An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations: Episode XIV

When you think you’re sliding your phone into your pocket, but you actually slide it into your waist band, and it goes down your pants and out your pant leg.

Likewise, when you swear you put your car keys in your pocket at girls camp, but they’re not there, and after frantically searching everywhere you can think of, you discover there’s a hole in your pocket, and your keys are in your pants, which are, thankfully, very tight and, therefore, holding your keys against your thigh, preventing them from falling out and getting lost in the woods.

When the person at the ordering box sounds like a cartoon, and you’re disappointed in how normal he looks when you meet him at the window. 

When you think someone is coming in for a hug, and you realize mid-embrace that that wasn’t what was happening.

When you put on self tanner and take great care to not get any orange spots in your creases but forget to wash your hands. 

When your self tanner sweats off in your garments.

When you see a guy in a truck slumped over his steering wheel on the side of the road and you don’t know if he’s dead or sleeping, but if he’s sleeping you don’t want to wake him up so you decide to give him 20 minutes before you check him, and you spend that 20 minutes driving back and forth watching for movement.*

When you’re behind your friend in the McDonald’s drive thru, and you holler to her to say hello, and the guy in the ordering box thinks you’re yelling at him.

When your kids go visit their primary teacher, and she’s not home, but they tell you how the front door was unlocked so they went in her house and looked for her but didn’t find her. 

When you already have ear buds in your ears, and you try to put in another pair of ear buds.

When the Chick-fil-A employee asks you if you have any “big plans” for the day, and you’re on your way to the mountains to bury your dead brother under a pine tree.

When your Apple Watch says, “Sorry, I didn’t quite get that,” during the moment of silence at your brother’s memorial service… twice.

A pine tree for James - my sisters used to like to dress James up like a girl, so they made sure to tie one last bow for him. A portion of his ashes are buried here on some mountain property of my parents’.

*He was sleeping. Phew.