Currently {July 2023 Edition}

Reading:

I haven’t started either of these yet, but they just came in on my Libby app, so they are next in queue. 

Update: I started The Great Alone.

Wearing: a baggy t-shirt that says “An excellent spirit resides in me” (I bought it from the DI) and black shorts. 

Cooking: hopefully nothing today because we have tons of leftovers - hamburgers, hoagies, pasta salad, Philly cheese steak sandwiches, and a ton of fruit. 

Annoyed by: fan theories.

Struggling with: getting to the gym with Zoe’s theatre camp schedule.

Wanting: a self-cleaning house. 

Singing: “When I Get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton.

Dreading: the hot temps that are starting up now. 

Watching: 

Lost - I'm still mostly loyal (ya'll know Lost is my show), but my view of Lost is starting to be tainted by presentism, and it's seeming a bit dated. I'm also annoyed at some of the plot holes and gimmicks in the show. Lost was amazing in 2005, but to watch it in 2023 for the first time, one would not be very impressed. At the time Lost aired, the format was new and exciting. But now tons of shows have adopted the flashback/jumping timeline format, and we're all used to it (it's kind of like how the mockumentary format seemed so strange when The Office started, and none of us understood it in the beginning (why do they keep talking to the camera?), but now it's commonplace).

Like my sock lines?

Sad about: Vanilla Coke. While I was not drinking soda, Maverik and Cafe Rio stopped selling fountain Vanilla Coke. I drank soda for a week and looked forward to some Vanilla Coke, alas… it’s gone. It’s not the same in a can or a bottle. And adding vanilla syrup to Coke isn’t the same either. 

So what do I do now? I go back off soda. But not until July 5th because imma live it up to celebrate my independence. 

Embarrassed by: accidentally driving 30 miles in the wrong direction while trying to get to my parents’ house for my step-brother’s memorial service. Out and back, that’s 60 miles. SIXTY MILES!!! Dare I even mention that I’d just been to their house five days prior?

(My dad and step-mom moved last summer out to the middle of nowhere - it’s two hours away).

Happy about: finding Daisy two pairs of shoes for school - one pair was $1 and the other was $3, and it is so rare to find shoes that actually fit her that I am jumping up and down with joy over this blessing!

Proud of: our garden.

Looking forward to: a little more color in the garden via sunflowers.

Wishing: that we didn't have such wide feet and high arches. Have you ever tried to put a shoe on a basketball? That's kind of what it's like to try and shoe Daisy and me. 

Missing: fountain Vanilla Coke.

Listening to: Les Mis. I tried to get tickets for Eccles Theatre (it just ended), and it was pretty much impossible unless I was willing to go by myself, sit in the worst seat possible, and pay the equivalent of my college tuition to do so. 

Eating: too much ice cream. 

Wondering: how I'm going to find affordable pants to fit Nicky for school. I have to order them online because stores don't typically stock 36" inseams. 

Enjoying: having a kid who can drive. It's the best! (But only because he's a decent driver, and I can trust him). 

Procrastinating: making orthodontist appointments for Zoe and Eva. 

Worried about: Zoe’s speech. It’s not improving, and she’s getting older. She’s still really hard to understand sometimes. I’m worried she is going to be made fun of, especially once she hits junior high which is most likely to be in one year (they are in the process of moving sixth grade to junior high in our area - some schools in our district have already made the change). 

Playing:

I’ve been in the mood for dice games lately.

Craving: fountain Vanilla Coke.

Buying: gas. So much gas. The last few weeks have required a lot of driving.

Needing: a new air mattress. Mine went kaput at girls camp. 

Grateful for: the beautiful, mild June we just had. If all of summer could be like that, I could handle summer. In fact, I would be unstoppable. I would be too powerful. The devil needs me to be sweaty and miserable because when I’m comfortable and have energy, I do too many great things. Cue July. 

Dashing Through the Mud

Many years ago, I dabbled in a hobby I never thought I’d get involved in… running. 

