m.

Thing 7: I can shave my legs, paint my toenails, and buckle my strappy sandals.

Thing 9: I don't have to keep my grabber by my side at all times (don't get me wrong, I still use my grabber regularly because it is awesome! But I can also bend over and pick something up the old-fashioned way if I need to).

Thing 10: I haven't had any dreams about David Spade.

Friday, May 8, 2015

I Still Haven't Seen the Latest Hobbit Movie (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: So... This happened the other day on our street:


Just in case you can't tell, the bottom of the telephone pole is GONE. Yep. It's just a-danglin' there by the wires. No big deal.

Fact #2: Scotty graduated last week! Well, technically he graduated last June, but he got to wear the fancy cap and gown last week and shake some dude's hand and have his name pronounced all wrong and whatnot.


Fact #3: That lei was approved by my OB/GYN.

Think about it...

Wait for it...

If you don't get it now, you never will.

Fact #4: We went to the Scouting Expo last weekend and saw this:


Look closer...


Yep. That's a teepee with a sign that says "pole dance." 

Is there a pole dancing merit badge? If so, that's news to me.

Fact #5: Winco has gummi chicken feet right now. I think they're hilarious! And you can even feel the toes in your mouth when you eat them!


Fact #6: I went for my first post-baby run the other night. I did much better than I expected. It helped that it was raining. I love running in the rain (just not half marathons and there musn't be wind!)


I felt like I was really slow, but when I finished, my average pace was only a few seconds slower than my pre-pregnancy pace (and that's with slowing to a walk twice so I could fiddle with my iPod). I was amazed because I was 2-3 minutes slower per mile while I was pregnant (further proof that pregnancy is messed up!) and I thought I'd still be around there for a while. Now I need to start working on building up my distance and managing the oncoming heat!

Fact #7: This is Twinkie, the Naughtiest Bunny in the World and Master Escape Artist.

Earky 2015

She keeps getting out of her bunny chamber. After her first several escapes, she remained in the yard, and we were able to catch her, but the other day, my neighbor drove over in her jazzy chair with Twinkie in a purse. Apparently Twinkie likes a challenge.

Fact #8: I am so not interested in school right now. It's torture trying to do my homework. 

Fact #9: Eva and I like to practice our facial expressions together.


Fact #10: I have a bit of an obsession with lemon. I'm going to make these pancakes for Mother's Day. I hope they're good! 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Where They Went Wrong

For a while now, I've had some thoughts brewing that I have felt I should put into a blog post, but I haven't quite been able to articulate what I want to say. I have the impression that someone, somewhere needs to read this. That is not to boast, nor to attribute anything wonderful to myself, it is only to say that I feel this needs to be shared, even if it is only for one person out there to stumble across and benefit from.

I have always been fascinated by and curious about families. When a couple gets divorced, I want to know why. It's not that I want the "hot gossip" or the "inside scoop." I'm just genuinely interested in why marriages and families succeed or fail. I want to know why a couple who has been married for thirty years finally decides to split up. Mostly, I want to know if Scotty and I are anything like that couple. Is there something in our marriage that I can't see? Something that would eventually bring us to the point of divorce?

Likewise, for many years, I have observed families whose children stray from the values they were brought up with, and I have seen the devastation this brings the parents. Particularly religious families. As a religious person, there are many values I hope my children will take with them through adulthood. They have their agency to choose or deny those values, of course, but it is my ultimate goal to raise children who will live the same values I do (hopefully they'll improve upon them).  I hope that my children will serve missions, wait until they are married before having sexual relations, refrain from drinking alcohol or doing drugs, get a college education, and live an honest and good life, in general. Some of those values are frowned upon in today's society, and I know there will be people reading this who thinking I am close-minded or judgmental. There's not much I can say to convince you otherwise, but I will say that it's okay if your values differ from mine. We can still be friends. I don't look down on you or think you're "bad." I also know that my children might not choose to live my values, and while I might be disappointed, I will still love and cherish them.

