Mom Thoughts

I got married a year out of high school. I had no idea how young I really was. Fortunately, almost 19 years later (whoa! I’ve almost been married half my life!) it seems like it was a pretty good choice (a very unique and personal choice. I’m not advocating for the general population of 19 year olds to get married. In fact, the thought of my own children marrying at that age horrifies me).

I had a few friends from school who got married within that same year. One of them was among the first to have a baby. When I ran into her shortly after having her baby, I asked, “So… how are you liking being a mom?” I expected her to say that it was wonderful and that she loved it. Instead, she shocked me by saying, “It’s really hard.” 

As stupid as it sounds, it had never really occurred to me, until that moment, that being a mom would be hard. I know that was incredibly naïve of me, but you have to understand - I was about 22 years old and completely clueless. 

I have never forgotten my friend’s confession. She made me realize, for the first time, that motherhood might not be easy. Through my pregnancy with Nicky, I would often think about her saying, “It’s really hard.”

Thank heavens she told me. I needed to hear it from someone my age. I needed to know! I needed to know because the second Nicky came screaming into the world, it was already hard to be a mom. 

Nicky immediately hating life

It turned out that Nicky had a birth injury and was likely in pain, but we didn’t know until he was two months old. He cried uncontrollably for hours when he was born, and I was immediately terrified of him. I also developed postpartum depression right away. I hadn’t really had any experience with depression prior to that (anxiety - yes, but not depression). The only reason I had any idea what might be going on was because in 2005 I’d watched Oprah interview Brooke Shields about postpartum depression, and there were a few things Brooke said in that interview that were suddenly happening to me. Postpartum depression wasn’t as openly talked about back then. Brooke Shields kind of helped pave the way for that discussion, but it still took time to become mainstream. For me it was the most humiliating thing I could experience. I remember finding out that Scotty told his brother that I had PPD. I was really upset. I didn’t want anyone to know! I was completely ashamed of myself for it. It felt like weakness. Like failure.

My feelings of weakness and failure were amplified by the fact that I’d had a difficult time becoming pregnant. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to struggle with motherhood in any form because I had fought so hard to obtain it. Having any sort of difficult emotions about my baby seemed like a form of ingratitude for a blessing I’d begged for and finally been granted. 

I know now that it wasn’t weakness or failure, and I wish I could go back and walk my younger self through it. I wish I could praise her and say, “Look how brave you are! You know something’s not quite right. You talked to a doctor about it. You’re getting help! That takes courage, and I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!”

Now it’s been 15 years, and the fact that parenting is hard is no longer a shocking revelation. I understand now that the level of difficulty one experiences isn’t a measure of the quality of parent you are; whereas, I used to think that struggling equated to being a “bad” mom. That’s not to say that I don’t constantly question my own parenting or feel like I’m doing a poor job. Those feelings will never fully subside. I will always wonder whether I’m doing the right things as a parent, and in all honesty, I spend the majority of time thinking I’m not a good enough mom. Even though postpartum depression is no longer a concern, there are so many other things that feel like weaknesses or failures. Fortunately, I occasionally feel a prompting from the Spirit that I'm doing okay. I can't imagine trying to do this without prayer and personal revelation. 

This has been on my mind lately as I’ve mothered my own children and been privy to some of the challenges other mothers are currently facing. Through all phases of life, being a mom is hard. It's full of heartbreak and sometimes pure helplessness. Some of the best mothers I know are going through incredibly hard things with their kids in all phases of life - things none of us imagined when we first held our babies in our arms and sniffed their precious, little heads. 

I haven’t seen or talked to my aforementioned friend in a number of years. Her baby is now in high school, as is my first baby. I wonder what my friend would say if I asked her today, “So… how are you liking being a mom?”

I bet she’d say, “It’s really hard.”

Christmas Things and Snow Decisions

Since the kids will be out of school for 16 days as of Friday, I’ve been trying to get all the Christmas Things done. Today I tried to tie up the loose shopping ends. Black leggings for Zoe? Check. Bike helmet for Nicky? Check. Ice melt for the upcoming snow storm? Not check! 

The store was out! I knew I should have bought it when I saw it. Ugh! And as I type this, the snow’s a fallin’ but no friends are callin’ yoo-hoo. I’m glad for that because its’s 10:22 pm, and I’m laying in bed in my sleep clothes. I don’t own pajamas, and for the sake of not letting the internet know I sleep in my underwear, I’m going to say “sleep clothes” as if I’m a character in a Charles Dickens novel. 