I don’t run anymore, and I’m okay with that. To be honest, running wasn’t good for me physically or mentally. For one thing, I was always injured. There was frequently something wrong with my knees or my back, and I had plantar fasciitis for over two years. I also compared myself to others all the time. I was too involved with people who were faster than me and could run a lot farther. I found a running community, but I couldn’t keep up with them. Being the worst runner in the group really sucks. Instead of enjoying my own experiences, I constantly beat myself up. I also had horrible issues with body image that I never should have had!

I went through a phase where I did a lot of events. Then I put running on pause about halfway through my pregnancy with Eva (she was born in April of 2015). I ran a little bit after I had her, and the last event I did was a half-marathon in 2016. Shortly after that, I hurt my back and haven’t ran since. 

Several months ago, Zoe started begging me to sign her up for a mud run. She also begged me to get her a treadmill so she could train. I didn’t get her the treadmill, but I did sign her up for the Muddy Dash on July 1st. 

So on Saturday, we headed an hour away to Soldier Hollow (the location of many other muddy events I’ve participated in), and Zoe, Nicky, Scotty, and I did the Muddy Dash. After all these years, I was surprised to find that people still do mud runs. I thought they’d kind of died out.

The event itself… was kind of a mess. There weren’t enough parking spaces, bathrooms, washing stations, or check-in lines. We had an early start time, got there almost a hour before our wave, and still had to start a half a hour late because the lines were so long. And they only got worse as time went on. When we left, cars were lined up for miles trying to get to the venue. People ended up parking miles away and walking. Their shirts were ugly and way too small (Zoe couldn’t wear hers - it looked like it was for a toddler -so we gave her Nicky’s and gave Scotty’s to Nicky). I wasn’t impressed with the Muddy Dash at all. 

But Zoe loved it and had the time of her life. 

When I signed up for the run, I asked all my kids who wanted to do it, and as predicted, just Nicky and Zoe wanted to. Nicky was really cute with Zoe through the whole thing. He took the most messy approach to everything, as he should! Hopefully sometime he can do a mud run with friends and really live it up.

One thing I did enjoy is that they had bubbles at the finish line. Nicky and Zoe had a ton of fun running through them. The bubbles didn’t help at all with the mud situation, but they were still a bit of a treat! They were piled up so high that Nicky crouched down and completely vanished, and Zoe was able to stand under the bubble dispenser and get completely covered, to her utter delight! I’ve never done a bubble run. 

After a really long break from running events, I can say with confidence that they are not my thing anymore. I will do them for my kids, but that’s about it, and I probably won’t ever do anything I need to “train” for. I got rid of all my medals in 2019, and I have never regretted it. They were fun to have while I was actively running, but it got to the point where they were just taking up space, so I KonMaried them out of my life. 

As far as mud goes… I can handle a little mess. But life is a lot easier when you don’t have dirty water in all your nooks and crannies. We didn’t even attempt to clean up at the venue because they only had two hoses (TWO!!) for washing, and there were thousands and thousands of people! (Other mud runs I’ve done have had more like 20 washing stations, and that wasn’t enough either. I waited in line for a hose after my first mud run and have never done it since because the lines are just too long). I can drive home, shower, and watch half a movie in that time. 

That is all to say that we came home very muddy. We tried to bring a portable shower, but when we went to fill the water, we found it was broken. At home, we took all our muddy gear outside and gave it a good spray with the jet attachment on the hose. We all took showers and scrubbed all the bits, but we still keep finding little remnants of dirt. We’re going to be dirt stained for a while, which gives us the opportunity to spend the next week playing “Dirt line or tan line?”

I can’t say I won’t ever do another mud run (after all, Zoe might be hooked), but if I don’t, I won’t be sad about it. 

Just in case I get dragged to another one, here are a few reminders for myself (some of these things we did this time, some we didn’t):

Wear sunscreen

Everything will take a lot longer than you think

Sign up for the earliest wave possible - nothing after 9:00 am

Wear a tank top

Stop at a bathroom before you get to the venue

Consider loading some 5 gallon jugs of water in the car (or a working portable shower)

Have cold drinking water ready in the vehicle

Maybe just be a spectator 

Things the Kids Say: Episode 24

 “Some kids who are younger than me have armpit hair. It’s harsh, man!”

