Currently {June 2021 Edition}

Reading:

Watching:

Dreading: summer heat. We set a record over the weekend, and yowza. I can't deal. 

Wearing: a Zion National Park t-shirt, cut-off shorts, and flip-flops. 

Listening to:

Singing: "Sunflower" by Post Malone. 

Buying: my own Nintendo Switch for my room (that's a normal things for moms, right?) and a pair of Chacos in wide width (which were surprisingly difficult to come by). 

Craving:  this tres leches and/or this blueberry pie. 

Needing: to create a priority reading schedule based on when my library books are due. It just always works out that I have no library holds available or twenty library holds available. There is no in between. 

Right now I have the twenty. 

Daydreaming about: buying a robot vacuum, but then I realize that robot vacuums are for houses that are already clean. I need a robot dumpster that can go around and eat all my kids socks, toys, and gigantic art project scraps. 

Annoyed by: a noise Zoe makes, which she calls her "high pitch." 

Playing: Ticket to Ride Europe.

(and I still play Wingspan and Dr. Mario on the Nintendo any chance I get). 

Working on: handling summer one day at a time. I had a pretty good breakdown last week in anticipation of keeping my kids busy all summer. I feel like all my energy in motherhood goes toward monitoring electronic use, and I hate it. 

Procrastinating: getting a talk finalized for a girls camp I was asked to speak at. I know the gist of what I'm going to say, but every time I try to sit down and work on my outline, something comes up... like my daughter falling and cutting open her chin. 

Worried about: my kids and their dang electronics and their dislike for reading and their relationships with other kids and their health - mental and physical - and the things they are learning out in the world and the fact that I can't spare them from painful life lessons. 

Looking forward to: 

They keep moving the opening date up, so now it's starting June 10! My slightly obsessive husband has already bought tickets to two showings at the movie theater and plans to get HBO Max for the next month so he can watch it at home as many times as he wants. 

I'm not nearly as obsessed as he is, but I'm looking forward to seeing it. 

Eating: what other people feed me. We've had a lot of family events and dinners invitations lately. 

Trying: a summer soda schedule of one 32 oz soda twice a week. I've never done well at drinking soda in moderation, but I'm giving it a try for a few weeks, and if I can't live by the two per week rule, I'll quit entirely (again).

Enjoying: being back in primary. It's been so great to go back to church and sing with the kids. I'm a little out of practice, but no one notices or cares. We're all trying to remember what we're doing!

Feeling: tired. We hiked to Timpanogos cave this morning, and there's some major burn with that incline. My legs will be feeling it tomorrow! 

Grateful for: mobility. I'm thankful every day that I can move - even if I'm out of shape. In the past few weeks, I've jumped on trampolines, played sports, gone on hikes, and done the most intense bootie shaking of my life... in my kitchen. 

Because if you can dance... you should! 

Pandemic: Day 433

No one wants to read about the pandemic anymore, amiright? But for the sake of my personal history, I wanted to write a little about where we are now. 

Yesterday I threw out 43 masks. I cleared them out of every nook and cranny of the van. I found some in my kids’ rooms, in my purse, and tucked in random baskets around the house. I kept a few masks for each of us - because we’re not entirely done with them. But we are to a point where I can reduce the number floating around my property. 

Last week I went into a store for the first time without a mask. Sam’s Club. It felt strange to smile at other people and actually have my face exposed. Quite a few times, I felt a sense of alarm at not having a mask on - as if I’d forgotten. Then I’d remember I’d chosen not to wear one, and I wasn’t breaking any rules. 

This week, our children are allowed to attend school without masks. We are letting our children choose what they want to do. I think Zoe is the only one who wants to go without a mask. Nicky wants to wait until he’s fully vaccinated. Daisy is insecure and has started using a mask as something to hide behind (a problem of a different nature that we now have to deal with). And Eva is just so used to her mask that she insists on wearing it everywhere. 

There have been a few exciting developments over the past few weeks. Chick-fil-A put their condiments, straws, and napkins back out, and Smith’s finally took their arrows off the floor. A lot of businesses are allowing their vaccinated employees to work without masks. The first time I saw someone preparing my food without a mask was a bit trippy. I forgot that we used to just breathe all over each other’s food. I’ve never been a germaphobe, but after a year of wearing masks, I have to say, I’m more aware of the possibility of particles from one’s face drifting into my food than I ever was before. 

