Christmas ABC's

A is for Artificial

the state of our Christmas tree

 

B is for Bright

like the lights at Temple Square

 

C is for Cards

Zoe made a personalized one for each

child in her kindergarten class

D is for Dance

All three girls did an in-studio dance performance

for their parents

E is for the Elf Hat

that Zoe bought from Target and wore to school

nearly every day in December

F is for the Festivals

that kept us busy

 

G is for Gingerbread

houses to create and destroy

 

H is for the Hill

where we sledded until two kids collided 

 

I is for Injury

and our 7th visit to the ER

 

J is for Jesus

and the bag full of swaddled babies I had in 

my trunk all month
(they were for singing time in primary)

 

K is for Kids

the ones who make Christmas fun

L is for the LOL Dolls
that are taking over my life

 

M is for Mary Poppins Returns
which we saw on Christmas Day
(and the theater was INSANE)

N is for Nativity
puppet shows galore

 

O is for Oven
"Sayonara" to this old thing!
We finally have a replacement!
(but thank you, dear oven, for your many
years of service)

 

P is for the Photo Booth
at our extended family Christmas party

 

Q is for Quiet
a rare state of our children's existence,
but it happened this one time at Grandma's house

 

R is for the Romaine Recall
during which I truly suffered!
(I didn't know Romaine was such a big
part of my life!)

S is for Snow
which accumulated on my lawn but not my neighbors'
because we live in the Twilight Zone

T is for Treats
left for Santa on Christmas Eve

 

U is for Under the Weather
Scotty and I spent Christmas Eve shampooing
puke out of the living room rug

V is for Vacation
the Christmas gift we've been keeping secret
for several months!

W is for Work
Because we didn't want our kids to have it too
easy on Christmas morning

 

X is for X-cessive
amounts of disruptions while trying to write
this post.

Y is for the New Year
for which I'm making ZERO resolutions!

Z is for Zzzs

Because now we all need to settle in for a long winter's nap

Christmas is Coming, the Goose is Getting Fat (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: I love the Christmas season, but I'm not sure it's worth the daily horror I'm experiencing with my kids. They are full of the Spirit of December... which I'm pretty sure is evil... like the fruits of the devil.

Fact #2: I'm trying to be more optimistic in my day to day life, so from now on, when my laundry pile looks like this (which is always), I'm going to think "Look how much TV I get to watch!" instead of thinking "Look how much laundry I have to fold!"

Fact #3: Last week we had our 7th ER visit of 2018. In previous years, we've averaged a visit about every 1.5 years. I don't know what changed this year, but we really upped our game!

Fact #4:  The reason we went to the ER was because Nicky hit his face on the back of one of our kitchen chairs. He looked like Quasimodo immediately, so I took him to Instacare just for peace of mind. 

{actual image of my son post-injury}

I expected them to say, "Everything is okay! Give him ibuprofen and put an ice pack on it." Instead they said, "He has air pockets in there and probably fractured his face. He needs to go to the ER and have a CT." 

Fortunately, there was no fracture.

Fact #5: This morning I went to the store for what will hopefully be THE LAST TIME until after Christmas. I always feel like I'm prepping for the Apocalypse when I grocery shop for the holidays. At this point, if we don't have it, we will have to either live without it or steal it from a neighbor. I can't go out in public anymore.

Fact #6: I have a habit of eating toast late at night. I was trying to quit this ritual, for health reasons, but then last night, I slipped and made toast, and my squeezable jam plopped out in the shape of a horse:

Fact #7: I'm pretty sure that means I should eat toast late at night for the rest of my days. 

Fact #8: I don't care what this company thinks. Ain't no one putting fresh grapes in the roasting pan with the turkey!

Fact #9: I hate when my kids take pictures of me because I always end up looking like this:

"Give me my phone!"

Or this:

"Who wants to give Mommy her phone?"

Or this:

"Give me my phone! NOW!"

Fact #10: It's great knowing that's what I look like to them. Can't a mom just get her phone back?

Kid Quotes

I continue to be blown away by all the things our phones can do. It's amazing to think of everything that can be replaced by a phone - calculators, calendars, six-disc CD changers... heck, even friends!

