The Underwear Curse

So... it's been a while. Twenty-three days, in fact.

It happens.

During that time, most of my efforts have gone into managing my son's underwear.

A brief history:

(Haha...brief...I didn't even do that on purpose!)

Until spring of this year, Nicky wore briefs. I, personally, would have him continue wearing briefs because they are the most economical male underclothing, and they fit well under pants. But over the years, especially since starting school, Nicky has complained about his underwear being too tight and uncomfortable and what have you. 

Boy problems. Whatever.

Have a period. Then we can talk.

One morning in kindergarten, Nicky was throwing such a fit over his underwear that Scotty and I teamed up and stretched out all of his underwear to make them more roomy. Last year (in first grade) Nicky started sneaking to school with no underwear, so at the end of the school year I asked, "If I buy you boxers, will you promise to always wear underwear to school?"

He said yes.

So I bought him a 10-pack of boxers (at that price, I could have gotten at least 15 briefs. I'm just sayin'). 

That was about seven months ago, so - in my mind - there should still be ten pairs of boxers in his possession.

Three weeks ago, Nicky came running upstairs after his shower complaining that he had no underwear. I was able to scrounge up a pair out of a misplaced basket of clean laundry in the basement. The next day... there really was no underwear for him except for a few random pairs of size 6 briefs that I have never taken out of his drawer. He tried on a pair of the briefs, wiggled and squirmed, and then declared that he couldn't wear them. I ended up sending him to school in a swimming suit because... built-in mesh.

Exactly a week later (this tends to happen on Thursdays) it happened again. This time I figured I needed to suck it up and buy more boxers, so after Nicky went to school, I went to Target.

That night, when I went to open the package I'd purchased, I glanced at the photo on the front, and something seemed amiss. Then I realized that the body on the package belonged to a man. Since I bought the boxers from the boys' section of Target, I first assumed this was some sort of very incorrect marketing. Then I looked at the size and saw that they were for a 32-34" waist, so it was simply a matter of misplaced product.

Let me tell you something about man underwear! It is far worse to buy that boy underwear!

When I checked my receipt, I found I had paid $7 more than I had expected. Luckily, just this once, this was good news because it meant that my overspending that day was in part from choosing the wrong underwear and not so much from my impulse buying!

(I also had to buy $30 in laxatives that day - perhaps this is a story for another time?)

The next day I had to stop at Walmart for a few things, so I grabbed Nicky another package of boxers - this time (hopefully) the right ones. I made sure they truly were boys' underwear.

But lo and behold, the next day Nicky tried on a new pair of underwear, and they were too small. I didn't even think about the difference in sizing between brands. Nicky's original boxers are Hanes, in which he wears a small (8/10), but the brand I bought from Walmart is sized for 6/7.

Curses!

After all of this had taken place, I thought, "This kid has ten pairs of boxers. Why I am trying to buy him new ones?" So I returned not one, but two packages of useless boxers to two different stores and didn't pick up any replacements. Then I spent the weekend catching up on laundry. I found every piece of clothing in the entire house, and when all was said and done, I folded and put away four pairs of boxers.

FOUR!!

(With the pair he was wearing, we have a total of five accounted for).

So, of course he ran out again yesterday. Because it was Thursday. So I sent him to school with a pair of pajama shorts under his pants.

Now, I've come to accept that socks will be lost. I've also come to accept that children aren't the most reliable creatures. But Boxers? Really? They're not exactly tiny. Where have they gone?