Currently {January 2019 Edition}

Reading: Why We Love Serial Killers by Scott Bonn

Listening to: the Cold podcast, Mindless Eating by Brian Wansik, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

(I read Mindless Eating several years ago, and I thought it would be good to revisit it. Some of Wansik's research has fallen under scrutiny in recent years. His conclusions aren't necessarily wrong, but there have been some questions about his statistics).

Wearing: my nighttime clothes (i.e. underwear)

Craving: water. It's nighttime (see "wearing"), and I always get really thirsty at night, but I don't want to drink anything because I don't want to have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Singing: "This is Me." I listened to a Greatest Showman playlist on Spotify today - a combo of the original and reimagined - and that's the song that stuck with me.

Stressing about: health problems.

Can I tell you a secret? I have high blood pressure. Like really high. And I don't want to go on medication, but my efforts to lower it on my own are not working, so I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow.

I live in a constant state of stress (it's just my nature - I've always been high stress), so that definitely doesn't help.

Speaking of stress, a book I really love is The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal. It was one of the resources I was given when I did my internship for school.

Buying: a Disney crock pot. Yes! This is happening! It was 50% off last week, so I ordered one. My original crock pot I received for my wedding cracked last year. I was devastated! I like to have two crock pots, and it's been hard only having one for the last year. I've kept my eye out for good deals, and when I saw this one, I couldn't pass it up. Hopefully I can convince my kids that they love anything made in the Disney crock pot... even when there are tomatoes involved.

Trying: to go all year without any soda. I'm not calling it a New Year's resolution because I said I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions. Instead, this is a choice I made that happened to start on January 1st.

(Just go with it).

Missing: my old crock pot. It was really ugly (forest green with grape vines), but I knew it so well. I was used to its cooking times, and it's been hard having to use my other crock pot as my "main squeeze." I hope the Disney crock pot and I hit it off a little better.

Loving: having the Christmas tree put away. I enjoy it while it's up, but the second Christmas is over, I want it gone. And each year, when we take it down, I feel like my living room doubles in size.

This year, I wired and hot glued all the decorations to the tree. Here's hoping those lights I bought stick with me for a while. There are pictures of Jesus wired on my tree, so I can't throw it in the road if I get mad.

Frustrated by: a prescription I need that has been on back order for over a month!

Looking forward to: an upcoming vacation.

Neglecting: exercise. My friends and I are taking a break from our early morning walks while it's cold and icy outside, and I always think I'll exercise "tomorrow," but I never do.

Thankful for: cereal.Today I made Chex mix and rice crispy treats, and I didn't even realize until hours later that I was so cereal-focused. I just really love cereal.

2018 In the Books

I love to read.

You probably know this.

But when I was going to school from 2014-2017, my reading habits changed. While I delighted in a lot of the reading required for my degree, I had to set aside reading for leisure. This year I've been able to start reading for my own enjoyment again.

My grand total of books read in 2018 is 47 (with 16 unfinished).*

(I have no expectation from year to year about the number of books I read. It just happens to be 47 this year. It could be five, or it could be 100. It doesn't matter to me as long as I enjoyed getting to that number).

This year I started listening to more audiobooks. I feel like I have a good balance between "listening" and "reading." It used to bother me when people claimed they "read" a book, but they actually "listened" to it. Now, I'm on that bandwagon. If I listened to it, I say I "read" it. Listening to the written word still takes skill.

Here are a few of the books I read in 2018:

Book I'd most like to see made into a movie:

I picked up a copy of this book from the "Lucky Day" shelf at the library. This is where they have a few designated copies of books that are currently popular (and have a lengthy hold list) available to check out for 7 days. I knew nothing about the book, but the title intrigued me.

In this story, a man wakes up in the body of a different person each day and experiences the events of a murder at Blackheath Manor. It's like a cross between Groundhog Day, Downton Abbey, Clue, and Back to the Future.

What a mess, right?

The book was confusing and jumpy, and it made my brain hurt. By the end, I probably only comprehended about 65% of it, but it was also really clever and would have required a lot of organization to write. Even with the difficulty in keeping everything straight, I thought this book was pretty awesome. Throughout the entire thing, I couldn't stop thinking, "This would make a really cool movie!"


Most interesting memoir:

Educated has gotten a lot of buzz this year, and rightly so. It's written in a way that reads a lot like a novel. The memoir is about Tara Westover who was raised in the mountains of Idaho by a manipulative and abusive father and a brain-washed mother. This memoir fed my fascination with family theory and made me want to write an essay about the Westover family from a social exchange and family systems perspective.

