Saturday, May 22, 2021

Back to School Books 4 & 5

I’m still trying to determine what my New Year’s resolutions are for 2021. I’m starting to feel like I’ve fallen behind a bit. What is it now, May? Well, the year’s not quite to the half-way point yet. I’ve still got time. 

The one resolution I did make was to read 10 “school” books. My interpretation of “school” books is “books I read in school OR books I could have/should have read in school.” 

So far I’ve read (and posted about):

The Scarlet Letter

The Outsiders

Wait till Helen Comes 

In the past few weeks, I’ve read three more “school” books, but I’m only going to count them as two.

First I read (well… technically I listened to) The Cay by Theodore Taylor. This was one of my favorite books from elementary school. I read it over and over again, and pretty much any time I had to write a book report in junior high, I wrote it on The Cay. Having had the same English teacher for all three years, I’m kind of shocked I got away with it. I guess she wasn’t exactly keeping track.

The Cay is about an 11-year-old boy named Phillip who ends up shipwrecked on an island with an old black man named Timothy. During the aftermath of the sinking ship, Phillip acquires a head injury, and shortly later, loses his sight. Phillip has some racial prejudice toward timothy initially, but as they work together on the cay, Phillip discovers that many of the ideals he learned from his mother regarding race are not correct. This, of course makes the book controversial as some feel it promotes racial harmony while others feel the book is actually harmful. 

The idea for the book came from an actual ship called the S.S. Hato that was torpedoed in 1942. There was an 11-year-old boy lost in the shipwreck, and Theodore Taylor, on hearing this story, wondered what might have happened to the boy. 

After I finished The Cay, I read Timothy of the Cay, which is the sequel. The original book was written in 1969, and the sequel was written in 1993. Timothy of the Cay delves into more of Timothy's backstory and elaborates on Phillip's life after the cay. It's hard to review the sequel without spoiling the original book, but it has a really good "what would I do?" scenario in it. Phillip has to make a pretty big decision in the sequel, and I don't think I would make the same decision he does, so it gives me a lot to think about. 

Though I've read The Cay several times, prior to this, I had only read Timothy of the Cay once. I definitely like the first book better, but the sequel is okay. 

I'm just counting these two books as one. They're very short. 

The third book I read was Weasel by Cynthia DeFelice. I don't think this book was ever required reading in any of my classes, but it seems like it was one the librarian was always promoting. Or perhaps it was one that was frequently on classroom shelves. I remembered the story completely wrong, so it was funny to go back and read it and realize the book didn't happen the way I thought. 

In Weasel, it's 1939, and Nathan's father is late returning from an outing when, one day, a man who has had his tongue cut out shows up at the house holding the locket that Nathan's dad wears. Nathan and his sister follow the man to their dad, who has been hurt. 

In the woods, a man named Weasel roams and has turned on the settlers after trying to drive the Shawnee Indians out of the area. He's become aggressive and violent, and frankly, is better off dead. 

I confess... as a child... it was the cut out tongue that appealed to me. Apparently, Young Britt had a morbid side. I should have been reading The Babysitters Club, but no. I needed gore. 

Weasel (like the other books in this post) is a very quick read and slightly controversial. 

Weasel has a sequel called Bringing Ezra back, which I only learned of right this minute. I'll have to give it a read. I'm curious. 

That brings me to the half-way point - five books of ten. 

Friday, May 21, 2021

The Stranger Things of West Valley

I see a lot of weird things while I'm driving around from day to day, and I realized this week that I need to start writing them down. I'm left to wonder if there are weird things going on in every city on earth or if I just live somewhere special. I also wonder if other people see as many strange things as I do, or if I catch more of it because I'm an observant person

Here are three things I've seen in the past week.

The Motorcycle Mascot

Last weekend, I swear I saw someone in a bear costume driving a motorcycle down 3500 South. I did a double-take and wished I had time to make a u-turn and follow him for further observation (I would do such a thing), but sadly, I needed to sally forth to my destination. 

