All There Is

I've been trying to think of something to blog about all day... something that's not related to h*rpes. Turns out, h*rpes is all there is! Kicking this virus is my life right now. I'm not really doing much else. 

I'm on day 11.

By the end, it will have probably been a two-week thing, but it feels like it's gone on forever and ever. It's funny how the experiences of a few days can feel like a lifetime.

Since my last post...

I have developed a h*rpes infection in my finger! It's called whitlow finger. I had a sore spot near my nail, and on Saturday, I noticed it had a dark spot in it. It looked (and felt) like I had a sliver, so I got a needle and tweezers and started the removal process only to find out it wasn't a sliver, but a pocket of infection!

I took an antiviral to keep it from getting too bad, and luckily, it's been okay. It's ugly, but it's not very painful. Just a little sore. It kind of reminds me of a mild ingrown toenail.

But back to the mouth...

With help from my pharmacist, I was able to track down an in-stock lidocaine prescription. THANK HEAVENS. But also? Ew. Let me tell you about the lidocaine. It's thick! Imagine... the consistency of paint. Also, it's gross. Imagine... the flavor of paint. Now put it in your mouth and swish it around. Nasty, right? 

The first time I used the lidocaine was in the parking lot of the pharmacy, and I had to get out of my car because I thought I was going to throw up ((shudder)). But I was so happy to find that it numbed my mouth, and I was able to have a few minutes of relief. 

Oh blessed relief!

My mouth has been in so much pain that I've been clenching my teeth non-stop, and when my muscles relaxed for the first time, I realized just how much tension I'd been holding (not sure how I still have a double chin). The lidocaine has been touch and go. Sometimes it numbs better than others, but I'm so glad I have it. I never would have survived the last five days without it. It does make me nauseous, but I'm willing to deal with that to have some relief from the pain. 

Yesterday was the first day that I noticed a slight decrease in pain. Today I had another slight decrease in pain. Emphasis on the slight. I was hoping for greater progress once I got on the other side of the infection, but it is slow going! I describe it as feeling like the top layer of skin has been shaved off my tongue, gums, and the roof of my mouth. Everything burns. Even water. For a few days, I survived on Sprite and chocolate milk, but then those started to hurt, so I would slather my mouth in Orajel and hurry and guzzle a protein shake to have something in my belly so I could take medication. Then the Orajel started to hurt my mouth. After I got the lidocaine, I started rinsing with lidocaine and then guzzling my protein drink while my mouth was numb just so I wasn't starving. 

Over the weekend, I was able to chop up some scrambled eggs really small and swallow them without chewing. Food is really not enjoyable that way. I had to coat my mouth in lidocaine to do it, and not being able to taste or chew definitely takes the joy out of eating! 

Yesterday I was able to eat a little bit of bread and pulled pork chopped into bits, and today I was able to have spaghetti. But the sauce nearly killed me, so I ended up eating plain noodles. 

When I can eat normally again, I will definitely be thanking Heavenly Father regularly for that ability. 

Talking hurts. Exposing my mouth to air hurts. Drinking through a straw hurts. Chewing hurts. Swallowing hurts. Brushing my teeth is pure torture, but I force myself to do it once a day because the Orajel and lidocaine make my teeth feel gritty. Flossing isn’t even an option right now (and I LOVE to floss)!

My mouth bleeds a lot. And I drool like crazy.

But... I'm finally improving. I wouldn't mind it if things sped up a bit, but I'll take whatever I can get!

I've been really fatigued. At first it was the typical fatigue that comes with a virus, but now I think my body is just tired from being in pain, and I haven't been able to properly energize myself with food. Everyday I turn on M*A*S*H and sleep for two hours. I keep coaching myself with "sleeping time is healing time," because, honestly, I feel really guilty. 

(When I'm sick, I like to sleep with the TV on. It's just one of those weird, comforting things, and might I say that Margaret Houlihan is queen of the top knot?) 

My friends and family have treated me like gold. Unfortunately, there's not a lot anyone can do to relieve the pain, but I've felt loved and cared for. Lots of people have been checking in. 

I hope that in writing this I don't sound like I'm complaining. I'm really just trying to write a description, not have a whine fest. I mean, yeah... it sucks, but I also spend everyday thinking about blessed I am that this is just a temporary ailment (sure... an ailment that will lie dormant in my body for the rest of my life and could activate at any time, but hopefully, if there's a next time, we catch it early, and hopefully it's in the form of a cold sore and not this nonsense).