Someday we will be able to pee on our phones and they will tell us if we're pregnant. Just you wait!

Anyway, one of the things I use my phone for is to keep notes and lists (but not "to do" lists because I can't even) (somewhere on this blog I've written about my aversion for "to do" lists, and if I ever find it, I'll link to it here). 

Some of my notes and lists include:

• Links to recipes I want to try
• Ideas for singing time 
• Blog post ideas
• Moments I feel that God is real (this is a good one!)
• Birthday poster ideas
• Gift ideas
• Books I want to read

One other note I keep is a list of funny things my kids say. Here are some of my kids quotes from the last couple of months (I only wish I could capture their voices as they say it because their little speech impediments are half the joy!)

"The easiest way to build a man-made lake is to dig a hole and put water in it." 

- Nicky

Wiser words have never been spoken, my dear boy.

"Jimmy Fallon is educational TV. If I didn't watch Jimmy Fallon, I wouldn't have been able to know that Beyonce is married to Jay-Z, and I wouldn't have been able to guess Jay-Z in CatchPhrase." 

- Nicky

He does have a point...

"Eva, let's pretend we can fly and poop on stores!" 

- Zoe

Dream big, Zoe!

"Mom, you were born weird." 

- Nicky

So you're saying it's genetic?

Nicky: I want to make a fried egg, but I have nothing to put it on. 

Me: Put it on toast.

Nicky: No, I mean like a tavern burger.

I don't routinely keep tavern burgers in the house.

"When I grow up I'm going to play two instruments in a band: the guitar and talking loud in a microphone." 

- Zoe

Again with the big dreams! 

One day Eva wouldn't go in the bathroom alone at her grandma's house because she was "too afraid."

Me: What are you "too afraid" of?

Eva: Bad guys and evil cats.

Aren't we all?

Nicky to Eva and Zoe: 

"You two have little kid taste buds, so you like gross things like McDonald's. I have proper adult taste buds, so I prefer gourmet things like KFC."

Up and Running

Thanks to my BCIL (best-cousin-in-law) Cyndi, my laptop is up and running again. After my dramatic words regarding tiny screwdrivers, Cyndi ordered me a set from Target, and it arrived in the mail today, giving me a good laugh!

From hence forth, I pledge to be a responsible tiny screwdriver owner.

Wanna know what's really sad? I turned my computer on after I fixed it, and the date said Wednesday, November 14th. I haven't had my laptop for over a month!

Because tiny screwdrivers!

Actually, that's not the only reason. For a while I couldn't charge my laptop, but Scotty was able to figure out the problem, and while it isn't "fixed," we found a way to work around it. But then I have this problem where a piece in my laptop slips out of place all the time, and my computer-savvy cousin (no relation to BCIL Cyndi) made a photo tutorial for me on how to fix it, so I'm able to take care of it by myself instead of taking it into the shop all the time.

Not that I have any idea what I'm doing. I just do what the pictures say and hit the right buttons and stuff and eventually my computer works again.

So thank you, Cyndi, from the bottom of my heart for taking action and solving my tiny screwdriver problems. Blogging will be a lot easier now, but I'm not sure if it will be more frequent since the month of December has been spent with my kids clinging to me and punching the daylights out of each other.

(Seriously, what is with these people?)

Before I Spring Into Action

My kids just left for school, and I'm taking a moment.

A moment for the TV to babysit Eva.

A moment to sit and do nothing.

A moment to blog a little.

A moment to be lazy without guilt.

And then I will spring into action... in theory. I always have the thought running through my mind that, "Any moment now I will spring into action! Just you wait!"

Like Alexander Hamilton, there's a million things I haven't done. But I think we mean two entirely different things when we say that.

One of the million things I haven't done is get my laptop fixed. I'm currently typing from an old laptop that's such a piece of junk it can't even store a photo. I might be able to fix my laptop myself, but that would require me to spring into action and find a tiny screwdriver. Nothing's worse than having to find a tiny screwdriver. Amiright?

