We have a German last name, and thus, people aren’t always sure how to pronounce it. For the most part, it’s not a big deal. We don’t care if people pronounce it incorrectly. In fact, we kind of expect it. But every now and then, our last name causes us some grief.
For the interest of this post, let’s pretend our last name is Koch, and that it’s pronounced like “Coke.”
One of the problems with having a last name like Koch is that when you say it aloud, people assume it’s spelled “Coke.” Because of this, I always say, “Koch. K-O-C-H,” and I spell it very slowly because I’ve found that when people are already assuming the spelling of your last name, they can’t process a different way of spelling. Even when I spell it for them, they will still spell it wrong. The other thing I have to say frequently is “Koch with a ‘K,’” because people always assume it starts with ‘C.’
When Scotty and I got married in the Salt Lake Temple, our sealer was a friend of mine. He was familiar with my maiden name but struggled with my married name. Twice before we went in the sealing room he asked us how to pronounce our last name, and then he still said it wrong. We just smiled.
(This happened to a relative of ours as well, and she asked the sealer to redo the sealing after everyone left the sealing room. I never would have thought to do that. I figure God knows how to pronounce our name. No big deal. Although sometimes when I’m mad at Scotty, I claim that we’re not really married).
When Scotty graduated with his bachelor’s degree, the guy announcing the names told the students that he is a linguist and therefore, was selected due to his expertise in pronouncing names. He specifically told the graduates that he would not need any guidance in pronouncing their names. He was kind of an egocentric individual, so Scotty and I were pretty excited to see if he would actually say our last name correctly.
He didn’t.
When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I decided to write my name on the card phonetically (this is what I do when I go to the temple so the ordinance workers don’t have to worry about my name - otherwise they end up asking me over and over how to say it). The lady doing the names still said my name wrong. Thus Scotty and I both graduated with our names pronounced incorrectly.
Again, we don’t really care. But we think it’s funny that, even when we do our best to set people up for success, they still get our name wrong.
Last week I had to pick up an order from Target. I was in a hurry because I needed to get my girls to their dance studio for class photos, so I got to the store right at 8:00 a.m. The gal running the customer service desk was having all sorts of problems getting my order. I gave her my name - spelled it TWICE - and had her scan the barcode for my order. She had two different people come help her, and she kept disappearing in the back, and then messing with her scanner. I did my best to remain calm and kind, but it was starting to get to me. All I needed was a stinkin' $6 bra for my daughter to wear with her dance costume, and there was a lady behind me in line, and it was 8:27 at that point.
Finally, the exasperated Target employee said, "I'm so sorry. I have pulled up every order we have that starts with a 'C' and there is no order for 'Coke.'"
I then said, very robotically with no facial expression, "My last name starts with a 'K.'"
So even after spelling it twice (at the employee's request), and having her scan the barcode for my order, which I assume should pull up my name, my last name still caused an issue. And when she looked for 'Koch' and not 'Coke,' lo and behold, there was my order. In the 'K' bin. Right where it should be.
I grabbed the bra and ran home (where the bra ended up being too big, but I went at it with a sewing machine and made it work) (but go figure!)
And thus is the joy of a name like 'Koch.'
I'm just grateful it's not Rijssenbeek, like a friend of mine.
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