We had two dance concerts:
Prom:
…in addition to a parent watch day at dance class, multiple church meetings, tennis matches, and my spontaneous decision to cook and freeze six pot roasts for Eva’s upcoming baptism. There was also Easter (depending on how you want to measure the week), and Scotty and I were able to attend a presentation by the president of The Chosen.
I had a few ugly, stressful moments, but thanks to Scotty’s patience and willingness to go along with my plans (like two birthday parties in two days) , we pulled it off. Now I’m lying in bed at 10:18 pm Sunday night giving a huge sigh of relief. We made it! And tomorrow? Monday? Will be boring and beautiful. I’m so excited! I’m giving myself a recovery day. I’m not sure what that will entail, but I’ll be going to the gym for sure, and after that, I might just stare at a wall and daydream for a few hours.
(Side note: As I mentioned, I’m laying in my bed at the end of an eventful day. Scotty always falls asleep before me, and I usually stay up and read. He does a lot of weird things after he falls asleep. He just rolled over and said, “I love your bum cheeks.” He won’t remember this in the morning, but he’ll probably read about it on the toilet).
I have so much I want to write about right now but no sense of mind to do so. I’m really tired and need to go to sleep, but I’m also hyper.
-and right after I wrote that, I fell asleep, which brings me to Monday morning 6:38-
A lot of what has occupied my thoughts lately (and therefore what I feel drawn to write about) is heavy, and I’m not sure what to do with it. I need to either talk about it or write about it, but in both cases, the right words and a fair amount of discretion are required.
There are pains from my past that are creeping up. I have a few friends I am really worried about. There are some grievances I need to forgive but can’t quite move past. I feel a lot of guilt about some of the things I’m not doing. There are some areas of my life where I feel unseen (and other ideas where I feel too visible). I’ve been wrestling with some of my more difficult qualities that I would like to change. I worry about my kids. I never feel like I’m in a good place spiritually.
My life is great and incredibly beautiful, but I have these underlying things (like we all do) that I need to take some time to sit with and process. And after a busy week, I feel like there’s some pile-up.
So today, I’m grateful my schedule is a little more free because I really might need to do that wall staring I talked about earlier. In the meantime, Zoe has requested chicken noodle soup and Cheetos for breakfast, and Imma just go with that.
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