When I have seen families who have children who stray from their values, I have always wondered where did they go wrong? I'm not intending to be judgmental, but I want to know what triggered the straying so I can know if Scotty and I are leading our children in that same direction. I've always been especially curious about the families who have seemingly done everything "right" - the ones who have always been great examples of Christ-like service and who have followed all the counsel of the prophets. They had family home evening, daily prayer and scripture study, and the whole bit! Where did they go wrong? I've also been guilty of looking at families who haven't "done everything right" and assuming I have the right to say where the foul up was.

A while ago, I read a book called Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard. In this book, Goddard recounted an experience of Carlfred Broderick, an LDS psychologist and family therapist. Broderick was serving as stake president when he was called upon to give a blessing to a woman who appeared to bring family misery upon herself by her choice in husbands. She had married in the temple, and shortly after, her husband left the Church. He ended up luring all four of their children into his "faith-deprived lifestyle." During the blessing, Broderick discovered, through revelation from the Lord, that this woman "had chosen to take these trials as part of her covenant to rescue some of God's children who would struggle in mortality."

Broderick shared this story in a BYU Women's Conference address entitled "The Uses of Adversity," which you can read here. He explained of this woman, "She... had signed up for hard children, for children who had rebellious spirits but who were valuable; for a hard husband who had a rebellious spirit but who was valuable. The Lord alluded to events in her life that I hadn't known about...I repented. I realized I was in the presence of one of the Lord's great noble spirits, who had chosen not a safe place behind the lines pushing out the ordnance to the people in the front lines as I was doing, but somebody who chose to live out in the trenches where the Lord's work was being done, where there was risk, where you could be hurt, where you could lose, where you could be destroyed by your love. That's the way she had chosen to labor."

It was probably common for people to look at this woman and think where did she go wrong? They would probably then identify her husband and assume she shouldn't have married him. Surely her children wouldn't have strayed if she hadn't married that man! But no one really knows that. People might have also thought that she raised her children too permissively or that she didn't teach them correct principles. Are those assumptions true? We can never know. The point is, it's very possible that the answer to "Where did she go wrong?" is "Nowhere. She did exactly what the Lord needed her to do."

This story completely changed the way I think about wayward children. I no longer wonder where the parents "went wrong." I now look at them and think of the special task they have been given, and I remember that God has orchestrated our lives to a greater extent than we realize.

