Lessons from Hyrum

One of my Church history heroes is Hyrum Smith, brother of the prophet, Joseph Smith. I thought today was a good time to reflect a little bit on Hyrum Smith since the Come Follow Me reading for the coming week includes some revelation given to Hyrum through Joseph Smith. 

I admire Hyrum for his loyalty, his faithfulness, and his humility. Hyrum went through some really hard things, particularly in his efforts to support his younger brother Joseph as he restored the Church of Jesus Christ. Hyrum even died for the cause after accompanying Joseph to Carthage where they were both put in jail. While there, the jail was raided by a mob, and Hyrum was shot in the face and in the back (at the Church History Museum, Hyrum's clothes are displayed, and you can see the bullet hole in the waistband. His death mask is also displayed, and you can see the place where the bullet entered his face).

M. Russell Ballard (who is a descendant of Hyrum Smith) gave a great talk about Hyrum back in 1995 that you can read here. 

{The statue of Joseph and Hyrum at Carthage Jail 

where they were shot and killed}

One of my favorite stories about Hyrum is from his childhood. When Joseph Smith was seven years old, he (and many other members of his family) had typhoid fever. Joseph recovered after two weeks, but contracted osteomyelitis, which is an infection in the bone. Joseph was in severe pain, and multiple attempts to reduce the swelling and drain the infection failed.

Lucky Mack Smith, the boys' mother, later recorded, "Hyrum sat beside [Joseph], almost day and night for some considerable length of time, holding the affected part of his leg in his hands and pressing it between them, so that his afflicted brother might be enabled to endure the pain" (History of Joseph Smith, p. 55).

This act of brotherly love stirs my heart. It was one of many acts of love from Hyrum and depicts the kind of man he was. 

One day, a couple of years ago, Scotty and I were busy in the house while the kids played outside. Eva took a fall and and scraped her leg. The other three kids carried her in the house, laid her on the couch, bandaged her leg, tucked her in a blanket, brought her milk, and turned on her favorite show. They did everything they could to make her feel better. By the time Scotty and I knew what was going on, they'd made her comfortable enough to drift off to sleep.

I was so touched by their love and concern for their littlest sister - it was a beautiful testament that they really do care about each other.

A few short days later my kids were out of control with their fighting. I sent multiple kids to their bedrooms, and we still had half an hour before we would leave for school. I couldn't figure out how we would survive that long under one roof without someone losing some teeth. While the kids were banished to their rooms, I sat on the stairs with my face in my hands, trying to not go ballistic. Then a thought came to me, "Tell them about Hyrum."

So I called my kids into the room and told them about Hyrum. I told them how much he loved his brother - how he held Joseph's leg while he was in pain, and how he later died with him. Then I reminded my kids of the day that they helped Eva after she fell, and I told them I was so proud of them for being like Hyrum Smith.

I didn't have to say anything about the fighting. 

I continually find that studying Church History arms me with knowledge that comes in handy for my own life. Hyrum’s experiences are no exception. He was a great example to those he interacted with in mortality, and he continues to be a great example to people like my children and me. 

Freedom

I'm in my final hours of quarantine. By the time this post is published, I should be FREEEEEE!

But I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not going to speak of freedom just yet.

Can I be honest? This quarantine has been hard - harder than any previous quarantine-ish things I've had to do. My mental health went right down the drain. I have been awash with anxiety and depression. I will be okay, but it's going to take some time to get back on track. I have no idea how I managed to school my kids with Scotty working from home for so long last year. Whatever I had in me that pulled me through is gone now. 

There are no coping skills left. 

I'm tired. 

If we end up in quarantine again soon, I will probably lie and say that I'm fine. But I'm telling you right now... any future quarantined Britt is NOT OKAY. Unfortunately, you can't fix it. But if you want to help, I recommend SENDING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. It's weird, I know, but over the last two weeks, I have felt incredibly deprived of nutrients, and I'm so looking forward to going to the grocery store and picking out produce!

So if your friends are quarantined, consider leaving a tomato or an apple on their porch because they might need something nourishing. 

—————

Well, we made it to January 30. We are officially free! But now I’m too paranoid to leave my house or have contact with anyone because I DO NOT want to be exposed to COVID  again. 

So what do I do with this freedom? 

Simply know that it exists. And mayyyybe go buy a green pepper. We’ll see...

Britt the Grown-Up

I've realized something lately... 

I'm a real life grown-up. 

I feel like I should still be a grown-up in training. There should be someone mentoring me or supervising me, but no. This is it. I'm a grown-up. 

Here are some things I've noticed about being a grown-up:

People don't pat me on the back anymore for doing grown-up things. 