I confess, COVID has made me angry at other people. Through this whole thing, I’ve battled judgements regarding other people’s choices and behavior. That has been really hard to try and overcome. I don’t want to feel that weight. I want to just love everyone, but that’s not my nature. I’m always wrestling with criticism over the actions of others. I’m forever trying to improve, but I feel like COVID has set me back years. 

I also feel guilty. I feel guilty that there are areas of the world where COVID continues taking a heavy toll. Scotty has employees in other countries who resent us for having access to the vaccine. “Do you know how fortunate you are to live in the United States?” they say. 

Scotty and I are fully vaccinated. Scotty got the side effects with the second shot - fever, chills, body aches. I was fine after mine. Nicky has received his first shot. I prayerfully made the decision to be vaccinated, and I received a wonderful confirmation that it was the right choice for my family. I am so thankful.

On Sunday, we were allowed to go to church without masks. It made me very emotional. When our bishop announced that we could remove our masks if we would like, and everyone started taking them off, I got very weepy. I didn’t expect that. Then when we sang the opening hymn, you could hear the difference. Some people kept their masks on, but the majority took them off, and the muffle went away, and we sang. 

My feelings about removing the masks are complex. I am not of the “rip them off and burn them” mentality. I’ve felt, throughout this whole darn thing, that masks have been one of the means by which we could experience some “normal.” That’s not to say that I “liked” the masks, but I am thankful we had them. I know a lot of people found them oppressive and believed there was “no scientific proof” that they were necessary, but I read a lot of research from our local universities about masks, and I feel they made a difference. For me, taking off the mask has felt sacred and blessed. So in removing the mask, I am not roaring in victory and lighting a bonfire. I am silently folding it, tucking it in my pocket, and bowing my head in gratitude.

I will say, though, that I really love air.

As of June 15, people outside of California can go to Disneyland! We don’t have any plans to go, but I just had to acknowledge this beautiful milestone. Prior to this pandemic, the only time Disneyland had closed was on the day JFK was shot and on 9/11. 

(We did come *this close* to going at the end of June, though. We had the reservations pulled up on the web site and the whole bit, but we decided not to. We’ve been a bit spoiled in our travels lately. We can wait a while to go to Disneyland).

I'm in awe that it's the end of the school year. I wasn't sure we'd be able to see this year through without the schools having to close again. It's so incredible to me that we pulled it off! I'm so proud of our educators and administrators for what they were able to make happen. It was such a blessing to be able to send my kids back to school in the fall. We had two quarantines during that time, and a few notifications of kids in our children's classed with COVID, but we made it! Our kids endured kindergarten and 2nd, 5th, and 8th grade!

Now if we can just get Cafe Rio to take down their sign that says "No refills by order of the governor..." For that I’ll roar in victory. 

Oh, to be a Smith!

We have a German last name, and thus, people aren’t always sure how to pronounce it. For the most part, it’s not a big deal. We don’t care if people pronounce it incorrectly. In fact, we kind of expect it. But every now and then, our last name causes us some grief.

For the interest of this post, let’s pretend our last name is Koch, and that it’s pronounced like “Coke.”

One of the problems with having a last name like Koch is that when you say it aloud, people assume it’s spelled “Coke.” Because of this, I always say, “Koch. K-O-C-H,” and I spell it very slowly because I’ve found that when people are already assuming the spelling of your last name, they can’t process a different way of spelling. Even when I spell it for them, they will still spell it wrong. The other thing I have to say frequently is “Koch with a ‘K,’” because people always assume it starts with ‘C.’

When Scotty and I got married in the Salt Lake Temple, our sealer was a friend of mine. He was familiar with my maiden name but struggled with my married name. Twice before we went in the sealing room he asked us how to pronounce our last name, and then he still said it wrong. We just smiled. 

(This happened to a relative of ours as well, and she asked the sealer to redo the sealing after everyone left the sealing room. I never would have thought to do that. I figure God knows how to pronounce our name. No big deal. Although sometimes when I’m mad at Scotty, I claim that we’re not really married). 

When Scotty graduated with his bachelor’s degree, the guy announcing the names told the students that he is a linguist and therefore, was selected due to his expertise in pronouncing names. He specifically told the graduates that he would not need any guidance in pronouncing their names. He was kind of an egocentric individual, so Scotty and I were pretty excited to see if he would actually say our last name correctly.

He didn’t.

