The Last 17 Days

I haven't posted for 17 days. Last time I blogged it was almost spring break, and I was worried about how to entertain my kids for the week. Spring break came and went, and I missed most of it. I was wiped out with a really bad case of strep. Luckily the symptoms hit on Friday, so the worst of it occurred over the weekend while Scotty was home. I was in bed most of Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday, and most of Monday. I didn't eat or speak for three days. I had an antibiotic shot on Saturday, and on Tuesday I hadn't improved much so I went back to the doctor and and was given a stronger antibiotic.

Scotty handled all of the Easter events without me. Bless his heart. I decided to not feel guilty about it because I've handled hundreds of holidays, birthdays, and other events without him. His new job has sick pay (a first for us - and we are so grateful), so he was able to take Monday off to take care of the kids while I slept.

It was nice to not have to keep my kids busy over spring break, but it was kind of sad to have to miss the whole thing. I had one day with them before I got sick. We had a pizza party with friends. Then the next day I took them to lunch at Scotty's work, and that's when I was starting to feel achy and really tired. I also couldn't get warm. After about twelve hours, I finally thought, "Wait! Am I sick?" (It hadn't even crossed my mind that I might be sick).

I'm better now, for the most part, but I feel like I'm trying to crawl out of a pit. I can't get back to my routine, I'm still really tired all the time, and to be honest, I'm a little depressed and my anxiety has flared up. I don't know if it's from being sick or if it was already starting before I got sick. The anxiety definitely was there before I got sick - in the past few months I've been really worried about things I have no control over, but I didn't feel depressed. Now I don't want to get out of bed - ever. I'm really tired. I don't want to do anything, and I feel like I'm dragging. I hope it's just because my body is still recovering from being sick.

In the meantime, my strategies are to avoid social media and clean up my eating. I used to deny that social media had anything to do with my depression or anxiety because, after all, I "know better" than to let it affect me like that (I had to write several papers on the topic for school, and even though I was repeatedly face to face with the research, I still never believed it was me). But last November I went the whole month with no social media, and it made a very noticeable difference in my anxiety and depression. So crap. It is me.

And as for eating, I was doing really well before I got sick, and then I went on a steady diet of popsicles and Dr. Pepper (DP was the only thing I could drink that didn't hurt to swallow. Water hurt, DP didn't. So I lived off DP). It's so hard to reset after a drastic change in eating habits.

For now, I just want to sit. I don't want to move or exert energy in any way. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my living room sitting in the old, ugly recliner with my feet up and a rambunctious nearly three-year-old camping out in my lap (Eva turns three on Sunday. Can you believe it?)