Interestingly, Tara Westover is still quite young  (32), and her parents and siblings are still living, meaning this memoir is only the beginning. She potentially has years ahead of her in which this story continues.


The book I probably needed the most:

Whenever I read a book like this, I try really hard to not put pressure on myself to become something I'm not. I'm getting better and better at discerning which aspects of another person's lifestyle and experience serve me well and which ones are "not for me."

Essentialism is all about simplifying and saying "yes" to the right things and "no" to all the rest. While I don't ascribe to 100% of this mentality, there are some practices outlined by McKeown that have been good for me.


Book that inspired the most continued learning:

A lot of books I read (even fictional ones and ones I don't like) inspire me to learn more about a topic or person. I often follow-up with podcasts, interviews, and articles to give me more insight and expand my knowledge.

For some reason, despite never having had an interest in Church history, I got really caught up in Saints. What I enjoy most about history is the interactions and behaviors of people - I'm fascinated by why people do the things they do.

As I read Saints in September, I kept a journal about my thoughts and impressions. I listened to the podcasts the Mormon Channel did on Saints, and I took a trip to the Church History Museum. I also read other Church history books that go into more depth. I'm still on this course of study and am currently reading Doctrine and Covenants and Church History in the Fulness of Times. 


Biggest surprise:

One aspect of reading that makes me incredibly happy is picking up a book at random, having no expectations, and discovering that it is amazing! That is what happened with the Chilbury Ladies Choir.

I found this book on the "Reader's Choice" shelf at the library. Every quarter, the Salt Lake County Library system does a "Reader's Choice" competition. There is a selection of books to read and vote on for a few months, and then one book is appointed the winner.

I've found some great books through Reader's Choice... I've also found some pretty awful ones.

When I picked up the Chilbury Ladies Choir, it was at random, and I knew there was a good chance I wouldn't actually read it.

And I didn't.

It came due before I started it, and I took it back and moved on. But for some reason, I put the audiobook on hold on Overdrive - again thinking I probably wouldn't listen to it. I mean, "Chilbury Ladies Choir" sounds pretty boring (I'm still kind of shocked that I selected it at all).

The audiobook came in right as we were leaving on our trip to Lake Tahoe in July, and I ended up starting it on our drive. It was a pleasant surprise! I spent every spare second of our vacation listening to this book, and I felt lonely when it ended. I loved the readers and the characters, and this may be a pretty bold statement, but I think this was my favorite book I read this year!

The Chilbury Ladies Choir is a story of women coming together in times of trial and of the healing power of music. And if that all sounds too fluffy for you, perhaps you will be enticed by the conniving, old, baby-swapping midwife.

----------------------------------------

Here are some other books I read and wrote about in 2018:

Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel

Lighten Up!  by Chieko Okazaki

Harry Potter 1-3

*Someone asked for clarification on my numbers. The 16 unfinished are not part of my total of 47. Forty-seven is the number of books I read from beginning to end. 

It Happened in 2018

January

• I turned 34
• I locked my keys in my car 
• Scotty went to North Carolina to close the Raleigh Temple for renovation

February

• Went to the Brad Paisley concert
• Binge-watched Lost (again)
• Nicky had his Lego League competition
• I was released from Sunday School and called to be Primary Music Leader
• Daisy had cellulitis in her arm leading to four ER visits for intravenous antibiotics

March

• Scotty traveled to Washington DC to close the temple for renovation
• Scotty's grandpa passed away
• Scotty had a reassignment at work and stopped traveling

April

• Eva turned three
• I had my first legit case of strep 
• Scotty and I went to Hamilton
• We decided at Zoe's IEP meeting to remove her from Special Education

May

• Eva potty trained
• Scotty had a vasectomy (it was my anniversary gift)
• We celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary
• Went on a mini family vacation to Park City
• Took two trips to the ER because I had really bad pain in my lower right abdomen (they never found anything. It went away on it's own the day before I went to see a surgeon, but I can still feel a sensation in that spot from time to time)
• Took a mini family vacation to Vernal

June

• Went on a family camping trip
• Took a trip to Lava Hot Springs
• Went to the Donny & Marie concert
• Renovated the kitchen table

July

• Scotty turned 37
• Took a trip to Lake Tahoe
• Went to my brother's wedding

August

• Cafe Rio moved
• The kids went back to school
• I sprained my ankle
• Scotty was called to be Young Men president

September

• Daisy turned 9
• My grandma passed away
• Eva started preschool and dance

October

• Hosted a community trunk or treat with "the band"

November

• Zoe turned 6
• Went to California for my sister-in-law's wedding
• Scotty had a reassignment at work and will start traveling again

December

• Locked my keys in the car twice in one week (but please note that I went almost a whole year without locking my keys in my car)
• Nicky injured his face and got to go to the ER
• Nicky turned 12
• Nicky was ordained a deacon and received the Aaronic priesthood

How Winter Break is Going

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Mom?"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"Can I take a bath?"