But Britt, what happens if there’s an emergency and you have to run out of your house in the middle of the night in your “sleep clothes?” 

You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

Anyway, back to Christmas Things. Today I finalized the shopping… maybe… I mean, I was pretty much done, but there were a couple of last minute things that needed to be purchased, and Amazon is to the “will deliver after Christmas” phase of December, so I had to go out in public, but don’t worry! I made it home by 10:00 am so I didn’t turn into a werewolf.

(Okay, so werewolf isn’t really the issue. It’s a “Cranky Christmas Beast” that I turn into, but hygienically, it’s pretty similar to werewolf, so I just say “werewolf”). 

One of the Things I need to accomplish before the kids get out of school on Friday is the gift wrapping. Wrapping is fun for, like, the first two presents. After that, it’s a royal pain in the arse. I thought I had a good head start on wrapping. I got a lot done over Thanksgiving weekend. But today, I had just a “few” more things to wrap, and it took three and a half hours! Granted, I did have some disruptions during that time, but still… I don’t feel like I purchased that quantity of Christmas presents! This is a “light” year, and it still took forever!

I’m still recovering from my sinus infection. I didn’t nap or shower the other day like I said I would. Instead I finished a puzzle, cried for an hour because I’m sad I have to leave primary, and binge-watched Miranda (which is supposed to be the show I slept to). I didn’t sleep or shower today either, so I’m really winning over here. 

That reminds me, I should be sleeping RIGHT NOW instead of blogging from my phone in my bed, which is basically the worst way to blog. But the sooner I fall asleep, the faster morning will come, and if morning comes, I’ll have to make “snow decisions,” and that, my friends, is the worst part of snow - having to decide what to do about it. Shovel now or shovel later? Take the kids to school or keep them home? Take the main road or take the back road?

I don’t want to make snow decisions. 

So I’m going to hit publish and read an ebook until I drop my phone on my face. 

Sick Day

A week ago today I wrote about how I've been very high-functioning lately and how I was worried that I would crash and burn at any moment. Within 24 hours of hitting "publish" I started with cold symptoms. When I get a cold, I almost always end up with a sinus infection, so by the end of the week, sure enough, my sinuses were infected. I got a COVID test on Thursday - just to be sure. I didn't think it would be positive, and it wasn't. Phew! But when my daughter had COVID back in January, I honestly didn't think she had it either, so you just never know. 

I'm feeling a little better today, so I know I'm on the mend, but I'm really, really tired. I didn't slow down and rest last week when I should have. So today, I'm not going to be high-functioning. I went on my normal Monday morning walk with my friend Julie, and while we were out, that's when I realized how tired I really was. I got home around 6:45, took Nicky to school, and then came home and fell asleep on the couch. It's rare for my girls to still be asleep when I take Nicky to school. Usually at least one of them is awake, but today, they all stayed asleep. We all ended up waking up right as we normally leave for school, so I took them a little late - about ten minutes after the tardy bell. It worked out well because Daisy had a case of Diet Mountain Dew she wanted to give her teacher for Christmas, but she really didn't want to carry it around the school grounds before school, and she kept trying to come up with a plan to put it in her backpack. I was like, "Hey, now you can just carry it straight to class! Look at that!" 

It's been a really long time since I've been sick. I've just had a little sniffle or cough here and there during the past two years, but a few doses of Emergen-C or Airborne have kicked it pretty fast. I've long thought that when I finally got sick again "for real," I'd probably be a big baby about it, and you know what? I kind of am. I feel extra picked on. Boo hoo. I'm sick. This is so not fair. 

I'm giving myself permission to take it easy today. Actually, "permission" might not be the right word. I'm forcing myself to take it easy today. My only goals are to take a hot shower (to numb my surely-to-explode face) and take a nap. Anything else that happens is extra credit. This blog post? Extra credit! If I change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom? Extra credit! If I wear shoes instead of slippers? Extra credit!

One thing I really like to do when I'm sick is to take a nap with the TV on. I don't know why, but for my entire adult life, I've always preferred to sleep during a show when I'm sick. My go to show, back before I had kids, was... dare I say it? The Hot Chick. Any time I was home from work sick (and it was usually with a sinus infection), I would turn on The Hot Chick and go to sleep. A few years ago, I watched The Hot Chick while awake, and I'm embarrassed that I loved that show so much. 