When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I decided to write my name on the card phonetically (this is what I do when I go to the temple so the ordinance workers don’t have to worry about my name - otherwise they end up asking me over and over how to say it). The lady doing the names still said my name wrong. Thus Scotty and I both graduated with our names pronounced incorrectly. 

Again, we don’t really care. But we think it’s funny that, even when we do our best to set people up for success, they still get our name wrong.

Last week I had to pick up an order from Target. I was in a hurry because I needed to get my girls to their dance studio for class photos, so I got to the store right at 8:00 a.m. The gal running the customer service desk was having all sorts of problems getting my order. I gave her my name - spelled it TWICE - and had her scan the barcode for my order. She had two different people come help her, and she kept disappearing in the back, and then messing with her scanner. I did my best to remain calm and kind, but it was starting to get to me. All I needed was a stinkin' $6 bra for my daughter to wear with her dance costume, and there was a lady behind me in line, and it was 8:27 at that point. 

Finally, the exasperated Target employee said, "I'm so sorry. I have pulled up every order we have that starts with a 'C' and there is no order for 'Coke.'" 

I then said, very robotically with no facial expression, "My last name starts with a 'K.'"

So even after spelling it twice (at the employee's request), and having her scan the barcode for my order, which I assume should pull up my name, my last name still caused an issue. And when she looked for 'Koch' and not 'Coke,' lo and behold, there was my order. In the 'K' bin. Right where it should be.

I grabbed the bra and ran home (where the bra ended up being too big, but I went at it with a sewing machine and made it work) (but go figure!)

And thus is the joy of a name like 'Koch.' 

I'm just grateful it's not Rijssenbeek, like a friend of mine.

Fun and Responsibility

This week is one of those crazy May weeks - the week before the last week of school. We've been busy, and I'm slowing down for just a few minutes this morning so I can take a deep breath before I get going again. 

This week has been a combination of fun and responsibility. I've given us permission to eat at McDonald's multiple times a day. It is what it is. Since I got to take it easy in May of last year (one of the things I actually appreciated about 2020), I'm a little out of practice. I don't remember how to function on a full calendar. 

(Commence deep breath).

Fun

Last weekend, my sister-in-law initiated the following conversation:

Thus we ended up dropping everything, and driving two hours to the small town of Salina, Utah to stay at an Air BnB.... in a gymnastics studio!

It was, in a word, AWESOME. Our kids had a blast. My only complaint is that the place has no comfy couches to lounge about and be lazy on. I guess at gymnastics studios, you are expected to stay moving. Psht! 

Fun?

This week was a big week for dance. My girls all had costume rehearsals last week, dance photos on Saturday, then a technical (stage) rehearsal on Monday, dance auditions Tuesday, and concerts Wednesday and Thursday. 

Responsibility

Last week Nicky had his awards ceremony for school. 

He only has to go to junior high two more times! By golly! We near made it! One kid down, three to go.

(I can't even think about sending my girls to junior high or I go into full-on panic mode). 

Responsibility

I'd like to think this is responsible parenting.

One time one of my kids was at an outdoor party with friends and needed to poop, so now we have Code Brown.

Fun

This week I stocked the garage freezer with Otter Pops. We're as ready for summer as we're going to get!

(Release deep breath and go!)

How to Take a Nap: A Tutorial for Moms

Step 1: Send Kid A to the park with his friends.

Step 2: Text Kid B and tell her you’re going to take a nap, and if she comes home during the next hour, she needs to come in quietly through the garage.

Step 3: Put a TV in Kid C’s room. Give her a water bottle and a snack with permission to eat in her bed! 

Step 4: Tell Kid C that if she let’s you sleep for one hour and doesn’t bother you, she can have Easter candy when you wake up.

Step 5: Make Kid D a sandwich. Give her milk and an electronic device with Disney+. Tell her the longer she lets you sleep, the longer she gets to watch shows! 

Step 6: Review emergency clause outlining acceptable reasons you may be woken (someone is bleeding profusely, someone is missing a limb, someone is not breathing, something is on fire, someone is at the door with free food). 

Step 7: Text husband at work:

“Nap. Leave me alone.”

Step 8: Turn phone on silent.

Step 9: Tuck yourself in your best blankie.

Step 10: Fall asleep.

Step 11: Spent 90 seconds in sweet slumber before the first kid barges in the room and wakes you up.

Step 12: Remind child of emergency clause and Easter candy bribe.

Step 14: Go back to sleep for 90 more seconds.