Pick up random garbage from all over the house.

All children awake at 6:30.
"Get me me milk!"

Family party.

"Mom, she's putting her feet on me!"

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Can I play a game on your phone?"

Load of laundry.

"MOM!"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

Family party.

"Can I have a cupcake?"

Wipe the melted snow off the floor.

"Can we go bowling?"

"Can a friend come over?"

Load of laundry.

All children awake at 5:15.

"I'm bored!"
"Get me me milk!"

"Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Wipe the melted snow off the floor.

"When are we going to eat?"

"Look at this!"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"Mom, come wipe my bum!"

Gather up the wet gloves.

"I need a bandaid!"

"What are we doing today?"

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

All children awake at 6:30.

Load of laundry.
"Get me me milk!"

"What's for lunch?"

Birthday party.

"What are we going to do today?"

"My shoes feel funny!"

Load of laundry.

"MOM!"

"It's all _______'s fault!"

"Watch this!"

"Can I take a bath?"

Pick up random garbage from all over the house.

"Mom, I want pink hair!"

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Can I take a bath?"
"Get me me milk!"

"Has anyone seen my candy cane?"

"MOOOOOOM!"

Load of laundry.

All kids awake at 6:30.

"Can I play a game on your phone?"

"Have you seen my ______?"

Snow clothes on, snow clothes off.

"My pants are too tight!"

"Mom, I don't want pink hair anymore!"

"Can a friend come over?"
"Get me me milk!"

"It wasn't me!"

"MOOOOM!"

Twelve Years

Twelve years ago today, this was me:

I was kind of in labor with Nicky. I was 41 weeks pregnant, and my body would not cooperate. We joke that Nicky didn't want to come to this world (I can't blame him!) He didn't want to be conceived, and he didn't want to be birthed, and after he was forced out, he screamed for hours.

This was me with Nicky the day we came home from the hospital.

I was not okay, but I put on a brave face. I had post-partum depression,* and it hit immediately. I felt so ashamed of myself for the way I felt. Even now, I have a hard time telling people exactly what I was thinking during that time, but even though I was overwhelmed with distorted thoughts, it didn't diminish my love for Nicky.

He was the most beautiful child.

{five days old}

In many ways, it feels like I've always had Nicky in my life, but in other ways it feels like he just came here. Of course he's twelve! Yet... how can he be twelve already?

Nicky has been such a joy to raise. He has been difficult at times, but so incredibly amazing at others. He has a heart of gold and the best sense of humor. He is genuinely funny and very clever. He writes the silliest stories and draws really hilarious cartoons. He's quick-witted and creative. I hope someday he writes a book. 

He has wanted to be a chicken farmer since he was very little (he announced this at his preschool graduation, much to our surprise). Right now he is passionate about golf, food, Dude Perfect, Nerf, food, Disneyland, and food. His fashion sense is very unique - he wears Hawaiian shirts and gym shorts every day and rarely dons a coat. In fact, just this morning I said, "Nicky, do you realize that people will think I'm a bad mom when they see you with no coat on?" and he said, "I can't help it, I'm a man of the woods." 

(I explained that a man of the woods probably wears a coat. I mean, 75% of the Justin Timberlakes are at least wearing long sleeves, but whatever...)

Lately Nicky has started wearing church shoes with his Hawaiian shirts and gym shorts, and today he asked me to buy him a Callaway pull-over. He told me he wants to look more like a businessman. 

(So is he a man of the woods or a businessman? I don't really know. And where do the Hawaiian shirts fit in?)

Nicky's childhood is fleeting, but there are some child-like attributes he still holds to - not in a way that makes him immature, but in a way that a twelve-year-old boy should still be a child. Nicky loves riding his bike and being outside. He likes to shoot his BB gun and tie knots with rope. He enjoys cooking and grilling and even insisted on baking his own birthday cupcakes today. He likes to read books with fun facts, like Weird but True, and today at the library he bought a used copy of a National Geographic Book about things that stink (he already read the whole thing and can tell you all about skunks and landfills if you ask him).

