The Proust Questionnaire

A few days ago, while I was supposed to be asleep, I was scouring the depths of Pinterest looking for writing prompts when I stumbled across something known as the Proust Questionnaire. I’ve never heard of the Proust Questionnaire, and I only know who Proust is because they talk about “reading Proust” in the Gilmore Girls.

Apparently the Proust Questionnaire has been utilized for over 100 years, but funnily enough, it seems a lot like the standard internet-circulated questionnaires we all shamefully answered and forwarded to all our friends via email in the early 2000’s… ya know… when Gilmore Girls was on the air. 

…and when we still used the phrase, “On the air.”

Anyway, the Proust Questionnaire is supposedly a series of questions Proust answered at some point in time, and for some reason, it’s special, and I’m sure that if I answer the same questions (while waiting for my kids at a birthday party at a trampoline park), it will make me intelligent and respected. Because it’s Proust-y (although Proust didn’t write the questionnaire, and it was used before he ever answered it, so I don’t know why it was named after him, but whatever. I don’t make the rules).

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Feeling a sense of “overall appreciation for life as a whole” (happiness as defined by sociologist Ruut Veenhoven). 

What is your greatest fear?

Something bad happening to my children.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

How critical I am.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Being critical.

Which living person do you most admire?

Honestly, I have no idea. I admire many people, but there’s not one person I can think of that I admire above everyone else. 

What is your greatest extravagance?

(A thing on which too much money has been spent)

Eating out.

What is your current state of mind?

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

I had to do a little googling to help answer this question. “Overrated virtue?” Hmm…

I’ve decided to go with “being busy,” which we sometimes falsely equate with success or worth. 

On what occasion do you lie?

ALL. CHRISTMAS. LONG.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

This is a horrible question. I’m going to leave it here because it’s on the list, but I’m not going to answer it.

Which living person do you most despise?

This is another horrible question. 

But honestly, I don’t have an answer. I confess, there are a lot of people I don’t particularly like, but I can’t think of a person I “most despise.” I also think that the only way I could answer this question  fairly is to name someone I’ve met in person and properly evaluated.

What is the quality you most admire in a man?

The ability to respect and be led by women.

What is the quality you most admire in a woman?

The ability to lift others.

For all sexes, I admire the ability to listen and to remember!

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I’ll be in the van.”

“Anyway…”

“Hold on to your butts!”

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I’m kind of obligated to say Scotty, right? Fortunately that’s 100% true!

When and where were you happiest?

There isn’t one time or place, but I always feel the happiest when I’m with my family, and everyone is getting along. I feel like all is right in the world and that there’s hope.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Anything musical! Perfect pitch would be nice.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would not get so easily annoyed about everything and everyone. 

Where would you most like to live?

If I’m free to dream, I would want to live in my grandma’s house with a few million dollars worth of renovations, but not in its current location. I’m not sure where I’d have it moved to in this elaborate dream of mine, but it definitely wouldn’t be where it is now.

Interestingly, my grandma’s house actually has been moved before. 

What is your most treasured possession?

My house. My perspective on home ownership has changed so much since we first bought our house, and I am forever grateful to have a space on this earth that is ours (well… ours and the bank’s… for now).

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I’ve been reading a lot of other answers to these questions, and I’m going to give the same answer here as David Bowie:

Living in fear.

What is your favorite occupation?

I originally thought this meant occupation as in job, and I had no idea how to answer, as I’ve been unemployed for 16 years strong, but since I’ve read other people’s answers to this question, I’m happy to say that my favorite occupation (or way of spending one’s time) is reading.

What is your most marked characteristic?

I’m punctual and detail-oriented.

What do you value most in your friends?

Humor, thoughtfulness, reciprocity, reliability, and a listening ear. 

Who are your favorite writers?

Sally Hepworth, Kristin Hannah, Ruta Sepetys, Markus Zusak, Kate Morton. Kristen Harmel… I could go on and on… I don’t love all their books, but these are writers for whom, when a new title is released, I’m always going to check it out.

Who is your hero of fiction?

Veronica Mars. She don’t take no crap!

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

This is a weird question, right? I can’t think of any historical figures to identify with. 

Who are your heroes in real life?

Can they be dead, or are they supposed to be living right now? What are the rules here? I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s okay if they are dead, in which case, Eliza R. Snow, Harriet Tubman, and Joan of Arc.

What are your favorite names?

I wish I could answer more questions without first commenting on how weird the questions are. My favorite names? I guess my kids’ names. I mean, I picked them and all.

But I also really like the names Ed and Amadeus (my mother would be rolling her eyes right now in disgust). Maybe some day I’ll own twin goats and name them Ed and Amadeus.

What is it that you most dislike?

Mean girls. 

What is your greatest regret?

Not learning to play the piano. 

How would you like to die?

In my sleep on a good hair day when I’m old.

What is your motto?

“Wake up and be awesome!”