The more I think about it, the more I believe it looked like Leo the Lion - the mascot for Real Salt Lake. There is no logical reason for Leo the Lion to be driving a motorcycle in that area, but that's what the creature in question resembled. And I confess... until about five minutes ago, I didn't even know that the Real Salt Lake mascot was a lion. It looks like a bear to me! 

Not a bear

And it fits with the Jazz Bear and Grizzbee. To me, all mascots, except Cosmo, are bears.

Anyway, after I got over the initial shock of the sighting, I realized how stinkin' dangerous it would be to drive in a mascot costume. You can't drive in a bear/lion head! So what in the world did I see? 

If I ever witness such a thing again, I will absolutely make it a priority to abandon all other plans and follow the alleged mascot. 

The Broomstick Biker

Another thing I saw recently was a man on a bike with a five-gallon bucket strapped to his back. What was in the bucket? Where was he going? I have so many questions.

But just to make it weirder, there was also something protruding from under the man's bike seat, and the only way I can think to describe it was that it looked like a broom handle, and it stuck out three or four feet.

Inspiration?

The only hypothesis I have is that it was his social distancing stick. No one was coming within six feet of that dangerous set up. That's for sure. 

The Misplaced Spaghetti

The last thing I saw was a car with an open bag of spaghetti noodles sitting on the back bumper. The car was driving down 3500 South (apparently 3500 South is a corridor of weirdness), and every few seconds, a spaghetti noodle would fall on the ground. 

I found this quite amusing and am dying to know the back story. I really wanted to pull up next to them at the intersection and say, "Excuse me! You're losing your spaghetti!" but I never had the chance. 

I just hope their dinner plans weren't foiled!

If these three instances have taught me anything, it's that the world is dangerous in unexpected ways. With bear heads, broomsticks, and flying spaghetti on the loose, you can never be too careful! Be safe out there, folks!

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Internet Things

It's been (almost) a week since my last post because I lost my laptop charger... again. 

Guess where it was? In the electronics basket. Where I keep charging cords and other electronics-related accessories. So basically, it was exactly where it was supposed to be. And I spent a week looking for it under couches and in kids' rooms.  

(I maintain that I am a very disorganized organized person).

Anyway, I don't have anything in particular to write about today, so allow me to share a few internet "things."

We're probably all familiar with the THINK acronym that's floated around for the past several years:


It continues to be excellent advise - not just for social media, but for all interactions whether online or in-person. 

A few days ago, Brooke Romney posted this:


It coincides with the THINK acronym a little bit, but it expounds on it, and it's a great reminder for me, personally because I have issues with speaking when it's not my place. In fact, the two messages I receive from the Holy Ghost most frequently are:

1. Study the scriptures
2. Don't say anything

Purpose, delivery, and timing are all very important considerations before speaking, and I am a frequent violator of all of the above. 

But also, one thing that was brought to my attention a few years ago is how often we engage in scripted conversations or commentary. I realized this during a talk by Michael McLean at Time Out for Women where he was sharing some of his experiences with losing his faith. He talked about how, during class discussions at church, he had developed routine comments for every topic. I think we are all guilty of this to some extent. If the topic is "keeping the Sabbath Day holy" there might be a 'go to' comment or story that we share. Or a "word of wisdom" story or a "charity" story. Michael McLean realized that he had his routine comments he made on various topics, and he decided to just shut up for a while (I'm not being crude, he actually said, "shut up," and I get it because I'm a person who sometimes needs to just shut up!) He really made me think, so now I try to be more mindful about what I contribute to conversations and discussions - particularly gospel-centered ones. Does my commentary contribute to the discussion or am I just trying to fit in my routine story because "this is what I say when we approach this topic?"

I don't know if a lick of that made sense, but just know that I am trying to be be more careful about what I say. I don't think I'd do the world a bit of harm if I shut up a little more. 

But I digress... moving on... these made me laugh:



Side note: I'm absolutely fascinated by the dead bodies on Mount Everest and how they are used as landmarks. If you've never read up on the bodies on Mount Everest, you should


I can't tell you how many times I've blasted my air conditioner or heater in my car and finger combed my hair to try and get my bangs to dry straight.


