Britt Who?

It has almost been a month since my last post. Don't worry, I'm not in the middle of a blogging crisis or anything like that. I'm just computerless while a guy named Adam who hates the song, "Mares Eat Oats," cleans up a few viruses for me. I'll return to blogging again soon. Look forward to future posts including the one about something I did that I swore I would NEVER do.

Is the suspense killing you?

Who Knew?

I started shaving my legs when I was in second grade. Now that I'm an adult, I look at the seven year old girls I know and wonder what on earth I was doing with a razor at that age. It's not my parents' fault - they didn't give me permission to shave my legs - I just started doing it, and over time they figured out what was going on but never really fought me over it since I had managed not to slice myself to bits. Part of the reason I started so young was because I had four older step-sisters, so I just did what they did. This is all to say that no one really taught me how to shave my legs - I just did it.

Last night I was reading a list of things that mothers should teach their daughters (there are many of these lists, and I can't seem to find the exact one to link to). One of the things on the list was to keep your legs straight while you shave your knees.

I was shocked by this because no one has ever suggested to me that keeping my legs straight while shaving my knees would be a good idea. In fact, I always assumed that the razor would chop up all of my baggy knee skin if my leg were straight.

So today, for the first time ever, I shaved with straight legs, and wow! My life is changed! It was so much easier!

So now I'm wondering if this is common knowledge? Do they tell you this in the maturation program (that I never attended)? Am I less of a woman for never knowing?

Here's to straight knees!

{via}

Fascinating Me

I've developed a habit lately of starting blog posts and never finishing them, so I have a pretty crowded draft folder right now. Most of the posts start off decent, but then I can tell where I lost my train of thought or got distracted by something. Conclusions have never been a strong point for me, so unfinished blog posts are just part of my life.

Today I was skimming through my draft folder, and I found this list of things about me:

• I am not really into movies. It's rare for me to watch a movie and feel like it was worth my time in the end.

• I have always loved the X-Men (so there is an exception to the "not really into movies" statement; I love X-Men movies). I find the characters fascinating and well-developed. I love the dichotomy between Magneto and Professor Xavier - it is so contrary to the usual good guy/bad guy relationship. I appreciate that there are reasons for the characters being who they are. I love a good back story!

• One of my favorite themes in literature and film is ethics. I love books and movies that explore standards and values and how they are changed by unique circumstances. This is one of the reasons the X-Men are so appealing to me. I love the question of whether mutants are a threat to the human race or whether they deserve the same rights and privileges as the rest of humanity. I especially like when there are strong arguments for both sides, no black and white, no clear right and wrong.

• I am a fanatical budgeter. I have all of our finances planned out six months in advance. This is crucial to my survival as a stay-at-home-mom. Do not confuse me with a couponer or someone who is looking to get stuff for free all the time. I do enjoy a bargain, but my time is just as important as my money. I do not stand in long lines or fight crowds to get good deals. I do not use my time to hunt down coupons. I can't. I just can't. But all of our spending is strategically planned so that we live within our means.

• I make a clicking sound in the back of my throat when I am deep in thought. I do it mostly when I am lying in bed, and it used to drive Scotty crazy when we were first married.

• My house is never clean. Parts of it are clean from time to time, but I can't remember the whole house being clean at once. Ever.

• I have generalized anxiety disorder (boo hoo, I know, I know). I can't handle crowds or unfamiliar places, especially when I am expected to take the lead. I have a really hard time talking to people I don't know, and sometimes I even have a hard time talking to people I do know. If I don't know what to expect from a situation, I avoid it altogether. I rarely go to weddings or showers, and sometimes I even skip out on family parties. I do all of my grocery shopping early in the morning to avoid crowds. If a parking lot looks a little too full, I will leave and not go in. I go out to eat during weird hours, and I prefer to shop outside of the five mile radius of my home to decrease the awkward and unexpected run-ins with people I know.

• I find temple weddings particularly awkward because after a temple wedding ceremony, the bride and groom always stand at the front of the room, and everyone is directed to congratulate them as we leave. There is no other way out of the room (short of running out cupping your mouth as if you are about to vomit, which, believe me, I have considered) - you MUST walk past the bride and groom to get to the door, and everyone is HUGGING!!! And if you only know the bride and not the groom (or vice versa) you have to decide whether it is more awkward to hug a complete stranger or to be the ONE PERSON in the room who insists on only shaking hands. 

• I'm not a sun and water person. I could go all summer and not step foot near a pool, and I would be just fine. I would love a nice tan, but I've had too many skin problems in my short life to justify exposing myself to the sun's harmful rays. Give me a sixty-five degree day with cloud cover, and I am one happy woman!

• When I'm alone and thinking, I make gestures, so if you ever walk in on me unexpectedly, I might look like I'm in the middle of a conversation. 

I'd like to think I am an interesting person, but after reading this list, I'm pretty sure I'm nuts (as evidenced by the fact that I like to take pictures of my chin as a butt).

Currently {August 2013 Edition}

Reading: The Elite by Kierra Cass. This is one of those books that I'm embarrassed to be reading (and enjoying). Sigh.