But thank you, Rob Schneider, for getting me through so many sinus infections in my younger years. I think my new sinus infection buddy might be Miranda. 

Here's Miranda showing you what I look like when I have a sinus infection.

My Christmas Project

Last year while we were driving around looking at Christmas lights, we stumbled across a Charlie Brown photo op in someone's yard. We let the kids out and snapped some photos, and I thought it was really cute. It made me think about making something similar for my own yard. 

Christmas Outing 2020

As the Christmas season approached this year, I started thinking about it again, but it wasn't a priority. Then my in-laws were put in charge of their ward Christmas party, and they decided to do a Charlie Brown theme, so that settled it! I wanted to make Charlie Brown photo op (is that what these things are called? I don't even know) which I could lend to my in-laws for their ward party... and again for their family party of the same theme... and then put in my own yard leading up to Christmas. 

The day after Thanksgiving (with no Black Friday goals), we went to Lowe's, bought two sheets of particle board and a can of primer, and got to work!  I had a lot of paint supplies on hand already, so I only had to buy a few things to get by. Scotty cut the wood how I wanted it and built the stand (he's so good to go along with my *big* ideas). Then I started the mural. I looked online and found a photo I liked that worked with the dimensions I wanted (6' x 8').

Here are some of the photos of the project in process: 

Here's the point where we cut out the face holes. I made the mistake of using my head as a guide... forgetting that I have an abnormally large noggin... so the holes are a bit on the big side, but they work! 

I loved watching it come together as I got to add more and more details. I was most excited for Pig Pen. I couldn't wait to paint his unruly hair and make him dirty!

His dirt cloud is kind of hard to see against the dark blue background, which is sad, but I love his filth all the same. 

Here's the final project (pardon the glare from the light coming through the garage door):

I had so much fun making it, and I'm really excited to see it put to use. I'm not sure how the heck we're going to transport it, but luckily we only have to get it half a mile up the road. Worst case scenario, we use furniture movers with wheels and roll it up the sidewalk. I'm sure we'll come up with something easier, but boy, wouldn't that be fun to watch? It's uphill to the church, but we can just set it free to get it back home!

I guess I have the PTA to thank for my ability to create things like this. I don't know if I ever would have attempted such a project if it weren't for my experience making birthday posters for the school for all those years. I wouldn’t have known I was capable. I did cheat a little, though. Right before COVID hit, I invested in a projector. Prior to that, I'd done everything free-hand, and it always took FOREVER!! So finally, I thought, If I'm going to keep doing this, I'm going to spend the money for a projector! (seven years later...) So I bought one... and then COVID came before I ever used it, and I haven't done the birthday posters since (shhhh!!! I'm hoping no one noticed and that we can just quietly carry on not doing the birthday posters). 

Anyway, I used the projector for the first time in October to make the hitch hiking ghosts for the trunk or treat. 

Turns out, the projector doesn't make it that much easier... it's really hard to position (I had to stack and unstack a bunch of books under it and then wedge folded pieces of paper beneath one side to make it straight... then I couldn't get the image clear, and it was very time consuming. 

The projector is nice to get the positions and sizes of the characters correct and is helpful in getting the basic outline. The projector isn't very good for the more intricate details since they don't project very well at the size I create them. So while I did use a projector to outline the big shapes, I still had to do a lot of the details free-hand. 

Now I'm the proud new owner of a gigantic Charlie Brown mural... that I'll have to store... somewhere on my property... for years to come. But I love it very much! So just like my children, it will be worth making room for!

I Love Mondays* (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: The other day after I blogged about not being able to find a Christmas wreath for my door (see "buying"), a mysterious, blanket-wrapped individual hung a wreath on our door and ran. 

What does one call this? A drive-by wreathing? Wreath ditching?

Anyway, I am not one to sit by and let a person remain anonymous, so I studied the Ring doorbell footage and decided to give credit to our friends, Brian and Christie.

Fact #2: Speaking of Brian and Christie, they will be featured on an upcoming episode of Random Acts which will air either this or next week. Christie might want me dead for posting that, but you guys, Christie is one of the most loving, giving people I know, and if anyone deserves to be surprised by Random Acts, it's her! So if you're a Random Acts fan, keep an eye out for Christie!

Fact #3: Over the weekend, I decided I wanted to do a fudge taste off. I wanted to pit two recipes against each other - one with marshmallow fluff and one without. I never doubted my ability to make fudge... and yet...