Monday, May 4, 2015

100 Things: Five Years Later

The other day I was thinking about years of blogging past, and I remembered how, many years ago, it was popular for bloggers to have a "100 Things" page, where we would share 100 things about ourselves as an addition to the information on our "About Me" pages. I became curious about how much has changed in my life in the past few years, so I went back and found one of my old "100 Things" pages. Just for fun, here are my 100 things, originally written in 2010, with updates in bold (in other words, quite possibly the most boring thing you'll read today. Feel free to skip this one):
1. I believe that pancake batter was put on the earth to make shapes and letters with. I am an artist, and the skillet is my canvas. Meh. Most of my pancakes are boring circles these days. 
2. I am a total board game geek. Party games (Catchphrase, Apples to Apples, etc.) are fun, but strategy games are my love (Settlers of Catan, Agricola, Risk, etc). Still true. 
3. If God granted me one gift, it is my ability to dominate baby and bridal shower games. If I want to win I will, and I never cheat. I’m just really really good. I don't know if this is still true because I never go to bridal or baby showers anymore, and if I do, they are usually "open house" style.
4. Sometimes I’m so worried that people will think I cheated that I keep my high score a secret and let someone else take home the prize. Probably still true.
5. I’m not kidding.
6. I have no respect for people who cheat at shower games. Consider yourself warned. Still true for any game, not just shower games!
7. Have I mentioned that I don’t like bridal/baby shower games? Holla!
8. I also have an amazing ability to smell burps from long distances. Yep.
9.  One of the most difficult decisions I have to make on a regular basis is what kind of toilet paper to buy. I feel like there is no right answer. Oh my goodness! Still true! Though I've decided I don't like Quilted Northern.
10. I love books and often buy them simply to lend them out. I still love books, but I rarely buy them anymore. In fact, I've gotten rid of over half my books. 
11. I have a bit of an addictive personality and go through obsessive phases. Still true.
12.  I like having parties and get-togethers, especially for unusual things like St. Patrick’s Day or the season premiere of Lost. Not so much anymore, though I love inviting people over for BBQs or weenie roasts. I don't host large get-togethers anymore unless they are obligatory birthday parties for my children. Even then, I try to find a way out of it. 
13. Deep down, I think I’d make a really good sketch comedian. I just need to get over my self-consciousness, and I could totally take Amy Poehler’s spot on Saturday Night Live. I feel like the anchor desk for Weekend Update is waiting for me. Huh. I don't even know what to think about this. 
14. Since I’m not a sketch comedian, I try and fulfill my dreams by dressing up like SNL characters for Halloween. I haven't done this for years. Mostly because I no longer watch SNL.
15. I play the piano, the guitar, and the harmonica just a little bit. Not enough to impress anyone. Still kind of true, but I have to cross guitar off the list since I don't remember a single chord.  
16. I’ve dropped out of piano lessons twice; once when I was five and again when I was 21.  True.
17. I’ve always planned on truly learning to play the piano at age 27 because that’s when the organist at my church started learning to play the piano. Whoops!
18. I never talk about how old I am on my blog because I’m worried that people won’t take me seriously. Not true anymore. I'm 31. 
19. I’ve been faking 30-ish for about four years now. I guess I'm no longer faking.
20. I’m really close to 27, though. I’m 27. Ha!
21. I was born at 2:29 a.m. on New Year’s Day. Still true!
22. Don’t believe what you see on TV. New Year’s babies come home with the same free crap that all the other babies do. It's all a ruse!
23. I use words that my mother-in-law doesn’t approve of, like: sucks, butt, fart, and crap. Indeed.
24. I’m trying really hard to stop calling people douche bags, though, because I’m a mother. I no longer say douche bag. Okay, I slip up about three times a year.
25. I hate the ‘F’ word. True.
26. I have social anxiety. Very true, except a professional recently dropped the 'social' and diagnosed me with general anxiety. Either way, I've got problems.
27. It’s bad enough that my doctor recommends medication for it, but I try and get by without it because I’m horrible at remembering to take pills daily. Still true.
28. I’m paranoid of going to places I haven’t been before. If I’m going somewhere unfamiliar, I need to have someone go with me, or I need someone to give me an exact description of how to go there. Still true.
29. When I say how, I don’t mean I need a map. I mean that I need to know the culture of the place and how to act while I’m there. For example, if it’s a restaurant, I need to know if I’m supposed to wait to be seated, seat myself, or stand in a line. I need to know if I pay my server or pay at a counter. I need to know everything before I go somewhere because I can’t handle trying to figure it out when I get there. Yep.
30. Part of my anxiety is my inability to function in crowds. Yes, yes, yes!
31. I always do my shopping, movie going, and dining out at weird times so I can avoid people. Mmmhmm.
32. I’m very punctual. Even if I try to be late, I’m still on time. Yep. Even with four kids, I haven't been late to anything yet.
33. My second and third toes are longer than my big toe. Call the circus! We’ve got ourselves a FREAK! Still true.
34. I have a really good memory, and I’m terrified of losing it. I can't say this with confidence anymore, but maybe I will enjoy my memory a little more when I'm not two weeks post-partum.
35. I’ve always picked up on names very easily… Still true.
36. …which makes it frustrating when people don’t remember who I am. Um, yeah.
37. I’ve learned to answer to “Bridget,” “Tiffany,” and “Courtney.” Still true.
38. I love playing volleyball. Probably still true, but I haven't played in a few years. 
39. I could love playing basketball if I didn’t have to make contact with other people’s sweaty, pushy bodies. Still true. 
40. That’s why volleyball is so great: no forced contact, and there’s a net between the enemy and me. Hooray for nets!
41. I love taking pictures… I'm not as passionate about it as I used to be.
42. …but I can’t find time to master the art of editing. I actually got pretty good at using Photoshop, and then I quit editing photos when I had Zoe since I was too overwhelmed with three kids. Now I don't know how to do anything cool anymore.
