Friday, March 23, 2018

When I'm Super

There are a lot of super powers I wouldn't mind having. 

How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away?

With mind bullets?

(That's telekinesis, Kyle).


I definitely wouldn't mind having a touch of telekinesis, but I probably wouldn't use it to kill yaks. I might pull some Matilda-like pranks, but mostly, I'd use my mind powers to make my life simpler.

Like right now, I could be using my telekinesis to load the dishwasher while I type. It would be the ultimate "MOM" power!!!

But then again, teleportation would be pretty sweet. I could teleport to the grocery store for milk, and my life would be all the easier for it (as long as the milk can teleport back with me - here I go with my hypotheticals again).

A third arm would be really handy (ha! "handy") but that's more of a deformity than a super power - plus telekinesis can help me with a lot of the tasks that I'd use a third arm for. But really, I feel like two arms are not enough. Can I get an 'amen?'

Flight would be nice, but it wouldn't be my first choice - not if I could teleport. 

Teleportation over flight, for me. 

Super human strength would also be really nice, but again, not my first choice. 

Time pause, though. That might be cool. If I could pause everything but keep going myself, I could accomplish all sorts of things. 

Like cleaning my house without my kids interfering.

Or binge-watching a TV series without feeling guilty.

Okay, let's be honest, if I could pause time, I'd probably abuse the privilege, but I'd be able to shower everyday without anyone peeking through the curtain or standing in the bathroom crying.

Since none of these powers are real (the truth hurts), I'll settle for functioning at a high level. If I could have a super power, that would be it - I'd just have my crap together. I'd be able to have more than one area of my life under control at a time. Right now, I'm only capable of one. I can't be caught up on laundry and stick to a budget and study my scriptures and exercise and be a patient, loving mother. I can only be good at one at a time - which means I have to let a lot of things go.

The power to have my crap together. That's it. That's the one.

I can visualize what it could be like to meet the X-Men at Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. It would go like this:

Wolverine: Hi, I'm Wolverine. My bones are fused with adamantium, I have retractable claws, and my body regenerates at the blink of an eye.

Me: Hi Wolverine, I'm Brittany, and I have my crap together.

Wolverine: Whoa!

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