Step 15: Repeat steps 10-12 for 18 years or more.

Love in the Time of Corona

Back in February, my son* gave me some surprising news - he'd asked a girl to be his Valentine. Until that point, Nicky had never noticed girls exist, so it was a jaw-to-the-floor moment, for sure. I had a million questions - Who is the girl? Do you like her? Did your/her friends pressure you? What are the expectations for being one's "Valentine?" Do I need to take you to the store to buy a gift? Have you always liked girls? And so on and so forth. 

It turned out that Nicky found out that The Girl liked him, and he liked her too, so with a boost of confidence, he decided to ask her to be his Valentine.

Since this little relationship began, Scotty and I have had lots of talks with Nicky - one of the earliest conversations being the one where we outlined some boundaries for physical affection. We asked Nicky if he wanted to hold The Girl's hand or kiss her, and his answer was, "Ew, guys! No! COVID!"

We laughed at the fact that our son was discovering "relationships" in the middle of a pandemic, and his top priority was preventing the spread of the corona virus. We told him it wouldn't always be that way - that someday, kissing girls might be more important to him than preventing COVID. He scoffed at us, but within a few weeks, he realized he did, in fact, want to hold The Girl's hand. 

I noticed for a few days that he would have hand sanitizer in his hand when he got into the van after school. I eventually learned that he was "sanitizer ready" after school everyday in case he got the courage to hold The Girl's hand. That added a new awkward element to young love - to sanitize or not to sanitize? How lucky we were in the 90's to not have to think about such things!

We've told Nicky that kissing is a no-no (not that we have any control over that), and he seems to be on board... for now. Nicky is a very cautious kid, and I can just imagine him trying to work around masks to go in for a smooch. Or perhaps demanding a negative COVID test before making his move. Hopefully masks will be looooong gone before kissing happens. Like years gone. But I've been a teenager in "love" before, so I know how things go (minus the pandemic part, of course. That's a little different). 

So this is the world in which my son is being introduced to "dating" - a world where sanitizer is a considerable factor in holding hands, masks inhibit kissing, and coming within six feet of each other is a new and dangerous thrill!

This is love in the time of corona!

—————————-

*Nicky read and approved this post. 

Trials and Trees

We've had the opportunity to go to Muir Woods National Monument twice in the past few years - first with our friends, Mark and Michelle, and later with our kids. 

Muir Woods is an old growth forest (meaning it has existed for a very long time without a lot of disturbance and therefore, has unique ecological properties) hosting coastal redwoods (a type of sequoia). 

The trees are magnificent, and they have a lot of really interesting survival traits. One that is particularly intriguing to me is described on this sign:

FAMILY CIRCLES

Hundreds of years ago a single large redwood grew here. Then disaster struck. The trunk of the large redwood was killed, perhaps by repeated and severe wildfire. From here you can see the original tree trunk still standing upright, now a dead and blackened snag.

Despite such terrible damage, the tree did not die. Below the ground, its massive root system was full of vitality. Before long, hundreds of young, bright-green burl sprouts began to come up around the circle formed by the root crown of the original tree. Some of those sprouts have grown into the full-sized trees that today stand in a circle around the original trunk. 

Here’s a photo of the tree circle. It's kind of hard to see, but the arrow is pointing to the “dead” trunk in the center. It's weak and broken down - a jagged leftover stump of a thing - but the trees that have grown up around it are strong and vital. 

In this past week's Come Follow Me reading, the Lord taught "be patient in tribulation" (D&C 54:10). Patience has never been my strong point, especially when I feel damaged, and I'm waiting for relief from suffering. I understand, though, that "after much tribulation come the blessings" (D&C 58:4).   

Both times I’ve visited this tree circle in person, I’ve thought about times that life has been hard, and I’ve become a dead and blackened snag. Mortality is brutal, and some of the things we have to endure feel immensely cruel and unfair. Yet, in many trying circumstances, roots have spread, and after some time has passed, I’ve discovered bright-green burl sprouts popping up around me that show that, even while I am encompassed in misery and hardship, there are things happening underground that I’m unaware of. With some hindsight, I’m always grateful for the vital new growth - the blessings, the mercies, the miracles, the strength, and the experiences of learning.

Don't get me wrong - I'd be perfectly fine to not go through another trial for as long as I live, but I know that the things I have already endured have brought me wisdom and blessings - my own circle of trees - that I wouldn't want to forgo.