43. I never make my bed. Still true. 
44. In fact, my entire bedroom is an awful mess. Hanging head in shame (still true).
45. I love to chug orange juice. I feel like it rinses my soul. It does rinse the soul! And it perfectly compliments a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant.
46. Bed jumping is allowed at my house. Not anymore. My kids got too big.
47. I have numerous celebrity crushes. Hugh Jackman 4-Ever!
48. I get sinus infections a lot. Yes, I do.
49. I have a terrible time falling asleep at night. Sometimes.
50. Nothing knocks me out – NyQuil, Tylenol PM, and the like have a reverse effect on me. True. 
51. I am fashion-impaired. I can’t dress well to save my life, though I try and try and try. Still true, but I don't try as hard as I used to because I don't care as much as I used to.
52. I love make-up, but I’m not very good at putting it on. I wouldn't say I "love" make-up anymore. I appreciate it. 
53. I have a lot of emotional issues with my face because I had terrible acne as a teen. Still true, but not as true as it was several years ago. Most of my scars are gone now.
54. Actually, I still have very bad acne, but after years of trying various medications, I found one that helps keep it under control (it’s called Evoclin). I rarely have to use Evoclin anymore. Soooooo thankful!
55. I look like Shrek. Yes, I do! We have the same face, but his is greener.
56. I know that it’s true because an honest twelve-year-old told me that I remind her of Princess Fiona. When I asked, “In human form or ogre form?” she didn’t answer. Her silence could only mean one thing… OGRE! She's 17 now.
57. Princess Fiona is just Shrek with hair and Cameron Diaz’s voice. I am Shrek with hair minus the green. Told ya.
58. I used to work in Special Education, but I quit my job when I had my son so I could be a stay-at-home mom. Yep.
59. I was very appreciated and treated very well at my job, so it was hard for me to adjust to life with a child. Yep.
60. Now I’m used to being unappreciated, so it doesn’t wear on me as badly. Yep.
61. As a teenager, I was fired from a donut shop by a sexist pig named Jorge. Don't even get me started on Jorge...
62. On that same day, I was chased down the path at La Caille by a raging turkey. I have a picture to prove it! (Thank you, friend, who stood by snapping photos rather than trying to save my life!)
63. During college, I worked at a dairy. Got milk?
64. I know my pints and quarts. Not so much anymore. I have to think a little harder about it.
65. I can also smell milk going bad long before everyone else can. Still true.
66. I can say the alphabet backwards. I stumble a bit these days.
67. Sometimes I karate kick my cupboards to close them. But not in front of my kids!
68. I act very strangely when no one is around. I don't know if this is true anymore since I'm never alone.
69. One of my most embarrassing moments was when my husband  came home from work early and caught me singing “Hot in Here” and trying to do the splits in the living room. That was a good moment. 
70. I was wearing his gym shorts. I still wear them sometimes.
71. I am related to at least 100 people who live within five miles of my house. Yep.
72. My parents got divorced when I was six. Yep.
73. As a result of re-marriage, I have nine brothers and sisters. That number is different now.
74. Together, Scotty and I have 22 brothers and sisters and over 50 nieces and nephews. Again, the numbers are different now. I don't even try to count anymore.
75. High heels hurt my feet, and yet… I still wear them. I don't wear heels anymore, but I still have a few neglected pairs I haven't had the heart to get rid of.
76. I hate swimming. Mostly, yes.
77. I look terrible wet, and I don’t understand what you’re supposed to do in a swimming pool anyway. Yep.
78. Growing up, I thought I’d never struggle with weight. Ha ha! Silly me!
79. I’ve gained fifty pounds in the past five years, and I’m not proud of it. I'm over it.
80. I don’t like Mexican or Italian food. Still not a fan.
81. I really really don’t like summer. But I've learned to appreciate the decreased sickness and the ease of not having to put coats on my kids.
82. I hate the heat, and I hate the lack of clothing that summer requires. Yes, that is all true.
83. I think fog is really cool. Crummy to breathe but awesome to see. Truth.
84. I struggle with housework. I can’t keep up on it. Yep.
85. My house is almost always a mess. Yep.
86. Especially my kitchen. Curse the kitchen!
87. I don’t mind loading the dishwasher, but I hate unloading it. Yep.
88. I don’t mind washing laundry, but I hate putting it away. Yep. I actually like washing laundry. Curse the putting away!
89. I never iron. Do I even have an iron? I should investigate that. I have an iron. I use it about once a year.
90. I’m a little bit of a hoarder, but not enough of one to be on Oprah. Oh goodness! I am not a hoarder anymore! And Oprah is gone!
91. I get bored with things easily. Yes, I do.
92. I own a bow. Like Robin Hood. But I never use it.
93. One time my bow string snapped my arm trough my arm guard. I’ve been nervous to shoot it ever since. It's kind of scary.
94. I am horrible at disciplining my kids. I don’t know if the problem is them or me. I’ve read several parenting books (something I swore I would never do), and I haven’t been able to find anything that works for us. It's not so much that nothing works. The problem is being consistent. I'm not consistent!
95. I make a pretty good door mat. I let people walk all over me. Not as true as it used to be.
96. I love Disneyland. Scotty and I have a habit of planning spontaneous trips there. It goes like this:
Let’s try and get out of town this weekend. Maybe we can drive down to Saint George. Well, there’s really nothing to do in Saint George so let’s go to Vegas. Well, Vegas is kind of boring, too, so we might as well go to Disneyland.
At first we’re just joking, but once we’ve discussed it, we usually end up going within the month. We did this three times within a twelve month period once (December, April, and October). We still love Disneyland, but we don't go as often as we used to.
97. My favorite ride at Disneyland is Splash Mountain. Zippity doo dah!
98. My favorite ride at California Adventure is the Tower of Terror. Such a good ride!
99. I’m a little bit claustrophobic. More like a lot claustrophobic.
100. I love air banding. True, but I tend to do more background dancing than air banding these days.