When I was 27, and I did grown-up things, I got praised for it. I was treated like I was very responsible, and my elders would say things like, "You are wise beyond your years!" I could pay off a medical bill and feel like I had accomplished a great, grown-up thing. 

Now when I pay something off, it's just what grown-ups do. And I'm a grown-up. So I do it. 

A lot of important people are my peers.

Doctors, teachers, politicians, and Church leaders used to all be older than me. Now many of them are the same age, and some (especially teachers) are younger than me. This has been such a weird life transition for me because I look at these people and think they're not old enough to do these jobs because I'm not old enough to do these jobs! 

I'm not "the young one" anymore.

For a long time, I was always the young one in adult groups. I was the young one at work. I was the young one in my church callings. In hindsight, I know that it was the naivety of youth that helped me thrive in those opportunities.

Now that I'm a real grown-up, and I have more life experience, I hold more baggage and am more damaged. I feel less capable than I felt ten years ago.

I am not cool.

I don't know if I was ever "cool," but I know that I'll definitely never be cool again. In fact, I don't even know if "cool" is a thing anymore. I think only old, out-of-date grown-ups use the word "cool." And since I'm a grown-up, I don't know the current slang, so I still use adjectives the dictionary way.

Sick means you have a cold. Basic means fundamental. Karen and Felicia are names.

I miss the "good old days."

I have times I look back on as the "good old days," and I miss them and wish things could be like that again. Sometimes I ache for things of the past. I never thought I'd be this way.

So here I am.

A grown-up.

With my grown-up responsibilities, my grown-up body, and my grown-up problems. I'm not really sure how I got here. 

A Countdown of Things

Ten Parenting Things I Constantly Worry About

1. My kids' friends (and lack of friends)

2. My kids' health and weight

3. Regulating technology in my home

4. My kids' education

5. Something bad happening to my kids

6. Whether my kids' feel loved

7. Scotty and/or I will die and our kids will have to be raised by someone else

8. My kids' mental well-being

9. Not properly preparing my kids for the world

10. Creating entitled monsters

Me worrying about life

Nine Things I've Dreamed About Lately

1. E.T. (at age 37, that little guy still gives me nightmares)

2. Winder Dairy (where I worked right after high school. I have dreams about Winder Dairy at least once a month. I don't dream about any other workplace). 

3. A sock drive for the homeless

4. Math class (I never have my math assignments done)

5. Cutting my hair (my subconscious is always restyling my hair)

6. Pregnancy (I'm always happy to wake up and realize I'm not pregnant!)

7. Going back to primary (I dreamt that we start doing primary again and no one told me. Then they were all mad at me for not showing up)

8. Getting a dog (another dream I'm so relieved to wake up from)

9. Teeth (I constantly have dreams about my teeth falling out)

Eight Word Definitions I've Looked Up This Week

1. Scrupulous

2. Diligent

3. Prudent

4. Delve

5. Prostration

6. Teetotaler

7. Nuance

8. Homage

A lot of the time I look up words I already know just to make sure I'm using them correctly or just to get a better idea of what they mean. I enjoy looking up word definitions and would read the dictionary from front to back if I could retain a decent portion of it. Darn my average memory!

Seven Things I've Cooked/Baked Lately

1. Shrimp fajitas (yum!)

2. French bread (I've made 8 loaves in the last week and a half - mostly to freeze. I make hideous loaves, but it still tastes good).

3. Blueberry Custard Pie (I made this pie for Thanksgiving, and I have made it five times since then. Daisy now knows how to make it on her own). 

4. Buttermilk syrup (on French toast made with the French bread)

5. Poor Man's Steaks (these were gross)

6. Beef and Broccoli Lo Mein (Daisy says this is one of her top ten favorite meals I make. Nicky says it's in his top 500).

7. Sausage Gravy and Drop Biscuits Skillet (yum!)

Six Things I Said While Watching LOTR Last Week

1. "Do you think hobbits are self-conscious about their foot hair?"

2. "Hi, I'm Legolas, and I never say anything, but I like to stare off in the distance with my well-defined chin."

3. "There are so many ugly things in this movie." 

4. [Chant of the Winkie Guards from Wizard of Oz]

5.  "Do you think they braid each others' hair?" (the elves)

6. "I don't get why Gandalf doesn't jump in the bed with the hobbits."

Five Books I've Enjoyed So Far This Year

1. The Snow Gypsy by Lindsay Hayne Ashford

2. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

3. The Chestnut Man by Soren Sveistrup

4. The Woman in the White Kimono by Ana Johns

5. What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon

(I can recommend The Woman in the White Kimono in good conscience. The Snow Gypsy and What the Wind Knows are pretty clean. The Midnight Library has lots of 'F' words, and The Chestnut Man contains everything you'd never want your grandma to read).

