When you walk toward your van and another lady is also walking toward your van and you know that one of you is going to the wrong van.
When you have no idea where you parked so you just walk out into the parking lot and fake confidence, hoping no one can tell you’re lost.
When you go somewhere to eat and then you go somewhere afterward and people from the restaurant are there, and you're left wondering, "Are we in a relationship? Do we have to acknowledge one another in public now that we've eaten ten feet apart and shown up at Costco together?"
When you pull into a parking spot, and you have food in the car to eat, but there is someone sitting in the car right across from you, and they're eating, too, and suddenly you're dating this stranger who obviously has very poor eating habits.
When you see someone you haven't seen in years, and you pretend you don't know them because you don't know of they remember you, but you have to wonder if they are doing the exact same thing - in which case, you should have just said hi and broken the ice because now you're probably going to see that person every week for the next two months (cause that's just how it goes), and you're going to have to keep pretending you don't know them because the decision has already been made.
When the person you've seen in public for years and pretended not to know suddenly talks to you as if you've always been friends, and you have to carry on as if you never pretended to not know each other.
When someone uses your bathroom and later you go in there and see that your kid left their poopy underwear stain-side up on the floor that morning with a trail of poopy toilet paper leading to the garbage can.
When you try to honk your horn nicely to let the person in front of you know that the light is green, but your van only honks mean.
When you know who a person is, and you know a few things about them because you see a lot of their Facebook activity through mutual friends, and then you “meet” each other in real life and have to pretend like you don’t know exactly who they are, who their friends are, and where they went on vacation last month.
When you go to McDonald's or Chick-Fil-A and no one is pulling into the second lane, so you pull into the second lane and pass, like, six cars and end up getting your food before all of them, and you know they all hate you now, but it's not your fault they didn't go in the second lane.
When you are in line waiting for a gas pump, and a different pump becomes available, and you have to decide whether to wait it out or try to get to the other pump before someone else. And then you go for it, but someone else gets there first, and you end up having to wait even longer to get gas (ditto for grocery lines).
And let's not forget, when you're going to a short grocery line, and you see someone else heading for the same line, and you have to decide between racing there and acting like you weren't trying to beat the person or slowing down so the other person gets there first and acting like that was your pace all along and it's all good!
When another driver has the right of way, but they completely disrupt the flow of traffic to let you go first.
When someone tells you a very embellished version of something that happened, and they don't realize you were there when it happened, so you know that's not exactly how things went down.
When someone invites you over for a meal, and you see them pull something out of the pantry that you know is supposed to be refrigerated, and you wonder if this is how you will die.
When your son breaks up with his girlfriend in maybeeee not the most tactful way, and you run into her mom two days later at the pharmacy.
When you're being guided through a construction zone by a flagger, and they are pointing to the lane as if you aren't responding to instructions fast enough, yet you can't go any faster because everyone is going 5 mph, and you're sitting there thinking, "Believe me buddy, I want this to be over as fast as you do!"
Likewise, when you're being guided into a car wash (the kind that has humans), and you have to sit there making eye contact with the car wash attendant through the window until they give you the signal to put the car in neutral.
And finally...
Everything about eating at Olive Garden.
Will I get in trouble if I ask for a new bowl of soup without finishing the first one? Am I going to be judged by how I pronounce pasta e fagioli? Do I wait for the server to come to the table on their own or do I summon them with the tablet thingy? At what point have I eaten too many breadsticks? What's up with these giant, unnatural, three-pronged forks? Allow me to sit here staring at you while you grate cheese onto my food. Can I please just pepper my own entree and box my own leftovers?* What do I do if Post Malone shows up?
*I'm happy to report that during my most recent trip to Olive Garden, there was pepper on the table, and the servers were asking the customers if they would like the staff to box their leftovers or if they would like to do it themselves (are there seriously people who would prefer the employees to box their leftovers? This is something I wouldn't understand).
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