Signs I'm Almost 40

The other day I caught a glimpse of a reel on Facebook with a girl defending herself for doing her hair and make-up to go to the gym. She was like, “I deserve to feel good about myself!”

My thoughts were, “I’m so glad I don’t care!” Because when I go to the gym, sure… it would be great to look fabulous in some cute clothes with my hair and make-up just so, but here’s the fact: I’m gonna walk out of there smelling like the small animal building at Hogle Zoo and soaked in boob sweat. I’m not there to be pretty. I’m there to be gross. I don’t want to waste time and money on hair and make-up for the gym! 

My clothing of choice is stretchy pants and gigantic t-shirts. I used to buy cute workout clothes (and maybe someday I will again), but right now my only criteria is that the clothes keep my butt crack and my belly covered, and that my bottoms have a pocket. Fortunately, most of the people at the gym I go to are of the same mentality. They are there just trying to do some good for their bodies. We are united in our grossness, save for a few anomalies. 

Now that I'm going to the gym regularly again (a lifestyle I used to live until I went back to school and had Eva), there are a couple of things I needed to invest in. 

First, a sports bra. 

I have a few oldies in my drawer, but I don't want to deal with them because A) they have removable padding, which has no practical purpose in my mind. Removable padding just means the pads fall out all the time, and I have to put them back in, and then they get all shifty and give me Lumpy Boob and B) I hate putting bras on over my head, so I keep wearing my regular bra, which is not ideal for certain movements. 

Clearly, I'm lazy, and I need a sports bra for lazy girls. So I went and found one that has built-in padding and that zips in the front. 

Second, some big, ole granny panties. 

I wear religious underclothing (read more about that HERE), every day with very few exceptions. I've been wearing my religious underclothing (which we usually refer to as "garments") to the gym - this is something that the wearer can make a personal choice about. I can't claim I wear them based on any degree of righteousness, though. I'm not of the mentality that we should wear them when we work out (like I said - it's a personal choice), I'm simply too lazy to take them off and put them back on after I work out. So once again, my motive is laziness. BUT... since my grand return to the gym, I have destroyed three pairs of garments from thigh rubbing. Thus my need for some new Underwear of the World. 

So I went to Costco, and I bought the biggest, most covering underwear they had. We're talking full butt cheek embracing, belly button high underwear. 

And friends?

I put those things on for the first time, and I saw myself in the mirror, and I thought, "Wow! These are surprisingly sexy!"

And that is the ultimate evidence that I am almost 40.