Bittersweet
One year ago today, in the early hours of the morning, my grandma passed away. Just a few days prior, I stopped at her house unannounced to give her a copy of
the new Saints book. I caught her unawares, and. I could tell something was a bit off. It was late in the day, and she was in her pajamas and acting a little disoriented. What I didn't know was that her body was full of infection. A few days later she was hospitalized, and she was gone the next day.
My grandma at Daisy's blessing
My family asked me to speak at her funeral, and since then, I've wanted to do a write up of my talk for my own family history. Here is my talk from my grandma's funeral.
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For almost 30 years, I lived within walking distance of my grandma's house. It was always a blessing to be so close.
I think everyone in my family got to know different parts of Grandma, so the things that stand out to me might not be the same things that stand out to others, but there's one thing I think we'd all agree on, and that is that
our grandma loved us. Like, really, really
loved us. She was each of our biggest fans. I can say with full honesty that no one thinks I'm as cool as my grandma thought I was! And by the way she spoke of each of her grandchildren, I know that she felt the same way about all of us. She was so proud of us!
My grandma also loved her children and their spouses. She always spoke kindly of each of her daughters-in-law and her son-in-law.
She also dearly loved my grandpa.
When I was a teenager, my grandma told me that she and my grandpa decided young that they would stay together no matter what - that whatever happened, they would work it out.
I wondered,
Is it that easy? Can you just decide that and have it work? I don't know all the hardships they faced in their marriage, but they both held fast to that commitment, and now that I'm married, I know that's a decision that needs to be reinforced daily. I know that my grandparents experienced a lot of adversity during their lives together, and there were many times when my grandpa's health problems might have worn my grandma out, but she stood by his side.
Several years ago I took my grandma to a physical therapy appointment, and while we were driving, she was talking about how she had to care for my grandpa through various medical problems throughout their marriage. I remember her saying, "I never resented it. I just loved him." I admired her so much for that.
It was hard for her to lose my grandpa a decade ago. She often expressed how much she missed him, and she always wondered what he was going on the other side of the veil. My grandma was very prayerful, and she diligently studied the scriptures and attended the temple as her health allowed. I know that maintaining these practices brought her a lot of peace as she continued through life without her companion. She told me that she received confirmations that Grandpa was well and quite busy.
My grandma was a
patient woman. I don't know if she was always this way or if she became this way through life's experiences, but she was a calming presence in my life.
When I was a child, there was a day I played outside at my grandma's house and got my shoes wet. My grandma told me to put them downstairs by the fireplace to dry. Instead I put my shoes
on the fireplace. A few minutes later, my grandma started sniffing the air. Then she ran downstairs in a panic. A short time later, she came walking up the stairs carrying my melted shoes. Knowing my grandma's meticulous cleaning standards and intolerance for unpleasant smells, I thought she was really mad at me.
She wasn't.
But she gave me a very thorough lesson on all the reasons not to put shoes (or anything else) on the fireplace.
One of the iconic features of my grandma and grandpa's house was the tire swing in their backyard.
Zoe in the tire swing
One day I was spinning in the tire swing, and my grandma told me I better stop spinning so I wouldn't get sick. Knowing I was invincible, I ignored her. A short time later, at dinner, I suddenly didn't feel well. I ended up throwing up in my grandma's Jell-O.
She didn't scold me or say, "I told you so!" Instead, she just went to work doing what needed to be done to clean up and take care of a sick child.
Last summer my kids took their bikes to my grandma's house so they could ride around the driveway while my husband mowed the lawn. The next week my grandma told me she had something to tell me, but she didn't want me to get mad. She then informed me that at some point, my kids had taken their bikes inside her house and ridden around in her family room. She knew this because they'd left tire tracks in the carpet. I was mortified to think of my grandma going downstairs and finding this scene! This is a woman who raked her carpets in between vacuuming so there would always be pretty lines!
She wasn't mad, and she told me I wasn't allowed to say anything to my kids about it.
My girls on my grandma's deck
My grandma's back yard was amazing
My grandma was
observant. She always noticed little things - sometimes things people wouldn't want her to notice. She was very aware of other people simply through being watchful.
One time I fell asleep in the tire swing, and my grandma used clothespins to hang a dishcloth to shade my eyes while I slept.
Another time, she noticed I was wearing slippers (I had plantar fasciitis), and she was very worried about me because she knew that meant my feet hurt.
A few weeks before she passed away, she sent me home with a book to read on a topic that I really needed to study but wasn't humble enough to address. I can only guess, much to my dismay, that she was watching me closely enough to know what I was struggling with.
My grandma exhibited a lot of the Savior's traits. She emanated love, she was patient, and she was quick to observe. One more characteristic that my grandma had was that she was a
creator.
My grandma loved to
create. She enjoyed making things across various mediums - from wood, to fabric, to paper - even grape vines, which she took from her back yard and formed into wreaths. She liked to take things that already existed and embellish them or paint them to make them into something new and different.
My grandma taught me how to use a glue gun (and treated my resulting burns). She also taught me about important things like acid-free scrapbooking products.
When I was a child, she made each granddaughter a wooden doll for her bedroom This was a time when my grandma was
creative and patient and observant because I didn't like the color she picked out for my doll, and I threw a big fit and hid in the corner of the basement to cry about it.
Once again, she didn't scold me or call me ungrateful. She was watching me closely enough to know that I was going through some hard things, so she gave me some time to have my tantrum, and then she lovingly asked me what color or doll I would like. The truth was, my parents had just gotten a divorce, and all I could see was that my cousins were getting dolls that matched their bedrooms, and I had two bedrooms at two different houses, and I didn't know where I belonged or what color my doll was supposed to be. It wasn't about the doll. It was about not knowing where I belonged. I didn't know this, but my grandma did.
One of my favorite creations of my grandma's was her train-themed Christmas tree. My grandpa worked for Union Pacific, so our family always had a lot of train memorabilia. My grandma made train ornaments and took pictures of each grandchild wearing a conductor's hat. Then she put our photos in the windows of wooden trains and hung them on the tree.
A few years ago, she decided she needed to put her Christmas tree in a galvanized bucket - this was something she'd seen on TV. She was always excited to try new decorative things. It ended up being more complicated than she thought, so she had to call one of my uncles to help her get the tree straight. A crooked Christmas tree was never to be tolerated!
Some years she would call me over to help decorate her tree. It was the most terrifying responsibility I've ever been given (and I'm sure she moved everything after I left).
My grandma was really good at beautifying spaces through decorating, organizing, and cleaning. She did this in her home, in her yard, and in life in general. While she created many tangible and beautiful things, her creations weren't just crafts and home decor. She created a family, she created a home, she created an environment of love, and she created a legacy that will carry on for generations.
Very shortly before her passing, my grandma told me how creativity helped her heal during emotional times. She told me that during bouts of depression, one of the best things she could do for herself was create something. She encouraged me to do the same.
These thoughts from Elder Uchtdorf remind me of my grandma:
The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul... Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matted into our hands and mold it into something of beauty...
The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet or paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before - colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter...
The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come.
I love the idea of my grandma carrying this trait with her into the life to come. I'll always remember my grandma, Lois, as a loving, patient, observant creator... and my biggest fan.
My grandma at Eva's blessing
(this is the photo that was used for her obituary)