Another thing I haven't done is finish Christmas shopping. I'm mostly done, but I have a couple of people I'm still hunting down gifts for (and let's be honest... the Christmas budget ran out a long time ago). I also have several birthdays between now and the end of January that I need to buy gifts for. I'm feeling very uninspired in the gift-giving department. Maybe I should just buy everyone a tiny screwdriver.

I also need to finish reading the Book of Mormon as we were challenged to do by the prophet during General Conference. I fell behind a little bit, but as of two days ago, I'm caught up and on track! I want my promised miracles, so I'm in this 100%! I want to finish early though, so I'm not scrambling to finish at the last minute. I've had a really hard time completing this challenge - all the fates have conspired against me to stop me from doing this, which is a testament to me of how very important it is that I do it.

I've made some personal observations about scripture study this time around:

First, the majority of my scripture study yields nothing. I do it because know I should, and I am desperately seeking blessings, but most of the time, I don't feel like I gain anything from it. In fact, sometimes I am even worse off spiritually when I'm diligently reading the scriptures than when I am not.  I think this is for two reasons:

#1: The adversary is going to work harder on me when I'm trying to do something good for myself. He will try to discourage me, distract me, and disappoint me, so it makes sense that I'm met with opposition any time I'm trying to dedicate myself to the scriptures. 

#2: It's been ingrained in me that reading my scriptures is supposed to be a "cure all." Whatever ailments I have - physical, spiritual, or mental - the scriptures are supposed to fix, right? If I'm a crappy wife and mother, reading my scriptures should help fix that. If I'm losing my faith - scriptures! If I'm depressed - scriptures! If I hate my neighbor - scriptures! If I have a question - scriptures! So my expectations are pretty high, but those things don't necessarily get fixed, so I wrestle with the practice and think, "Why am I trying so hard to do this when it's not fixing me?"

Now, don't panic. Because here's what I've learned from my personal experience:

Nine times out of ten, when I read the scriptures, I don't get a lot out of it. But ONE TIME out of ten, I stumble across something that reaches my soul. This has happened twice in the past two weeks, so I might even be able to say ONE TIME OUT OF SEVEN!!! So six times, are just mindless scripture study, and then I go on with my day, but that ONE TIME is so insightful and meaningful that I ask myself, "Is studying the scriptures worth the effort to experience this feeling ONE TIME OUT OF TEN (or seven... or whatever the number be because I'm sure it's different for everyone)?" and the answer is YES! It is worth it!

Now, if you're different, and you experience something amazing every time you read the scriptures, I'm happy for you. But let me represent those of us for whom that doesn't happen. If I only gain something meaningful from my scriptures ONE IN SEVEN TIMES I read, that is enough to make it worth it. Because that ONE THING is very personalized and very, very good.

I'm just going to leave you with all that crazy wording and trust you to make sense of it.

So, that is my first observation.

My next observation is that I love having the scriptures on my phone. For several years, I really didn't like reading the scriptures (or any other books) on digital devices, but now I'm a fan. The last time I read the Book of Mormon, I did so on my phone, though I didn't want to. I ended up marking a lot of things and writing a lot of detailed notes. So this time, going back through the Book of Mormon and reading my notes from last time has been very rewarding. I've always written notes in the margins of my scriptures (and many other books - ya'll know my affinity for marginalia), but with the gospel library app, I've been able to write more of my personal thoughts and make it into more of a journal. I've also been able to add links to talks and other useful info.

I really believed that as soon as this was written I would spring into action, but this took four days to write, and now I want to put a heating pad on my cold feet and take a nap. I'm sure I'll spring into action after that...

I Want to Eat All the Christmas Treats (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: My lap top is currently "out of order." This complicates my life, although I could take it to the shop near Moochies and use it as an excuse to get a Philly cheesesteak sandwich.

(But who needs an excuse?)

Fact #2: Every day when I'm nowhere near a computer, my mind is full of ideas for blog posts. Then when I sit down to actually write something, I draw a complete blank.

I swear I write amazing stuff in my mind while I'm driving my van! I'm sorry you never get to read it.

