Christmas Break Bucket List Update

Organize the storage room  DONE!

Read a book [In progress]

Try  new recipe or two [Rejected]

Paint something [Rejected]

See the lights at Temple Square DONE!

Help Daisy with chaine turns

Host a Planner Prep Night DONE!

Check out Poldark DONE!

And now, one at a time, I will take your questions. 

Question: Britt, what do you think of The Lake House? 

Britt: I am enjoying it. I love Kate Morton. She is one of my favorite authors. I'm actually listening to this one on Audible on my phone. 

Question: What on earth is a Planner Prep Night?

Britt: That is a good question. My friend Shannon and I bought our new planners for 2017, and we geeked out a bit and decided that we should have a "social event" (as opposed to a "social experiment" which is what Scotty calls it) wherein we could get together with other calendar geeks and start filling out our calendars. 

I wasn't sure who my fellow planner geeks were, so I did a facebook shout out saying, "Hey, where my geeks at?" and then I invited all of them to our Planner Prep Night. The response was great! We had women of all ages come, and we had really good feedback. Several women said that they really needed a night like that, and some of the women from my ward (church congregation) who came expressed that they have felt distanced from the other women in the ward, and they were really glad to come. 

Shannon and I feel like it was way more than a Planner Prep Night. It was a healing event for many of us. 

Plus there was food. 

So win-win-win.

Question: How's Poldark?

Britt: It's a good show. I'm on episode 6.

Question: Why are you rejecting some of your bucket list items? What are you, a quitter?

Britt: Yes! Yes, I am!

Ten Years

Ten years ago today, I forced my first child from my womb. Like, really forced. Nicky was a week overdue, and I was dilated to less than a one. I often joke that Nicky didn't want to be born. He took two years to conceive, and when I was finally pregnant, my first test was defective, my second one was so faint I couldn't tell if there were two lines, and my third one, at the doctor's office, was recorded as negative, but the nurse told me it was positive, so I still wasn't sure whether I was pregnant. Nine months later, when it was a little more obvious that I really was pregnant, my body refused to go into labor. When I was finally in (medially-induced) labor, Nicky still wouldn't come out. His heart rate kept dropping while I was pushing, and I had to choose between a c-section, forceps, or vacuum extraction. 

After he was born, Nicky screamed for hours and hours. I was too naive to know that newborns don't typically scream like that. I tried to play it cool in front of everyone coming in and out of my hospital room, but I could tell by the nervous glances they kept giving each other that even they were nervous about the screaming. 

Now that I know my son better, I feel like he really was resistant to come to this earth. From a spiritual perspective, Nicky is a stranger here, and I think he knew it from the beginning. He has a goodness within him that I fear this world will destroy. 

Nicky's tenth birthday is a milestone in so many ways. For one, we've reached a decade. For him, it's a decade of life, and for me, it's a decade of motherhood. I started blogging before I was pregnant with Nicky. I recall announcing my pregnancy on my first blog, Weekday Wisdom, and there I documented my pregnancy and my earliest experiences as a mother. 

Despite his sweet spirit, Nicky was a naughty toddler. We had to modify our entire house to keep him from destroying everything. We couldn't have a coffee table... or bar stools... or glass picture frames... or anything from the waist down that wasn't soft and child-proof. The bottom book shelves had to be emptied. Our kitchen chairs had to be placed on top of the table when we weren't sitting on them. We had to put locks on all the cabinet doors and the fridge door. I used to have to tie all the kitchen drawers closed with a ribbon. When he started opening door knobs, I put safety covers on all the doors and quickly discovered that Nicky could pop them off in an instant. I put chains on the doors so he couldn't escape the house. I was terrified to shower because I never knew if he'd be safe. Nicky pulled three dressers on top of himself (one was ours - the other two were at friends' houses). And just to top off his wildness... he peed on everything. He went through a phase where he would pee in his toys or in the bathroom garbage can, and there was even a time when he pulled some of my dishes out of the cupboard and graciously left his fluids in them. 