Four Things Going on Around Me Right Now

1. Zoe is sitting on the piano bench strumming a ukulele with her feet.

2. Eva is playing restaurant and keeps bringing me elaborate Fisher Price meals. I'm currently "eating" a birthday cake and a bowl of soup.

3. There is a pile of Valentine's Day decorations laying on the end table. I started putting them up a week and a half ago and then gave up. 

4. The dishwasher is running. I'm always grateful anytime someone else does the dishes (tonight it was Scotty). 

Three Things I Need to Work On

1. Spending quality time with my kids instead of feeling constantly annoyed by them and wanting to get away from them

2. Seeing the good in other people 

3. Prioritizing my mental and physical health

Two Things I want to do Right Now

1. Eat Cap'n Crunch

2. Wrap my head in a heating pad

One Thing I'm NOT Blogging About Today

1. COVID.

There! I did it.

Everything's Coming Up COVID

In my last post, I wrote that I have a goal to blog about something non-COVID this week. 

This is not that post.

There is only COVID. 

Okay, that's not true. There is also Bernie Sanders. But mostly... there is COVID. And even when it's not COVID, everything still relates to COVID somehow. Every scripture I read can be likened to COVID. When I watch TV shows or read books, there's always something I can connect to COVID - like when I was watching Victoria and there was an episode about a cholera outbreak, and the characters were discussing how it was spread and whether they needed to quarantine the royal family in the palace. Then in The Crown, there was an episode about the deadly fog, and everyone was wearing masks. The other day I read The Woman in the White Kimono, and one of the main characters is riding the bus in Japan in the 1950’s and mentions sick people wearing masks. I also read a dystopian novel where the people aren't allowed to gather in groups of more than 10! Now I'm reading a book called What the Wind Knows, and one of the male characters strips down and bathes in the lake before coming home each day because there is an influenza outbreak, and he is trying to not bring the virus home. 

Throughout the pandemic, I have rotated between State of Mind A: "Everything is okay. We just need to give it patience and time," and State of Mind B: "Everything is so COVID-heavy that I can't function."

I am currently in State of Mind B. 

We are all still symptom-free. I took the kids to get tested again this morning, and I am taking them again on Wednesday. If all goes well, Friday is our last day in quarantine! Then, there might be something other than COVID. 

Eva went back to school today. I had to enlist a friend to help with that. Hooray for good friends!

I'm grateful to have one less kid doing "distance learning." My kids have only been to school 5 times in the past 6 weeks! I have always appreciated teachers, but that gratitude has increased immensely over the past year! I cannot teach my children academic things... or anything really.  There's too much butting of heads. I have had to fight and fight with Eva and Zoe to get their schoolwork done over the past week. They are both behind academically, and my at-home efforts to help them get on track are futile. I know I can't be completely dependent on their teachers for that, but good golly! They are so much more effective than I will ever be. 

I have been so fortunate to have fantastic teachers at the elementary school. Eva's teacher e-mailed me immediately after the school was notified that Eva had COVID. Daisy's teacher has made two trips to our house to bring Daisy her schoolwork (and treats!), and Zoe's teacher made a trip to our house as well. They've gone above and beyond!

Now I unofficially promise that my next post won't be about COVID. 

Dispatches from Quarantine

I'm feeling a little cooped up on this, the sixth day of quarantine. 

Quarantine Chaos

My kids seem very needy, and I'm wondering if I've nurtured them to be overly needy or if this is an appropriate amount of "needy" for their ages. Eva is currently at my feet, "Moooom!"-ing, and I can't help but think It's my fault she's this way! I have created this monster!

Now that I'm back to managing the kids and trying to keep them quiet so Scotty can work, I'm not sure how I did it everyday from March to August of last year. It's no wonder my hair has gone so gray! 

Besides going gray, stress makes me clumsy. If I'm feeling the tiniest bit tense or overwhelmed, I am dangerous. I drop things, spill things, and burn things. The other day I felt stressed while prepping dinner, and I almost chopped the tip of my finger off. I reacted quickly enough to keep the knife from going all the way through, but my hand was a bloody mess. 

The glove I wear to protect my finger while I do the 2-3 loads of dishes 

that accumulate each day from being home for every meal

I'm trying to not be stressed while we're quarantining. I want to be chill and just let it be... a couple of weeks at home shouldn't be that hard, especially when we're all healthy (so far... may it stay that way). But I can't deny the mental toll it takes to have everyone in such close quarters for so long. I'm not trying to complain - I'm just saying how it is. 