I don't know if the photo accurately tells the story, but the mixture turned hard and crumbly

I blame the food blogger I got the recipe from. She said to cook the fudge on high, which sounded sketchy to me, because I swore I remembered having to keep the fudge at a certain temperature last time I made it (using a different recipe)... over 15 years ago. My memory was correct - it should have been cooked around 234 degrees.

Fact #4: My son is quickly outgrowing our house. If he jumps in his bedroom, he hits his head on the ceiling. If he jumps in the kitchen, he comes pretty close to hitting his head on the ceiling. Every light fixture and fan is a hazard (or is Nicky the hazard?) He is 6' tall, and I anticipate he'll be at least 6'2" by the time he's done growing. And the kid jumps! A lot! We need to get some vaulted ceilings!

Fact #5: When I take Nicky to the pediatrician, the doctor has to climb up on the exam table with him because she can’t reach his ears to look inside. 

Fact #6: I have always been completely fascinated by the Tham Luang cave rescue of 2018. The week after the rescue took place, I was in Lake Tahoe, and a documentary aired on the Discovery Channel about the event. I'd heard about the boys stuck in the cave, but I hadn't followed the story very closely, so I really didn't know much about it. I knew that they'd all been saved, and that was nice to hear, but I had no idea just how miraculous it was that every single one of them was able to come out safely. I was captivated by the documentary, and while the documentary was was mind-blowing, it barely tapped the surface the the story. 

This year I read the book All Thirteen by Christina Soontornvat, which went into far more detail. This past weekend, I was so excited to be able to watch The Rescue on Disney+. The story blows me away every time. I can't believe the miracles that went into saving those boys. I thank God every time I think about it. All thirteen! It's incredible! 

Fact #7: On Sunday I was released from my calling as Primary music leader and put in the new Young Women presidency. I am sad to be leaving primary, but I guess it's time for something new. I’m going to finish out the year in primary, though (it’s only two more Sundays, and that way I can finish teaching and leading the songs that the kids are going to sing in sacrament meeting for Christmas). 

Fact #8: With this new calling, I’ll attend Gospel Doctrine again. I haven't been to adult Sunday school in almost 11 years. 

Fact #9: I’m so excited for my kids to go to school this week that I could hardly sleep last night. I’m giddy over all the stuff I can potentially get done today! I’m going to spend the morning cleaning (while listening to an audiobook). Then I’m going to work on a project out in my garage during the “warmer” part of the day (while listening to an audiobook). I have a few Christmas presents to wrap (while listening to an audiobook) and some laundry to do. 

Doesn’t it sound so fun?

Update: Never mind. One of my kids is home sick.

Fact #10: I’m pretty high-functioning right now, which I love. I’m doing a lot more than I can normally handle, which makes me a little nervous because I worry about crashing and burning. At the same time, I want to take full advantage of  this ability while I can! I feel like I’m trying to outrun a bout of depression - like I’ve been doing too well for too long, and any second it’s going to catch up to me and zap all my energy.  So for now I’ll run and run and run while I can.

*I really do. Mondays are usually my most productive days.

2021 Book List

This was a pretty epic reading year. I finished 117 127 books and "DNF-ed" 30. The downside to this year's reading efforts is that I read a lot of mediocre, forgettable books. 

I'm sure I'll finish a few more books before the year is through, but I wanted to go ahead and post my reading list for 2021. I've included my star ratings on most of the titles, but as always, there are books I didn't rate. This is usually because I have a hard time rating memoirs and people's personal stories, and sometimes I have a biased reason to rate a book a certain way, so I just don't rate it at all. Missing ratings aside, you should never rely on my judgement alone to choose a book to read. Something as simple as a bad hair day or a touch of PMS can completely change the way I feel about a book, so don't trust me. I also tried to indicate which books I listened to (audio) since that can affect a reading experience drastically (say you have a narrator that sounds just like your neighbor, Chuck, or a reader who sounds like he's doing a bad Bill Clinton impersonation). I included links to blog posts I've written featuring the books as well.

