No one wants to read about the pandemic anymore, amiright? But for the sake of my personal history, I wanted to write a little about where we are now.
Yesterday I threw out 43 masks. I cleared them out of every nook and cranny of the van. I found some in my kids’ rooms, in my purse, and tucked in random baskets around the house. I kept a few masks for each of us - because we’re not entirely done with them. But we are to a point where I can reduce the number floating around my property.
Last week I went into a store for the first time without a mask. Sam’s Club. It felt strange to smile at other people and actually have my face exposed. Quite a few times, I felt a sense of alarm at not having a mask on - as if I’d forgotten. Then I’d remember I’d chosen not to wear one, and I wasn’t breaking any rules.
This week, our children are allowed to attend school without masks. We are letting our children choose what they want to do. I think Zoe is the only one who wants to go without a mask. Nicky wants to wait until he’s fully vaccinated. Daisy is insecure and has started using a mask as something to hide behind (a problem of a different nature that we now have to deal with). And Eva is just so used to her mask that she insists on wearing it everywhere.
There have been a few exciting developments over the past few weeks. Chick-fil-A put their condiments, straws, and napkins back out, and Smith’s finally took their arrows off the floor. A lot of businesses are allowing their vaccinated employees to work without masks. The first time I saw someone preparing my food without a mask was a bit trippy. I forgot that we used to just breathe all over each other’s food. I’ve never been a germaphobe, but after a year of wearing masks, I have to say, I’m more aware of the possibility of particles from one’s face drifting into my food than I ever was before.
I confess, COVID has made me angry at other people. Through this whole thing, I’ve battled judgements regarding other people’s choices and behavior. That has been really hard to try and overcome. I don’t want to feel that weight. I want to just love everyone, but that’s not my nature. I’m always wrestling with criticism over the actions of others. I’m forever trying to improve, but I feel like COVID has set me back years.
I also feel guilty. I feel guilty that there are areas of the world where COVID continues taking a heavy toll. Scotty has employees in other countries who resent us for having access to the vaccine. “Do you know how fortunate you are to live in the United States?” they say.
Scotty and I are fully vaccinated. Scotty got the side effects with the second shot - fever, chills, body aches. I was fine after mine. Nicky has received his first shot. I prayerfully made the decision to be vaccinated, and I received a wonderful confirmation that it was the right choice for my family. I am so thankful.
On Sunday, we were allowed to go to church without masks. It made me very emotional. When our bishop announced that we could remove our masks if we would like, and everyone started taking them off, I got very weepy. I didn’t expect that. Then when we sang the opening hymn, you could hear the difference. Some people kept their masks on, but the majority took them off, and the muffle went away, and we sang.
My feelings about removing the masks are complex. I am not of the “rip them off and burn them” mentality. I’ve felt, throughout this whole darn thing, that masks have been one of the means by which we could experience some “normal.” That’s not to say that I “liked” the masks, but I am thankful we had them. I know a lot of people found them oppressive and believed there was “no scientific proof” that they were necessary, but I read a lot of research from our local universities about masks, and I feel they made a difference. For me, taking off the mask has felt sacred and blessed. So in removing the mask, I am not roaring in victory and lighting a bonfire. I am silently folding it, tucking it in my pocket, and bowing my head in gratitude.
I will say, though, that I really love air.
As of June 15, people outside of California can go to Disneyland! We don’t have any plans to go, but I just had to acknowledge this beautiful milestone. Prior to this pandemic, the only time Disneyland had closed was on the day JFK was shot and on 9/11.
(We did come *this close* to going at the end of June, though. We had the reservations pulled up on the web site and the whole bit, but we decided not to. We’ve been a bit spoiled in our travels lately. We can wait a while to go to Disneyland).
I'm in awe that it's the end of the school year. I wasn't sure we'd be able to see this year through without the schools having to close again. It's so incredible to me that we pulled it off! I'm so proud of our educators and administrators for what they were able to make happen. It was such a blessing to be able to send my kids back to school in the fall. We had two quarantines during that time, and a few notifications of kids in our children's classed with COVID, but we made it! Our kids endured kindergarten and 2nd, 5th, and 8th grade!
Now if we can just get Cafe Rio to take down their sign that says "No refills by order of the governor..." For that I’ll roar in victory.
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