Watching: Master Chef and So You Think You Can Dance.

Procrastinating: finding a new dentist. August marks one year since my last check-up, and I'm having problems with the tooth that I have already had a root canal AND a crown on. I just can't win with teeth!

Wanting: some new dresses.

Craving: red velvet cheesecake and ice water.

Wearing: a pink top I bought from the thrift store (it has pockets - I am quite fond of pockets).

Relieved by: school starting in less than three weeks.

Stressing about: Nicky going to a new school. This is going to be a wonderful opportunity for him, but Nicky and I both have anxiety, and we do not deal well with anything outside our comfort zones.

Missing: my maid. She hasn't been able to come for a week and a half.

Excited to: participate in a 5k in a few weeks and actually RUN!

Neglecting: cleaning sidewalk chalk off the exterior of my house. It looks like we've been vandalized by a bunch of ruffian preschoolers.

Thankful for: God's tender mercies. We've had many of them come our way in the past few weeks.

Looking forward to: pants weather. I like pants.

BEANS!

Behold my beans:

I had two jars that didn't seal, so we got to have a little sample this week. They're softer than I want them to be. I'm not sure that there is anything I could have done differently, though.

While we were prepping these beans, Scotty and I watched Hitchcock, so now whenever I look at a jar of green beans, I think about Psycho.

There's nothing unusual about that, is there?

Honking at my Own Risk

Remember how I have a van?

And how my van makes me really happy?

And how I keep bringing it up?

Well, you may be interested to know that I found something about my van that I don't like.

It all started last weekend when I went to run a quick errand. I was second in line at a left-hand turning lane (that happened to be in a continuous flow intersection. Raise your hand if you know what that means). When the light turned green, the car in front of me just sat there, so I waited a second or two and then gave what was meant to be a courtesy honk.

Like, "Beep! Beep! Light's green!"

Instead of a courteous beep, out came, "HOOOOOOONK!!!!!!!!!"

I was a little startled, and I panicked when the person in the car in front of me threw her hands out the window. Ack!!! She wants me dead!

Then I realized that the woman in front of me was broken down. I felt bad about the wrongness of my honk, so I got out of my car and ran up to her and - after asking if she needed help - apologized for my honk. I gave her an elaborate explanation of how I have a new van (I didn't brag because her car was pretty old and shabby, and I didn't want to rub my awesome van in her face) and how that was the first time I had ever honked the horn, and I didn't mean for it to be a HOOOOONK!!!!!! but just a Beep! Beep!

As you can imagine, the woman looked at me like I was crazy, but she refrained from stabbing me, and I at least didn't drive off leaving her to think of me as a total scumbag.

(Complete van-obsessed weirdo? Yes. But scumbag? No!)

A few days later I found myself in the same situation (but in a regular intersection, if you were wondering), but this time the car in front of me wasn't broken down. The guy just simply wasn't paying attention.

Because of my previous HOOOOOOONK!!!!!!-ing incident, I was hesitant to try the horn again, so I waited approximately five seconds for the guy to look up and notice that the light was green. This particular light happens to be very short, and if you miss the light, you have to wait FOREVER for the next one, so after the five seconds, I knew I needed to give the guy a little Beep! Beep!

I talked myself through the process. "C'mon, Britt! Last time was just an accident. You will be so light of touch this time that the horn will sound light and fluffy and totally non-offensive." So I quickly tapped the horn twice and flinched as it went BEEEEEP!!! Beep, beep, BEEEP!!!!!

I don't know how it turned into that, but it was not at all what I was going for.

So now I know... my van has a mean horn.

Three Babies

Baby #1

I just spent nine months trying to not care about the Royal baby. I looked away from the headlines in the grocery store. I avoided the trending articles on the internet. I refrained from googling "Kate's baby bump" and using an itty bitty ruler to measure its progress on my computer screen.

All of this is not to be a non-conformist but to do my small part to give the poor folks some privacy.

But now Prince George is here, and I can't stop staring at pictures of Kate's beautiful hair and her blue polka-dot dress. I see links to new photos EVERYWHERE, and I...

CAN'T...

RESIST...

Baby #2

Jimmy Fallon just welcomed a baby girl. For some reason, I feel like a close friend of mine just became a father, which is weird because I have watched exactly ONE episode of Jimmy Fallon. Ever. And it happened to be last Thursday night while I was waiting for my canner to depressurize.

But through frequent viewing of YouTube clips from Fallon's show, I feel like we are close pals.

Oh, Jimmy! I'm so happy for you!

Now please announce the wee babe's name so I can stop obsessing over it.

Baby #3

One of my best friends had a baby girl yesterday. Her birth was a little bit of a surprise because she wasn't due until mid-August, but Momma went in for her routine check-up, and her blood pressure was high.

Today I had the opportunity to go see the baby in the hospital, and she is so perfect. Born early, she weighed in at 5 lbs 15 oz. She is the smallest baby I have ever held. I could have stared at her little pool ball head for hours!

This has been a good week for babies. Keep 'em coming!