I got pretty spoiled for my birthday. Last week, my friend Laurel treated me to a reflexology appointment. It was kind of like a mini massage session where they worked on my hands, feet, ears, and scalp. I loved it so much! I feel like it gave me reprieve from the pain of my neuropathy and dry eyes. They did a warm compress on my eyes, which is something I'm supposed to do each day, and it was really nice to have time set aside and to be in an environment that made it easy to tend to that need - also to have someone else do it for me! You wouldn't think it would be hard to apply warmth to my eyes for ten minutes a day, but gosh dang! You know how it is to try and do a ten minute task for your self-care on a regular basis, right?
Anyway, here’s a rundown of what was going on in my head while I had my first reflexology experience.
I can’t hear anything she’s saying.
I’m really thirsty.
If I drink water before I go back there, will I pee my pants?
I still can’t hear anything she’s saying.
Smile and nod, smile and nod.
I peed almost an hour ago. Am I empty enough to last another hour?
Darn my blood pressure meds!
Smile and nod.
I still have no idea what she’s saying.
I wonder what I’m agreeing to.
Smile and nod.
Oh boy! Here we go!
It’s so quiet back here.
I still can’t hear anything she’s saying. I’m going tell her I’m hard of hearing.
Oooo this hot water is nice.
I don’t think I belong here. I’m not this type of people.
Okay! Sugar scrub! Yes, please!
Well, this is a crappy way to realize I have razor burn.
Yep, better change my razor soon.
This gal better appreciate that I shaved for her.
I also made sure I had freshly trimmed and painted toenails, but it’s so dark in here no one can even tell.
I wish I had some water.
But I know it would make me have to pee.
How’s my bladder holding up?
(Pause for focus)
Seems okay so far.
“Needless to say, I keep her in check. Call her a bad-bad, nevertheless.”
This lady has such tiny hands.
I wonder what my hands feel like to her.
She’s totally judging my sausage fingers.
Okay, Britt, stop rambling and try to be present for the experience.
Ahhhhhhhh! So relaxing.
“You’ll be left in the dust, unless I stuck by ya. You’re my sunflower, you’re my sunflower.”
I can see the person in the next room through the curtain.
I wonder what they’re doing over there.
Stop, Britt. Focus. Be present.
But how do you shut it off? Carlie told me she doesn’t have internal dialogue running through her mind all the time. What’s that like? How does she shut it off?
Shut off. Shut off. No dialogue.
I wonder if my avocados are ripe yet.
Oops.
Really, how do you shut it off?
I will have avocado toast for breakfast. I should get a couple slices of the good bread out of the freezer.
Chicken tenders sound really good right now.
Okay, she’s massaging my ears.
That must be a pressure point. I wonder what that does.
I’m so warm and snuggly! I could get used to this. Maybe I do belong here.
Oooo scalp massage!
Oh no, Laurel doesn’t like her scalp massaged. I wonder if she is being tortured.
Hmmm, there’s something warm on my left arm but not my right. I feel off balance.
Left arm, warm. Right arm, not warm.
Hello? Quiet lady? I am not equally warm on both sides. What kind of treatment is this?
I am hilarious.
How do I shut it down?
Are those her joints popping or mine?
Oh! That one was definitely her. But that one might have been me.
Alright, foot time!
Why is she poking my ankles like that? Yes, I know they are fat. I know they have swelling. Stop judging me for my sodium consumption.
Why is she focusing on that area of my foot? What if she’s trying to make me poop?
I wonder what she’s learning about me from my feet. I can’t even ask because this is the Quiet Zone.
Speaking of”zone,” maybe I should get my feet zoned by someone I’m allowed to talk to.
How can someone work all day in this dark and quiet environment?
How does someone choose this career path? I just can’t imagine having a desire to rub other people for a living.
I wish I could ask Doug.
Whoa! What are they doing to Laurel over there? It sounds like they’re slapping her. I wonder if they’re going to slap me!
I bet Laurel is going to want to go to Target after this. I hope she wants to go get food, too. Then I can say yes! I need chicken tenders!
Here comes the slapping!
Okay that was weird. Quiet Lady slapped my calves for three seconds. I didn’t like that.
I wonder if I have mascara smeared all over my face.
I really don’t need chicken tenders, but they sound delightful.
If I could have chicken tenders tonight, what kind of chicken tenders would I want? I think Cane’s.
I just don’t like their fries. But I don’t feel like fries anyway. I only need the tenders.
Yes, Cane’s tenders!
How far away is the Post Malone Cane’s?
“You’re my sunflower, you’re my sunflower.”
Does Post Malone wake up and look in the mirror everyday and think, “Gosh, I’m so glad I got all these tattoos on my face?” Or does he think, “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that?”
I wonder what Quiet Lady would do if I suddenly yelled out, “Ouch! My spleen!”
What is a spleen anyway? Must Google later.
I should also Google how to pronounce Hyundai. Has the company ever clarified how they want it pronounced? Cuz we all say “hunday” but in the audiobook I listened to last week, the narrator said “hi un die.”
Narrators are wrong sometimes. I’ve heard them pronounce words incorrectly.
Hi un die. Hunday. Hi un die. Hunday.
I should vacuum the van this week.
Oh my goodness! Whatever is happening to my legs right now is amazing!
Did they just poof peppermint dust at me?
I wonder if I’ll be tired or hyper after this.
Oh no! I think it’s over.
She’s taking my warm face mask away! She’s taking my blankie. She’s ruining my life.
Dang it.
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