He does well in school and picks up on things easily. He has a knack for board games. He's very interested in movie credits and does really well with remembering names and facts. He knows all the pop culture references and picks up quickly on allusions in film and books. Nicky is frugal and good at saving money. He fights back about chores and hates showering, but overall, he is a very responsible kid. We can trust him, and that's a wonderful thing that I hope remains true in the coming years. 

Nicky is so much fun to be around, and he keeps us laughing! It's been a good twelve years despite the rocky start. We are so blessed to be the parents of this sweet and clever boy! 

*I got help, but it was so hard to go talk to someone. I didn't know that it was okay to ask for help. I didn't know that what I was going through was common. It hurt my pride, and that's why I'm more open about it now. I don't want other moms to feel ashamed like I did. 

Christmas ABC's

A is for Artificial

the state of our Christmas tree

 

B is for Bright

like the lights at Temple Square

 

C is for Cards

Zoe made a personalized one for each

child in her kindergarten class

D is for Dance

All three girls did an in-studio dance performance

for their parents

E is for the Elf Hat

that Zoe bought from Target and wore to school

nearly every day in December

F is for the Festivals

that kept us busy

 

G is for Gingerbread

houses to create and destroy

 

H is for the Hill

where we sledded until two kids collided 

 

I is for Injury

and our 7th visit to the ER

 

J is for Jesus

and the bag full of swaddled babies I had in 

my trunk all month
(they were for singing time in primary)

 

K is for Kids

the ones who make Christmas fun

L is for the LOL Dolls
that are taking over my life

 

M is for Mary Poppins Returns
which we saw on Christmas Day
(and the theater was INSANE)

N is for Nativity
puppet shows galore

 

O is for Oven
"Sayonara" to this old thing!
We finally have a replacement!
(but thank you, dear oven, for your many
years of service)

 

P is for the Photo Booth
at our extended family Christmas party

 

Q is for Quiet
a rare state of our children's existence,
but it happened this one time at Grandma's house

 

R is for the Romaine Recall
during which I truly suffered!
(I didn't know Romaine was such a big
part of my life!)

S is for Snow
which accumulated on my lawn but not my neighbors'
because we live in the Twilight Zone

T is for Treats
left for Santa on Christmas Eve

 

U is for Under the Weather
Scotty and I spent Christmas Eve shampooing
puke out of the living room rug

V is for Vacation
the Christmas gift we've been keeping secret
for several months!

W is for Work
Because we didn't want our kids to have it too
easy on Christmas morning

 

X is for X-cessive
amounts of disruptions while trying to write
this post.

Y is for the New Year
for which I'm making ZERO resolutions!

Z is for Zzzs

Because now we all need to settle in for a long winter's nap

Christmas is Coming, the Goose is Getting Fat (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I love the Christmas season, but I'm not sure it's worth the daily horror I'm experiencing with my kids. They are full of the Spirit of December... which I'm pretty sure is evil... like the fruits of the devil.

Fact #2: I'm trying to be more optimistic in my day to day life, so from now on, when my laundry pile looks like this (which is always), I'm going to think "Look how much TV I get to watch!" instead of thinking "Look how much laundry I have to fold!"

Fact #3: Last week we had our 7th ER visit of 2018. In previous years, we've averaged a visit about every 1.5 years. I don't know what changed this year, but we really upped our game!

Fact #4:  The reason we went to the ER was because Nicky hit his face on the back of one of our kitchen chairs. He looked like Quasimodo immediately, so I took him to Instacare just for peace of mind. 

{actual image of my son post-injury}

I expected them to say, "Everything is okay! Give him ibuprofen and put an ice pack on it." Instead they said, "He has air pockets in there and probably fractured his face. He needs to go to the ER and have a CT." 

Fortunately, there was no fracture.

Fact #5: This morning I went to the store for what will hopefully be THE LAST TIME until after Christmas. I always feel like I'm prepping for the Apocalypse when I grocery shop for the holidays. At this point, if we don't have it, we will have to either live without it or steal it from a neighbor. I can't go out in public anymore.

Fact #6: I have a habit of eating toast late at night. I was trying to quit this ritual, for health reasons, but then last night, I slipped and made toast, and my squeezable jam plopped out in the shape of a horse:

Fact #7: I'm pretty sure that means I should eat toast late at night for the rest of my days. 

Fact #8: I don't care what this company thinks. Ain't no one putting fresh grapes in the roasting pan with the turkey!

Fact #9: I hate when my kids take pictures of me because I always end up looking like this:

"Give me my phone!"

Or this:

"Who wants to give Mommy her phone?"

Or this:

"Give me my phone! NOW!"

Fact #10: It's great knowing that's what I look like to them. Can't a mom just get her phone back?