Yes. I feel this so much. Before COVID, I still used mostly cash (it helps me keep a budget), and I always felt like an inconvenience to the world at large. 
And this is basically my life's work. Faking athleticism. Though in recent years, I've given up in many aspects. I still don't want to get caught breathing heavily, though. 

And then there's these things I see all the time and never comment on but always answer in my head:


Blue Toad in a Hole.


A two-pack of training bras. 


Rocky road.



Where is the maple bar?


Disneyland. But I don't remember if my first flight was with my family or if it was when I went to perform at Disneyland with my dance studio.


Butterfinger because they changed their recipe, and they got it wrong!


B.

A thousand times, B.

I hate cleaning.


Lady Sam I Am Toad in a Hole of Target.


3-ish.

There are things on this list that I don't care for much, but there isn't a lot that I absolutely won't eat. 



Yes I did. I didn't have my own phoneline, but I had a phone in my room as well as a TV and stereo. 


These are all acceptable! As well as many other toppings not featured, like pineapple or runny egg! I've even had peanut butter on a burger.


I can't think of one. I don't really remember eating anything other than Hamburger Helper, and while I don't really use Hamburger Helper now, I never hated it. 


Gremlins, and yet... I watched it all the time and carried around a stuffed Gizmo. I was a conflicted child. 






Thursday, May 13, 2021

It's Thursday (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I don't know where all this recent blogging is coming from. I somehow broke through some major writer's block, and suddenly I've got a lot to say. I've posted every day for over a week!

Fact #2: I go to Chick-fil-A way too much. I use their app and get points to use toward free food. The other day I was looking at my free food possibilities, and I realized some of their point “costs” seem a little steep. I believe the basic earning rate is 10 points per dollar (I’m “red status,” so I get 12 points per dollar). For 1200 points, I can get a 12 piece chicken nugget. Mathematically, that’s valuing $1.20 per nugget for a “regular” Chick-fil-A member, and $1.00 for a red member. Is it just me, or is that some high point chicken?

Fact #3: For 800 points, you can get a Greek yogurt parfait. Please don’t tell me that people spend $80 at Chick-fil-A to redeem their points for a small cup of yogurt. Get the deluxe chicken sandwich instead! You don’t go to Chick-fil-A for yogurt!

Fact #4: And while we’re on the topic of Chick-fil-A, can we all just agree that they have the dumbest kids meal “toys”ever? What’s with all this educational and parental interaction stuff? I don’t take my kids to Chick-fil-A so I can end up having to read them a book or play a game with them. I take them to Chick-fil-A because I’m lazy, so what I really want is a stupid, plastic toy that can keep them busy for 20 minutes while I check out mentally and douse my feelings in Coke and Chick-fil-A sauce. Then, they can bring the dumb toy home and bury it in the backyard, and we can chop it up with the lawnmower five years down the road. 

That is the joy of the kid's meal.

Fact #5: Four years ago, Eva sliced her forehead open at Chick-fil-A and had to get stitches. Part of me thinks we deserve free food every anniversary (May 3). 

How did it happen? I honestly don’t know. She was in the play place all by herself and she suddenly started screaming. I went in there to get her, and her head was covered in blood. 

Fact #6: Do you remember being taught in elementary school that you’re supposed to say “one hundred six” and not “one hundred AND six?” To this day, I’m still paranoid about getting caught throwing in an “and” and getting scolded. And I’ve noticed my kids are the same way. In fact, Zoe came home from school one day last week after having a substitute teacher, and she was completely distraught because that substitute had lectured the class after a student had used “and” in her verbal answer. Zoe was like, “Mom, she was correct, and the teacher told her she was wrong because she said “and” and he yelled at her in front of the whole class and made her feel really embarrassed.”

(I hope he didn’t really “yell,” but you know, to a kid, everything is “yelling” unless they’re the one doing it).