- Zoe

__________

“Mommy, are you proud of me? I’m a woman. I have woman hair in my armpits.”

-Eva, when she noticed her peach fuzz

__________

“Old people flirting is so weird.”

-Nicky

Nicky

__________

“We should use ground beef instead of hamburger to make some burgers.” 

-Daisy

Daisy

__________

“Tyler always says penis, but don’t worry, I told him he needs to say balls instead.”

-Eva

___________

“From now on I need you to give me gift receipts for all my birthday presents.”

-Zoe

__________

“Why was I born in a hospital instead of a bamboo forest?”

-Eva

Eva

__________

Me (singing): “Country roads, take me home, to the place where I belong…”

Zoe: West Vagina!

Me: Oh, honey, it’s Virginia. VIR.GIN.IA.

__________

“It’s so unfair. Everyone in my class gets to eat seaweed but me!”

-Eva

__________

“I need to know what you plan on giving my kids for their birthdays so I can make sure it’s appropriate.”

-Zoe

Zoe

__________

“Is preschool still a thing after all these years?”

-Zoe

___________

“I guess I didn’t scrape off all my dirty.”

-Nicky, after seeing how dirty his feet still were after his post YM camp shower

An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations: Episode XIV

When you think you’re sliding your phone into your pocket, but you actually slide it into your waist band, and it goes down your pants and out your pant leg.

Likewise, when you swear you put your car keys in your pocket at girls camp, but they’re not there, and after frantically searching everywhere you can think of, you discover there’s a hole in your pocket, and your keys are in your pants, which are, thankfully, very tight and, therefore, holding your keys against your thigh, preventing them from falling out and getting lost in the woods.

When the person at the ordering box sounds like a cartoon, and you’re disappointed in how normal he looks when you meet him at the window. 

When you think someone is coming in for a hug, and you realize mid-embrace that that wasn’t what was happening.

When you put on self tanner and take great care to not get any orange spots in your creases but forget to wash your hands. 

When your self tanner sweats off in your garments.

When you see a guy in a truck slumped over his steering wheel on the side of the road and you don’t know if he’s dead or sleeping, but if he’s sleeping you don’t want to wake him up so you decide to give him 20 minutes before you check him, and you spend that 20 minutes driving back and forth watching for movement.*

When you’re behind your friend in the McDonald’s drive thru, and you holler to her to say hello, and the guy in the ordering box thinks you’re yelling at him.

When your kids go visit their primary teacher, and she’s not home, but they tell you how the front door was unlocked so they went in her house and looked for her but didn’t find her. 

When you already have ear buds in your ears, and you try to put in another pair of ear buds.

When the Chick-fil-A employee asks you if you have any “big plans” for the day, and you’re on your way to the mountains to bury your dead brother under a pine tree.

When your Apple Watch says, “Sorry, I didn’t quite get that,” during the moment of silence at your brother’s memorial service… twice.

A pine tree for James - my sisters used to like to dress James up like a girl, so they made sure to tie one last bow for him. A portion of his ashes are buried here on some mountain property of my parents’.

*He was sleeping. Phew.

Oh So Humble Me

I’m forgiving.

Even when I have a bad fast food experience, I always give them another chance. Two times, three times… I’ve gone through the Chick-Fil-A drive thru seventy times seven times. 

I’m generous.

I recently donated $18.25 in fines to the library. When it comes to the fight against illiteracy, I do my part by keeping books for an especially long time.

I’m health conscious. 

I enjoy eating lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and pickles between two pieces of bread on a bed of ground beef and cheese. That’s basically all the food groups!

I’m math-minded. 

I can work formulas like 1/2 cup sugar plus 1/2 cup sugar equals 1 cup sugar, thereby producing twice as many chocolate chip cookies as originally intended.

I’m productive.

I can drive a car, yell at my kids, drink a soda, and listen to an audiobook all at the same time.

I’m honest.

