On Failure

September Writing Challenge - Prompt # 17:

Failure

I have never learned to accept or work through failure. There is no TED talk/self-help book/famous quote that has made me okay with it. There is no Walt Disney/Oprah/J.K. Rowling story that has cured me, though I admire them for not giving up. Other peoples’ failures? Of course! Other people should always try, try again! I believe in them! But me? No, no, no. I simply can’t deal. I’m terrified of failure!

Good for them. No thanks for me.

I’m sure many people can relate; however, I hope there are loads of you out there who have learned to embrace failure. You are light years ahead of the rest of us in your character development. Most people probably struggle like me, though. We know how we are supposed to handle failure, but when we’re faced with it it breaks us. 

Whatever, Elbert. 

Because of this, I have likely missed many opportunities in life. I’ve rarely put myself out there. I don’t take risks. I avoid things I might not be good at, and I can’t handle any amount of criticism. I take criticism hard. 

I know, Henry Ford, sir. I KNOW!!!

Now I’m raising four humans, and I want them to be different from me. It has been so hard to coach my children through failure when I know I don’t practice what I preach. I’ve had children try out and not make the team, and it has wrecked me to see their despair and to encourage them to try again next year. Nicky didn’t pass his AP test last year, and I had to give him A Speech. “I’m not disappointed in you, I’m proud of you for trying!” “This was such a good experience because now you know more about what to expect!” All the while, I understood why he was taking it so hard - why he was beating himself up. And I told him that, too, because I wanted to validate his feelings. Failing gracefully doesn’t mean you can’t be sad or disappointed in the outcome. The key is to not let that sadness and disappointment hold you back when it’s time to try again. 

Just stop already. 

But I have let it hold me back my entire life. Some of it is anxiety related. Some of it is perfectionism. A lot of it has to do with comfort zone. But I don’t know that I really care. Have I missed out on things? Probably. But guess what! There’s peace in not knowing what I missed out on. Ignorance is bliss! So I probably won’t change any time soon. Just don’t tell my kids.