Anyway, “one hundred six” or “one hundred and six”… why should anyone waste their energy on that? Who cares? Give us our “and!” 

Yet, I was schooled as if there is no greater offense. 

Fact #7: Yesterday I was able to kneel for the first time in almost three months. I’ve also been able to squat and sit on the ground for a picnic. I’m pretty much back “in order” other than some residual knee pain. Let’s say I’m 99% better. 

I’m so thankful. 

Fact #8: I really wish I knew what happened to me. 

Fact #9: I’ve been playing Dr. Mario a lot on the Switch. I’ve gotten to level 22 (of 25) on low speed. If anyone walks in the room or talks to me while I’m playing, I start panic-flipping the pills, and I screw up. My kids have been warned - DO NOT DISRUPT MOM’S DR. MARIO GAME. 

(They still disrupt. Always).

Fact #10: Even though Dr. Mario requires my ultimate concentration, I find that I get some excellent pondering done while I’m playing. I’ve decided that instead of announcing, “I’m going to go play Dr. Mario,” I’m going to say, “I’m going to go do some deep thinking,” because the things that go on in my head during Dr. Mario are big and important.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

The Bad Place

A while ago, I started watching The Good Place on Netflix. I made it through the first season and lost interest, but the premise of the show is that the characters, who have died, either go to the "good place" or the "bad place." In the "bad place" they are supposed to be tortured, and there are many ways that torture can be inflicted - from being lit on fire to being forced to listen to an annoying person talk for all of eternity. 

Anyway, the show got me thinking about what the "bad place" might be like for me. If some "bad place" architect were to design a scenario to torture me for all of eternity, what creative options might that person have?

Here are some ideas:

First, put me in a crowded place - a place where the people are incapable of sustaining order. Make it IKEA. Force me to parallel park with lots of people watching, and place the cart returns nowhere near my parking spot.

Then require me to eat quinoa and lead the Boot Scootin Boogie at a wedding. Add pinatas and gingerbread houses and mini golf. Include the sound of the same cell phone going off over and over. Make all the toilet seats loose so they shift any time I sit down.

Then crank up the heat. Not like "hell" heat. Just 78 degrees Fahrenheit indoors with no air flow. Force me to wear an underwire bra and jeans that are one size too small, then text me trypophobia triggering photos. Infuse everything with the scent of other people’s Cafe Rio burps. Have someone stand within a foot of me at all times.

Make me wait for people. Have them tell me they'll be there at noon then show up 21 minutes late, but first set all the clocks 1-2 minutes off from one another. Refuse me sufficient condiments for my foods. Let a dog jump all over me and sniff my butt. In fact, put lots of dogs there, and treat them like humans. Give them birth certificates and social media accounts, and write biographies for them. 

Install a koi fish pond. Make me feed the the koi. Don't give me access to dental floss. Take away my bidet. Have everyone drive 5 mph below the speed limit. Make everything slightly sticky.

That should do it. 

That...

would be a very bad place, indeed!

The lack of decent gifs is reason enough for me to not finish watching The Good Place

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Blockbuster Memories

The other night Scotty and I watched The Last Blockbuster on Netflix. It’s a documentary about the last remaining Blockbuster store. Did you know there is still a Blockbuster store out there? Cuz I didn’t. Now, for nostalgic reasons, I need to go to Bend, Oregon and go to Blockbuster. In the documentary, they talk about the smell of Blockbuster… and the click of the video case closing in your hands. And yes!! I remember it all, and I didn’t know I missed it until I saw it on TV. 

We had a Blockbuster right down the street when I was growing up, and we were definitely regulars there. I recall the rush to try and get the hottest new releases before they were out of stock, and how you could ask to see the selection of returns that hadn’t been put back on the shelf yet. Sometimes you’d hit the jackpot, and they’d have a copy of what you were looking for behind the counter, and it would make you feel excited but dirty. Like you had a secret that you had to hide from everyone else in the store. If Blockbuster didn’t have what we wanted, we’d head to Hollywood Video for a second chance.

