When you're getting toilet paper in a public restroom, and the squares rip off every few inches, so you have to keep spinning and tearing and spinning and tearing just to get enough for a little dab, but with all the effort you've put into getting your toilet paper, it sounds to your fellow bathroom-goers like you've just had the poop of the century, and you're gathering thirty yards of toilet paper to finish with.
Likewise, when you're in a public restroom, and you can't find the end of the toilet paper, so you keep spinning the giant roll round and round, but it's JUST. NOT. THERE! and you have to tear into it like a savage to create your own TP start.
When the toilet paper is behind your head in the stall.
When you have 30 minutes to get a sample to the hospital lab, and in the final five minutes, as you make your way down the corridor, someone from high school sees you and wants to stop and chat. Meanwhile you hold a brown paper bag of specimen and wonder if they know what's inside... because there are only so many things a person delivers to a hospital lab in a brown paper bag...
When you get to the counter at the lab, and no one is there, so you get to just stand there with your brown paper bag and smile at everyone in the waiting area, wondering if you should start a game of "Poop or Semen?"
When you're out walking and a dog starts following you and misbehaving - running out in front of cars, pooping on people's lawns - and everyone thinks it's your dog.
When you're at a drive through, and the person in front of you has finished ordering, but they're not pulled forward enough for you to get to the ordering box, and the employees are trying to talk to you through the speaker, and you have to yell from your window, "Hold on! I'm not there yet!"
When you open a new puzzle and you find pieces that are stuck together and you have to wonder if that's cheating (while also secretly celebrating that there's less work you have to do), and then you go out of your way, through the sorting process, to make sure that those two pieces don't get separated.
When someone "likes" your social media post three seconds after you post it, but it's six paragraphs long, so you know they didn't read it.
When your friend at church has something really weird going on with her hair in the back, but she's on the other side of the chapel, so there's nothing you can do, but you know that she would want to know, so you try typing out a text, but "You have a weird lumpy thing going on in the back of your hair, just thought you'd like to know," doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say to someone, so you just let her have lumpy hair.
When your friend at church has lumpy hair, and you know she would want to smooth it out, but you can't figure out a good way to let her know, so you start wondering if you should text the 60 year old man sitting behind her and say, "Hey Brother LastName, will you smooth out Friend's lumpy hair for me? Kthxbye."
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If that's not awkward enough, you can find more here:
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