Fact #3: During the past few weeks in primary, I've been singing "Away in a Manger" with the kids (I'm the primary music leader). Today Zoe told me that it just might be "the most beautifullest song in the whole wide world." She told me that I shouldn't keep it for myself, and that I should share it with everyone - like I own the copyright or something. Thank you, child, for believing that I am personally responsible for "Away in a Manger." It's my life's greatest accomplishment. Maybe she'll go around telling everyone that her mom wrote it. It will be like in sixth grade when Jessica Murkwood told everyone she choreographed the Bunny Hop.

Fact #4: I usually have an audiobook available on my phone at all times (my current practice is to have two audiobooks - one Harry Potter and one other). I always wonder, when I listen to an audiobook, whether I would like the book more or less if I read it in my own voice. In other words, how does the narrator affect how I feel about the book? I wish I could experience a book both ways and then compare, but once you've experienced it one way (either by reading it in your own voice or by reading it yourself) you can't undo it and go back and experience it the other way. The way you experience a book the first time will always affect the way you experience it the next time.

Know what I mean?

Things got a little wordy there.

Fact #5: I'm currently listening to Memoirs of a Geisha. I really don't think I've ever read it, but at some point I gave it a rating on Goodreads. Am I a liar or am I just really forgetful?

I really could be forgetful. I once read a book all the way through, didn't recognize a word of it, and then saw from my Goodreads profile that I'd read it several years prior. And by the review I wrote, I very clearly did read the book.

Fact #6: Memoirs of a Geisha was written over twenty years ago. This kind of surprises me because it seems like it didn't come out that long ago. Then again, I'm fashionably, technologically, and mentally stuck in 2006, so I no longer know where I am in space and time.

Fact #7: Speaking of twenty years, it dawned on me the other day that I've been visiting my mother-in-law on Sunday evenings for twenty years.

I'm at a point in life where I can say I've been doing stuff for twenty years! And that such and such happened twenty years ago!

Like Party of Five. That show ended 20 years ago. And I am watching it now, and I'm on the last season, and can I just say that it is awful? The show has it's good moments, but by the time it went off air it was a total mess. I'm a few episodes from finishing it, and good heavens! What is wrong with these fictional people?

I do love revisiting the 90's though. The haircuts! The baggy men's clothing! The pagers!

Fact #8: My kids were watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the van today, and I realized, based on listening to the audio, how incredibly annoying that deer's nose was. Not because it was red but because it made a horrible screeching sound anytime it glowed. How did his parents deal?

It reminded me a lot of my own son... who also makes a lot of horrible screeching sounds.

Fact #9: This is a commonality that I've noticed among all boys Nicky's age (and up to 15-ish). They are always squealing like pigs, yelling one-syllable words like "oi" or "oof," and snapping or popping their hands. The only time they are quiet is when they are doing the floss or the orange justice, and that's only because they can't multi-task. Do they have an overwhelming desire to be heard and seen, or are they just bored?

Fact #10: Since the new year us approaching, Scotty and I talked about transitioning to a digital calendar that we can both access. That way when he gets assigned to go to somewhere like India for work, he can check our calendar and (gasp!) put the dates in it himself! So as I do every year, I started messing around with a few calendaring apps and immediately gave up. I can't do it. I can't keep a digital calendar. It makes me crazy! So paper it is.

Maybe next year.

Birthday Posters

This year, I've resumed my duties as my kids' school's Official Birthday Poster Maker. The school opened when Nicky was in first grade. This morning I hung the very last birthday poster that will have his name on it.

Why does junior high have to be a thing? WHY?

Anyway, here are the posters I've made so far this year. 

September

October

November

December

Now that I see the pictures all together, I'm noticing an abundance of blue. I'll have to broaden my color scheme in 2019.

Even though it's a lot of work, it's really fun to make the poster each month. Every time I go to the school to hang them up, whoever is in the hall at the time will stop and wait to see the poster unroll. I break out in a sweat while people watch me tape the paper to the wall (it ends up crooked every time - grumble, grumble), but I'm always met with some rewarding "Oooo's" and "Ahhhh's."