Daisy has started talking about herself in third person.
“Daisy is hungry.”
“Daisy loves kitties.”
“Daisy is sleepy.”
Zoe and Eva picked up Michael Jackson’s trademark “Hee hee” and do it constantly.
Sometimes they moonwalk.
Sometimes that’s how I know they’re awake in the morning.
Eva won’t stop pinching everyone.
Daisy does Goofy’s laugh after she says something “funny” (ie. dumb).
“Ah-hyuck!”
Zoe and Eva ask me every day when they can have cell phones. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t have to have this conversation.
Zoe yells with every emotion. She is so loud! And she always makes repetitive sounds - either vocally or by tapping.
Eva asks for food all the time but won’t eat anything.
“Can a friend come over?”
“MOM!”
“Can we go to the Dollar Store?”
“How much money will you give me if I… eat at a tablespoon of salt?… hold this potato straight out of the oven for five seconds?… spritz pepper spray in my own eye?”
(The answer is NO MONEY. I will never give you money for your stupidity. Why, after all these years, are you still asking?)
“MOM!”
“What’s for lunch?”
(9:00 a.m.)
“What are we doing today?”
Messes on top of messes.
“When can I have a phone?”
“Can I play Roblox?”
“Do the griddy, Mom.”
“Can I look on Amazon?”
“I’m bored.”
“I’m bored.”
“I’m bored.”
“Ah-hyuck!”
“Can we go to McDonald’s?”
“Can I watch YouTube?”
“MOM!”
“Can I paint your nails?”
Neighbor kid comes over with a harmonica.
“I’m bored.”
“One, two, buckle my shoe…”
“That is so fire!”
“Will you buy me something?”
“What’s the next holiday? And what’s after that? And what’s after that?”
Fighting.
Fighting at the dinner table.
Fighting in the car.
Fighting while playing Nintendo.
Fighting at bedtime.
“I have a headache.”
(Every time someone is told to do a chore).
“I can’t find my shoes!”
“Hee hee!”
Sweat. Everywhere. Always.
Chafing.
So much sweat.
Boob sweat.
Back sweat.
Calf sweat.
(Why, calves? Why???)
“Can I get a phone for my birthday?”
“I’m bored.”
“MOM!”
“Daisy wants ice cream.”
—————
Me right now:
God must have a sense of humor because I went for a walk this morning and had a complete emotional breakdown a mile away from my house, and then I looked down and saw this sticker on the ground.
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