Done?

One of the best parts about blogging is having the ability to look back in time and reminisce about my life. I guess the same could be said for a journal, but the way I write on my blog is entirely different from the way I write in my journal. My journal is a little bit depressing, but my blog includes a lot of happy and a lot of funny, so there's more balance on my blog.

For the past few weeks, I've been meaning to go back and read some of my posts from my last pregnancy. This morning I finally did it, and it was funny to see the similarities and differences. Most things are similar which means maybe, just maybe, I am going to survive this pregnancy and be myself again someday. That's the part I always forget - the pregnant version of me is not the "real" me. My personality changes a lot when I'm pregnant, and I get very lost. I start feeling like I'll never come out of it, but then I have the baby and food starts tasting good again, and life gets a little better.

The disappointing part of reading my old pregnancy posts is that I found out I had only gained 8 pounds by this point in my last pregnancy. I can't complain because this time, I've only gained 13 so far, but still... I thought I was so well-off only to discover that I was better off last time. Oh well. Thirteen isn't bad at all for 34 weeks. Plus, I started off this pregnancy ten pounds lighter than my last pregnancy... so I'll just shut up now.

With this being my fourth baby, I'm hoping to be "done." Four has always been "my number." I've always wanted four kids, and I've always felt confident that God supports that desire. But sometimes God can be a little hard for me to comprehend, so now that I've pregnant with #4, I've been wanting to ask Him, "Am I done now?" But God tends to do this thing where He lets me know that I don't get to have the answer yet. So I've been hesitant to ask because I'm worried the answer is, "I'm not telling you that right now," and then five years from now I'll get the prompting that I need to have another baby. The answer I want is, "I am so proud of you for having the faith to bring these children into the world. They are all here now! Go forward and raise them the best you can! I will be here to help when you need me!" That seems like a righteous enough desire, doesn't it? And having that answer will help me move into a new phase of life (plus, I really, really don't ever want to be pregnant again!) So I got brave the other day, and I asked, and I can't say that I have received a clear answer, but my two-year-old has been screaming consistently for four days straight (i.e. ever since I asked), so I'm kind of leaning toward, "Yes, you're done! Good luck with the screaming!"