Friday, May 1, 2015

The Selfish Girl's Guide to Mothers' Day AND Wedding Anniversary

Let's say that next week is Mothers' Day and your anniversary, and let's say that your wife is me. Also, let's say that you are Scotty and that your wife (who, again, is me) thinks you probably haven't even thought about a gift for either of these occasions. And let's say that, even though your wife wants to be low maintenance, and wishes she would be happy with no gift or effort from you on these holidays, deep down, she really wants you to do something. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it's nice to be thought of.

If all of those things were true, then you might need a few suggestions on something to give your wife for these two occasions.

How about some lip gloss from Bath and Body Works? Remember how your wife used to always have lip gloss with her? She would probably still like to have lip gloss with her. It just doesn't happen because she has three daughters, and she can't take them to a store with lip glosses and lotions or they'll A) trash the store or B) convince her to buy them all the things.


You could always buy a new doormat for your front porch. Have you noticed that the one that's there now is really worn out, and instead of saying "Welcome," it says, "W?"

Door mat rules: no flip-flops, palm trees, or "beachy" things. Also, no dog-themes (i.e. "Wipe your paws!") Your wife does not live near a beach, and she does not have a dog, nor should you insinuate that your guests are animals. If you're not sure where you might find a suitable door mat, your wife might recommend Target, ShopKo, or Ross.

And remember how her cutting board split in half a few months ago? She probably wouldn't mind a new cutting board. It doesn't even need to be fancy. Just dishwasher safe!


Speaking of kitchen supplies, remember the other day when your wife said she'd really like some new kitchen shears?


She could also use a new bathrobe. It needs to be terry cloth (like a towel) and in the size 8-10 range. Yes, I just posted her size for all the internets to see, but if it results in an awesome new bathrobe, there is nothing to be ashamed of!

And if you're in a spendy mood (which, if you are Scotty, you are probably not... but just in case...) your wife probably wouldn't complain in your bought her Luke Bryan tickets (on sale today at 10:00), a family pass to the fitness center, or a new iPod.

Last, but not least, your wife would benefit greatly from a bottle of jDawgs sauce. Since no one has taken her to jDawgs since last summer, she definitely deserves the sauce.