Here are some of the things I've done to pass the time:

• Played 5 games of Wingspan on the Nintendo Switch (I am not a natural video game player - it has been so hard to figure out the game, even after a tutorial. I didn't even know how to turn the Switch on! Also, I have lost all 5 games - mostly because I can't figure out the controls, and I keep selecting the wrong things).
• Learned how to play the Oceania expansion for Wingspan
• Baked 4 loaves of French bread
• Eaten 1,000 cookies (please send vegetables!)
• Combed through our budget 18 times
• Accidentally made three car payments for January (DOH!)
• Read three books with three more underway
• Watched 15 episodes of 30 Rock
• Finished watching Lord of the Rings
• Gotten tested for COVID
• Texted 53 people
• Cleaned out my recipe binder
• Rearranged my plate rack
• Tried four new recipes
• Inventoried the freezer and storage room
• Made a fish out of diamond art
• Worked on kindergarten and 2nd grade school work
• Gone to the car wash three times (even though the car hasn't been anywhere to get dirty)
• Done a clay face mask
• Bought the kids three new video games from the Nintendo e-Shop
• Completed a few interviews for a COVID-19 research study
• Walked around the block
• Made a triple batch of play dough

My kids rotate between doing schoolwork, playing on electronics, doing arts and crafts, and jumping on the trampoline (thank heavens we got a trampoline for Christmas, and the weather has been mild this month!) My house smells like hot glue and wet dogs (a result of the trampoline jumping), and there are pony beads everywhere due to an unfortunate incident this morning (believe it or not, it wasn't me). 

Eva is going to go back to school next week. That should help because there will be one less child doing school from home, and she'll be able to get out and socialize again. Woohoo! 

The rest of us will just hang out and try to stay healthy til January 30th. 

My goal for the next week: blog about something else!

All the COVID Things

Yesterday I told you that we have COVID in the house. 

Actual footage of coronavirus barging in on our family

If you're like me, you wanna know all the things. Who has it? Where'd they get it? What symptoms do they have? What's your blood type? 

So here's a little rundown on what's going on. 

On Saturday, January 9, Eva took a nap in the middle of the day and woke up feeling a bit warm. We gave her some Tylenol. I started looking up testing sites that were open on Saturday, just in case, but her fever cleared up and she was running around doing somersaults by dinner time. Just to be cautious, we stayed home from church on Sunday, but nothing else came of it. Eva was fine. 

My kids get little fevers like that from time to time, and they just feel warm for a bit and take a big nap, so we didn't worry about it further, and life went on. Come Monday, it didn't even cross our minds again.

On Wednesday, I had my kids tested for COVID for a research study. They were handing out gift cards, and we're the type of people who will happily spit in tubes for gift cards, so it just made sense. Prior to that, we'd never had any reason to be tested. 

On Saturday, the school nurse called and told me Eva had tested positive. I was completely shocked and literally speechless - in fact, the nurse kept checking to make sure I was still on the phone. It was trippy to listen to her rehearse all the details of isolation and quarantine while the child we were talking about was simultaneously spinning in circles in front of me with a cardboard box on her head. 

Shortly after that phone call, I got the phone call from the contact tracer with the Health Department. They considered Eva's "start date" the 9th, which was nice because we were already a week into her isolation time by the time we knew she had COVID. Unfortunately, she'd been around a few people, so I had to let some people know they'd been exposed, but most of her interactions for the week were masked, and school was out all week, so that helped. We have no idea where Eva might have gotten it. 

Since you can't really isolate a five-year-old, the COVID gurus told us that Eva would be okay to return to school on January 20, but the rest of us would need to quarantine for ten days after that (you are supposed to quarantine for ten days after your last exposure, which means our ten days continue beyond Eva's ten days because she's in our space all the time). That puts us at January 30th, which is a Saturday, so my older kids can't go back to school until February 1st. 

So today Eva could have returned to school, but I'm keeping her home for the rest of the week. Since she's in kindergarten, she needs to be dropped off and picked up at the door, and I can't walk her to and from the door because I'm "quarantined." I'm going to try to make arrangements for next week, though. 

Over the past few days, Eva has mentioned a couple of times that she can't taste her food. There was also a day when someone ripped a stinky fart in the room, and Eva (who usually has a very sensitive and accurate sniffer) said, "I can't smell it!" But other than that and the little fever, she hasn't had any symptoms.  

Everyone else is symptom-free so far. Scotty and I were tested this morning, and our results were negative. The kids were all tested again this afternoon, but we won't hear back on those for a few days. 

So until January 30, we're just hanging out at home.