When you’re 22 calories away from closing your rings, and it’s bedtime, so you march in place next to your bed for five minutes in your underwear, and when you check your watch, it’s dead, so you just did the giant, white undie dance for nothing.
When you’re walking out of the gym and a gust of wind blows a handful of McDonald’s receipts out of your purse, revealing to all the other gym-goers that you are a glutton and a litterer.
When you learn that the Miley Cyrus song says, “Welcome to the land of fame excess,” but you always thought it said “fame and sex,” and you’ve wondered for years why they play it at all the church dances and youth karaoke nights.
When you realize you’ve just spent twenty minutes reading Facebook comments about how to properly wipe your bottom - proving not only that people will argue about ANYTHING, but that people will also READ anything.
When you are walking in the same direction as an elderly person, and you’re not sure if it’s okay to pass them at 5x their speed or if that’s rude.
When your credit card expires, and you’re transitioning to the new one, and for a whole week, you are a major inconvenience everywhere you go as you slowly update all your accounts.
When your friends are in a musical at a small theatre, and you avert your gaze every time they face you from the stage because you are afraid of initiating eye contact and making them mess up.
When the guy in line in front of you at Disneyland won’t stop itching his bum, and you’re not a germaphobe, but you’re definitely not going to touch any surfaces for the next two hours.
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