When he turned four, he changed instantly. I like to say he got "logic" for his birthday that year. All of a sudden, I could reason with him. I could explain things to him, and he would understand and then make relatively good choices as a result of that understanding. This has turned out to be one of his greatest strengths. 

In fact, this year, Nicky made the choice, on his own, to stop playing video games because he could tell that they were making him cranky. I'm amazed at Nicky's ability to recognize those types of things in himself. If I had to clean pee out of my muffin tin so he could eventually get to this point, it was worth it. He is a good kid. He makes good choices, and he uses good logic. He is a helper, and he loves to do things for others. 

I adore my Nicky! He will always hold a special place in my heart. He is my only son, and he is the child who first made me a mother. I'm glad we've had these ten years together. 

Thoughts I Had While Lying Awake at a Ridiculous Hour on Christmas Morning

"Oh no! I need to blow my nose, but I don't want to wake up the kids. Maybe I can gently breathe my boogers into a more comfortable position."

"Crap! The wind is blowing the wreath against the door. It sounds like knocking. It's going to wake up the kids! I have to get out of bed."

"Ooooo! Someone left us cinnamon rolls by dark of night!"

"Hello world! I am in my underwear!"

"At least I match the snow! It's like a clever disguise!"

"WHITE LIGHTNING!" (That's what I say when I run through the house in my underwear).

"Apparently my children are not going to obey the 'Don't leave your room until 6:00 a.m. rule.'"

"Why don't they take me seriously? I should go downstairs and whisper-yell at them!"

"Ha! Take THAT, kids. Go back to your rooms and suffer."

"No, Britt! Don't feel bad about it. Your mom wouldn't let you out of your room until 8:00!"

"This mole on my arm is freaking me out."

"I literally had nightmares about vegetables last night. That's weird."

"I wonder if Santa had a run-in with the tooth fairy."

"We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue..."

"I should put on my chicken suit."

Merry Christmas!

Holiday Twitches

Yesterday my friend and I were discussing our taste in Christmas songs. We confided in one another which songs we love and which songs we really don't like.

There is a song I really don't like. I won't tell you what it is for fear that it is too scandalous. I know a lot of people for whom the song is very meaningful, so I'll try to not taint it for anyone, but just know that from the first time I heard it, I didn't like it, and when it comes on the radio, it gives me the twitches.

There is another song that I am going to taint for you, though, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." It gives me great anxiety.

Let me explain. I've needed to get this off my chest for years.

It's the lyrics.

Here's how I learned it:

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas
And a Happy New Year

And yet, I hear it sung this way most of the time:

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!

So whenever I hear the song, I have to deal with the awful anticipation of which way the song will go. And even worse, when I have to sing the song, I skip the last lines because I panic.

In my mind, of course, the version I learned is "correct," and the more commonly rehearsed version, which I call the "redundant version," is incorrect. So for me, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," is frequently sung wrong, and therefore, gives me the twitches, and since I hear it no less than 6 billion times each season, I twitch pretty consistently for the entire month of December.

Unfortunately, the song is so old that the correct lyrics can't be verified. No one knows who wrote it or what the original lyrics are.

On top of that, there are more than just those two versions of the lyrics. Some people sing "I wish you a Merry Christmas," and some people sing "Glad tidings to you" instead of "Good tidings." Which means that if we all get together and sing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," we will first need to take a vote on whether we sing the "correct" lyrics or the "redundant lyrics," and then we'll need to discuss whether tidings should be "good" or "glad." (Luckily, I think most of us will agree that we will sing "we" and not "I" - I'm going to be optimistic there).

Can you see how stressful this is?

2016 Resolutions in Review

I know I'm jumping the gun a little bit here since it isn't even Christmas yet, but I'm already feeling the energy of the new year!