Without further ado, here are the books I read this year in my greatest attempt at alphabetical order (my brain hurt after alphabetizing over 100 book titles, so there are probably some errors):

After You by Jojo Moyes (audio) ***

All the Forgivenesses by Elizabeth Hardinger (audio) ***

All Thirteen by Christina Soontornvat *****

Almond by Won-Pyung Sohn **

The Almost Sisters by Joshilyn Jackson ****

American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins***

Among the Lesser Gods by Margo Catts ****

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman *****

Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty (audio) ***

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz**

The Art of Inheriting Secrets by Barbara O'Neal **

Before I Called You Mine by Nicole Deese

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman ****

The Bookwoman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson (audio) ****

The Breakdown by B.A. Paris ****

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner (audio) ****

The Boys in the Boat (junior adaptation) by Daniel James Brown

Broken Harbor by Tana French (audio) **

The Burning Girls by C.J. Tudor **

The Cay by Theodore Taylor (audio) ****

Chains by Laurie Halse Anderson (audio)

The Chalk Man by C.J. Tudor (audio) ***

The Chestnut Man by Soren Sveistrup ****

Confessions of a Domestic Failure by Bunmi Laditan (audio) ***

Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World by Harold S. Kushner *****

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid (audio) ***

Defending Jacob by William Landay (audio) ****

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank (audio) ****

The Divines by Ellie Eaton *

Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley **

The First Girl Child by Amy Harmon ***

Fish in a Tree by Lynda Mullaly Hunt (audio) ****

Five Total Strangers by Natalie D. Richards *

The Flight Girls by Noelle Salazar (audio) ****

The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton (audio) ****

The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah ****

Girl Gone Mad by Avery Bishop *

The Girl with All the Gifts by M.R. Carey **

The Good Girl by Mary Kubica**

The Good Sister by Sally Hepworth ****

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey ****

Ground Zero by Alan Gratz (audio) ****

Her Last Breath by Hilary Davidson ***

His & Hers by Alice Feeney (audio) **

The Holdout by Graham Moore ***

The House at Riverton by Kate Morton (audio) ***

House Rules by Jodi Picoult ***

The Husbands by Chandler Baker**

The Hypnotist's Love Story by Liane Moriarty ***

I Am, I Am, I Am by Maggie O'Farrell ***

I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh ****

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd 

I Was Anastasia by Ariel Lawhon ****

Just Like That by Gary D. Schmidt ***

The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave (audio) ***

The Law of Moses by Amy Harmon***

The Lucky Ones by Liz Lawson ***

Memories in the Drift by Melissa Payne ***

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig (audio) ****

The Mixtape by Brittainy C. Cherry **

Mr. Penguin and the Lost Treasure by Alex T. Smith*** 

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward by Mark Lukach

New Kid by Jerry Craft ****

Night Music by Jojo Moyes **

The Night Olivia Fell by Christina McDonald ***

Not One of Us by Debbie Herbert **

Opium and Absinthe by Lydia Kang ***

Orbiting Jupiter by Gary D. Schmidt ****

Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse ****

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton ****

The Plot by Jean Hanff Korelitz ****

The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile 

Pretty Things by Janelle Brown (audio) ****

Prisoner B-3087 by Alan Gratz ****

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir ***

Puberty is Gross, But Also Really Awesome by Gina Loveless

Real VS Rumor by Keith A. Erekson (audio) ****

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

A River in Darkness: One Man's Escape from North Korea by Masaji Ishikawa

Rock, Paper, Scissors by Alice Feeney (audio) ****

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Shadow Fall by Audrey Grey ***

The Silence by Susan Allott ***

Singapore Sapphire by A.M. Stuart ***

The Smallest Part by Amy Harmon ***

The Snow Gypsy by Lindsay Jayne Ashford ****

Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman ***

Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney (audio) ***

A Splendid Ruin Megan Chance **

Still Me by Jojo Moyes (audio) ***

The Strange Journey of Alice Pendelbury by Marc Levy **

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid ***

Survive the Night by Riley Sager**

The Sweetness of Water (audio) by Nathan Harris ***

The Therapist by B.A. Paris (audio) ***

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (audio) ***

The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer (audio) **** (additional post here)

Three Single Wives by Gina LaManna **

Timothy of the Cay by Theodore Taylor (audio) ***

Took: A Ghost Story by Mary Downing Hahn **

The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher *

Undivided by Neal Shusterman ***

Unsouled by Neal Shusterman ****

Unwholly by Neal Shusterman ****

Unwind by Neal Shusterman ***

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Chelho *

Wait Til Helen Comes by Mary Downing Hahn****

Weasel by Cynthia C. DeFelice ****

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon ****

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi****

Wholly Unraveled: A Memoir by Keele Burgin **

The Wife and the Widow by Christian White ***

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks 

A Witch in Time by Constance Sayers *

The Woman in the White Kimono by Ana Johns ****

The Wonder Boy of Whistle Stop by Fannie Flagg (audio) ****

------------------------------                                                         

Books I read after this post was published:

