Thursday, September 19, 2019

Brain Dump

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #30:

Brain Dump

I've hit the point where the writing challenge has almost caught up to me. I've stayed a few days ahead with posts, but as of the moment I am typing this, I only have one more draft scheduled. This might be when the writer's block sets in (...again. I started off with some writer's block, but then I found my flow for a while).

Here are some random things that have piled up in my brain over the past few weeks.

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Three weeks ago (with my doctor's supervision) I went off my high blood pressure medication. I had to change prescriptions since my meds were making me cough (took me nine months to figure out it), so I asked if I could try going off medication altogether before starting a new one. We gave it a shot... a five-day shot, to be precise. Yeah... I have high blood pressure still. So I'm back on meds. I'm going to try to be off them by the end of the year. That means I have to find better ways to take care of myself. That's some hard stuff.

I also weaned off my anti-depressants. Because why not be drug free for a minute? I've been okay so far. I'm actually doing really well, and I'm very high-functioning right now. Why can't I just be like this always? I feel like this is who I really am. Why must it ebb and flow? It's really sad to feel as great as I do with the constant worry that I'm going to hit my wall any minute. I feel like there's a cloud chasing me, and it will eventually get me. Again, why can't I just be like this always?

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One interesting thing about my use of anti-depressants is that I have always gone on them when I've had a three-year-old (the only exception being right after I had Nicky when I had terrible post-partum depression. That was the first time I was ever treated for depression).

All of my kids have been really difficult three-year-olds. Is it just a coincidence, or is that what pushed me over the edge four out of five times? I dunno. But I'm not anticipating having any more three-year-olds. Maybe the new age will be 15, and I'll get to start a whole new regimen. I'll let you know.

But maybe I'll be a little better off now than I was during the toddler years. Maybe I don't have to keep worrying about it. Maybe I'm in a season of life that will be better for me.

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With Nicky starting junior high and Eva being in preschool 4 days a week, I feel like our lives have entered a new phase. It's been really good so far. I mean, junior high has the potential to be just plain awful, but Nicky is doing okay (save for one incident that broke my mama heart).

This week Nicky was one of four students chosen to represent the school in a golf tournament. He played on a team with his principal and her boss. This is so cool, especially for a kid who has stayed under the radar and been overlooked for most of his life.

When Nicky started school this year, I wondered if it might be time for a cell phone, but I thought we could go a little longer without him having one. Then within the first two weeks of school there were at least 8 incidents where a cell phone would have been a real life-saver. I ended up ordering a phone for Nicky from Gabb Wireless. Gabb phones have a touch screen that can call and text, but they have no internet access, no apps, and they can't send or receive photos.

It's been wonderful!

But Nicky is the type of kid who doesn't care about having a cell phone. He didn't want one. I have to make him take his phone places.

(That won't be the case when Daisy needs one. Oh how I dread the day!)

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Speaking of Nicky...

He's kind of like an old man. His knees creak when he walks and up and down the stairs, and he likes to wake up early to watch the news (the news thing is really a big change for Nicky because up until this year, we have always had to shield him from the news because it would give him such bad anxiety). He also gripes a lot about "people these days."

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Lately I've been wondering if I'm a weird. I mean, I know I'm weird (aren't we all?), but I've been wondering if I'm weird weird. Like maybe people walk away from me after an interaction, and they think, "Holy crap! She's weird." This is leading me to all sorts of paranoid thoughts about people not liking me. Maybe I'm not likable! Maybe people just tolerate me. Oh my gosh, what if I'm not fun? I'm probably not fun because I don't like to go up high. Can I stay on the ground and still be considered fun?

Oh, hello, Insecurity! Way to take over my blog post. Ya jerk.

It probably doesn't help that I don't know how to talk to people, and I end up saying really weird things like, "I enjoy the sensation of my nostrils being stretched."

(OHMYGOSH, am I doing it? Am I being weird?)

Moving on...



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But on a slightly related note...

I've been trying to be better about talking to people lately. "Friendly conversation" is not something I'd consider a strength of mine. I'm more of a "wave hello and move on" type of person. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part, I don't really stop and talk to people unless they initiate it. I just assume everyone is busy and trying to get on with their days, and they probably don't have time to chat. Plus there's that nostril thing I was talking about...

But I really love connecting with people, and I think we can all use some human interaction, so I guess I need to do my part to make it happen.

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Here are ten things I'm a firm believer in:
  1. Twenty-minute naps
  2. Pockets in active wear 
  3. Dancing in the kitchen (or anywhere, really)
  4. Driveway recliners
  5. Dips and sauces
  6. Vans
  7. Temperatures in the 55-65 degree range
  8. Never skipping breakfast
  9. Journaling
  10. Getting up early 
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As you know, I love cooler temps (see #7 above), but I have to acknowledge that my aging body starts to get achey when it gets lower than 55 degrees. I go walking with some friends three mornings a week, and on Wedneday, it was 51 when we walked, and my legs an hips could sure feel it. It took a few hours to get them warmed up and comfortable again.

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And now I'm off for the day. If you made it this far, thank you for enduring my thoughts. 






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