This week I was talking to some friends about New Year's resolutions, and I found out that I was the only one of the group that actually makes them. They kind of looked at me like, "Really?!? You do that?" and I thought, "Oh my gosh! I'm weird!"

I understand my friends' logic, though - why set yourself up for failure? Why add undue pressure to your life?

But I make New Year's resolutions because I enjoy them, and I am at peace with my success rate. I go into it knowing that I'm not going to keep all of them, and I don't beat myself up at the end of the year.

I heard a lady speak about resolutions at the beginning of this year, and I loved what she said. I don't remember all of the details, but she talked about failing at our resolutions and how that's okay! She said we shouldn't let failure keep us from wanting to pursue that goal. She shared with us that she had made a New Year's resolution to read the New Testament year after year after year, and she kept failing to meet her goal. Then finally, after several years, she did it. She encouraged us to set the goal and keep trying and not beat ourselves up if we don't make it this time. I lack the eloquence of her message, so you're just going to have to trust me on this one.

Howard W. Hunter said, "This is a gospel of repentance, and we need to be repenting and resolving. Indeed, the process of repenting, making commitments, and setting goals should be a continuous one, so there is nothing wrong with using this traditional time of the year to evaluate the past and plan the future... The practice of reviewing the past and setting new directions for the future is a very healthy one, a scripturally encouraging one, in which we can beneficially alter our lives. I commend the practice to you, especially if it is thoughtfully pursued and the resolutions made are made in righteousness, bringing behaviors and attitudes that truly bless your lives and the lives of others" (read the whole talk. I love it!)

I appreciate the practice of reviewing the past year and "setting new directions for the future."

And with that... I will now make my official declaration about where I stand with my resolutions from 2016:


No soda. FAILURE!

In fact, I'm pretty sure my relationship with a cocolada from Fiiz can best be described as a love affair.

I'm working on it...

Stay in school. SUCCESS!

I can't believe that one year ago I was actually thinking about dropping out. Now I am so close to graduating! Progress comes slowly, and yet, adds up quickly.

Cultivate the talents in my patriarchal blessing. SUCCESS!

This was a really good resolution. I recommend it!

Send 25 hand-written cards or letters. SUCCESS!

I rocked this one. I kept a pack of cards in my van and some in my day planner so I could easily fill out a card and drop it in the mail at any time. I also got a new address book and collected may relevant addresses.

Have a $0 balance on my credit card statement each month. FAILURE!

Because of how difficult this was, I no longer trust my credit card balance. The statement is always a mess, and I can't get my records to match up, so I am hoping to just get rid of the card altogether this year. The reason I use it is because I get a percentage of cash back. It's not worth it. Credit cards are too messy!

Maintain or improve my exercise habits. FAILURE!

No comment.

Weigh less on September 29, 2016 than I did on September 29, 2015. FAILURE!

Let's just go ahead and add 20 pounds to my weight from September 2015.

Re-read five books. Almost SUCCESS!

I may have read five, but I can only think of four:

Jurassic Park by Michal Crichton

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

The Spellbook of Listen Taylor by Jaclyn Moriarty

The Persian Pickle Club by Sandra Dallas\

That's good enough for me!

-----------------------------

So it looks like my success rate is about 50%. I'm cool with that! In fact, it makes me think I should expand my resolutions for next year. I was going to set only one goal for 2017: GRADUATE! but that sets me up for either 100% or 0. I think I prefer middle ground.

Recurring Nightmares of the Dairy Variety

I think most people know and understand high school nightmares. You know, the literal dreams that we have where we are back in high school, and we can't remember our schedule or our locker combo? In mine, I don't know the choreography for dance company, and I haven't done my math homework all semester. Always dance and always math.

I have another recurring nightmare, though, that isn't about high school. It's about a former work place. Of all the jobs I've had, there is only one I have regular dreams about... THE DAIRY.

