Wednesday, August 7, 2019

The Children are Finally Sleeping (and eleven other random facts)

Fact #1: This isn't the blog post I set out to write. I was originally going to pursue a post titled, "Thoughts of Woe and Hardship." Then I got whiney real fast, and I was like, "Whoa there, girl. Don't go there!"

Fact #2: I'm not in a great place right now (see fact #1). I'm struggling, but I hesitate to say that because I don't want to sound like I'm severely depressed. I'm actually doing okay depression-wise right now... I think...

So what, then, is my struggle? 

I don't know! 

I guess I just continue to not have my crap together, and it's really bothering me right now.

Fact #3: I've been sorting through my Flickr account lately (Flickr used to be a thing), and I've come across a lot of photos of myself that reveal how much I've changed for the worse in the past two years. My face has aged, I've gained a lot of weight, and my hair isn't good anymore. Why is my hair not good anymore?

Fact #4: Today I found myself making comparisons. I know better. Don't we all know better? And yet, I fall into that trap. I start comparing myself to other women. Other moms. Then I start seeking validation in all the wrong places.

Screenshot snagged from Elder Stevenson's 

Fact #5: Today I talked to a friend who seems to have her crap together. She explained to me what things are really like "behind the scenes." She is only able to do what she does because she heavily relies on her social circle. She has a massive network of friends and family who come to her aid every day. But she also reciprocates, so she's in a good cycle of giving and receiving.

Fact #6: I think I need to take a note from my aforementioned friend and learn how to trust my social circle. I have a bit of a pride issue, and I don't ask for help when I need it. I call it "self-reliance" but part of self-reliance is knowing how to appropriately utilize my resources, including help from other people. Surely we can scratch each other's backs. I just don't like having to depend on other people. I also don't know what other people can do to help me.

I have a lot to learn.

Fact #7: This week I got my kids' dance class, piano lesson, and school schedules. I'm suddenly aware that my life is about to get very complicated (hence, facts 4-6).

Fact #8: Every year around this time, I start to consider whether I need to switch to a digital calendar. And every year I start entering items into a digital calendar, and then I decide I hate it, and I go back to my paper calendar. 

I think this time, I'm for real. I think I'm going digital.

This is huge.

Fact #9: I have to give props to working moms. I honestly don't know how they do it. 

Respect, ladies!


Fact #10: Shopping with Nicky is an interesting task. I've tried all summer to find him some shorts for school that fit the strict dress code. Gym shorts (his bottoms of choice) are not allowed. The other day I had him try on some khaki shorts. I sent him into the dressing room with 3 pairs of shorts and I told him that if they felt like they fit, he needed to come show me. 

He never came and showed me, and when I asked him why, he said that he couldn't find me (three feet outside his door). Then I noticed the shorts were on the hangers exactly as I'd found them on the rack, and I know that no 12-year-old son of mine put them back on the hanger like that! So I sent him back into the dressing room and said, "This time, you come out of the dressing room and show me!"

Two minutes later he came out of the dressing room with the shorts on... over his gym shorts. At that point, I was done fighting him, so I said, "Take those off. We are going home. We'll have to come back another day when you can do this properly."

Fact #11: Today I got to spend three hours alone with Nicky not buying clothes (I tried to buy him school shoes, but he refused. The kids hates getting new shoes). We had to go to his new school for Registration. Then we went to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast and to a few stores (for non-shoe and non-clothing items).

Nicky is a typical 12-year-old boy (read: super annoying), but he is also pretty incredible. I had several moments today when I thought, "Holy cow! My son is amazing!" He thanks me for things I do, he carries stuff for me without being asked, and he's just an overall sweetheart... a sweetheart that makes obnoxious, repetitive sounds and has a devil's streak in him that makes him torture his sisters to tears at least hourly.

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