Meow!

I've reached the point in the summer where I've forgotten what it's like to have kids in school during the day. When it comes to tasks like buying a gallon of milk, it feels so overwhelming to load myself and four kids in the car. The kids are getting older - they can all walk into the store, and they are almost to the point where they can all buckle and unbuckle themselves (Eva still needs help unbuckling, but she can buckle herself about 50% of the time), but going to the store is still a big deal. When we get there, it's pure chaos. I know "herding cats" is a cliche, but that's really what it's like.

Nicky is old enough to stay home for short periods of time, but I can't leave the girls because they are too naughty. Nicky is the one that's actually helpful, so he's the one I least want to leave home.

Today I made an early morning trip to Walmart* so I wouldn't have to go with my kids later. I made it back before Scotty left for work at  7:15. Unfortunately, none of my other errands could be done that early in the morning, so I had to take my kids for the rest of them.

The plan was to go to piano lessons, then the library, then to the school for registration, then to Target for school shoes (and Nerf guns for Nicky), and finally - to the car wash.

We got to piano lessons, and then Zoe started crying because she didn't have shoes. This is a common occurrence. It goes like this:

Me: "Get your shoes on and get in the van" (repeat 11 times)

Zoe (twenty minutes later... in the van): "Mom, I need shoes."

Sigh...

So we had to drive back home and get Zoe's shoes... which were in the garage. I'm not sure why she's capable of taking them out to the garage but can't go the extra 18 inches to get them in the van.

We went back to piano lessons to pick up Nicky and Daisy, and then we went to the library. Our library serves breakfast from 10:00-10:30, so we usually time it so the kids can eat. They have us go outside to eat, so we were sitting in the courtyard when Eva started holding herself and yelling that she needed to pee. I had Nicky sit with the food, and the girls all followed me to the bathroom. We got just inside the doors of the library when Zoe started screaming, "My shoes!!!" She'd left them outside, so she ran back outside while I stood in the doorway waiting for her. We eventually got in the bathroom, and Eva had to check every stall to decide which one she wanted. She analyzed the size of each stall and the height of each toilet until she found the "right" one. She never picks the same toilet, so I don't really know what her criteria is.

After our potty break, we went back outside. Then the librarian came and locked the door, so when we were done with the food, we were locked out and had to walk back around to the front of the library.

My kids picked their books and some CDs. Then they watched the 3-D printer for a while (it was making a crayon holder and a Pokemon). We went to check out, and there was a long line (this usually isn't a problem), so we went to a computer in a different area, and it wasn't working. Then we tried a third computer, and finally checked out. I double counted my items and found that I'd missed one, but I wasn't sure which one, so I had to log in again and scan each item until I found the one that I'd missed. After I had everything taken care of, Eva started having a meltdown and yelling, "Moooom! I didn't pick anything!"

I sighed and told her she had one minute to pick something. She said she wanted a Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star CD. We all tried to find one for her, but we weren't successful. She ended up getting a Tom & Jerry DVD, and we checked out for what I thought would be the last time.

Then when we walked out the door, the alarm went off. We went back in, and the librarian scanned all of our stuff, and she didn't find anything that hadn't been properly checked out. I had the thought to check my bag, and I found a CD that one of the kids had stuffed in there. We checked it out, and then I herded my cats back out to the van.

My kids fought over which CD we were going to listen to. I ended up putting in Phineas and Ferb. Then we drove to the school. We got in and out without much drama (other than whining about hating school and not wanting to go back). My kids are all registered, and we found out who their teachers are. Nicky is in a class with two of his friends, which I'm so happy about.

Twenty more days.

Target was our next stop. My kids asked me for at least 96 things. I lectured them repeatedly about using their own money. "If that's something you want, you need to save your money for it" (repeated 11 times per child). The girls and I scoped out shoes for school while Nicky went to look at Nerf guns (they were buy two get one free, so he was thrilled). Eva and Zoe ran wild in the shoe section, tearing shoes out of boxes and trying them on, regardless of the size. Zoe wanted some Poppy troll shoes, so we found them in her size and made sure they fit, but then she changed her mind and wanted princess boots, Shimmer and Shine shoes, and Minnie Mouse sandals. She ended up getting Peppa Pig shoes. Eva went from shoe to shoe until she settled for Paw Patrol (I don't think she's ever watched Paw Patrol in her life, but whatever). Daisy tried on several pairs of shoes and then she decided she didn't want any of them. Then she cried when I wouldn't buy her Minnie Mouse flip flops. "You can't wear flip flops to school. We are here for school shoes" (repeated 11 times).

I needed a couple of things from the cosmetics section, so I spent another half an hour telling my kids no.

"Will you buy me some make-up?"

"No."

"What about bubble bath?"

"No."

"Hanitizer?" (hand sanitizer)

"No."