The Dry by Jane Harper***

The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell****

The Girls in the Garden by Lisa Jewell***

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn***

The Nowhere Child by Christian White****

The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin****

Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore****

Sweep: The Story of a Girl and Her Monster by Jonathan Auxier****

Watching You by Lisa Jewell***

Wild Bird by Wendelin Van Draanen****

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I often get asked how I'm able to read so much. Here's a post I wrote this year about how I fit reading into my life, but just know that you should read to your own wants and needs. I do it because it's my hobby of choice - no one should feel like they need to read 117 books a year (I truly believe you should read something though...)

I also often get asked if I have a favorite book. My favorite books for several years running have been The Book Thief by Markus Zusak and The Giver by Lois Lowry. My favorite book from this year was probably Anxious People by Frederik Backman.

If you have a favorite book you've read this year, I'd love to know! 

Currently {December 2021 Edition}

Reading:

Apparently this book is controversial, but I haven't read up on why. 

Wearing: black pants and a Grinch t-shirt.

Listening to: my son playing "Little Drummer Boy" on the piano. 

Singing: "We Don't Talk About Bruno" from Encanto. 

Buying: a new wreath for my front door... except somehow, if I want to buy a giant pinwheel for my front yard, I can find those in the store, but if I want to buy a reasonably priced Christmas wreath, that's a no go now that it's December! So I'm actually not buying a new wreath for my front door, and have therefore violated the integrity of the "currently" post.

Craving: chocolate chip cookies hot from the oven. I'm not much of a cookie eater, but pretty much every time I eat dinner lately, I want to follow it up with a hot cookie. 

Last night, Daisy and I made six dozen cookies, so now I have a freezer full of cookies to thaw and heat to my liking. 

Needing: parsley. I'm out. 

Daydreaming about: my latest project. I have big plans (Crap! Is this where my daughters get it? I'm just now seeing a pattern...) 

I'm so excited to get started on my project now that my kids are back in school. Our Thanksgiving break was a week long! A whole week! 

If my project doesn't turn out to my liking, we will never speak of this again.

Regretting: not finishing my transaction in time to get the pants and jacket I had in my online shopping cart over the weekend. They ran out while I was dilly dallying! 

Annoyed by: people/things bolting out in front of my van. I swear I am constantly being cut off by drivers who aren't paying attention and having animals run out in front of me. Yesterday I had to slam on my breaks for a bouquet of balloons blowing across the road.

BALLOONS, for crying out loud!

Procrastinating: calling the orthodontist to change an appointment for Nicky. 

Loving: the current ages of my kids. They have their troubles, but overall, this stage of life is really treating me well. I'm going to enjoy it while I can. 

Looking forward to: Game Night in a couple of weeks. We haven't been able to play games much these past two months, and I'm craving some good gaming. 

Eating: Cafe Rio (I went to lunch with Christie today). I also took three online surveys today so I can go back to Cafe Rio for "free chips and salsa or dessert."

Struggling with: hurt feelings that have resurfaced in regards to extended family. I always feel a lot of complicated emotions about family around the holidays. 

Thinking about: how much I don't want to drive my girls to dance classes this week. 

Watching:

Trying: to stick to a month-long meal plan I wrote out over the weekend. I'm trying to do minimal grocery shopping and minimal eating out this month to help cushion the Christmas budget. This is where those free Cafe Rio desserts are really going to come in handy.

Enjoying: Christmas prep. 

But now I'm almost done. I just have a few things coming in the mail, but other than that, everything is purchased and wrapped already. I've even delivered most of our neighbor gifts! I'm not sure what I'll be doing for the rest of the month. Especially after such a busy November. I got pretty accustomed to the craziness of last month, so it's weird to have a little bit of free time now. 

Feeling: a little tired. I was wide awake from 1:00-3:00 this morning, so I ended up finishing a terrible book (The Good Girl by Mary Kubica). Then I got up at 5:30 to go walking. 

Grateful for: streaming. I usually try to be a little more thoughtful for this one, but today, Imma just put it out there... I really like streaming. No commercials. Watch what I want, when I want... Yeah. I'm all about that.