The Marthas and the Marys

I've always struggled with the story of Mary and Martha in the New Testament. I'm never quite sure what I'm supposed to get out of it. Frankly, I'm on Martha's side. Get up and lend a hand, Mary! Help Martha get the work done twice as fast and then both of you can sit down and listen to Jesus. 

Mary Heard His Word by Walter Rane

I know there's more to it than that, but I still always feel a little frustrated whenever Mary and Martha come up. At heart, I will always be Martha. I will always be cumbered!

I've been thinking about these women a lot this week as their story has been part of the Come Follow Me curriculum, and even though I will probably never "like" their tale, here are some things that I've pondered:

In some reading I've done on the topic, it is suggested that the issue wasn't so much that Martha was going about working while Mary was listening to Jesus. It wasn't the work that Martha was doing that needed censure (after all, she was serving the Savior in her own way) - it was her attitude toward Mary that was problematic. 

We all have different ways of serving, and what is needful in each circumstance may be different from person to person. Camille Fronk Olsen wrote that, "The story of Martha and Mary shows that there is more than one way to serve the Savior in our own lives... The sisters' different approaches to serving the Master teach us to respect and honor those who manifest discipleship in different ways."

One Thing is Needful by Angela Johnson (sculpture)

Martha was frustrated with Mary for choosing something different, and she was focused on how Mary's actions were affecting her rather that how Mary's actions served the Savior or how they benefited Mary. I think it's easy for us to observe the choices and practices of others and to criticize them for being different than our own. I've had a hard time with that as I have served in the Church. Sometimes I want a leader to do things the same way a past leader did, or I want someone to serve the way I would serve. Sometimes I want them to do more. Most of the time, it's not an issue of right or wrong, and no one's salvation is being threatened - we just do things differently. Chalk it up to unique talents, different resources, and varying life situations. I know we aren't all the same, and yet, sometimes I have a hard time understanding why someone approaches something differently than I would, and sometimes I feel like I'm doing the hard work while other people are sitting on the floor listening to nice stories as the chores pile up. 

In many ways, the story of Martha and Mary is a story about comparison. When I was in school, I studied Social Comparison Theory, which, in its simplest form, is the idea that we often compare ourselves to others because we want to know how we are doing. We usually do this in two ways: 

Upward comparison - when we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as being better than ourselves ("I'll never have as many friends as Stacy!")

Downward comparison - when we compare ourselves to someone we feel we are doing better than ("At least I have more friends than Stacy!")

Most of the time, comparison has a negative rapport (justifiably so), but it's not always a bad thing. For example, if I never compare myself to the Savior, how will I evaluate my efforts to become like Him? It's when we use comparison to beat ourselves up or to falsely boost our self-worth that it is becomes a problem. I think this is where Martha may have tripped up. Seeing Mary sit at the Savior's feet while Martha went about working made Martha question who was doing things "right," and she turned to the Savior in hopes that He would validate that it was her. Poor Martha just wanted to know how she was doing, but she fell into the comparison trap. 

As we serve and learn and go about our daily lives, there will be times when it's best to give like Martha, and there will be times when it's best to receive like Mary. The important thing is to recognize that our discipleship won't always match each other's, and we needn't be so concerned with that. 

So from now on, I'm going to try really hard to not worry about who's being Martha and who's being Mary and try to respect discipleship in all it's forms (even if that means I have to clean up more stuff at the ward party while the Marys sit around talking).