My mom likes to tell Eva that she’s 30 years old, and I advocate for truth by telling Eva that her grandma is actually 60 years old.

I’m fortunate.

I currently have $30 in Cafe Rio rewards with which I can feed myself.

I’m giving.

Sometimes I use my Cafe Rio points to feed my kids.

I’m knowledgeable.

If anyone ever needs to know Donny Osmond’s favorite Christmas song ("It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”) or Matt Damon’s birthday (October 8), I gotchu. 

I’m prepared.

I keep a grand selection of useful things on my kitchen counter so I always know right where to find them. Sewing machines, Rubbermaid containers, bottles of lotion, and random food items are at the ready!

I’m calm.

Sometimes when my daughters are fighting, I dissociate, lay on the couch, and let them work out their differences around me. 

I’m fit. 

I carry all our laundry up and down three flights of stairs, and since I have a large capacity, top-loading washer, I do heel raises to reach the clothes in the very bottom.

I’m youthful.

I have acne, and I dress like it’s 2009. I’m eternally 25.

I’m observant.

I can tell you what my neighbors bring home for dinner every night. 

I’m talented.

I’ve acquired many useful skills in life such as being able to pin boutonnières, do boondoggle, and smell burps from several yards away.

I’m craving breadsticks (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: My husband’s legs and arms are always covered in scratches and scabs. From the look of him, you would think he spends a significant amount of time roaming the backwoods and cutting his own path. I always ask him where he gets these owies from, and he never knows! 

Fact #2: Nicky is the same. Today I saw a scab on his leg and asked, “Is that part of your old scratch, or is that a new one?” He then pointed to part of the scab and said, “This is my old scratch that I reopened, but this part is new.”

I asked, “How’d you get the new one?”

He said, “I don’t know.”

Help me out here, friends. Do your husbands and/or sons have this problem, too? Scotty works a desk job and Nicky plays on his phone all day. What’s with all the open wounds? 

Fact #3: Any time I see a social media post that states, “I don’t know who need to hear this, but…” my first thought is, “Not me!” And then I skip right over it. I refuse to be the one that needed to hear it.

Fact #4: I think I respond the same way to "In case no one has told you lately..." 

I'm like... you don't even know me! Don't be telling me anything! 

Fact #5: Things I didn’t buy at DI today:

Fact #6: Last week I derailed and drank a Dr. Pepper after being soda sober for the entirety of 2023. With that regrettable mistake, I decided I wanted a fountain vanilla coke the next day, so I went to Maverik to seek my indulgence. To my dismay, vanilla coke had been removed from the fountain! I was devastated! Then I realized... it happened because of me. Why would Maverik get rid of vanilla coke? Obviously it's because I stopped drinking it! 

I never knew I had such power!

Fact #7: My cereal cupboard currently looks like this:

Follow me for more pantry organization tips!

Fact #8: This week has me all out of whack. I don't know what day it is. My normal routine is out the window. I haven't re-centered myself yet from vacation and girls camp. Half my family is gone for the week, and I'm tired. I hope I can get back on track and be a functional person next week. 

Fact #9: I was going to cut back on electronic use in our home this summer. Here’s how that’s going:

Fact #10: Is it time for Mission Impossible yet? I need a Tom Cruise and buttered popcorn fix.

Loving Explorer

As a young child, I dreamed of having an older brother. When I was eight years old, my dad dated a woman for two weeks and then married her.

True story.

My friend Jenny found me at recess on the day of the wedding and told me my dad was getting married that night. Why did my friend Jenny know my dad was getting married, and I didn’t? I don’t know. But I can unpack that in therapy some other time. 

My teacher had a routine where each afternoon, we could line up at her desk if we wanted to tell her something. I needed someone to talk to, so I approached her desk and announced, “My dad is getting married tonight.” She started asking me questions about the wedding, and all I could say was, “I dunno. I just found out at recess.” 

I must’ve sounded like a story teller.

That night, I was instructed to put on some church clothes because I was going “somewhere” with my dad. My dad came and picked up my younger brother and me, and off we went to what ended up really being his wedding.

