When the Lord Called Me to Sing Soprano

Speaking of Church music...

Early this morning I had a thorough planning session for my upcoming singing times at Church. I like to plan at least a month in advance with a tentative idea of what I'll be doing for the next three months. I also have a skeletal framework outlined for the entire year, and I make adaptions as needed.

Planning session supplies include:

Laptop

"Come Follow Me" basket with cat folder

Sustenance (i.e. water and Smarties from Sister Argyle)

Spreadsheet

I plan ahead; otherwise I procrastinate. A lot of the time I gather my materials last minute (I've been known to spend Sunday mornings laminating), but I always have my plan far in advance. I don't do well planning week by week. I do better when I do big planning sessions and then spend a little time each week reviewing and prepping.

I've been serving as primary music leader for two years AS OF THIS WEEK, and I feel like I'm finally starting to figure it out.

Let me tell you the story of how the calling of primary music leader came to me.

Shortly after I had Nicky (thirteen years ago), I had a dream that I was asked to be the primary music leader. It was an assignment I never wanted and never thought I could do. When I woke up, I was so relieved it was only a dream. It couldn’t be a foretelling of things to come because our ward had just sustained a new primary chorister a couple of months prior. I didn’t need to worry.

That day happened to be a Sunday. As Scotty and I were nestling into our pew before sacrament meeting, the ward executive secretary came up to me and asked if I could meet with a member of the bishopric later that day. It made me nervous, but again, our chorister was newly called, so I knew that couldn't be what they wanted to talk to me about. It was just a funny coincidence.

During sacrament meeting, much to my surprise, the "new" chorister was sustained as a counselor in the primary presidency. Suddenly, to my dismay, there was a need for a new primary music leader. I immediately became sick. I spent the rest of church wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't accept the calling. I just couldn't. I hadn't attended primary much as a child. I'd never served in primary. I didn't know the songs or how anything in primary worked. And the thought of standing up in front of a room of children and adults SINGING was absolutely terrifying to me.

There were a few hours in between church and my appointment with the bishopric. During those hours, I was a mess. I ran through every excuse I could think of so I could turn down the calling and not feel guilty. It might sound silly. You might think, "Just say no. What's the big deal?" but my reasons for not wanting to accept the calling didn't align with my belief in inspired callings and patterns of personal growth. I finally turned it over to the Lord, and offered in a prayer to do the calling if that was where He wanted me to serve.

When I headed into the church, I was very nervous. I worried I was going to burst out sobbing in front of a man who wouldn't know what to do about it. And, of course, I had to meet with the counselor in the bishopric with the worst people skills.

I sat across from him, ready to face my fate. Prepared to accept the calling. Trying to not cry.

He asked me to be an Activity Days leader.

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So I guess you could say I got all hyped up for no reason. But I kind of think I needed that experience. I learned a lot about myself and about serving in the church in those few hours of turmoil.

Many years later, I was called to serve in the primary presidency. I finally got to see how things worked in primary, and as I observed a couple different music leaders in their service, I noted two things:

1) I could do it if I ever had to
2) Eventually, I would be the primary chorister

After serving as the second counselor in primary for a while, I was called to be the first counselor with a new president. Then I was called to be the president. When I was serving as first counselor and then president, my friend Jennifer served as primary chorister. I knew I would replace her. Fortunately, Jennifer served for well over five years. I was able to teach youth Sunday school for almost three years. Then I was asked to meet with a member of the bishopric, and I knew what was coming.

I still didn't want to do it. I didn't want to leave the youth. I hadn't recovered yet from being the primary president. The thought of having to go to primary with my kids horrified me. I wanted to participate in Relief Society. I wanted to be with adults. I was worried that going back to primary might trigger my depression (it did) (when I was serving as primary president I struggled with depression pretty bad, and I think being with kids all the time was a factor). The ultimate kicker is that I don't like very many primary songs (gasp! I know!!! What kind of Saint am I? But I'm an alto, and those dang songs are so stinkin' high!)

As you know, I accepted the calling. I had to have some really thorough conversations with God about it, and I felt a promise from Him in my heart that as I did this calling, my gifts would increase. And I can tell you, they have! I've had an increased measure of love for the children in my ward, an influx of creativity, better musical ability, enhanced teaching skills, and an ever-growing understanding of the gospel. I might even be able to sing a little higher now, but I'll always be pretty pitchy, and I'll never start on key.

That's not to say that I didn't spend the first eighteen months of the calling absolutely hating it. I truly suffered. But I've come around. Two-hour church helps. Kids giving me hugs and calling me "my teacher" also helps.

One little boy, on his last day of primary at the end of the year last year, sought me out after church and said, "Don't worry, this isn't good-bye forever." He cracked me up and melted my heart. And the little punk hasn't said hi to me since.

Just kidding. He passed the sacrament to me last week. That's as good as a hello, in my book.

I didn't anticipate ever being able to say this, but I love my calling!

(Oh my gosh!! I can't believe I just said that!)