I am, however, a big list-maker, and that's why I'm like, "Gee Lists, what is this thing we have going on between us?" I've described myself as a list lover and a list hater, but it finally dawned on me the other day that I'm only a "to-do" list hater!
Ah-ha! I hate "to-do" lists! That's it! That's the relationship!
Other than that, I love lists. I have notebooks all over my house with different lists, and most of my lists are brainstorming lists... or idea lists. I am always writing out ideas. Most of them never come to fruition, but making the list is half the fun!
During the past few months, I've gone through a bit of a creativity drought. One thing I've wrestled with in motherhood is not being able to create in all the ways I like. The things I want to do aren't always feasible with little ones around. I've had to discover some new ways to be creative - and that has actually been good for me. One thing I've learned in my adult experience is that creativity doesn't always yield something tangible. I used to think that creativity was synonymous with crafting or art - there had to be a product at the end. I've created many tangible things over the years, some of which have given me great satisfaction and joy, but creativity isn't always about "making stuff."
I've discovered some other outlets for my creativity - my blog has definitely been one of them. I started blogging shortly before I found out I was pregnant with Nicky, so I've had this creative outlet for the entire time I've been a mother, and it has been such a blessing for me.
Another creative outlet I've discovered is the act of seeking personal revelation. That may not sound like a creative process, and for many people, it probably isn't, but for me it truly is. My personal search for revelation and for a relationship with God gives me a creative fix. I still need to explore this idea more and find the right words to describe it - this is something I only recently connected, so I'm still processing.
Parenting - as much as I've struggled - has provided a lot of creative opportunities. Not just in the "entertaining my children" department, but in everyday problem-solving. Problem-solving is not always my favorite way to use my creativity, but I've had some times when I've had ideas that really worked well and were very rewarding.
Teaching and speaking are some other ways that I've been able to be creative. Writing my practicum for school really gave me the opportunity to create, and I've been able to take what I've created and share it with others (more on this in the future - I have a post about my speaking experiences in the works).
My Church callings have required my creativity as well. I loved teaching youth Sunday school and coming up with ways to add variety and to connect with the teenagers. My new(is) calling of primary music leader clearly requires creativity, but I haven't yet learned to appreciate this creative "opportunity."
Meal planning and vacation planning give me a bit of a creative fix. Creating meals and creating systems is rewarding for me. I enjoy preparing meals for other people, and I like the planning process for grocery shopping and packing (I don't like the actual packing, though, just the planning part where I get to make lists of ideas) (the actual packing is a "to-do" thing, hence my repulsion).
I'm glad I have these outlets and that I've been about to make a connection with them as "creative tasks," but there are still some areas of creativity where I feel stifled. I love decorating and fixing stuff up and creating a nice living space, so I struggle with the fact that I can't put much creativity into my home right now (part of this is a time problem, part of this is a children problem, and part of this is a money problem). I also really wish I could choreograph dance. I have so many ideas, and that's the one thing I miss the most about dancing. I really enjoy interpreting and using music - I love creating movement and formations. I don't know how I would fare as a choreographer now since I can't actual do any of the things that I visualize in my mind, but if I had a group of well-trained, mind-reading dancers to work with, I could really get my creative fix! (I have one idea in particular that is making me itch - it would require some props from a junk yard).
One of my life's biggest regrets is that I didn't do more musical things in my youth. I wish I would have done some choirs in school. I wish I would have learned to play an instrument. I wish I'd taken some music theory classes. I think I had the brain for it - I just needed to be taught.
Right now I have a lot of ideas running through my head. There are a lot of things I want to create and a lot of things I want to do. In fact, I didn't sleep last night because my head was buzzing with big dreams. One thing I really want to do - that is completely out of my element - is write a song. I've had the title in mind for a few years. I think I can write the lyrics, but I don't think I could actually write the music. I might need to collaborate on that one. I have several ideas for books I'd like to write. There are things I want to make out of wood. I told Scotty yesterday that I want to buy a scroll saw, a helium tank, and a $2,000 snow cone machine.
Big dreams, big dreams.
My problem is that when I get these big ideas - the kind I lose sleep over - I tend to try to do too much and I burn out (that's why my house has been under construction for three years) (well, that and kids).
For now, I'll channel most of my creativity into breaking up my kids' fights and keeping track of their shoes (still brainstorming on how to make the latter possible - I've been working on that for nearly 12 years), but I hope there comes a day when I get to engage in more of the creative processes that I've had to set aside. In the meantime, I'll keep making lists of ideas.
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