These Things I Fear

I've been put in some situations lately where I've had to face the possibility of failure. For most of my life I haven't tried anything that I didn't already know I could do. I've never learned to deal with failure in a healthy way. I'm horribly afraid of it. And it's funny because I can say all the right things about failure to everyone else, but the truth is... it's okay for everyone else to fail. They will overcome! Failure shouldn't be a setback. Ultimately, they will triumph and have a beautiful success story. I believe in them!

But me?

Oh, I can't fail. No, no, no. I have to get it right the first time, or I am nothing. 

NOTHING, I say!

The only way I can face failure is if I do it in secret. No one can ever even know I tried! I'm very prone to giving up just to eliminate the possibility of failure. The fear of failure has held me back a lot in my life. Who knows what I've missed out on because of it!

Fear of failure is pretty common. I'm sure many of you can relate to what I'm saying. Not all of my fears are as common, though. And some are just downright silly...

For example, I have a deep fear of being fooled by a celebrity look-alike. I used to love watching talk shows where they would have look-alikes go out in public and see who would fall for it. I remember once watching a lady cry hysterically because she thought she was meeting Bono. I never want to be that lady. Not that I would cry if I met a celebrity, I just don't want to ever think I've seen a celebrity when I haven't.

This fear recently resurfaced because I saw a series of instagram posts where people were trying to figure out if Johnny Depp was in Disneyland. They eventually determined that it was not Johnny Depp, but I have to say... it really did look like him, and I could have easily been fooled.

I also fear that someday I will be right next to a celebrity and not even notice. This fear stems from another Disneyland-related incident. When I was 12 I went with my dance studio. We went through the park in different groups, and at the end of the day, everyone was talking about how they saw Robin Williams there. I didn't see Robin Williams. But what if I did, and I just didn't know?

Am I obsessed with celebrities? Not really. But human behavior and lifestyles intrigue me, so if I'm in the presence of fame, I'm gonna wanna stare and observe because it's something that's completely foreign to me, and I'm fascinated by that. Plus, FOMO.

I have a newly found fear of getting stuck in a foam pit. My friend Shannon braved the foam pit at her local jump place, and the foam ate her alive. She had to be rescued by another mom. Now I know... I must beware the foam.

I'm afraid of choking on carrots. I came to this conclusion while I was eating carrots in the car. I became very aware of their texture, and how you kind of have to chew them for a long time before you can swallow them, and you build up a collection of tiny chunks that could easily slip down your throat or get inhaled into your lung.

I don't worry about choking on any other foods. Just carrots.

I'm afraid to be the person whose phone goes off during church. It's an honest mistake, and I don't necessarily frown on people to whom this happens. It could easily be me someday. What I hate is that it becomes an immediate case to solve. The game is on.

I don't ever want all the people like me - the ones who can't function until they know whose ringer just went off - to know that when "Safety Dance" starts playing in sacrament meeting, it's coming from my bag.

Speaking of cases to solve, I'm afraid of being framed for a crime. And being buried alive.

I'm scared of setting off metal detectors.

And falling off toilets because the seats are loose.

And, of course, I suffer from the fear of starting a blog post and not knowing how to finish it. Yes, that's one I face pretty regularly.