The Moment I Wake Up, Before I Put on My Makeup

I like waking up before everyone else in my house. The problem is... my house isn't very compatible with waking up before everyone else. Sometimes it works if I stay in bed, but if I get out of bed, I run multiple risks of waking up the entire family. It would be fine if it were a school day and 6:45 or later, but I definitely don't want to wake up my kids at 5:30 a.m. on a weekend. 

My kids are early risers naturally, so they are sensitive to the tiniest of sounds in the morning. I swear they can hear me blink! And when I blink, they jump out of bed because they think something exciting is happening, and they don't want to miss it. The only exception is when I actually need them to wake up earlier than normal, like for a dentist appointment. That's when they suddenly want to sleep, and I can stand over them playing the cymbals, and they won't stir. Sure! Wake up at 5:04 everyday for a week when you should be sleeping til 7:30 and then sleep til 7:30 on the one day I need you to be awake at 7:15.

Kids.

Early this morning I took my chances and got out of bed. The first problem was the sound of all my joints popping. Then I needed to go to the bathroom - always scary - and that required me to walk across a part of our bedroom floor that sounds like a sheet of metal bowing under my feet. It makes noise when it retracts, and then it makes noise when it springs back under each step. 

After I went to the bathroom, I tried going back to sleep, but my mind was busy, so I decided to get up and find my laptop. I had to walk down creaky stairs and across a creaky floor. I had to slide my laptop ever so carefully across the kitchen counter. I carried it to the living room and settled onto the couch.

A word about the couch... our butts now sink to the base of the couch when we sit on it. It's a hand-me-down from my sister-in-law, and it's been great, but its lost it's umph. 

Unfortunately my laptop was dead, so I had to sneak back into the kitchen to get the charger. Then I decided to take my chances of going down to the basement to the couch that can support me without my tailbone resting on a wood frame. This meant I had to ease myself down two sets of stairs, sneaking past Nicky and Daisy's bedrooms. I also needed a bit of light to see where I was going, which added further risk. 

No matter how slowly I move, our house sounds like it's moaning in pain, and every bone in my body creaks. 

I made it to the basement, which was great because I landed on a floor that wouldn't squeak under my feet. Bless you, concrete! But then I had to plug my laptop into the couch which made some noise, and I had to open the recliner (because I can't just sit on a reclining sofa with my feet on the floor - that would be a disgrace!) which made an additional crrrrreeeeaaaaaak! 

I opened my laptop and sat in fear while it booted up. Will someone descend the stairs following the sounds of my exciting morning life? Will I hear the creepy whisper of a daughter behind me begging to play Minecraft? Will my plans be thwarted by the pitter patter of feet above my head?

Thankfully, no.

I have succeeded!