With that impulsive marriage (lasting over 30 years so far), I got an older brother (as well as four older sisters, which was another dream of mine!)

Older Brother: Mullet Edition

James was everything I thought a big brother should be. He was funny and playful - always rough housing and wrestling with everyone. He was a blast to hang out with but could also be super annoying and pig headed. There were times I looked at James and thought he was so cool. Other times I thought he was a complete idiot. He called me “Butt” (short for “Buttany”). 

“Hey, Butt!”

“How ya been, Butt?”

“Buttany’s here!”

Above all, James was loving and protective in the way of big brothers. Despite his tendency to fart under blankets and then hold them over my head, James was good to me. Every time I saw him, he greeted me with a big hug, and a “Hey, Butt!” which I had to act annoyed by on principle, but secretly, always found humor in.

James was always up for a challenge no matter the level of stupidity. Jump onto the hood of a moving car? Sure. Swallow a live fish? Check. Suck down a raw egg? No problem. That thing with the sunbreeze essential oil? I will never write about that here.

You can probably sense where this is going; I’m speaking in past tense. We lost James unexpectedly last week. On Monday night he left my parents’ house in the rural foothills of Sanpete County and tragically went missing. I found out on my way from Saint George to girls camp that James had been missing for over 24 hours. The circumstances were strange and eerie enough that there was no denying there could be a bad outcome, but we were clinging to hope for a good turn around.

On Thursday morning, while still at camp, I got word that a hiker had found James deceased near an ATV trail. On one hand, I’d felt it coming. On the other, I was completely stunned because that’s not how the story should have ended. It should have been a mistake. He should have been just fine and come back with a wild and adventurous story. 

At this point it’s believed he died from hypothermia. There’s more to be learned there, but there is a lot we will never know. 

Now we have a big hole in our pieced-together family. 

Over the last few days, as I’ve thought about and remembered James, I’ve tried to come up with the best way to describe him. It wasn’t hard to pick the best words for James. If I had to concisely describe him to you in two words, I would choose “loving explorer.”

Loving was his character and exploring was his passion. 

James was a friendly guy - never one to shy away from saying hello and starting up a conversation. He was an initiator of many embraces, sometimes squeezing extra hard, boa constrictor style, just because he could! James didn’t have to say he loved you. You just knew. 

He also loved animals and always had pets - a blind dog… a stinky ferret… a hermit crab that got lost under his bed and died (we found the body later when we were cleaning out James’s room after finding out he was allergic to dust mites). James kept bees and could catch fish in a lake or river with his bare hands. He was always snuggling with our family dogs and letting them lick his face. 

James was an outdoorsman and preferred being in the mountains. He liked to hike, fish, and camp. He was a big fan of waterfalls and rock formations and was always excited to share photos and stories of his adventures. He enjoyed exploring nature but also liked going to see man-made ruins and relics, and well… let’s just say… he wasn’t afraid of trespassing. 

After I found out James had died, I wasn’t sure when it would actually feel real. Grief can be a strange thing. Mine hit Saturday night after his obituary was posted. I’d already read it, so I knew what was coming, but there was something about having it officially published that made me go, “Oh, boy! James is really gone!” Scotty and I were at our friends’ house playing games and celebrating Scotty’s and Chad’s birthdays (an annual tradition), and suddenly I burst out crying and said, “My grief just hit!” I laughed at the absurd timing and wiped away my tears. They kept randomly starting up again throughout the evening. Then, during a round of Risk, Scotty attacked one of my territories, occupied by a single reinforcement, and I looked him deadpan in the face and said, “You know my brother just died, right?”

Then I cried and laughed some more because James would be so proud of me for having such a sick sense of humor. We do grief wrong and inappropriately, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m sad for the loss of James, but I’m also mourning for my step-mom who lost her son and for James’s blood siblings who lost their brother. I find joy in imagining James reunited with his biological father who passed away when we were kids, and I laugh envisioning him with our Grandma Romney (if you know, you know). 

I think my siblings would all agree that we each have a James-shaped imprint on our hearts. 

So long, Loving Explorer.