I remember having to make sure all the videos were rewound before we took them back, and how the inventory slowly switched over to DVDs. I remember when they started renting video games. I fell in love with Cool Boarders and rented it all the time until my parents bought me a copy of Cool Boarders 2 for our PlayStation. I also discovered PaRappa the Rapper through renting - which was the weirdest game, but I got totally addicted. 

One of my favorite movies to rent was The Haunting (the old black and white film - not the awful remake with Owen Wilson). Blockbuster had one copy of The Haunting on VHS, and I was always mildly offended when it wasn’t in stock even when I had no intention of renting it. I was possessive of it - like it was my personal copy that Blockbuster stored for me.

I was always really annoyed whenever the movies got rearranged at Blockbuster (kind of like I do now when the grocery store moves things), and it was incredibly frustrating when a movie had been out for a while but was still considered a “new release” and therefore, had new release pricing. Why should I have to pay new release pricing for a movie that has 40 copies in stock?

There was one time I went to Blockbuster with two of my friends, and there was a shooting right by the store. When we’d gone in, everything had been fine, but when we came out, there were police cars everywhere, and someone was sprawled in the passenger seat of a car with injuries. We rented O Brother Where Art Thou. It wasn’t a great pick for three teenage girls. 

When Scotty and I got married, it was a big thing to get our own Blockbuster card. A true sign of independence! We spent a lot of time at Blockbuster on the weekends going through the DVDs that were for sale 5 for $20. It was always really exciting to find five great movies. Most of the time we’d find three okay movies and end up with two awful ones just to get the $20 deal, but it was a blast even when we ended up with something stupid. We built a huge movie library, which we’ve since gotten rid of.

It’s sad to think that our kids will never know the joy of perusing a video store. Before we had Blockbuster, we rented movies from Top Hat Video and Albertson’s. It’s kind of funny that we can still rent movies at the grocery store - only now it's through a vending machine. I remember when Redbox came out. I thought it was the dumbest thing ever and never thought I’d use it. That changed, and we started using Redbox pretty regularly - mostly because our video stores started closing. Now we haven’t used a Redbox in quite a while because we pretty much rely solely on streaming. I confess, I hate putting a DVD in the DVD player so much that I’m willing to pay a couple of dollars more to stream a rental just so I don’t have to load a disc. How’s that for modern-day laziness? Also, there’s the whole perk of not having to leave the house. My, how things have changed! 

I miss the tradition of heading to Blockbuster for the weekend to see what movies we can find, but would I go back to it? Probably not. 

The memories are sweet, though, and I appreciate having something to say “Back in my day…” about.

Monday, May 10, 2021

Things the Kids Say: Episode 12

It's been a while since I did a post about things my kids have said. In fact, I haven't done one yet this year. For a while there, they were on a role, but for the last six months or so, they haven't been making as many notable comments ("notable" in that I feel compelled to jot them down because they're just so funny or unbelievable). 

As always, I wish I could capture their little voices and their adorable speech impediments. 

Notice that Nicky and Daisy didn't make this episode at all. Chock it up to puberty and pre-teen attitude. 

---------------

"Mickey Mouse
Donald Trump
Mickey Mouse
Donald Trump!"

-Eva

---------------

"Nature's not fun."

-Zoe

---------------

"That's so 90's!"

-Zoe, referring to a pioneer schoolhouse 

---------------

"I think that bird died, and that other bird is giving it CPR!"

-Zoe, when she saw birds mating in a parking lot

---------------

Me: Honey, will you go put these socks away?

Eva: I'm not a honey. I'm a zookeeper.

---------------

"My whole life would be different if Daddy had a six pack."

-Zoe

---------------

Eva: Mom, are there 100 trees on earth?

Me: There are way more than 100 trees on earth!

Eva: So, like 120?

---------------

"My brain is working today because I haven't watched any YouTube."

-Eva

---------------

Eva: Mom, who was the first person on earth to have a baby?

Me: Adam and Eve.

Eva: Oh, those naked people?

---------------

"I want to go home."

-Eva... crying... while sitting on our living room couch