I started working at the dairy the summer after high school. It's actually a cool story - how I got the job. I'd been looking for work for a few months with no luck. One Sunday, I decided to fast and pray about finding a job. When I walked in the door from church that day, the house phone was ringing. It was my friend Jessica asking me if I wanted a job.

Wha?!?

True story.

I really liked working there, overall, but there were a few personalities I butted heads with. After three years, I left on a sour note.

Now I often have dreams that I'm working there again, and it always goes something like this:

-Someone else is wearing my apron

-There aren't any hot dogs in the hot dog cooker, and an old man is mad about it (there were a lot of angry old men at the dairy)

-The ice cream is sour

-Nobody filled out the milk order the night before, and I have to call the plant and ask for more product, and I know they're going to be really mad about it

-There are ants climbing around in the bread (this really happened once - I was stocking the bread and ants had gotten into some of the bags)

-I can't find certain products on the register

I spent the same amount of time working at the dairy as I spent going to high school.

Three years.

I've always found it funny that three short years can have such a huge impact on our lives. Think about it - kids nowadays spend more of their life in a car seat than they do in secondary education, and yet, those high school years will matter significantly for the rest of their lives.

I've also always found it funny that the dairy haunts my dreams. Perhaps it's because I worked there during a very important phase of life - I got married, went to college, graduated from college, and bought a house while I worked there (though I can hardly attribute the house buying to my $6.25 hourly wage). But maybe it's also because things went awry there and I quit my job in the midst of controversy. All I know is that something about the dairy troubles my subconscious at least once a month, and all of my other jobs make nary an appearance in my sleep.

Change & Growth in 2016

If I had to come up with a phrase to describe 2016, it would be "A year of change and growth." The first six months were marked by change, and the last six months were marked by growth.

For the first half of the year, it felt like everything was in turmoil. I've never decided if I'm a fan of change. Sometimes change is refreshing, and sometimes it's terrifying. I experienced both this year. 

There were big changes - like Scotty getting a new job.

And there were small changes - like swapping out all of my old, bulky mis-matched dishes for white Corelle (one of the best changes I've ever made!)

The changes weren't extremely heavy, but there were so many of them all at once that the combined weight was pretty intense. Here are some of the other changes we experienced early this year:

-We got a new van

-Scotty sold his car and started driving a work truck

-We rearranged our house so we could build bedrooms for the kids (we've lived "under construction" all year)

-We got new Church callings

-We got rid of most of our baby stuff

-We got all new insurance plans
-I switched cell phone providers and got a smart phone for the first time

-We refinanced our house to pay it off 10 years sooner

-We changed banks

-Two of our friends moved (one out of our city and one out of state)

-We got a new stake presidency and a new bishopric

Even though the changes were small, save for the job, it felt like our world uprooted and settled in a different direction. We had shifts in our living space, we had to make adaptions to our routines, and we had significant changes in our overall flow.

In the second half of the year, the dust began to settle, and that's when I started to experience growth. In June I went on anti-depressants, and they made a huge difference in my life. I apologize for continuing to talk about depression and medication routinely, but I am still amazed at the ways my emotional and mental state has improved. It was an unexpected and unbelievable blessing for me. As a result of feeling better, I think I have grown more spiritually in the past six months that I have in the past three years. And, like I've said before, I didn't know I was struggling so much until I started feeling better. It's only in hindsight that I can see it. In the thick of it, I had no idea how poorly I was doing.

One of my resolutions for this year was to cultivate the talents in my patriarchal blessing. I really thrived in this goal. I found that, in focusing on those talents and gifts, I was able to learn a lot about myself and my strengths. I feel really good about myself right now - not in a boastful way, but in such a way that allows me to acknowledge my own worth but continue to progress. I am less worried about the things I'm not good at and more mindful of how I can contribute.

At the end of 2016, I am content. There is work to be done and progress to be made, but I'm pleased with what has happened this year in the way of change and growth.

(I'll forewarn you that I have more New Year's themed posts formulating in my mind. I can't help it! i love the new year!)