Scotty and I don’t have very well-synced waking schedules on the weekend. I tend to wake up around 6:00 and end up laying in bed for way too long. I want to get up and start my day, but if my kids happen to still be asleep, I don’t dare move. I want them to sleep as long as possible, and if I so much as breathe with any slight amount of vigor, they will all come running from their rooms in a chorus of “Can I watch YouTube?” “Get me milk!” “What are we doing today?” Therefore, I lay quietly in my bed even though I’d like to be up for the day using my brief morning burst of energy to do something productive before I turn into a slug, which lately, has been happening by 9:00 a.m.
Last Saturday, after laying in bed for two hours next to a sleeping Scotty, I decided it was time for him to wake up so our schedules wouldn’t be completely off for the day. Being the thoughtful wife that I am, I rolled over, put my arm around him, and whispered the sexiest thing I could think of…
“Want to go to Krispy Kreme?”
Normally, this would get Scotty right out of bed for the day, but this time, he startled as if woken by a sudden explosion. His face froze in absolute horror as he laid there trying to find himself in space and time, and he made some disturbing guttural sounds that indicated I am now married to a 40-year-old man.
Eventually he came around and agreed to go to Krispy Kreme but with far less enthusiasm that he would have exhibited at age 39.
We drove to the nearest Krispy Kreme - a 23 minute drive - only to find that their machine was broken, and they had limited donuts and would therefore, not honor their buy a dozen, get a dozen for $1 deal, nor could we get our free donuts for being vaccinated, nor could we get Scotty's free birthday dozen.
No wonder Scotty didn't find my offer sexy…
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