"Just one lipstick? Pleaaaaaase?"**

"No."

"I'll do work to earn the money, and I'll pay you back."

"No."

At some point, I successfully herded my children to the register. There was only one open, and there were three people in line. One person had three separate transactions, and then she argued with the cashier about the price of each item.

I repeatedly told my kids I wouldn't buy them any of the candy or toys at the register.

Eventually it was our turn. We paid. The cashier gave my kids stickers, and several hours later, after spending a significant amount of time in public, I found that they'd all put their stickers on my back.

From Target we headed to the car wash. There is beauty in having an 11-year-old boy. He's always willing to wash my car for me - even in the middle of winter. The problem is, he has a jealous little sister who isn't very good at washing cars. I asked him if he would let Daisy do the first rinse (getting the car wet can't be that hard, in theory...) They ended up spraying each other with the water, and Daisy kept opening the van door, so I yelled, "Shut the door!" (repeated 11 times).

The van got mostly clean, and the kids were mostly wet when they climbed back in. Then it was time to vacuum. I pulled in next to the vacuum and unloaded the car.*** I positioned my kids against the wall of the car wash in the shade and gave them a bag of extra breakfast food from the library (milk and Nutrigrain bars). I put a token in the vacuum, and it started up, but it had no suction. I moved my van to another vacuum and was met with sucking success!

I vacuumed up endless amounts of sand (from Lake Tahoe and other summer excursions) and glitter (from the parade float contraband my girls snuck into the trunk). Then I looked over, and my girls were spraying milk all over each other in the parking lot. I got the van all put back together and told the girls to go clean up their milk cartons and Nutrigrain wrappers. They all claimed that they didn't drink any milk**** or eat any Nutrigrain bars. Apparently it was all a set up! Someone was trying to frame my daughters. THE NERVE OF THAT PERSON!

{The sand is worth it}

Eva kept telling me she needed to pee while we were at the car wash, and I kept begging her to wait "just a few more minutes" because I realllly didn't want to pull out the IKEA potty at the car wash. I drove straight to a nearby Wendy's after the car wash so we could get some food and take Eva potty. It was the usual routine - she had to check all the stalls and analyze the height of each toilet. Then she went in a stall, and I went in a different one. As soon as I sat on the toilet, Eva started screaming that she didn't like "this bathroom." Pretty soon her head appeared under my door, and she took over my stall. Then she spent way too much time washing her hands and blow drying them. If I tried to move her along, she would scold me that she needed to "wash more" or "dry more."

We finally ordered our food (which is always a difficult process at Wendy's. There's something wrong with Wendy's). We tried to get drinks, but most of the drinks were out. Then I watched the employee set our food out, and I saw her mouth move, which indicated that she had probably said my name, but she must have said it in a way that you say the name of someone six inches away from you because there was no sound. I really wanted to give her a lecture about projecting her voice into the restaurant so people can hear her. Someone needs to help this girls succeed in life! But then I restrained myself because I don't want to become an ornery, old hag prematurely.

We hauled our trays to a table and did the food sorting. Then it was a chorus of "Open my spoon!" "Give me a straw!" "Where's my BBQ sauce?" and the like. Zoe dropped her frosty and went ballistic. Daisy ended up with the wrong drink and started accusing everyone else of ruining her life (I can't imagine her getting worse as a teenager. How can she possible get worse? I'll die. I'll just die). Zoe stole one of Nicky's chicken nuggets. And I got to referee all of it. Because that's what I am - a referee in a game where I'm not really sure what the rules are, but everyone has an opinion on my judgement.

I gave everyone ample time to eat, then I told them that anything left in three minutes was going in the garbage because we weren't taking any food or drinks in the newly cleaned van. They said ok. Then three minutes later I threw all their stuff away, and they cried like I'd ripped a limb from each of them.

Finally, we took a ten minute drive and Eva fell asleep, and we went home.

The process began at 8:45 this morning and ended at 1:51 this afternoon. I can't help but think I could have accomplished all of that in two hours if I'd been alone.

The cat herding. It's fierce. And today's outing wasn't any worse than any other day. Its just happens to be the one I chose to write about.

*When I got in the van to make this trip, it stank to high heaven. Something is rotting in my van. When I got home, I tore the whole van apart looking for the culprit, and I couldn't find anything. 

**Earlier this summer, Daisy and her friend played in make-up and got it all over Daisy's bedroom furniture and carpet, so I threw all of her make-up away and instituted the Great Make-Up Ban of 2018. 

***My ultimate goal here was to find the source of the stink, and I still didn't find anything. I'm going to have to crawl around my van on my hands and knees and sniff all the surfaces. This is my life now. 

****I guess this part if technically true. They didn't drink the milk - they sprayed it all over themselves instead.